Season eight finale spoilers.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the show, if i did they'd have been given hot coco and a blanket
I've had an urge since the finale to write what happened in between the hour of Crowley exclamation of wanting to be loved and the next blood injection. So here it is!
enjoy
"I deserve to be loved!" He heard himself scream at the moose in front of him." I just want to be loved" The last part came out shakier as if he used up all his energy to just confess this. The room grew silent as both Sam and Crowley realized what just happened .
"What?" Sam asked with the disbelief dripping from his voice.
"What?" he responded with equal shock. Did he really just say that? Did he just say he wanted to be- Oh bollocks. It was working. Their half brained idea to cure a demo was really bloody working. They were 'fixing' him.
They couldn't be allowed to do that. If… if they 'cured' him who would he be? Certainly not the king of hell.
Did he even want to be anymore? Being King of Hell entailed deception, murder, torturing and…. being alone. True he could have had any boy or girl he'd ever want. He did come close to Bobby that one time. But look at him now. He was tied up with chains with a breaking Winchester not a single demon but Abaddon, who came there to kill him and not help might he add, came to his rescue. He was truly alone.
He was so tired of it. So tired of the planning and the killings and not even knowing who he was anymore.
He clearly wasn't some Scotsman who sold his soul for a few extra inches, not anymore. He hadn't been him for years.
No! He was the King of Hell and he wasn't about to be controlled by some bloody conscious and some damn blood!
Except he was. If he denied long enough, maybe he could ignore the guilt and now the fear of what will happen to him that was gripping his heart. Ignore the painful longing for someone to actually give a crap about him. Ignore the fact that in an hour or two he was finally going to see what heaven looked like. Would he even be able to get into heaven? Even after everything he's done?
I'd be a cruel irony if he got sent back to hell to just become a Demon again. He was almost paralyzed with fear at the thought of being on the racks again or into one of the many systems he himself set up for others.
"Crowley, how are you feeling?"
Crowley looked u to sam, who looked at him expectantly. It nearly caused him to laugh out loud.
"I'm feeling like I'm questioning everything."
With Sam's perplexed look he actually did laugh, though it was low, weak and painful.
"I'm feeling human, moose"