2 New 2 Testament

"The Devil reved his Lama at Jesus, and God nodded at Jesus and said "In my name, blow this mother fucker away" And they raced." -My fishing buddy, Zachary

chapper 1

1 dai god wuz kickin it wit lik 20, 30 bichs wen Vine deesal rang up hiz sel fone. Vine deesal say 'yo god. i betchu git bor uv governr yunivers n al dat naw i mean?'

god say 'tru dat ma nigga. wushu got in mind 4 not been bor no mo?'

Vine deesal goz 'k bro liek strt racez'

god say 'hoo gun b strt racin tho? i dun no cant pik who 2 strt race lol'

Vine deesal b liek 'we yoowz ur son, me, n bibble carcters. n drug deelerz n hors cuz dey ez 2 fin'

god saez 2 Vine 'lol nigga dat shit sown dope. imma crate parlel yunivers 2 do dis shit naw i mean?'

Vine deesal putz on sawnglsss n do gngsta jig b4 hangin up on god

chapper 2

god go 2 jeezus room n b liek 'son u wun do strt racez lol?'

jeezus liek 'god dad gtfo im playin COD'

god liek 'stfu son i maek up mi mind ur gun do it'

jeezus liek 'k dad aisle do it. but firs les go donstars n bi cheezbrgr lol?'

god say 'alrite son haha'

chapper 3

god crate parlel yunivers n sen noah mossis jeezus jewdis n adarm n evan 2 do teh strt racez. god sae unto dem 'go fort n win da strt race 4 cash przes n colage sclrship 4 starvin blak africn babiez'

jeezus sae unto jewdis 'lol ur naem sown liek 'jew'

jewdis riply 'lol stfu fgt k?'

bot jeezus n jewdis laf n hai fiv n reliz dey r in racing chllnge n cant shw ne one dat dere frens

chapper 4 here comes pikachu

Vine deesal goz 2 big city racin cors n tel competers wat 2 do 2 win cash przes n colage sclrship. Vine deesal sae unto dem 'amung da bibble carcters wer all so gun hav sum strt hookrs n droog deelar cuz dey ez 2 fin lol'

Vine deesal wok ovr 2 jeezus n sae 'lol so ur dat son uv god fella i bein harin bout so fukin much frum mi fmly. i got speshul srprse gest racer fur u lol'

jeezus scoff bak at Vine n sae 'hoo iz gest mr deesal?'

Vine wok ovr 2 tractr trailr n pul owt bar n owpn dor. owt fal 2 nunz naemd lucy n daniella. Vine deesal sae 'dese bichs gun race wit u. an gess wat?'

jeezus n jewdis maek sily face 2gthr n bot axe 'lol wat is it doosh?'

Vine giv glarrin smil n sae unto dem 'im racin 2 niggas'

jeezus n jewdis yel owt 'o no!' n den ever1 git in2 cars 2 do race

chapper 4

al teh racerz git in2 car n rev up enjin liek vroom vroom lol. Vine deesal duz bakflp in2 volkwagin binz n trn on teh nitro blasters 2 maek him wae fastr den jeezus.

Vine hav evil smirk on faec n sae 'k gais lets strt race lol' n den fird mac 10 in ayer 2 sho race startid

all teh carz spedd of in2 city n liek der wer lots uv danger. jeezus pul in2 firs ahed uv mossis n noah. jewdis tye wit jeezus n dey bot laf n hai fiv frum der windowz. jeezus c Vine deesal in rar vew miror n yel 2 jewdis 'o no jewdis, woch owt 4 dat doosh!' n jewdis liek 'lolwut?' n den Vine crash in2 jewdis n sen hiz car in2 neerby jet turbine n jewdis dye almos imedatielately

jeezus yel owt 'noooo jewdis' n curs Vine deesals naem. Vine deesal jus laf n sae 'fukin kweer' az he trn on nitro blasters n win teh strt race

at finsh lien, Vine deesal b liek 'lol jeezus ur fren ded n i won lol'

jeezus sae 'dis not ovr faggot. i win nex race n git cash prze n sclarshp 4 strvin africn kidz'

Vine deesal jus scoff at remrk n goz on 2 nex race lol

chapper 5

jeezus pul up 2 nex racin locayshun wich lok awfool lot liek abandin waorhows n he liek 'lol dis a shitey cors. i win no prolem'

jus den jeezus notis dere no otha carz dere. jus him. Vine deesal trickrd him! 'oh no' jeezus cride owt. 'now wat 2 do?' he sae as he spedd of in opsite drecton

affer liek 10 minuetz uv drivin jeezus saw nord star in teh sky. jeezus imedlately relises dat dis is bibble allegory. jeezus sae 'lol im flowin dat shit nigga' n he did n maed it 2 rite race on tiem

chapper 6

Vine deesal git owt uv hid car n lok at all teh racers. he sae unto them 'lol jeezus iznt her. wat a fukin cunt lol' but secerty he new dat he gav jeezus rong drectons

jus den b4 Vine fir off mac 11 in ayer, jeezus sho up 2 taek prat to. Vine b liek 'jeezus! but i thot u wer at'

'wer at ware Vine deesal?' axed jeezus

Vine deesel sae 'noware les jus start teh strt race lol k?'

Vine deesal fir mac 11 n den carz fly pas supramodls wit flagz

chapper 7

mossis n noah pul owt fron uv race n leav Vine deesal in teir dust. dey liek 'lol we beet dat cheatr fgt lol' n den Vine deesal yoowz hid gun 2 shot owt dere tiers n dey git suked in2 neerby jet turbine n dye. jeezus c dis n b liek 'dude naw' n start speddn up

adarm n evan staed bak at furs cors 2 help cane n abley 2 git ech otha 2 stop been fagz lol dey rnt gun win shuldve put dat b4 but i focz on jeezus

dee onlee ppl lef in teh race wer jeezus Vine deesal teh 2 nuns n drug delars zach n dylan. zach n dylan wer stond of crak kokane so dey wer lost alrdy b4 race evn began lol

jeezus cachd up 2 Vine deesal n sae 'ur a bad man mr deesal. u arang dis race jus 2 kil bibble carcters ur a fukin athesm fag'

Vine deesal go 'stfu jeezus go away ima win dis n git cash przes n scolrshp 4 mi blak bbies'

jeezus den relise dat Vine deesal rezons 4 race wrnt evil. he tryn 2 pae 4 strvin blak bby scolrshp 4 his own bbies. bt jeezus culdn let dis hapn cuz hez gud n shit.

Vine trn on nitro boosters b4 jeezus culd bansh him 2 hell n den won secunt race.

chapper 8 dis stoee getn gud naow lol

de racerz sho up at tird race locayshun n jeezus c nun lucy ovr owt her car by teh gaet. jeezus wok ovr n go 'lol bich wass wron?'

lucy sae 'jeezus, daniella lost. erry1 thnk dat Vine fukd her up n kiled her lol'

jeezus rply 'das horble. wat do u wsh 2 wnt 2 do bout it?'

lucy sae 'jeezus im helpin u win dis race no matr wat. mi sole blong 2 u lawd'

jeezus sae 'tanks nun bich'

chapper 9

teh racers git in2 dey carz n Vine poot hid fngr on nitro boost btton n laf. he thnks 'dis prze monne in teh bag naow'

jeezus lok ovr at onlee otha racr lef lucy n wink in flrty wae. lucy blshes n thnks 'iim taek jeezus 2 hai skool prom affer race'

deh racrs rev up enjn n spedd of on2 las cors uv fast n fros race

chapper 10 eksiting ending

jeezus n lucy driv vary fast n hav hfty leed ovr Vine deesal. Vine deesal get supr pised n posh nitro boost 2 arly n spedd up 2 dem. Vine pas jeezus by 2 mielz n lucy lok in2 jeezus eyes. lucy say unto jeezus 'ined 2 blo up mi car 2 sen u pas Vine deesal. it only wa win'

jeezus lok bak at dis sexi nun n saes 2 her 'tnk u nun. u r teh best!'

lucy had glimr in her i's frum al teh joi n den jeezus ramd his fukin car in2 her n she hit a wal n blew up n died. but teh ecksploshun sentd jeezus wae pas Vine deesal 2 win las race n teh cash prze.

Vine deesal cry in disponteyn n angwish frum luzin 2 jeezus chris. jeezus cum ovr 2 Vine wit big sak uv monne affer race dun.

Vine axe 'lol jeezus wut dis?'

jeezus hold bak sngle tere n sae 'its 4 ur blak bby'

Vine deesal hug jeezus n dey bcum bes frens

THE NED