COMMENTS: Farscape/All Saints crossover.
SUMMARY: The passengers of Farscape One end up at All Saints hospital.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone who resides in the uncharted territories. I don't own anyone who works on ward 17. Their creators are much more talented.
CREDITS: Kudos to Wendy for reading for errors.
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"Charlotte, can you take a look at the patient in room one please? He seems pretty confused."
"Yep, be with you in a sec, Bron. Matt, do you have Mrs Sinclair's results yet? Ta. Ok. Right, Bron. What's he been saying?"
"Well, he knows who he is, but he doesn't know where he is. He keeps saying something about us not being real."
"Ok, I'll have a word to him. What's his name?"
"John."
"John, hi. I'm Doctor Beaumont. How are you?"
"Great. I'm great. Now get me out of here. Get these tubes off of me and let me get back to my friends."
"John, you're in hospital. A driver found you lying unconscious in the middle of the road. Do you remember what happened?"
"Of course I remember what happened. The peacekeepers were chasing us, I felt something buffet the module, next thing I know I wake up in yet another of Scorpy's twisted replica earth's. Hey, where's Aeryn? What have you done to Aeryn? Aeryn? Aeryn!"
"John, John, it's alright. You have to stay in bed. You're confused. Bron, he doesn't seem to be suffering any concussion. Let's ..."
"Of course I'm not. I'm fine. Now let me out of here so I can find Aeryn and get back to my ship."
"That's ok John, just relax. Here you go. Shh, we're here to help you. That's it."
"Charlotte, there was no-one else with him when the driver found him. I don't know who Erin is ... should I try to ..."
"Let's just let him rest and see how he is when he wakes up."
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"Pilot? Pilot! Can you hear me? It's Aeryn. Pilot? D'Argo? Pilot? Great. That's great. They could be anywhere by now. WE could be anywhere by now. Maybe if we'd taken my prowler instead of that useless bucket of dren we wouldn't be in this ... this place, wherever the frell this is. John, I'm back. Are you awake yet? John? Oh, great, now he's disappeared too. Excuse me, did you see a male human lying here anytime between now and half an arn ago? I knew I shouldn't have left him there."
"Are you ok lady?"
"Not really, no. I mean, yes, of course I'm ok. I'm looking for my friend. He was lying there unconscious and now he's gone. Did you see anyone?"
"Oh, yeah, that guy. The ambulance took him. You want to check the hospital."
"Orspedel. Amberlens. Great. Where the hell are you, John Crichton?"
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"Charlotte, he's awake."
"Ok. Is he any better?"
"Worse, if anything."
"Hi, John, how are you feeling? Do you remember me?"
"I remember you alright. I just haven't worked out yet what you're up to."
"John, do you remember what happened to you? It's important that you try to remember what happened to you. I can't find any bruises or signs of impact. Did you notice anything unusual while he was sleeping?"
"He seems fine apart from the confusion."
"How are you feeling?"
"Feeling fine, doc."
"Does anything hurt?"
"I'm fine! Get your hands off of me. I'm fine."
"Ok. Do you take any medication John?"
"Medication? No. Now ... Wait, you think I'm cracking up here, don't you? Whoah. Who's the crazy guy in the big white bed? Oh no no no ..."
"We don't think you're crazy, John. We're just trying to work out what's wrong with you."
"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine. Now let me get out of here so I can find Aeryn and my module and get the hell home!"
"Well, I'd like to run a few tests just so we can be sure, ok?"
"Oh, sure, get inside my head. Come on in, there's plenty of room. Did Scorpy send you? Hey, Scorpy, did you send these two? Nice going, big guy. You think all you'd need is two good looking women and I'm all yours? You're gonna have to try harder than that to get your hands on me!"
"John, relax. We're not trying to hurt you. We just want to help you. As soon as we see that you're ok, you can go home."
"Fine, run your tests. What can it hurt? I got nothing to hide. Nothing to hide. Scorpy wants me alive. You kill me, he'll come after you. Go for your life, little woman. Aeryn, you'd better be coming to get me before they sign me up for the slice and dice"
"Poor guy's a bit messed up."
"Yeah. Wonder what's going on in there. Let's hope the tests tell us something."
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"Excuse me, I'm looking for an Orspedel?"
"Down that way. Not too far, you can walk from here."
"Right. Thanks. Uh ... How will I know when I'm there?"
"Probably the big sign saying 'Hospital'."
"RIght. The big sign saying 'Orspedel'. Of course. Why didn't I think of that. It would help if i knew what I was looking for. Excuse me, could you point me towards an Orspedel?"
"Three blocks that way, big red brick building. Can't miss it really."
"Right. I'm after a big building with a sign in a language I can't read saying a word I can't spell. That should be easy. Like hell ..."
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"Right this way. Doctor Beaumont, this is Erin. She's a friend of John Crichton in room one."
"Hi, Erin. I'm Doctor Beaumont. John's been asking for you."
"Can I see him please?"
"Certainly. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions first? It might help us in treating John."
"Questions. Right. Uh, how long will this take?"
"Only a few minutes, then you can see him."
"A few minutes. Oh frell, what can it hurt. He's been here this long, if he's not dead yet another few minutes shouldn't kill him. Yes, ok, ask your questions."
"Were you with John this morning?"
"Yes, I was with John this morning."
"Can you tell us what happened to him?"
"Tell you ... No. I can't. I can't tell you that. Now, can I see him or not?"
"Erin, uh, does John suffer from any mental conditions?"
"What? Oh dear. Huh. Well, I'd like to say the answer is no, but we're still debating that one Doctor."
"Wait. Before you see him, I should warn you that he's pretty confused."
"When isn't he?"
"Knock knock"
"Aeryn. Thank goodness. Something happened to the module, I must have lost consciousness. I woke up here with these ... these ... what are they? Humans? Sebaceans? Figments of my imagination? Are we on Earth? Where are we? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. I think you found your second wormhole. Didn't make it through very successfully I might add. You're module's parked a few blocks away ..."
"How is it?"
"No worse than it ever was. Have these people done anything to you?"
"They want to 'run a few tests'. Let's get the hell out of here before they suck my brains out through my nostrils."
"Charming."
"And where do you think you're going, hey?"
"Bathroom. Need to pee. Can't a man even pee on this planet?"
"We'll get you a pan."
"A pan? A pan?"
"What's a ... oh, I so don't need to see this. Just ... go, and then we'll talk."
"I'm going, I'm going."
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"Is that Erin?"
"Yup."
"She's real then."
"Uh-huh."
"She know anything?"
"Nup."
"You don't sound very sure."
"I'm not very sure. Something's going on with those two. Still, there's gotta be something more than just a hard-edged girlfriend to make someone talk like that. How long til we can do the tests?"
"Ten minutes."
"Right. Thanks, Bron."
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"So, eh, this is an Orspedel. Why couldn't they have just said 'big place with doctors and nurses and brain sucking madmen'? Come on, John, how long does it take??"
"Psst. Aeryn."
"What are you ..."
"Shh. We don't want people to notice us."
"Right. Because they're not going to notice a guy in a dress that opens the wrong way."
"Shit. Uh ... hold on, let me get changed. Wait there."
"Don't bother. Doctor Chirpy's back."
"Great. See you up here shortly, if they don't have me committed. A guy could go nuts having all these people looking inside his head."
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"Erin, is John a sailor by any chance?"
"A what?"
"A Sailor. He keeps mentioning wanting to return to his ship. And his ... his module?"
"Oh. Right. Look, how much longer do we have to be here? I've tried to be patient, but quite frankly I could kill you right now and there wouldn't be a damned thing you could do about it. Quit frelling me around, lady. I want my friend out of here before you and your sidekicks take your prize trophy back to whoever's ordering you. Who do you work for? The peacekeepers? Did Scorpy send you out to get him? Just hand him over now and nobody gets hurt. We leave, you stay, everyone's happy. What do you say, Doctor?"
"Just calm down, nobody needs to get hurt. We're trying to help John, not hurt him. If you're not happy with the treatment he's getting, we can discuss it with the nursing unit manager if you like. Bron, can you call security? Don't get them up here just yet, just warn them that there might be an incident."
"Is everything ok?"
"It's fine. We need to find out what's wrong with John right now. Terri, Erin would like to ..."
"Hand him over now!"
"She's got a gun! Grab her!"
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"Bron, right?"
"Yep."
"Aeryn's left?"
"There was a small incident. We'll let you know details when ..."
"Incident? Is she ok? What did you do to her? Aeryn!"
"I need some help in here!"
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"John. John."
"She's waking up."
"Should we hold her down just in case?"
"Let's just wait."
"She nearly shot at you. She threatened to kill you."
"Nelson, let's just wait!"
"Fine, do it your way ..."
"Thankyou. Erin, can you hear me?"
"John ... Oh. You're not John. Hang on, you look like ... never mind."
"Erin, you're in hospital. Do you remember what happened?"
"You sound like her too. I swear, if you scream like her I'm outta here."
"Erin? Erin, can you hear me? Nup, she's alseep."
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"So we've got two psycho's on the ward and an armed guard at one of the doors. What a day."
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"John. John, it's me, Aeryn. Shh, we have to be quiet."
"How'd you get in here? I thought they had you locked in or something."
"I haven't lived thirty cycles as a peacekeeper for nothing."
"Right. Stupid question. So, what now?"
"Well, why don't we just sit here and play games until the big men in the silly hats tie us up and use us for target practice. What do you think happens now??"
"Right. Stupid question."
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"It was locked. There was a guy with a gun at the door. How the hell ..."
"Doesn't matter. All that matters is that there are two very confused people wandering out there somewhere."
"Results came back clear. Maybe it's a mental condition? Who knows. I hope they're ok."
"Charlotte, she tried to kill you."
"Yeah, and who knows what's going to happen to either of them. At least I know i'm alright."
"Huh. Well, I'm off. Who's for a drink?"
SUMMARY: The passengers of Farscape One end up at All Saints hospital.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone who resides in the uncharted territories. I don't own anyone who works on ward 17. Their creators are much more talented.
CREDITS: Kudos to Wendy for reading for errors.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
"Charlotte, can you take a look at the patient in room one please? He seems pretty confused."
"Yep, be with you in a sec, Bron. Matt, do you have Mrs Sinclair's results yet? Ta. Ok. Right, Bron. What's he been saying?"
"Well, he knows who he is, but he doesn't know where he is. He keeps saying something about us not being real."
"Ok, I'll have a word to him. What's his name?"
"John."
"John, hi. I'm Doctor Beaumont. How are you?"
"Great. I'm great. Now get me out of here. Get these tubes off of me and let me get back to my friends."
"John, you're in hospital. A driver found you lying unconscious in the middle of the road. Do you remember what happened?"
"Of course I remember what happened. The peacekeepers were chasing us, I felt something buffet the module, next thing I know I wake up in yet another of Scorpy's twisted replica earth's. Hey, where's Aeryn? What have you done to Aeryn? Aeryn? Aeryn!"
"John, John, it's alright. You have to stay in bed. You're confused. Bron, he doesn't seem to be suffering any concussion. Let's ..."
"Of course I'm not. I'm fine. Now let me out of here so I can find Aeryn and get back to my ship."
"That's ok John, just relax. Here you go. Shh, we're here to help you. That's it."
"Charlotte, there was no-one else with him when the driver found him. I don't know who Erin is ... should I try to ..."
"Let's just let him rest and see how he is when he wakes up."
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"Pilot? Pilot! Can you hear me? It's Aeryn. Pilot? D'Argo? Pilot? Great. That's great. They could be anywhere by now. WE could be anywhere by now. Maybe if we'd taken my prowler instead of that useless bucket of dren we wouldn't be in this ... this place, wherever the frell this is. John, I'm back. Are you awake yet? John? Oh, great, now he's disappeared too. Excuse me, did you see a male human lying here anytime between now and half an arn ago? I knew I shouldn't have left him there."
"Are you ok lady?"
"Not really, no. I mean, yes, of course I'm ok. I'm looking for my friend. He was lying there unconscious and now he's gone. Did you see anyone?"
"Oh, yeah, that guy. The ambulance took him. You want to check the hospital."
"Orspedel. Amberlens. Great. Where the hell are you, John Crichton?"
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"Charlotte, he's awake."
"Ok. Is he any better?"
"Worse, if anything."
"Hi, John, how are you feeling? Do you remember me?"
"I remember you alright. I just haven't worked out yet what you're up to."
"John, do you remember what happened to you? It's important that you try to remember what happened to you. I can't find any bruises or signs of impact. Did you notice anything unusual while he was sleeping?"
"He seems fine apart from the confusion."
"How are you feeling?"
"Feeling fine, doc."
"Does anything hurt?"
"I'm fine! Get your hands off of me. I'm fine."
"Ok. Do you take any medication John?"
"Medication? No. Now ... Wait, you think I'm cracking up here, don't you? Whoah. Who's the crazy guy in the big white bed? Oh no no no ..."
"We don't think you're crazy, John. We're just trying to work out what's wrong with you."
"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine. Now let me get out of here so I can find Aeryn and my module and get the hell home!"
"Well, I'd like to run a few tests just so we can be sure, ok?"
"Oh, sure, get inside my head. Come on in, there's plenty of room. Did Scorpy send you? Hey, Scorpy, did you send these two? Nice going, big guy. You think all you'd need is two good looking women and I'm all yours? You're gonna have to try harder than that to get your hands on me!"
"John, relax. We're not trying to hurt you. We just want to help you. As soon as we see that you're ok, you can go home."
"Fine, run your tests. What can it hurt? I got nothing to hide. Nothing to hide. Scorpy wants me alive. You kill me, he'll come after you. Go for your life, little woman. Aeryn, you'd better be coming to get me before they sign me up for the slice and dice"
"Poor guy's a bit messed up."
"Yeah. Wonder what's going on in there. Let's hope the tests tell us something."
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"Excuse me, I'm looking for an Orspedel?"
"Down that way. Not too far, you can walk from here."
"Right. Thanks. Uh ... How will I know when I'm there?"
"Probably the big sign saying 'Hospital'."
"RIght. The big sign saying 'Orspedel'. Of course. Why didn't I think of that. It would help if i knew what I was looking for. Excuse me, could you point me towards an Orspedel?"
"Three blocks that way, big red brick building. Can't miss it really."
"Right. I'm after a big building with a sign in a language I can't read saying a word I can't spell. That should be easy. Like hell ..."
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"Right this way. Doctor Beaumont, this is Erin. She's a friend of John Crichton in room one."
"Hi, Erin. I'm Doctor Beaumont. John's been asking for you."
"Can I see him please?"
"Certainly. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions first? It might help us in treating John."
"Questions. Right. Uh, how long will this take?"
"Only a few minutes, then you can see him."
"A few minutes. Oh frell, what can it hurt. He's been here this long, if he's not dead yet another few minutes shouldn't kill him. Yes, ok, ask your questions."
"Were you with John this morning?"
"Yes, I was with John this morning."
"Can you tell us what happened to him?"
"Tell you ... No. I can't. I can't tell you that. Now, can I see him or not?"
"Erin, uh, does John suffer from any mental conditions?"
"What? Oh dear. Huh. Well, I'd like to say the answer is no, but we're still debating that one Doctor."
"Wait. Before you see him, I should warn you that he's pretty confused."
"When isn't he?"
"Knock knock"
"Aeryn. Thank goodness. Something happened to the module, I must have lost consciousness. I woke up here with these ... these ... what are they? Humans? Sebaceans? Figments of my imagination? Are we on Earth? Where are we? Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. I think you found your second wormhole. Didn't make it through very successfully I might add. You're module's parked a few blocks away ..."
"How is it?"
"No worse than it ever was. Have these people done anything to you?"
"They want to 'run a few tests'. Let's get the hell out of here before they suck my brains out through my nostrils."
"Charming."
"And where do you think you're going, hey?"
"Bathroom. Need to pee. Can't a man even pee on this planet?"
"We'll get you a pan."
"A pan? A pan?"
"What's a ... oh, I so don't need to see this. Just ... go, and then we'll talk."
"I'm going, I'm going."
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"Is that Erin?"
"Yup."
"She's real then."
"Uh-huh."
"She know anything?"
"Nup."
"You don't sound very sure."
"I'm not very sure. Something's going on with those two. Still, there's gotta be something more than just a hard-edged girlfriend to make someone talk like that. How long til we can do the tests?"
"Ten minutes."
"Right. Thanks, Bron."
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"So, eh, this is an Orspedel. Why couldn't they have just said 'big place with doctors and nurses and brain sucking madmen'? Come on, John, how long does it take??"
"Psst. Aeryn."
"What are you ..."
"Shh. We don't want people to notice us."
"Right. Because they're not going to notice a guy in a dress that opens the wrong way."
"Shit. Uh ... hold on, let me get changed. Wait there."
"Don't bother. Doctor Chirpy's back."
"Great. See you up here shortly, if they don't have me committed. A guy could go nuts having all these people looking inside his head."
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"Erin, is John a sailor by any chance?"
"A what?"
"A Sailor. He keeps mentioning wanting to return to his ship. And his ... his module?"
"Oh. Right. Look, how much longer do we have to be here? I've tried to be patient, but quite frankly I could kill you right now and there wouldn't be a damned thing you could do about it. Quit frelling me around, lady. I want my friend out of here before you and your sidekicks take your prize trophy back to whoever's ordering you. Who do you work for? The peacekeepers? Did Scorpy send you out to get him? Just hand him over now and nobody gets hurt. We leave, you stay, everyone's happy. What do you say, Doctor?"
"Just calm down, nobody needs to get hurt. We're trying to help John, not hurt him. If you're not happy with the treatment he's getting, we can discuss it with the nursing unit manager if you like. Bron, can you call security? Don't get them up here just yet, just warn them that there might be an incident."
"Is everything ok?"
"It's fine. We need to find out what's wrong with John right now. Terri, Erin would like to ..."
"Hand him over now!"
"She's got a gun! Grab her!"
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"Bron, right?"
"Yep."
"Aeryn's left?"
"There was a small incident. We'll let you know details when ..."
"Incident? Is she ok? What did you do to her? Aeryn!"
"I need some help in here!"
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"John. John."
"She's waking up."
"Should we hold her down just in case?"
"Let's just wait."
"She nearly shot at you. She threatened to kill you."
"Nelson, let's just wait!"
"Fine, do it your way ..."
"Thankyou. Erin, can you hear me?"
"John ... Oh. You're not John. Hang on, you look like ... never mind."
"Erin, you're in hospital. Do you remember what happened?"
"You sound like her too. I swear, if you scream like her I'm outta here."
"Erin? Erin, can you hear me? Nup, she's alseep."
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"So we've got two psycho's on the ward and an armed guard at one of the doors. What a day."
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"John. John, it's me, Aeryn. Shh, we have to be quiet."
"How'd you get in here? I thought they had you locked in or something."
"I haven't lived thirty cycles as a peacekeeper for nothing."
"Right. Stupid question. So, what now?"
"Well, why don't we just sit here and play games until the big men in the silly hats tie us up and use us for target practice. What do you think happens now??"
"Right. Stupid question."
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"It was locked. There was a guy with a gun at the door. How the hell ..."
"Doesn't matter. All that matters is that there are two very confused people wandering out there somewhere."
"Results came back clear. Maybe it's a mental condition? Who knows. I hope they're ok."
"Charlotte, she tried to kill you."
"Yeah, and who knows what's going to happen to either of them. At least I know i'm alright."
"Huh. Well, I'm off. Who's for a drink?"