"But. ..Why?"
by Ennon
Disclaimer- "Degrassi:The Next Generation" and all its characters are owned by Epitome Pictures and I'm making no profit whatsoever from this fanfic.
A/N- AU that explores what might have happened had Terri made a different choice with Rick and what possibly might have factored in drawing her to him.
Ms. Laura Kwan's Grade Ten class was in the gym and she was ready to mete her assignment to them.
"Rick, you stand behind Terri,"Ms. Kwan ordered.
Rick walked up behind his former girlfriend and stood behind her. Terri gulped, not wanting to disrupt things.
"Don't worry, Terri. I'm not going to let you fall," Rick proclaimed in that soothing voice Terri had heard too many times.
Terri gulped again.. .then took a breath while everyone looked at her. Paige, Spinner, Jimmy and Hazel looked at her with concern.
"I don't think he'd let her fall. Not here," Hazel whispered to Paige.
"Of course not. Too many witnesses," Paige sniffed.
"Terri. .we're waiting!" Ms. Kwan impatiently sighed.
"I'm sorry. I. ..can't!"Terri gulped.
"But this is a trust exercise," Ms. Kwan restated.
"Exactly . .and I can't trust him. ." Terri sighed.
"Terri, . .. Ms. Kwan sniffed.
Paige, Spinner , Jimmy and Hazel craned their necks back to see what was happening.
Terri saw her friends encouraging her then took a deep breath.
" Let someone else catch me then. ."Terri exclaimed.
Ms. Kwan looked at Terri but could see she wasn't backing down. Two seconds later.
"Mark could you get behind Terri. Rick, get behind Alex," Ms. Kwan said while the Rick and Alex made unpleasant but incoherent rumblings about being switched.
Later that day after the last class, Rick approached Terri as they were walking in the main hallway.
"Rick, you heard Terri! Go away and leave her alone!" Paige boiled.
"Please Terri! Give me a chance to apologize!"Rick begged.
"It's okay. I might as well give him a chance," Terri sighed.
"It's a trick!" Hazel pleaded.
"Please, Hazel, Paige! You've been great friends to me these past months. I need to do this alone," Terri pleaded.
"Okay, but we'll be waiting for you outside," Paige insisted as she and Hazel walked away.
"I won't be long," Terri called to her friends.
"Thank you so much for giving me this second chance . ." Rick beamed as soon as the others left.
"You said you wanted to apologize. I'd like to hear what you have to say before I make any decisions," Terri replied.
Unseen by either Terri or Rick, Paige and Hazel snuck behind one of the doors to listen to the conversation so they'd have firsthand knowledge of what went down- and could help Terri in case bad things went down.
" I feel terrible about the way I behaved and how I hurt you. It was deplorable and I want the chance to make it up to you. I'm sorry. I've missed you!" Rick exclaimed as he burst into tears.
" I accept your apology but we can't be friends or anything else anymore," Terri replied in a voice of stone.
"How could you be so heartless?! I apologized!" Rick bawled.
" I know, " Terri sighed.
"I've changed!" Rick pleaded.
"If you really have, then you can use the fact of losing me to teach you a lesson that some things can't be made right which is why you should never do this to anyone else again,"Terri roboticaly stated.
"But. .." Rick sobbed.
"We can never say one word to each other not required for our classes ever again. I meant what I said in that alley about you never touching me again the last time you hurt me! If you've really changed, use your loss as a lesson. If not, I don't want anything more to do with you. Goodbye, Rick," Terri stoically intoned as Rick ran off to the boys wash room to cry.
"That was so kewl, Terri!" Hazel exclaimed.
"High-five, Hun!" Paige exclaimed as she gave Terri a high-five.
" My brain tells me did the right thing but. .." Terri stated as she burst into tears.
"We'll take you shopping and. .." Hazel pleaded.
"Haze, I don't think that's going to do it. She's in serious meltdown," Paige sighed as she and Hazel hugged their sobbing friend.
"I. .haven't made an appointment," Terri gulped as she finished washing her face in the girls' washroom.
"Hun, trust me. Ms. Sauvé won't bite your head off," Paige encouraged.
At that moment, Ms. Laura Kwan passed them in the hallway.
"Come on. Let's get going!" Paige quietly pleaded.
"Give me a second to pull myself together,"Terri replied as she knocked on Ms. Sauv's door.
"I'll be right outside listening to my MP3 player while you two talk," Paige insisted as she gave Terri a sisterly hug before Terri went inside.
"Thanks, Paige! For everything," Terri exclaimed.
"Terri, won't you come inside? " Ms. Sauvé asked.
"But I don't have an appoi. ." Terri groaned.
"My time's your time,"Ms. Sauvé shrugged.
"So I told Rick I never wanted to talk to him again and that, even though he did apologize, we couldn't be friends ever again,"Terri bawled a few minutes later inside Ms. Sauv's office.
"And you feel you did the right thing?"Ms. Sauvé sympathetically asked( having heard Terri going into detail Rick's past abuse of her).
"My head says yes but my heart feels like I gouged it out and buried it under a landfill," Terri sobbed.
"But. . why?"Ms. Sauvé asked.
"Because I still love him. ..and I'm afraid I always will," Terri cried.
"But. .. why?" Ms. Sauvé asked.
"When he didn't abuse me, he treated me like a queen!" Terri sobbed.
"But don't you think he was just doing that so you'd let your guard down?"Ms. Sauvé asked.
"Yes, in my head I know this but I want to believe he loves me! " Terri bawled.
"Do you think it's possible for someone who really loves you to abuse you?"Ms. Sauvé asked.
"Yes, I do!""Terri sniffed between choking sobs.
"You do?!"Ms. Sauvé asked in astonishment.
"Yes, I do!" Terri cried.
"But. ..why. .?" Ms. Sauvé asked in puzzlement.
"Because the one I loved more than anyone else did!" Terri burst out in racking sobs.
"Mon Dieu! Who?" Ms. Sauvé asked.
A/N- Anyone want to make any guesses before the story continues?