Arthur woke up with a start, disorientated. he could see the outline of the trees above him, and figured he must be in the forest He tried to remember why he was lying in the forest in the middle of the night when the entire thing came back to him sharply. He noticed the sound of crackling and lowered his eyes towards the warm fire, glowing faintly against the crouching silhouette facing away from him. He recognised the figure immediately, and the name escaped his mouth before he knew it.
"Merlin."
The figure turned, and he relief washed over him as Merlins face faintly came into view in the light. He heard Merlin ask him how he was feeling, and that's when Arthur tried to move for the first time, yelling immediately as pain seared through his left side, causing tears to appear at the corner of his eyes. He was dimly aware of grabbing onto Merlin, grinding his teeth and willing the intense pain to subside. He fastened his grip on Merlins shoulder, feeling almost as if he would surely fall off the edge of the earth if he were to let go, and asked the first thing that came to his mind.
"Where have you been?" He tried to sound angry, yet it was hopeless. He was so relieved to see his manservant that it was all he could do to not sound so desperate.
"It doesn't matter now." Merlin muttered, and Arthur gasped as another stab of pain hit him agonisingly.
"My side," He told Merlin, shutting his eyes in pain. "My side!"
"You…are bleeding."
He could sense Merlin holding back, and dimly remembered Mordred running him through with his sword. That was a deadly blow. He was one of the most skilled knights there was, and he knew a lost cause when he saw one. Judging from the tone of Merlins voice, he knew that too. Arthur did the only thing he could to lighten the mood, and joked. "That's alright, I thought I was dying."
"I'm sorry," Merlin said, staring at him, and Arthur immediately went to shake his head. Typical Merlin, putting the blame onto himself, but faltered at Merlins next words. "I thought I defied the prophecy." Arthur turned to look at Merlin. "I thought I was in time."
Arthur rolled his eyes in a friendly way. Merlin must be loosing it. He wasn't making any sense, mumbling about prophecies. And he was meant to be the one who was ill! "What are you talking about?" Arthur said, suddenly aware that Merlin was gripping onto the hand he had on Merlins shoulder.
"I defeated the Saxons. The dragon." Arthur stared at Merlin, not understanding anything he was saying, but aware that his voice was wavering and he was on the brink of tears, and worry rushed over him for Merlin. "And yet I knew it was Mordred that I must stop." Merlin continued, looking into Arthurs eyes with guilt.
Arthur was starting to feel woozy, and registered it to the fact that he had lost a lot of blood. Yet he managed to smile, and patted Merlins shoulder reassuringly, wanting to stop him from feeling guilty over something that wasn't his fault. He forgave him for going away. It was ok. He was here now and that was all that mattered. "The person who defeated them was the Sorcerer." He said, content that that would make Merlin stop.
He could feel Merlin start to tremble under his fingers, and he watched as Merlins face scrunched up, tears welling up in his eyes, his lips trembling.
"It was me." He said, trying to unsuccessfully stop the sobs that were attempting to escape him. Arthur started to get confused. Looking at the first few tears that fell down his cheeks he could tell that Merlin was being serious. He didn't understand why Merlin was so insistent in saying that, but Arthur started to worry increasingly for him. Trying one last time, he said shaking his head "Don't be ridiculous Merlin.", and watched as Merlin continued to cry, looking at Arthur with regret and guilt, and Arthur felt the smile leave his face as he started to feel scared at Merlins words and actions. "It-It's stupid, what, why would you say that?" he managed, frowning, feeling his heart pounding stronger than ever against his chest. He didn't understand.
"I'm a-" Merlin looking down, trying to get words out and failing, and looked as if he was in physical pain. He could feel Merlins thumb slightly rub against his gloved thumb, and finally Merlin looked up and Arthur, choking the next words out.
"I'm a sorcerer. I have magic."
Arthur felt his eyes widen, and he stared at Merlin in numb, wishing he could unhear what he had just heard, because it didn't make sense, none of this made any sense.
"And I use it for you Arthur," Merlin said, slightly stronger. "Only for you." He nodded his head at him proudly.
Arthur started to feel angry, and removed his hand to under Merlins chin, and said adamantly "Merlin you are not a sorcerer, I would know." And he would. Merlin had been his friend for a decade now. They spent ever day together. There was no way he could keep something like that from him. They were friends. They were best friends.
Merlin seemed almost desperate now. "Look? Yeah?" He said, turning towards the small fire that was at the foot by where Arthur lay. Arthur reluctantly followed Merlins gaze across to the fire, a sense of dread hanging over him. He heard Merlin mumble something and in front of his eyes saw a dragon form out of the ashes, flapping it's wings a few times, before disappearing, and for a while he didn't know what he was feeling. He supposed it was shock. He could feel Merlins gaze on his face, waiting for a reaction, and he turned to look the other way, wanting to hid. He looked longingly into the dark forest wanting to run away, and not have to deal with what had just been thrust upon him. He didn't understand how this had happened. He never expected this in a million years. Merlin had magic. Even saying it in his mind caused him tightness in his chest, that was almost as painful and his wound on his side, and he realised he wasn't feeling scared or worried. He was feeling betrayed. Merlin might as well had stabbed him in the back and it wouldn't have changed the way he was feeling right now. He glanced back at Merlin desperately, searching one last time that this was all a joke, and saw nothing but worry. He felt his heart drop, and all he wanted was to be alone. For Merlin to be away from him.
"Leave me."
He could feel Merlin looking at him with sadness.
"Arthur-"
"No-just-you heard, Just-" and he attempted to move his body away from Merlin, trying to ignore how excruciating it was, his arm up to stop Merlin from trying to hold on to him again.
He watched Merlin get up and reluctantly leave, trying hard to stop the aching in his chest.
How could Merlin have kept this from him? Had their friendship been a lie? The thought of that was unbearable. He almost relied on Merlin being there beside him to function everyday. He tried to make sense of it all but the loss of blood, the pain, and the stress had left Arthur exhausted. His eyelids felt heavy, and he closed them.
—
He felt himself awaken to the wound of birds, and was glad that it was lighter and therefore warmer. He opened his eyes slightly, and saw Merlin sitting down a few meters away from him, his head and shoulder slumped down, and closed his eyes back again, not wanting a confrontation. He continued to replay the events of last night in his mind, and it was a while later when he could hear the rustling of someone else making their way to their area. He kept his eyes firmly shut as he heard Merlin greet Gaius. He felt slightly relived. Gaius would help him, he would know what to do. He listened to Merlin arguing with Gaius, until he was told to go water the horses. Arthur waited a second longer while Merlin made his way through the trees, and then peeked to make sure he was gone. He turned to Gaius and grabbed his leg.
"He's a sorcerer." He said, his eyes hard.
Gaius pursed his lips slightly, and stared at Arthur dejectedly, and Arthur let his arm slid down and he looked away, as another feeling of betrayal washed over him. "You knew." It wasn't a question.
"Arthur," Gaius started, leaning towards him. "He is you friend."
Arthur ignored him.
"I want him gone."
He almost didn't listen to what Gaius said next, continuing "Have him send word to Camelot, to Guinevere." and as he said that it dawned onto him how she must be feeling right now. She'd think he must be dead. She had to know immediately.
"We cannot send Merlin. I'll go."
"I need a physician right now, not a sorcerer." Arthur said, almost sarcastically.
"He can do far more than me, far more than you can ever imagine." Said Gaius, as Arthur looked out towards the trees that Merlin was behind. "Arthur, he doesn't just have magic." This made Arthur turn around to look at him, and he continued "There are some who say he is the greatest sorcerer ever to walk the Earth."
Arthur allowed that piece of information to sink in, and then looked at Gaius as if he was crazy. "Merlin?" He said, perplexed. That was crazy. Sorcerer or not, Merlin could not be who Gaius was talking about. He'd served as Arthurs manservant for ten years for goodness sake. He was the clumsiest, goofiest person Arthur new.
"If you stand of any chance of survival, you'll need Merlin to help you, not me."
Arthur couldn't imagine the way Gaius way describing him to him. It didn't sound like Merlin at all. But if what Gaius was saying was true then he was right. He knew he would die from his wound, there was no doubt about it. And hadn't he turned to magic before, in dire circumstances? What difference did this time make? He knew the answer to that. Merlin was the difference. He turned and looked back towards the trees where Merlin was again.
—
He made sure he was facing the other when when he heard Merlin approaching him, still not able to look him in the eyes. It just reminded him of his betrayal.
"Arthur?"
He turned his head slightly to the right, to show that he was listening, but continued to stare anywhere but at him.
"We need to leave at first light."
He didn't know whether it was because he was trying to show Merlin that he wasn't scared of him, or because he was trying to distance himself from Merlin even further by reminding him his authority over him, but Arthur responded back with a "I'll decide."
Merlin didn't say anything, and Arthur glanced up at him to see the effect his words had had on him. He was surprised to Merlins eyes were red from crying.
"I can't let you die." Merlin said finally, and Arthur turned back away.
"It doesn't change anything." He didn't only mean his condition, of course. He also meant the situation between them.
—-
It was when Merlin was helping him onto his horse when Arthur remembered something. Something important. He called out to Gaius, while reaching under his armour and shirt to grasp the string that was around his neck, pulling it over his head. He placed the object that was attached to the string into Gaius's palm.
"Give this to Guinevere."
Gaius looked startled. "It's the royal seal sire."
"If I am to die, I can think of no one who I would rather to succeed me." He meant every word. He didn't even have to question it. He trusted Gwen with all his heart, and knew she would be strong enough.
Gaius nodded, and then grasped Arthurs hand. The two men nodded at each other in understanding, and goodbye, Arthur etching Gaius's face to his memory one last time. He could faintly hear Gaius saying goodbye to Merlin. He slumped over his over slightly, not having enough energy to turn around, and waited for Merlin to come back and lead them away. He did try though. As they started heading off he glanced back, managing to catch a glimpse of Gaius before having to turn back again.
—
They'd be riding for two hours in silence, and it was becoming unbearable. Arthur yearned for it to be like it used to; Merlin cracking awful jokes trying to cheer him up while he teased him. He couldn't stand this new atmosphere. Yet he didn't know what to say. He didn't even know if he could say anything. Sometimes he'd forget, and it would come rushing back to him that Merlin had lied to him this whole time, and he would feel heavy with sadness again. It seemed he was destined to always be surrounded by people who would betray him. But he never once suspected Merlin. Not once. All those times anyone had ever accused him of anything, he had always stood by him, defended him. Defend poor, helpless Merlin. And it turns out he was all those things he'd been accused of, that he wasn't so helpless after all. Arthur meant what he had told Merlin back in Camelot; He had always thought of Merlin to be one of the bravest people who knew. And now it made sense.
"Saxons." Merlin said suddenly, startling Arthur out of his thoughts. He jumped off his horse and draped a cloak over Arthur. "I'll deal with them. Keep your head down. Don't speak." Arthur did as Merlin said, mostly because he didn't have any other choice while in the condition that he was, yet he wanted to reach out and pull Merlin back from the danger. Instinct.
He attempted to pull the cloak over him more effectively, while Merlin shouted out to the Saxons, waving as he did so.
"Please, you have to help us." Merlin pleaded as the Saxons got off their horses and made their way towards them. Arthur was amazed at how well he managed to lie. "We were ambushed."
"By whom?"
"These…two men."
"What did they look like?"
"Uh, one was, uh, one was a knight. They stormed our camp." Merlin told them, pointing out towards the woods, and Arthur noticed for the first time that there was smoke coming out from an area, and wondered dimly if Merlin had done that. He noticed Merlin had turned towards him while the Saxons looked out towards the smoke, and was attempting to hide his distinctive sword much more effectively.
"You sure it was a Camelot knight?" One of the Saxons asked Merlin.
"Yeah."
The same man who'd spoken stepped up towards Arthur, and he felt the cloak fly off him. What happened next happened so fast Arthur would have missed it had he not happened to have looked up a second before. Merlin put his hands out in front of him and the two Saxons were flung high into the sky, yelling as they did, and fell a good distance away from them with a loud thump. They didn't move, and Arthur stared at the scene, the possibility of Merlins power finally dawning onto him. "You've lied to me this whole time." He says, because he doesn't know what else to say, yet he feels like he has to comment on what he'd just witnessed. Merlin doesn't say anything, and just turns back to his horse, and they continue on in silence as they had before.
—-
It was nightfall and Arthur didn't like to admit it but he was glad. He felt weaker and weaker as time passed. His side was a constant ache with flashes of pain, and his head continued to throb against his skull. He was watching Merlin try to light a fire for a while now, and it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. Fire wasn't an easy thing to start up. But the longer he watched Merlin try, the more he grew confused; Since Merlin had revealed his magic he'd used it in front of him. So he didn't understand why he wasn't using it to start up the fire. He decided to speak out. He tried to tell himself it was because he was growing frustrated with Merlins attempts, but he knew it was because he needed to talk to Merlin again. And if he was honest, he had some questions.
"Why don't you use magic?"
Merlin paused.
"Habit…I supoose." He said, and turned to look at him. Arthur nodded his head, surprising not only Merlin but himself as he did so. He didn't know how to feel about this, but he was slightly curious to see magic used.
Merlin paused a second longer, then looked down, flames immediately springing to life and dancing teasingly. Merlin says the thing they're both thinking out loud.
"Feels strange."
"Yeah."
Merlin get up and walks away from Arthur, crouching by his bag and looking through it. Arthur could sense that he feels uncomfortable. But he can't stop.
"I thought I knew you." He wants Merlin to turn around and face him. And he does. He can't describe the emotion that crosses Merlins face. He soon replies.
"I'm still the same person."
And it sounds silly, but that sentence causes a warmth to wash over him. And he realises it's because he desperately needs that to be true, needed to hear that from Merlin. He tries again, trying to coax more out of Merlin.
"I trusted you."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too." Arthur says, without a delay, and he's not so sure exactly what he's apologising for, but he knows he means it. This seems to cheer Merlin up slightly, because he swiftly gets up and moves towards Arthur, bending down to take his boots off. This completely throws Arthur off balance. What is he doing?
"What are you doing?" He voices his thought out, frowning.
"They need drying." Merlin replies back, and without another word places them beside the fire and walks back to his previous seating spot. Arthur's still frowning long after he's sat down, and allows himself to wonder about Merlin, about why he would be helping him. He's a sorcerer, and if Gaius is right, a powerful one at that. So why is he currently sat here beside him caring for him. Why, if he had all that power, he spent his time instead serving Arthur as his servant. It made absolutely no sense to Arthur, and instead intensified his headache, and he drifted off to an uncomfortable sleep, with confusion racking his brains.
—-
It was quite early in the morning when Merlin woke him up by lightly saying his name a few times.
"I'm making you something to eat before we head off, you need to be at you full strength."
He went back to the fire and stirred the contents that the bowl held. Arthur couldn't see from where he was what Merlin was cooking, but he could smell it, and his stomach grumbled in hunger. The next few minutes were almost torture. Merlin finally finished and came over to Arthurs side with the bowl, and it was when Merlin gently held Arthurs head up towards the spoon Arthur remembered last night, and confusion racked over him again. "This'll be good for you." Merlin was saying, hovering the spoon near his tightly shut mouth. Arthur didn't budge, and Merlin continued. "You've got to eat."
"Why are you doing this?!"
Arthur hadn't meant it to sound so abrupt. He looked up at Merlin confused, and this time more softly, said
"Why are you still….behaving like a servant?" This question had been bugging him for hours. He stared at Merlin, waiting for an answer, while Merlin lowered the bowl in his hands and placed it on the ground next to him. When he looked back down at Arthur he had a determined look, his eyes gleaming with pride, and he said while looking straight into Arthurs eyes
"It's my destiny." He smiled slightly. "As it has been since the day we met."
It took Arthur a second to recall that day, and he could remember it as clearly as if it were just a day ago. He smiled as the memory played in his mind, and he looked up at Merlin.
"I tried to take your head off with a mace."
"And I stopped you. Using magic."
Arthur looked up at him accusingly.
"You cheated!"
"You were going to kill me." Merlin says, grinning and shaking his head.
"I should've."
Arthur regrets it the moment it slips out of his mouth. He still feels betrayed. They both hesitate, the mood ruined.
"I'm glad you didn't." Merlin finally says.
TO BE CONTINUED