Coyote and Roadrunner:
Turning Tables
by Neoraichu
Wile E Coyote and Beep Beep the Roadrunner are properties of Warner Brothers, and the author takes no credit for them whatsoever. Really.
...
The cartoon beings as the Roadrunner races down the road. The action pauses as the words
ROADRUNNER (OHMYGAWDUS SPEEDIUS)
appear beneath him.
He zips off screen as the coyote chasing him comes onto the screen wearing a white bib and holding a knife and fork. The action pauses as the words
COYOTE (GLUTINOUS MORONICUS)
appear beneath him. The coyote looks down at the subtitle, and signs 'REALLY?'
A giant pencil comes into the shot eraser first. and erases the second line (in parenthesis). The eraser is removed, and the writing end appears, rewording the line so it now reads:
COYOTE (CAVERNOUS STOMACHUS) – better?
The coyote looks down again, and signs 'Better'.
The chase resumes as the Roadrunner takes off down the road, leaving a blazing trail and a stupefied coyote behind him. He stops running, drops the knife and fork, and then his jaw to the pavement. Taking his jaw in his hands, he puts it back up to his muzzle, and proceeds to scratch his chin.
=sproing sound effect, light bulb over coyote's head (Yes, it's still a 30 watt incandescent)=
The scene switches to one where the coyote is back in his cave pouring over a blueprint. Birdseed, scales, match, fuse, dynamite, cinder block, scissors, rope, guillotine, watermelon, basket, teeter totter, bowling ball, tin roof gutter, bowling pins, button, light bulb, moth on a string, really small rock, really small button, power cord, massive electromagnet, ocean liner, X painted under birdseed. All the components come together to form a Rube Goldberg device, with massive complexity for a simple outcome. Such understated elegance. What could possibly go wrong?
The scene changes yet again to an open stretch of road. A bowl of bird seed sets on one side of a giant set of scales in the lowered position sitting over a giant red X painted on the road. The coyote watches from behind a rock to see the results of his great scheme.
The roadrunner zips up to the bowl, looks around at the birdseed, zips over to the coyote hiding behind the rocks and viciously pecks him on the head repeatedly.
The coyote sign, 'WHAT?'
The roadrunner signs, '20 years of bird seed and you ask "WHAT?"'
'So?'
'Roadrunners are OMNIVORES!'
'Omnivore?'
'We eat plants, fruits, seeds and MEAT!'
'Gulp'
'EVERY TIME, THE SAME OLD BIRD SEED!'
'No need to get testy'. Another sign 'I buy that stuff by the ton'. Another sign 'Huge bulk discounts'.
'Hey Coyote'
'What?'
'YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE MEAT!' The roadrunner's eyes turn red.
As the Coyote runs, he signs 'You can't do this!' another sign 'I'm above you on the FOOD CHAIN!'
The roadrunner signs back, 'I've never studied ECOLOGY!'
'Mommy!' The coyote looks at the screen nervously. =ZIP!= The Coyote disappears in a cloud of dust. =ZIP!= The Roadrunner disappears in a cloud of dust chasing the Coyote.
The coyote races across a red clay plains towards the sunset as the roadrunner slowly gains on him with a white bib around his neck.
THE END?