Chapter 1

(Scene opens at Luke's,Friday morning)

Lorelai: Luke, coffee on the double
Luke: Bad morning
Lorelai: I woke up at 4 to the sounds of frogs, and couldn't go back to sleep. Frogs! I walked outside and actually tried to find them and kill them. Then Babette woke up, came over and said that the neighbors were thinking of calling the hospital, saying I had gone crazy
Luke: What were you doing?
Lorelai: Just a frog chant
Luke: Huh?
Lorelai: You know one of those "Frogs, frogs go away. Visit Taylor, he wants to play"
Luke: Maybe it's time
Lorelai: For what?
Luke: To accept your problem and get help
Lorelai: Very funny burger boy. Now where's that coffee
Luke: Is that anyway to treat the only thing that stands between you and caffeine
Lorelai: Please, Duke
Luke: No coffee
Lorelai: Fine, I'll deal
Luke: Yeah right
Lorelai: I bet I can go a whole day with out coffee
Luke: Please, you can't go 10 minutes
Lorelai: $200, and pay for our date tonight
Luke: Deal (then Lorelai's phone rings) OUTSIDE!
Lorelai: It's Rory
Luke: Oh, ok. But make it quick
Lorelai: (answers phone) Hello
Rory: Hi mom. Guess what today is?
Lorelai: Hmm... national pancake day?
Rory: Friday
Lorelai: Movie night
Rory: No, dinner night
Lorelai: Yes, we do need to eat. I was thinking Chinese? Or burgers
Rory: Grandma's
Lorelai: I will forget you even mentioned that name. So, Scorsese or Stone movies?
Rory: Mom, you have to go some time
Lorelai: If you want to, you can spread half of my ashes over that house. And give the other half to Bono
Rory: Mom, please. Every week I have gone, all they do is ask about you
Lorelai: And then they curse my name
Rory: She is making those rolls this week. And the apple tarts
Lorelai: That's not fair
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Holding food over me like that
Rory: Hey, what can I say. I have mastered the art of persuasion
Lorelai: Ugh, ok. But we go in, grab a handful of rolls, shove a few tarts in my purse and a quick drink. Then we are out of there
Rory: As long as you say, "Hi how's the weather"
Lorelai: Meet you there.
Rory: Sure. Hey, you sound funny
Lorelai: All day without caffeine
Rory: What? Are you joking?
Lorelai: No, I made a bet with Luke that I could go all day without caffeine
Rory: Really? Interesting
Lorelai: What?
Rory: I just don't know if you have that kind of will power
Lorelai: I sat through A Walk to Remember, and didn't crack one joke. This will be a piece of cake
Rory: Yeah, sure. I will pray for you, and then I will use the rosary beads
Lorelai: Make sure you wear blue. They will highlight your eyes
Rory: Yeah, yeah that is what I was most worried about
Lorelai: Hey, a girl always has to look her best, even when she is praying.
Rory: Good Luck
Lorelai: I can make it. I am a fighter
Rory: Then you can go join Rocky
Lorelai: I've always wanted to try raw eggs
Rory: Bye Mom

Scene picks up after Rory hangs up her phone. Looks at clock. She is late)

Rory: Oh man. I've got to go. I can't miss this class (Runs out door, and runs into a guy. Books go everywhere)
Guy: You should try to be more careful. You could have put my eye out
Rory: Oh sorry. I am late
Guy: Uh, I don't really handle that type of problem. I don't remember you, so I'm not the father, right? (Laughs)
Rory: So, did you take a wrong turn. This is Yale, not CCU
Guy: Huh?
Rory: Well with that material, I was sure you were attending Clown College. Now tell me, is it as hard as it looks to get in and out of the little car
Guy: Oh, funny girl. I thought you were late. Shouldn't you get going?
Rory: What, you can dish it out, but you can't take it
Guy: Well, getting in and out of those cars can alter your sense of reality. I am just a little lost
Rory: (laughs) Well, I better go (walks away)
Guy: Hey, I don't think I caught your name
Rory: Just call me funny girl
Guy: Don't you want to know my name
Rory: I can call you Bozo
Guy: Huh (walks out to his car and leaves)
(Scene cuts to Luke's)
Lorelai: See, I have gone 10 minutes and no coffee
Luke: 9 minutes
Lorelai: Whatever (looks at watch) Now 10
Luke: What, are you looking for a reprieve?
Lorelai: No, I was just letting it be known that I will be $200 richer by tomorrow morning
Luke: I wouldn't start planning a new wardrobe yet. You still have 23 hours and 50 minutes left
Lorelai: 49 minutes
Luke: Well... (Then the phone rings) No way. Are you kidding? Ok, I am on my way (hangs up phone) Damn!
Lorelai: What?
Luke: I've got to go up to New York
Lorelai: Why?
Luke: Uh, Jess got himself into a little trouble
Lorelai: What is wrong?
Luke: I've got to go bail him out
Lorelai: Of what?
Luke: Jail
Lorelai: What did he do?
Luke: I'm not sure, but I've e got to go get him
Lorelai: God, that boy has more issues than Rolling Stone
Luke: Huh?
Lorelai: Don't worry, you wouldn't get it
Luke: I've got to close
Lorelai: No, you don't. I'll keep it open until you and jail bird get back
Luke: Oh thanks (kisses her) Wait, Kirk
Kirk: Yeah?
Luke: Watch Lorelai
Kirk: Huh?
Lorelai: Oh you know you want to Kirk. You have fantasized about it for...
Kirk: I am very uncomfortable right now
Luke: Make sure she doesn't have any coffee
Lorelai: You don't trust me?
Luke: Not with $200 on the line
(Luke leaves)
Kirk: Can I get some more coffee?
Lorelai: Sorry, I can't touch it. It might make me do something crazy
Kirk: But you're serving
Lorelai: Not coffee. How about some pancakes?
Kirk: I already had pancakes
Lorelai: You can never have enough pancakes
Kirk: Ok, I guess I will take pancakes
Lorelai: With bacon
Kirk: But what about my fitness level
Lorelai: That ship has sailed Kirk
Kirk: Ok
Lorelai: Yes! (To Cesar) Tall stack, hot with 3 little piggies
Kirk: Huh?
Lorelai: Kirk, you know you love it when I talk dirty
Kirk: (blushing) I am taken
Lorelai: Too bad. I guess I will have to take your name out of my little black book