Inhaling his rugged scent and feeling the heat of him pressed tightly to her, Hattie wondered how the simple band could suddenly sound like some grand orchestra. Moreover, she wondered how she was moving without her feet touching the floor of the meeting hall.
Here she was, Harriet Clark, in the arms of the man she believed was the handsomest in all of Sweetwater. James Butler Hickok. Jimmy. He said for her to call him Jimmy. The very thought still made a tingle shoot up her spine.
The waltz was slow and, as they floated around the room, his hand slowly slid to the small of her back and pulled her tighter to him. When she said she never danced, she was, of course, exaggerating. There had been her cousin's wedding where another cousin had been made to dance with her. And there was the time Freddie Dowd's mother had shoved him toward her saying that he should ask her to dance since all of the other girls were taken.
Perhaps she could have even made herself like Freddie. They had a lot in common. Well, they had an important thing in common. No one else wanted them. But even Freddie hadn't wanted her. She could tell then. He held her stiffly. His elbows locked making certain there would be no inadvertent contact between them.
Even before Jimmy had pulled her close, Hattie could feel the difference. His arms were firm but easy and relaxed. The hand that held hers was gentle, as if cradling something fragile and precious. His other hand rested lightly at first on her waist but as they danced moved around her. He did not pull her forcefully to him but almost delicately. She didn't feel as if he was possessing her but shielding her.
It was safe and warm in his arms and she could feel the vibrations in his chest as he absently hummed along with the tune and her cheek pressed to the side of his neck. As far as Hattie was concerned, there wasn't another soul on earth but the two of them and that suited her just fine.
Hattie Clark was no more the spectator of life. She was a full participant. It boggled her mind still to think how this all came about.
He raised his hand to tentatively knock on the door. He wasn't even sure where his hesitancy came from. She was just a girl. He'd talked to girls before.
'Damn few,' he reminded himself internally. 'And you ain't exactly known for your silver tongue with the ladies.'
The thought nearly stayed his hand but he just had to see. He just had to talk to her, see her, maybe try to get a smile out of her. He didn't see her smile too often but when she did, it was a lovely thing to behold.
He heard the sound of his knuckles rapping lightly on the door as if it came from miles away. He started to grow lightheaded and shifted on his feet, unlocking his knees and taking a deep breath. He was about to walk away thinking that perhaps no one was home but then the door opened and he found himself looking into the pale blue eyes of Winnie Clark. He quickly snatched his hat from his head in the presence of this lady.
"Mr. Hickok," Winnie said with a warm smile.
"Afternoon, Miss Clark," he replied.
"Who is it, Winnie?" another voice called from inside.
"It's Mr. Hickok from the Pony Express station, Nellie," Winnie called over her shoulder before returning her piercing gaze to his. "What brings you to our humble home today, Mr. Hickok?"
"What does he want, Winnie?"
"I'm asking him right now," Winnie answered her sister before looking back toward Jimmy expectantly.
"I…uh…that is…uh…"
"Oh dear, we've made you uncomfortable," Winnie said and her eyes warmed to him. "I can't think of any official business you'd have here so that leaves a social call. If you'd just tell me which of us you came to call upon, I am quite sure we could oblige you."
He looked around uncomfortably and then took a deep breath to steal his nerves before looking back toward Winnie.
"Hattie," he said with finality. "I came to see Hattie. If…if you think she'd want a visitor."
"Why, I think Hattie would be delighted to receive a gentleman caller," Winnie said trying to tamp down her overwhelming urge to squeal in delight. "I would say she might be especially delighted to find the gentleman is you."
"Nellie dear!" Winnie called over her shoulder. "Would you please tell Hattie that the young man has come to call upon her?"
There was a squeal of glee from inside before Nellie answered to the affirmative and Jimmy could hear her calling loudly for Hattie.
"I'm afraid that Hattie was unprepared to receive a visitor today so it might take her a short while to ready herself," Winnie said with her eyes sparkling. "Perhaps we could sit a while on the porch and chat?"
He nodded and they were soon sitting in the white wicker chairs on the porch with Jimmy feeling like he was under that microscope of Doc Barnes'. He shifted uncomfortably.
"I regret that my parents are not at home at present," Winnie began. "Father is at work and Mother had a meeting at the church. In fact, I believe your Mrs. Shannon is there as well. She's a lovely woman."
Jimmy just nodded his agreement. It was true. Emma was a lovely woman in nearly every sense of the word.
"As the oldest, it falls to me to look out for my dear sister's well-being, Mr. Hickok. I mean no offense but you surely must understand when I say that I simply have to inquire as to your intentions regarding Hattie."
"Miss Clark?"
"Winnie, please," she replied. "I need to know…well, your intentions. Hattie's a very sweet and fragile girl and I simply must know that the young man wishing to spend time with her is trustworthy. And I dare say that you are quite lucky you're not facing my father. He's an imposing man."
Jimmy nodded. He had come when he had purely to avoid facing Waylon Clark. The man was huge and muscled and Jimmy was certain that if his daughter were in any danger that Mr. Clark wouldn't bat an eye before tearing someone limb from limb.
"I…uh…well, we talked some after that dance last Saturday," he began haltingly. "I wanted to ask her to dance. I did. But she makes me a little nervous. Anyway, I talked to her a bit and it was real nice just talking. I told her I'd come to see her and maybe we could talk some more. That's it. I swear. I just came to talk to her."
"There is no need to be so nervous," Winnie said, giggling lightly. "It was simply a question. I believe that I will go and see what's keeping Hattie. Will you be alright here by your lonesome?"
He just nodded at her and then watched her disappear into the house. The next few minutes were the longest and most agonizing of his life.
"Hattie! Hattie dear!"
Hattie looked up from the book she was reading at her sister, Nellie's urgent cries. It was a lovely day outside and any other time she might have sat on the porch or under the towering elm tree to read. But she was in a dreary mood and her bedroom was the only place she wanted to be. He said he would come to call on her. He hadn't. She shouldn't have expected it. She shouldn't have hoped. Of all the people in the world, Hattie Clark knew better than to entertain hopes of that nature.
"What is it, Nellie?"
"Oh, Hattie you simply must fix yourself up a little," Nellie chattered as she whipped into the room. "Up with you! He's waiting and you simply cannot go out there looking as you do."
"Who's waiting?"
"Here, put on this dress," Nellie instructed tossing a frock of a deep green color in Hattie's direction. "I know I have a ribbon to match it. I think if I brush your hair out…yes…that will do just fine."
With that, Nellie was out of the room again looking for the promised ribbon and Hattie was left standing in her room holding the dress. She still had no idea what was going on but Nellie said to put on the dress so she did.
"Oh yes!" Nellie exclaimed when she came back in the room. "That color has always looked best on you. You're so pretty, Hattie. Now sit down and let me fix your hair. Oh that Mr. Hickok isn't going to know what hit him!"
"Did you say…Hickok? He's…he's here?"
"Oh yes, he just knocked on the door a few minutes ago. And he asked to visit with you! Isn't that just wonderful?"
Hattie looked desolately in the mirror and sighed sadly. He might have spoken kindly to her in the scant light outside the dance but in the full light of day…she was just a disaster.
"Look at how lovely you are, Hattie," Nellie gushed. "Your hair just shines so."
"Oh it just does," Winnie said from the doorway. "Honestly Hattie, you should see how nervous you have that poor young man. He is just in knots over you. It's adorable really. Why he might even be so taken as to speak to Daddy."
Her sisters were so sweet to say such things but Hattie was not blind. She'd never possess the great beauty that they took for granted. Still, there was no putting it off any longer. She would have to face him.
Jimmy sat there in the wicker chair trying not to stare at the door like it held the future of his entire world. He swore after Sarah that he wouldn't just fall all willy nilly for some girl again. But he'd done it all the same. The worst of it was, he thought he'd probably fallen for her the day he'd nearly died for Sarah. And that was just plain stupid, if he was honest.
He thought he'd hidden his affections well enough but Cody had wandered over to him at the dance and nudged him in the ribs.
"It looks safe to say there's no competition for her," Cody'd said. "According to her sisters, no one ever asks her to dance."
"Then why don't you?"
"Because I wouldn't betray a brother that way, Jimmy," Cody'd replied with a hand over his heart. "I'm hurt you'd suggest such a thing."
He'd rolled his eyes at Cody. The guy was usually just goofy and annoying but this time, he was dead on in his assessment of the situation. Jimmy liked Hattie and he liked her a lot.
He still wasn't sold on the idea of talking to her or asking her to dance. It just hadn't worked out well for him to pin his hopes on a lady. First Clara had been so nice to him and the judge and Brad had seen to it that nothing came of that. Then he'd completely misread Emma's affections for him. What a disaster that had been. And then…the worst of all…he'd gone to the gallows for Sarah. He'd been used so completely by her and almost not lived to learn from his mistake.
And here he was getting ready to make the same mistake again. Sure Hattie seemed different than other girls but then, didn't they all seem different at first before revealing themselves as just the same?
He was beginning to think this was a terrible mistake and he should just go when the door opened. He jumped up at the sight of the ladies before him not even noticing his hat tumbling off of his lap to the floor.
Between her sisters, was his Hattie.
'Your Hattie, Jimmy?' he cautioned himself. 'Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you?"
"Jimmy," Hattie's voice pulled him from his internal monologue. "How kind of you to come and visit me."
"I…well, the other night I said I'd like to," he stammered feeling the full weight of her sisters' eyes. "I apologize for taking so long. I was gone on a ride and just got back yesterday evening."
Jimmy didn't even notice as the other Clark girls slipped inside the house leaving him alone on the porch with Hattie.
"No apologies are necessary, Jimmy," she said.
They stood there a few feet from each other not sure where to look or what to say. Hattie wanted to talk as easily with him as she saw her sisters talk to the young men who came to call on them. But she just didn't know how.
"I thought maybe…maybe we could take a little walk," Jimmy suggested. "Unless, of course, you'd rather stick close to home."
"A walk might be nice," she said softly and took his offered arm.
The silence between them as they walked was nearly suffocating. Jimmy hoped that she might speak but she didn't so he wracked his brain for something to get a conversation started.
"So…uh…Hattie…I…" he sighed and ran his free hand over his face. "You'd think I'd never talked to anyone before."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm not much of a conversationalist. Winnie and Nellie are better at that than I am."
"Thing is," he said gently. "It ain't them I want to spend time with. It's you I like."
He stopped walking when he felt her hand leave his arm and heard her footfalls come to a stop beside him.
"I have to go back," she said hurriedly, looking pale and panicked. He worried she wouldn't make it three steps. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can go for a walk with you."
"I'll see you home then, Hattie," he told her. "You don't look well all of a sudden. We could sit on the porch and talk there."
"No," she said too sharply. "I mean, you don't need to bother. I just…I just need to go."
"Did I say something wrong?" he asked. "I ain't good at talking to ladies. I was too forward. I know I was. I scared you. I didn't mean to. I just…I didn't know what else to say and so the truth just kind of fell out of my mouth."
Hattie just stood there staring at him. She was sure she looked dumb as a stump with her arms limp at her sides and her mouth hanging open. Her earlier reaction had merely stemmed from her certainty that this was some kind of joke. She'd so urgently needed an escape and now found she couldn't move a muscle. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she simply stared at him.
The tears welling up in her eyes went unnoticed or she would have fought them back. She didn't feel them begin to fall down her cheeks either but when he stepped close to her and placed his hand gently on her arm, she noticed that.
Blinking she looked up into his golden brown eyes and tried to focus on the words coming out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry I made you cry, Hattie," he said. Her brow furrowed.
"You…didn't…I don't think…"
"Hattie…you look faint," he told her, concern dripping from his voice as he wound his arm around her shoulders. "Let me help you over to that tree over there. Sitting in the shade might do you some good."
She could only nod weakly. His arms were there to steady her and yet she felt weaker in her knees for their presence.
Jimmy settled Hattie beneath the wide reaching elm tree.
"Are you feeling poorly, Hattie? Should I fetch your sisters or something?"
She could only shake her head at him. No words would come. In her daydreams, he would speak kindly to her and she would always have something to say in return. But now that he was here in front of her, fussing over her, she was rendered speechless.
"Are you sure? You look awful pale."
"I-I'm fine, Jimmy," she managed to choke out. "I was just…taken by surprise."
"By what?"
She avoided his eyes as she spoke. It was her only hope to be able to say anything at all.
"By you…your words," she replied. "I've never had a gentleman come to call before. I've never had one say he liked me either. I know I must sound pathetic…I really am pathetic. But…I thought at first you were playing a joke on me. I don't think you are though…are you?"
She was babbling and sounded so stupid. If he didn't run screaming from her right now, she'd be shocked.
"No," he said softly. "This ain't no joke. I have a hard time believing you ain't had other fellas wanting to come around and spend time with you. A girl as pretty as you…well, you should be getting a lot more attention."
"I'm not pretty."
"Yeah, you are. You're eyes are like a mystery, always changing. And your smile, when you're willing to give one up, just lights everything around you."
"I'm not pretty like Winnie and Nellie are."
"They tell you that?"
She shook her head.
"But they get asked to dance and they have gentlemen callers and I…well, I don't."
He sat down next to her and leaned against the strong trunk of the tree with a sigh.
"Cowards," he said. "All the guys who didn't ask you to dance. Cowards. I was one of 'em too. I was afraid. I should've asked you to dance the other night."
"Afraid? Of what?"
"You," he answered plainly. "Your sisters ain't actually any prettier than you. But they sort of act like they want to be asked to dance. A fella don't feel like he's going as far out on a limb to ask them. Sometimes—well, most times actually—you act like you don't want anyone bothering you. I wasn't even going to talk to you after the dance but you had this moment when you looked up at the sky and your face was all relaxed and you seemed like maybe…maybe it was okay to talk to you. I should've asked anyway. Teaspoon always says that it's good to go out on a limb 'cause that's where the fruit is."
"But…I'm not worth going on the limb for. I'm not as pretty as Winnie and Nellie," Hattie protested. "I'm fat and my hair is so drab and my eyes aren't even a color! In school I was 'Fatty Hattie' and no one wanted to sit next to me!"
She felt a fool for telling him all this but what he said couldn't be right. She had to tell him that she saw through his act. She knew the truth about herself.
"There ain't nothing wrong with a woman who's got some curves to her," Jimmy assured her. He could see now what the trouble was. He understood what it was to be hurt and to build the walls to keep it from ever happening again. She was like him in so many ways. "Some of us prefer a woman who ain't built like a stick. And your hair is beautiful, Hattie. Your eyes too for that matter. Kids are mean and most of 'em are stupid too."
"You really think I'm pretty?" she asked still trying to grasp that, not only did a young man find her attractive, but that it was the one young man whose attention she most wanted. It didn't seem possible.
"I think you're beautiful," he clarified.
"I really am a mess, aren't I?" Hattie asked. "And I must look a fright too!"
Jimmy fished a handkerchief from his pocket. Hattie thought he was going to hand it to her but her heart nearly stopped when he began to wipe the traces of her earlier tears from her face. If she hadn't already been head over heels in love with him, she would have fallen for him right then.
"I should probably be seeing you home before your sisters think the worst of me," he said softly. His voice betrayed him with its longing to not take her home just yet—or maybe ever.
"I could stay a while longer," she whispered. "Nellie's usually bordering on scandalous with how long she stays out unchaperoned. And Daddy won't be back from work for a while so you don't have to worry about facing him."
"I expect I'll have to face him sooner or later," Jimmy said shooting her a loopy grin. "Can't say I'm looking forward to that talk."
"He'll probably be so shocked you're asking after me that he'll be a complete pushover."
Jimmy looked uncomfortable like he wasn't sure what to do next but then found some resolve.
"I shouldn't do this until after I have that talk with your father," he began tentatively. "But I been thinking about doing it for longer than I even realized I was."
With no further preamble he leaned forward and caught her lips with his. Hattie's eyes flew open a moment and then fluttered closed as she yielded to the warmth of his mouth on hers.
Jimmy held tighter to her in the flickering lamplight of the meeting hall with the slow waltz played by the band floating around them as an early morning mist. He could still feel her tentative yielding to that first kiss. Softly she sighed against him and he thought of the weeks between then and now.
They had met every day that he didn't have a ride. They talked and they held hands as they walked and they kissed. Her kisses were sweet and honest. They held purity like nothing he'd ever experienced before.
Hattie delighted in the warmth of his body close to hers and thought to every time he'd come to call on her and then to the day when he'd gone, instead, to her father as he worked. He'd been talking of going to see Daddy for a short while but she had no idea when he'd do it. Until Daddy came home from work that night.
"I had a visitor at work today, Hattie," he'd said before digging into the apple pie they had for dessert that night.
"Really Daddy?" she'd asked as her heart began to pound.
"Seems that Hickok fella wants to court you," he went on. "You must've made quite an impression on him. None of the young men who've taken a shine to Winnie and Nellie have ever braved coming to talk to me. Or maybe this one is made of stronger stuff that those guys."
She could only nod. He held her very life in his hands right now.
"He seems a good man. Respectful, smart—smarter than he probably gives himself credit for. He's got some decent prospects. If nothing else, he'd be willing to learn blacksmithing. He ain't afraid of hard work, that's for sure."
Waylon Clark smiled then as he saw his middle daughter suffering with the anticipation.
"Stop holding your breath before you turn blue, girl. I told him yes."
Hattie had jumped from her seat and run over to throw her arms around her father.
It then came as no surprise when Jimmy had asked to be her escort to the next dance. She'd even playfully pretended to have to think it over.
"Well, I don't know, Mr. Hickok," she had said, pretending to think about it. "One gets so many offers."
"Exactly how many of these offers come from someone who cares enough for you to face down your old man?" he asked her with a glint in his eye letting her know he was only pretending to be put out.
"That is something to consider," she said as if her mind wasn't already made up. She tried to think of something else to say to keep up the charade but couldn't and began to giggle.
"Oh, of course I'll go with you!" she declared. "I've only dreamt of the day you would ask me since I first set eyes on you."
"Well, that's a relief," he said seriously. "I've recently taken to getting a little skittish about women and the thought I might have to try to approach one that ain't as sweet as you was near to giving me hives."
Now, with her head resting against his broad chest, she giggled lightly at the memory.
"I hope that laugh ain't some comment on my dancing," he said softly and she delighted in the vibration of his voice reverberating against her.
"Of course not," she assured him. "You're a wonderful dancer, Jimmy."
"Now you're just saying that to make me feel better."
"Maybe…is it working?"
"Yeah, it is," he chuckled. "Is it me or is this just about perfect right now?"
"It's absolute heaven," she confirmed.
And yes...another story inspired by a selection from The Great American Songbook. I think this might be the last of the Hattie saga...I believe I will leave the rest of their story to your imaginations. Perhaps this is true love and he leaves the Express to learn blacksmithing from Hattie's father. Perhaps the romance fizzles leaving them only with fond memories and a renewed faith in love. Either way, I choose to think their meeting is a good thing.
Let me know what you think...of this story...of their future...of anything really.-J
Cheek to Cheek – Fred Astaire (Andersson/Forsman/Asplund/Asplund)
Songwriters: ANDERSSON, MARIA / FORSMAN, JOSEPHINE / ASPLUND, JENNIE / ASPLUND, JOHANNA
Heaven, I'm in Heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek.
Heaven, I'm in Heaven,
And the cares that hang around me thro' the week
Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak
When we're out together dancing, cheek to cheek.
Oh! I love to climb a mountain,
And to reach the highest peak,
But it doesn't thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek.
Oh! I love to go out fishing
In a river or a creek,
But I don't enjoy it half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek.
Dance with me
I want my arm about you;
The charm about you
Will carry me thro' to Heaven
I'm in Heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak;
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek