Len's head is very sore.

Wait, no, that's not good enough—Len's head is throbbing and he feels like he has brain cancer or something terrible (and he's hoping he doesn't because that would like, suck—but he could expect it knowing his luck—and his luck is more like a curse) but the fact that his head is throbbing is luckily not related to cancer, not today, because he actually managed to fall out of bed this morning.

Yes, that's right—the Len Kagamine, fell out of bed. Sporty, perfect, amazing Len Kagamine, can actually fall out of bed. He is very confused. And sore. But we already know that.

His head is also achy because he has a twin sister called Rin. She is learning Japanese and won't frakking shut up. Like, all she ever speaks now is in Japanese, and so when Len asks her to pass the salt she responds in Japanese all formally and he has no freaking idea what she is saying.

So yes, Len's head hurts.

He walks into the kitchen and the first thing Rin says is, 「おはようございます、レンさん。」(Which means, 'Len, good morning.')

Len automatically responds with, 「僕のペニスは大きです。」(And that means, 'My penis is big.' Len doesn't learn Japanese, but he has a Japanese friend who teaches him obscenities, so he likes to use those obscenities to piss off his sister. And no, his penis isn't big.)

(It's fucking humongous. UYHAUFHUSHSDGJHDIHSIDHIA.)

(Just kidding.)

Rin turns very red and mutters, 「あなたは変です。」(Which means, 'You are weird.')

Len has no idea what she just said, so he says, 「独りにしておいてください。」('Leave me alone, please.')

His sister chooses to ignore his response and asks, 「お元気ですか。」('Are you well?')

Len says, 「あっちへ行け！」('Go away!')

Then Rin seems to get very annoyed. "Will you just answer correctly, please?! I need to practice these so when I go to Japan I know what they're asking me and what they're saying!" she exclaims.

「コンドームを使いましょう。」Len responds smarmily. (Which means, 'Let's use a condom.' And Len said this because… let's admit it—he's an idiot.)

「貴方が嫌いです！」Rin shouts, standing up from the table. (And that means, 'I hate you!') Then she storms out of the kitchen, scowling.

Len blinks. Then he pours a glass of milk and ponders life's meanings.

Unfortunately, he does know what she just screamed at him.

Rin ignores him for the whole day. She even sits by herself at lunch, due to them being in the same friendship group and everything. And when he catches her eye in Maths, she pretends she sees right through him. And when he goes to give her back a pencil he borrowed last week, she just spits, "You can keep it, jerk-face."

Ah, sibling love.

Len contemplates apologising to Rin. He doesn't want to end up like how his mother and uncle are. They haven't talked to each other in ten years because one refuses to say sorry. It's kind of stupid, actually. But the problem is—he has no idea how to say sorry.

So he asks Kaito. "Kaito, how do you say sorry in Japanese?" Len questions in the middle of English, while trying to look casual by leaning back in his chair and crossing his ankles over.

Kaito turns to him and raises an eyebrow. "Offended somebody, have we, Len?"

Len chuckles nervously. "Psh, no, I was just curious… because, um. Yeah." He fidgets awkwardly.

"Alright, then," Kaito says, looking at him dubiously. "There are several ways to say sorry but I guess this one is more straightforward. Gomen'nasai."

Len looks confused. "Gomen'na—what?"

"Gomen'nasai," Kaito repeats wearily. "Go-men-nah-sigh."

"Gomen'nasai," Len echoes confidently.

"Yes," Kaito says bluntly. "Now can you go apologise to your sulking sister? She is pissing my girlfriend off."

Len turns red and then mutters, "Whatever."

When Len arrives home, Rin is doing her homework while watching her weird cartoon shows—anime or whatever. He sits on the couch awkwardly and she barely lifts her head from her math textbook.

They sit in silence for about five minutes.

Then Len clears his throat and mumbles, 「ごめんなさい。」('Sorry.')

He sees Rin's head twitch a little, but she doesn't reply.

So he repeats it a little louder, 「リンさん、ごめんなさい。」('Sorry, Rin.')

Rin stops writing and lifts her head a little, but doesn't look at him. It takes him approximately 5.2384624 seconds to figure she's crying. What the hell? Is she crying because Len just levelled up in the common sense department? Is she crying because of Len's horrible pronunciations of Japanese? Is she crying because she's laughing so hard?

Len has no idea.

Then Rin turns swiftly and latches onto his neck and screams into his right ear, 「あなたはバカ！」('You idiot!') She's like a leech. A human leech.

"I'm sorry for being a stupid brother," Len explains. "I was afraid we would end up like Mum and Uncle Whatshisface."

Rin sniffs, pulling away to wipe her face. She laughs a little. "I wouldn't have let us become like that," she says. "I would probably slit my wrists if we never talked again."

Len swallows. "That's a bit dramatic," he comments.

"Well, yes! You're my brother. My twin brother. And I love you," Rin utters, blushing nervously.

It does usually take Len at least ten hours to respond with 'I love you too' because like, he isn't a very affectionate person and he just thinks it's weird having to tell his sister with direct words how he feels because it's just so weird, okay? He struggles to even tell his Dad or Mum he loves them. He doesn't even know why he has to mention all of the above, but whatever.

This time, in exception to other occasions, he mumbles under his breath in embarrassment, "I love you too."

And Rin smiles like a proud father and hugs Len again.

Once they pull apart, Rin asks, "Um, Len, can you help me with my math homework? I don't even know what the teacher was trying to teach us today, because I was getting so upset about this morning and all, and so I didn't really try to listen…"

Len bites his lip. "Uh… I wasn't really listening either," he states. In fact he didn't even write down his homework. Oops.

The two siblings exchange glances and bite their lips. "Do you want to start digging our graves?" Rin asks.

"Sounds like a plan," Len agrees, and then they both go to the garden and do exactly that, and they live happily ever after with a long lecture from their math teacher and detention for the rest of the week.

I love how people automatically assume I hate a Vocaloid when I pay out on them in a fan-fiction :3 No, guys, if I hate a Vocaloid I wouldn't even write a fan-fiction about them. Soooooooo... I just pay out on Vocaloid's because I'm a meanie.

This was a random, silly oneshot typed out of pure boredom as I put my dirty mind and Japanese skills to the test. If there are any god-no-what-is-that illegal grammar/pronunciation used within the small bouts of Japanese in the story, let me know the correct way so I can fix it, because I ain't saying I'm amazingly fluent and all; I mean I used a phrasebook for some of the dirty things. (Not really the polite things. I study Japanese, so.) And yeah.

Did you see that swift Len awesomeness as he asks his sister if they want a use a condom Imeanwat isn't that just ;D ;D incestulicious. I'mkidding this story wasn't meant to be incestuous so if it is then... sorry? /rubs honey on your belly I'm sorry I'm just that swift like Taylor Swift. Can't help my swag.