Tired. Sad. Confusion.
Rachel Berry is one who has every single detail laid out ahead—her dreams, definition of self and future. She knows what she wants; she knows what to fight for. But when it comes to relationships, her heart begins to hurt and beat wildly.
Because a particular curly hair boy had taken it away 5 years ago.
She had been foolish, pushing him away so many times when he comes back for her, looking for her and seeking for her smile. Now, she could only be content being at the sidelines as she knew both of them have been hurt so badly from the past that one fleeting smile between them could raise so much hurt, so much memories.
Like the time she spoke to him during Nationals. Maybe words are the only form of defense they have now. She hopes time would heal all eventually. She would become a stronger woman and he would be a better man. She only could hope.
Sometimes it hurts so much that she had to gasped and search for oxygen. She loves him so much that it hurts. But she rather lives with it then not knowing what deep passionate love is. Finn is always there (almost) to collect all the tiny pieces her heart shattered into. Between them, there is less drama (that really do matters to her), less giving herself into it. She knew that she could never give herself totally to anyone again because she is already broken, clinging onto the last ray of hope that she could have. That hope is Finn. Clinging onto him may hurts like grabbing onto a glass piece causing blood and pain but it is the pain that keeps her alive and knows she is not mad. She is at least experiencing something, something real. After his deep cut on her, Finn is like a safe house keeping her from losing it. At least she is safe. So when issues like her first time and marriage, it doesn't matter anymore. She needs a safe house if not the next place that would hold onto her is a crack house. Finn the next person she could give fully. What could be better? Maybe they are fated to be. Maybe his appearance and the feeling he caused is a signal from the universe?
At least, her show face is getting practice, she told herself. For Broadway. That is what she been convincing herself every now and then. She could not deal with messy feelings again.
When Finn broke up with her so that she could find herself, she finds herself sobbing terribly. From the pain of breakup? From the loss of a safe harbor? Or because time had become the glue that stick them so closely that she felt some bits of her tore her away when she realized he is going to the army? She doesn't know, all she knows is that she is experiencing the same thing again. As she greets and hugs everyone she had come to love and care for the past few years, she knew it's inevitable. New York is calling for her. As the train took off and the train station grew smaller till it disappears, the full effect of shock due to the fast change of events hit her. At least, it is not as bad as the last time, a small voice in her head whispers. Or maybe she just grew and know how to handle it.
As the train pulls into the station, she puts on her hat and walk out into the city that never sleeps. All her life, she had been planning for this. This is where she belongs. New York. She felt her face burst into a smile. This is a beginning. A new beginning that she is meant to have. Taking a deep breath, she takes the first steps of the new chapter of her life.
Reviews would really be appreciated! Current I don't have a plan on what to do with Rachel Berry here. Does she go on and be a star like she is meant to be, and then marry Finn like Glee Creator intended? Or does she find her curly hair boy and test the waters?
The plot depend on you
I don't own Glee. Oh well, I was venting my personal feelings thru the character I love. Cause I can relate to her.