Banging fists against rough ground and feeling wetness seep and your skin tear, almost trying to wake yourself up, maybe this isn't real, maybe your living some other person's life and you'll wake up to see the world's different, nicer, and not so goddamn unfair.
Tan skin starts peeling back as I grind my fist into the gravel, grinding and grinding, until all there is left is a crusted bleeding scraped surface, but no matter how bad it looks, with rivulets of ruby sliding down with drops skidding on previous ran trails of red, it doesn't compare to how you feel inside. To why you feel like your fucking world just ended. To have tried so hard, and to have failed so bad, for the result to fall long of the word "devastating."
Sharp stabs of pain enclosed my heart and ran through my chest in a tightness that constricted my lungs and proceeded to my throat. My life dripping from my mouth as the tearing ache grows and envelopes my whole being, leaving me breathless and my head alternating between blurred vision and a dizziness that won't even let my cracked shin bones stand up.
Muscles that had been worked so hard to be used to their utmost perfection, are useless, my arms won't even lift, so I settle with grinding.
Feelings wash over and encompass me, reminding me, just HOW hard I tried, how much I sacrificed, all the pain I endured, and pushing everything else in my life away, and concentrating just on that one thing.
Years of my life gone!
Just gone…….
I want to die
I feel like dying.
I pain like I'm dying
So why can't I just die?
If there ever was a God, why can't he just take me now. Rescue me from this failure.
This failure I just can't bare!
Blue eyes are shedding crystalline tears in running rivers and I don't notice. My eyes are wide open, and crying.
I just want to DIE.
Just let me die.
Please.
Please God.
Just please.
Let me fall asleep.
Don't let me wake up.
Don't let me see another day of this unforgiving harsh hell, that people call the world.
Let my heart bleed no more.