Rocky Horizon
Challenge Number/Title: 1# Rocky Horizons
Date Posted: 13/1/13
Fandom: Twilight
Rating: T
Genre: AH, HEA
Content Descriptors: Romance, angst
Character Pairing: Edward and Bella
Beta: bexie25
Hi.
Goodbye.
They were the only two words we ever exchanged any more. There were no kisses, no random hugs, just curt nods that we gave to each other whenever one of us passed by the other. We had a routine, and it was one that never changed, never wavered in pattern.
We didn't have guests over because we didn't have time for them.
We never changed our habits because we didn't have the inclination to.
We ate dinner at work every night because there was no need to waste time coming home early and eating it there. There was no conventional gathering every night for us to talk about the troubles and pleasures of our day.
Even if there was, we still wouldn't talk.
I could just imagine the scene; two half-eaten boxes of Chinese sitting on the table, and the both of us bowed over our laptops, finishing work that we'd neglected to do at the office. I would imagine that one of us would walk away, eyes still glued to their laptop and then retreat to the couch, while the other escaped to our bedroom, their eyes also transfigured on their screen. The boxes of Chinese would be left abandoned, only to be tossed out in the morning because the both of us had completely forgotten about it and the only reason why we'd noticed it in the morning was because one of us had left an article of clothing draped over the chair.
At this rate you'd expect us to be roommates, cold roommates at that, but no, we were much more than that.
We were married.
And we had been married for ten long years.
People who didn't know us very well probably wondered how on earth we came to be, but the start of our relationship wasn't like it was now. It was as normal as anyone else's.
We were very young when we met; nineteen and naïve. Neither of us had proper jobs back then, having only just left school. I guess that's what crumbled our relationship – our passion for our line of work. Back then, Bella wanted to be a young adult writer, but that dream went down the drain when she realized how unpredictable the career was. Now she was an accountant, and made a lot of money for it, too.
I wanted to be a rock star – big surprise that that didn't work out. I was a doctor now, and the length of some of my shifts might be considered ridiculous to some people, but I loved it. I loved saving people's lives. It made me feel like I was achieving something major in the world. Five AM was the time I usually got up, and I generally arrived at work at seven. My shift usually ended at around ten, but only because I requested so many hours. When I go home, I do some filing work and then go to bed. On a Sunday I get home at four, a favour that the boss requests of me so he doesn't feel too guilty of making me work too many hours despite my willingness to do it, and repeat the process all over again.
Bella and I sleep in the same bed, but the distance couldn't be further away.
Like I said, our relationship didn't used to be like this. Hell, people looked up to us as being the perfect couple back then because of how cute we were. I used to kiss her all the time just for the hell of it, no matter where we were, or who was with us. We used to do everything together, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Including most things that men would back away from. Hell I used to keep tampons in my house in case her monthly cycle came when she was over there. But I did it because I loved her. She used to be my everything… until I got promoted and gained more shifts. Then work became my everything, and her job became hers.
At first we would spare a little time for each other – during the night, doing things that went way above a PG13 level. But as time went on, our little displays of affection grew more and more rare and we spoke to each other less every day, until it was only those two words.
Hi.
Goodbye.
I wasn't going to lie; I did miss her a little. I missed the times we used to have together and being able to kiss her at random. I missed her giggles and her crazy sense of humour.
But work was more important.
I had no time for her anymore.
Without our jobs we would have nothing. No nice big TV.
Not that we never watched it, but it was a nice prop.
No nice cutlery.
No spacious house.
No fancy computer.
No expensive paintings.
No lavish Aston Martin Vanquish V12 and Ferrari SS.
We wouldn't have any of those if we lost our jobs.
And besides, I loved my mine regardless.
It was better than wasting time, up-keeping a relationship with someone.
As per usual, I was greeted with absolute silence as I entered our house and claimed my usual spot on the sofa. It was Sunday, hence why I was home at four o'clock. Leaning my head against the armrest, I pulled out my laptop and loaded up a document I had been asked to look at for work. I scanned the words intently, and then began to take them in as I should, once I'd gotten the gist of it. My night was going pretty well until a heard a strange noise.
It was a quiet cough, originating from the doorway. In my shock, I fumbled with the laptop in my hands and almost dropped it – thankfully, I had it safe grip of it before it could hit the floor.
I glanced at the door to make sure that it was who I thought it was.
Yes, I was right.
It was Bella, my wife.
This was different. Why was she here? She never bothered to go into our living room any more. Something must have happened. I was instantly on red alert – despite our severed relationship, I still cared for her, still felt an urge to protect her. I wondered if she knew that. Probably not, I was the shittiest husband in the history of the world. Then again, she didn't exactly win an award for best wife either.
I looked her up and down, and felt my mouth go slack. I hadn't looked at her properly in ages. I couldn't even remember when the last time was that I had. In my memory she was definitely not this attractive. When I looked at her, I mean, really looked at her, I felt stupid for ever thinking of her as anything but attractive.
Her mahogany locks tumbled down past her shoulders, still vibrant and alive with a slight curl at the tips. Her lips were fuller than I recalled, and her brown eyes were startling in their intensity, but there was something different about them.
It took me a minute to realize, but when I did, I knew it wasn't their physical appearance. It was the lack of emotion there. Bags had also taken refuge under her eyes.
Last time I'd properly looked at her, her eyes had been sparkling, bright with joy and hope that was no longer relevant.
Last time she was definitely not this tired.
Last time she was definitely not this sad.
Seeing her look so defeated was like watching a lion, cower under the face of a whip. Bella was one of the strongest people I knew, or used to know, and to see her like this was maddening.
Suddenly I wondered what I looked like.
I hadn't looked at my own reflection adequately in months.
The medical career path didn't require stellar looks.
Then again, Bella used to say constantly that I did have them… this was before our relationship turned to dust of course.
Another cough brought me to the present, and I fixed my questioning eyes on hers, trying to decode the meaning there, what her purpose was here.
"Alice is coming over in an hour," she whispered, flinching when I hissed in surprise.
"Alice? As in your sister Alice?" I asked her angrily.
Boy it felt weird to be talking to her again, and in the tone I was using, even more so.
I even felt kind of self-conscious.
"Yeah, I know it's been years but she's decided to visit us in the USA again…" She sighed. "She insisted on visiting today. She sent me about a million texts during work and I had no choice but to invite her. I just thought I'd let you know."
Her face blushed crimson and then she turned around without warning, leaving the room before I could even let loose one of the many expletives that were at the periphery of my mind.
Well that was quick.
Better than two words I guess.
Then I thought of what she'd said, and groaned.
Alice, fucking meddling, Alice Swan!
I hadn't seen her since Bella and I got married, but she was one the most involved, in your face type of person that I knew. She always found a way to worm into your business and it would be beyond horrible to have her see what had happened between Bella and I, yet she was arriving in an hour.
An hour…oh shit.
I clicked the little X in the corner of the screen and then clicked hibernate on the computer, placing it down so it rested on the carpet. I then began to pace back and forth, pulling at my hair. This was my method of dealing with stress.
Not the best, I know.
Only one word resounded in my brain, played repeatedly until it felt like I was recalling the lyrics of a stupid youtube song.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"It's great to see you again," Bella gushed the second Alice walked through the front door, hugging her tightly. I sat on my favourite sofa, pretending to watch the mindless garbage on TV when I was really watching them from the corner of my eye.
For some reason Bella's words seemed forced, as if she were reading off a script.
But what would I know? I'd been ignoring her for three years.
"You look gorgeous, Bellsy." Alice squealed.
I repressed the urge to roll my eyes and cover my ears.
Her voice was as high pitched and annoying as I remembered.
The only thing that looked different about her was the length of her hair.
A pixie cut, really?
Long hair suited her better.
Her skin was still deathly pale, she was still shorter than should be possible without having dwarf syndrome, her hair was still inky black, and her eyes were still a bright blue – obviously.
She was the total opposite of Bella, which was a very good thing.
Not that it mattered. It didn't change anything.
"Edward, isn't it? Is that an Armani jacket? You have great style dude. Better than you did before anyway." Alice ran over to me, her arms flailing in the air like a maniac as she flounced over to me like a princess.
And you wonder why I don't like her.
Yeah, I was wearing a stylish jacket, big deal. No need to throw a big celebration.
I simply nodded her.
"Ooh what's on TV? What's happening?" she asked eagerly, sitting two spots away from me like she owned the damn sofa.
Two words: My sofa.
I threw her a look of disdain, which she ignored. She patted on the seat in between her and me and urged Bella to sit there.
Not knowing quite what else to do, Bella walked over to us hesitantly and sat in between us, careful not to sit too close to me. I noticed how her knees were angled towards Alice's, and frowned.
I didn't have the damn black plague. She could at least attempt to act under the pretence that we were a happily married couple.
Then again, I wasn't doing a brilliant job either.
Alice chattered on aimlessly to Bella about some shit that I didn't even bother to follow, when suddenly she spoke an observation aloud that made my body freeze in panic.
"Why are you guys so far away? Go cuddle with your hubby Bella. I know you want to." She chuckled, shoving Bella so she fell awkwardly into my side. Ill at ease, I pushed her gently off me so she became upright and was a comfortable distance away from me. Bella crossed her arms across her chest and shifted closer to Alice.
Alice's eyes widened with shock and then brightened with understanding.
"You two had a fight didn't you? And I can tell that this has been one hell of a fight," she said seriously, looking at the both of us sternly, as if we were children who had just been caught stealing chocolate from their parents fridge.
I scowled.
"Time for…couple therapy!"
"Alice, no," Bella begged. I could hear actual desperation blatant in her tone.
I simply glared at Alice, for once agreeing with Bella.
"I don't care what you two say to me. It worked for Garrett and Kate; it will definitely work for you two. Lucky I brought it with me."
"It?" I hissed at the same time that Bella exclaimed, "What?"
Alice stuck her hand in her bag and began rummaging through it for something. When I saw what she pulled out, I wasn't the only one who was groaning.
"If you two see how happy Jasper and I were up England then maybe you'll reconsider your own relationship status," she said smugly as if what she was planning to do was the greatest of all ideas.
I doubted a DVD of her and her 'perfect' husband Jasper, would help Bella and I.
Hell, what was I saying? We didn't need help! We were fine as we were. Our relationship was fine. I didn't need a companion. She was just there because she was. She helped pay the bills, right? I felt like such a sleaze for saying the last one but it was true.
"Alice, we're fine," Bella assured her hastily.
"Suck it up, we're watching it."
The selfish, self-centred bitch! I didn't want to look at her shit photos when I could be reading the rest of the document that my boss asked to read. What a waste of time!
She jumped to her feet and put her disk in the DVD player, tapping her foot against the floor as she did so as if the concept of being motionless was foreign to her.
The DVD played immediately, and judging from the first picture, we were going to be here a while.
It was of Alice and Jasper grinding against each other in a nightclub.
"That night was so fun, and the drinks there were so cheap and nice. Oh and Jasper and I met Peter and Charlotte there. Oh they're like the coolest people ever, you have to…"
I tried to block her voice out and failed.
This was going to be a long night.
The only time throughout the whole slideshow that I ever actually listened to what either Alice or Bella was saying – three hours later – was when Alice announced that the picture on the TV was the last one. It was of Alice and Jasper sitting at the top of what looked to be a mountain, their heads touching as they smiled at the camera. They were wearing rock climbing gear so I guessed that they'd actually gotten off their asses and climbed up there.
Kudos to them.
I wasn't sure whom Bella was speaking to when she began talking, but the longing in her voice stopped me from drifting off into my thoughts again and I actually listened to what she was saying.
"One day, I want to climb a mountain like that and stare at the horizon without any worries or issues from work. I want to stare at the horizon and be content with what I have and have no reason to back down from that mountain. I want to have nothing that is tying me to the earth at that minute. I want that horizon to mean a new beginning. I want to watch it with someone I love and know that that person is everything to me, that that person took the journey with me. One day I will do that."
"Great idea! That mountain was so fun to climb. You should totally do that," Alice encouraged.
Her only reply was "mhmm."
"And that's the end," Alice said, disappointment clear in her voice as the screen turned to black. She kneeled down and retrieved the disk from the DVD player.
"I'm going to bed now," I muttered, nodding at the both of them curtly.
Alice frowned. "But it's only seven."
Was she really that blind that she didn't know how much I detested her? I'd have to get it tattooed across my face for her to get the message, it seemed.
"Not to sleep."
And then I grabbed my laptop and walked out of the room.
Thankfully, Alice didn't drop by again. She had many other people to visit – or maybe she finally noticed my hostility towards her.
Maybe she wasn't that thick after all.
Or maybe it took her darling husband to make her realize.
Wouldn't surprise me.
Following the next day, my life went back to its normal monotonous state. Bella and I still said hi and goodbye in the morning, although it was kind of awkward saying it now after last night.
February passed us in a blur.
Then March.
And then April.
Work was very much the same, although I had being given even less hours due to the growing number of staff there. Stupid pricks!
Something happened though, on the twenty-first of that month, something that couldn't be reversed, that shocked me to my core, and left me frozen, unable to comprehend what had just happened.
Much like the afternoon where Alice had visited, Bella made a rare appearance in the living room, hovering hesitantly by the door, biting her lip nervously and wringing her hands out uncharacteristically.
If I'd thought that the night I was forced to spend with Alice was bad, then what was about to happen was a fucking nightmare. And it only took five little words to shatter everything.
And when I say everything, I mean everything.
Including the things I didn't think I needed but actually needed more than anything else.
Those especially.
"Edward, I want a divorce."
The length of a few heartbeats passed; an inhale and an exhale and then...
"What?"
Her eyes swept to the floor and stayed there as she spoke, as if she were afraid to catch even a glimpse of my reaction. "This shouldn't surprise you. I'm surprised you even know that we're married."
"What?" I said again, stunned.
"Well, all you do all day is sit there, and then go to work and then come back here. You never talk to me anymore, you never offer to spend time with me, never ask me how my day went. It's like living with a robot. You do what you're programmed to do and nothing else. I can't take it anymore."
"Bella, you don't need to do this," I told her softly, fearfully.
"Yes I do. I'm wasting my time here. It's not like you'll miss me anyway, I'm just a decoration to you, another source of income. You used to love me… but that's gone now, I know. Anyone can see that. I'm nothing to you anymore."
"That's not true. Please don't do this. Please!" I pleaded. I had no idea why I was begging. What difference did it make if she left. She was right; we didn't have anything anymore. Yet something inside of me was screaming at me to stop her from leaving, something inside of me yearned to grab her hand, capture her around her waist and never let her go. I knew to trust my instincts, even if they didn't make sense.
"Where is this coming from? This has been going on for three years."
"Three years. I can't believe I wasted three years believing that maybe one day you'd stop thinking about work and start caring about me."
That one really hit a nerve. "You're one to talk, Mrs. I-never-stop-working!"
"The only reason I got so involved with my work was because I had nothing else anymore. Because you didn't love me, because you broke my heart and I needed something to focus on to get over that until you got your act together and tried to solve this. But you never did, and I'm fed up with it."
There was something that she wasn't saying. Something that I knew would hurt more than all of the wounds that she'd already inflicted combined.
The second I realized what it was, the second I wanted to banish the disturbing thought away to where it could never return.
She wouldn't. She couldn't!
She was mine.
No!
"There's someone else, isn't there?" I snarled.
"Yes." Her answer had the same effect as a slap in the face would.
"Who?" My voice had lowered in volume, and even I could hear the defeat in it.
"His name is Jacob. I met him at work. I want to take a chance with him because he seems like a decent guy. He actually cares about me."
No. NO!
I sunk to my knees, unable to comprehend what she'd just told me.
"Please," I whispered, unsure even myself of what I was asking for anymore.
"Why do you care now of all times?" she asked, her voice as sharp as the crack of a whip. "You didn't give a shit about me before, why now?"
Tears trembled in her voice, and I didn't dare look into her eyes, for fear of what I might find there.
"Just don't go."
I closed my eyes, unable to take it anymore.
"I'm going to move out either way, and I can't get the divorce papers for a while, but until then I need your approval."
Her voice had taken on a soft edge as if speaking in such a tone would make me comply. My eyes snapped open and anger flared up inside of me unexpectedly – from all different causes.
Because of Bella; because of what she was about to do, and from what she'd already said.
From the thought of this Jacob guy, from the fact that Bella had another man in her life. I hadn't even met him, yet I wanted to punch his face in.
From my own pitiful grovelling, how disgusted I was with myself at how low I'd sunk.
And from the thought of being completely alone.
The words I yelled didn't seem of my own accord, but I couldn't take them back even if I wanted to. "Fine, go. Move out. Go move in with Jacob. According to you, I don't give a shit about you. So yes, leave. Now!"
She didn't say anything in reply, just departed the room as quickly as she could and left a bitter taste in the air.
My anger spiked to its absolute maximum at seeing her leave. I swear I could see red. I walked over to one of the wooden cupboards in the room, fists clenched almost to the point of pain.
And then I began to punch the shit out of it.
Fine, she could fucking leave! I could manage perfectly well without her. I always had. I didn't need her. She was right; I didn't love her any more. If I did, then I would've put up more of a fight, right? Either way it was probably a blessing rather than a curse that she was fucking gone.
Day one:
Nothing has changed…nothing has changed. It's not like I ever spoke to her anyway.
Day two:
Is it possible that the house has grown even more silent?
Day three:
Why the fuck does the chair feel so bare? Oh right. Cause there's not a fucking cardigan draped over it. I do not miss her. I do not miss her.
Day four:
What's with this constant clogging in my throat? I'm not sick but I'm not well either. It's not her…it's not her.
Day five:
I fucking miss those two words.
Even my work performance was off. My job didn't appeal to me like it usually did. All of my patients pissed me off, even the ones that weren't doing it on purpose. Hell, everything seemed to piss me off lately.
Even my boss Carlisle noticed something was up. He summoned me to his office during one of our busiest hours in the day. Carlisle wasn't one to avoid being blunt. He always got straight to the point no matter the situation. I used to admire that about him, but now – like everything else – it pissed me off.
"Cullen, is everything all right? You're not… well, you haven't been yourself lately.
His hazel eyes portrayed his obvious concern and I sighed.
"I'm fine."
"Bullshit."
My jaw dropped. Wasn't there some sort of protocol he was supposed to follow? I thought bosses were the epitome of professional?
"Everything's fine," I insisted.
"Don't lie to me, Cullen."
"Really, it's fine."
"I'm well aware that you're not the happiest person around. No offense."
"None taken," I muttered.
"But this week you've been more than unhappy… you've been… depressed. Is there something you need to let me know? I can let you take some time off if that's what you need."
"I'm fine, I can work."
"You know what," he said after a minute of thoughtful silence. "I'm going to make you take a week off work."
"That's very kind of you, but it's unnecessary."
"No, I'm demanding for you to take it."
"And if I don't want to?" I said dryly.
"Then I'll fire you, simple as that?"
I gasped. "You can't be serious."
"Try me."
His face was hard set and the determination there was impossible to match.
I wasn't going to get anywhere with this.
"Fine, I'll take a week off."
"Good, starting now. Go relax at home, and I'll see you in a week."
"Thanks Carlisle," I told him out of courtesy. I suppose someone else would've been jumping for joy at his offer, but my job was my life.
And I'd lost my wife over it.
So I guess work was my wife and family now too.
For the first time in years, I didn't unpack my laptop from my briefcase and lean against the couch the second I got home. No, I went to my bedroom, threw my briefcase against the bed and went rummaging through the bottom of my closet for a certain object, one I hadn't thought about since I'd first been given it.
Something Carlisle had said bothered me; had latched itself onto my mind on the drive home.
There was something I needed to see.
Aha! My hands grasped the edges of the familiar DVD case with fervour as I raised it out of the pile of shit it was under. I was almost afraid to open it in case there was no disc inside. At first I thought Bella had taken it, and I couldn't deny that there was a small part inside of me that was hoping she had.
Wanting to get my plan over and done with, I opened the disk case, sighed with relief when I saw that the DVD was in there, and then put it on, drumming my fingers nervously against the bed post while it loaded.
My heart thudded almost painfully as I looked at the first picture that had appeared on the screen.
It was of Bella and me.
Together.
I had my arms wrapped around her waist and she was giggling into my chest, only barely facing the camera, with only half of her face visible. She was wearing the customary white veil and dress, and I the conventional black suit. I was smiling like I'd just won the lottery.
This was our wedding DVD.
Looking at this DVD probably meant I was a masochist, or at least crazy. But I needed to see the difference between the both of us then and the both of us now. I grabbed the remote and hit pause, staring at both our faces for an immeasurable period of time. Yes, Bella was beautiful, angelic almost. But that wasn't what caused me to be so transfigured.
It was me.
How happy I was.
How carefree I was.
How in love I was.
It was present in Bella's face too, but mine was more of a shock because I didn't remember ever looking like that. Hell I didn't ever remember feeling like that, ever being that happy.
The next was the same.
Except in this one the both of us were laughing.
I wanted that.
I wanted us.
I hadn't realized how much I missed the old me.
The old us.
Without even thinking the idea through or of what the repercussions might be concerning my mental health, I ran like a child to the bathroom, and skidded to a stop behind the sink cabinet. I leant my palms against it and bowed my head for a minute before finally looking up and staring at the mirror above it – at my reflection. I watched my mouth widen in horror as I took in my appearance.
My pallor was so noticeable that I could be labelled as a vampire; my cheeks were gaunt, my bronze hair was in desperate need of a trimming, my lips were dry and scabbed and my eyes – hell, my eyes – were empty, void of any emotion, with insanely dark shadows underneath. Yes, my eyes were still green, but a dull green, a flat green.
It was such a ghastly, such a gruesome contrast to myself in my wedding video that we almost looked like two different people.
Yes, there were still traces of the boy who wanted to be a rock star, but they were very faint and almost completely overshadowed by the sickness that had taken over my features.
I knew that my appearance wasn't a product of simply the last five days. I had been like this for years, ever since I took that stupid job. It was the first time I had titled my job us such and I meant the insult more than I had ever meant it when I said that I had loved it.
It had cost me everything.
It had cost me Bella.
Bella!
With startling clarity, my mind began flipping through a dozen different memories of us together, of us when we were alive.
The first time we met. `
I bent over on the gritty sidewalk and took a few necessary breaths. I'd just run about two kilometres – this was what I had to suffer to maintain the six-pack I was so proud of – and was completely out of breath. My legs hurt like a bitch too. Running through the street was better than a gym though because there were more things to look at, and I had more motivation. Although I felt like collapsing onto the floor, and just lying there for a good ten minutes, I straightened myself up and was preparing myself to start running again when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a pretty girl about my age – eighteen – huffing and puffing and holding out a familiar object that almost caused me to have a heart attack when I saw it clenched in her hand.
"I'm sorry, but you dropped this, and I thought you might need it, I don't know what's in there; I didn't look. Resisting the urge to snatch the personal item from her hands, I took in from her at an appropriate speed and thanked her profusely.
Once I had the little black book in my hand, I shoved it in my pocket straight away and stared up at the girl, looking at her properly for the first time.
I was mind-blown.
She wasn't pretty.
She was fucking beautiful.
Big brown eyes that looked away from mine nervously, full lips that were demanding to be kissed, cheeks that were pink tinged and alive…
I felt myself leaning forward and then quickly straightened myself when I realized what I was doing. Before I could even think to stop myself, I blurted out,
"What's your name?"
"Oh…um, I'm Bella."
Her shyness was so endearing.
"And you?" she asked after a minute when I didn't say anything else.
"Edward. Nice to meet you," I smiled.
It was from that day forward that I never felt the urge to look at another woman again. Bella was it for me. I could tell.
There would be no one else.
The first time we kissed, two months later.
I was over at her house, sitting comfortably in one of her arm-chairs, and waiting for her to return from feeding her birds when I heard a frightened shriek from the backyard. Knowing her voice well enough by now, I jumped to my feet and ran to the source of the noise, scared of what I'd find there.
When I got there, I wasn't quite what to do. Bella was kneeling at the floor of her parents Avery, tears glistening in her eyes. I noticed immediately what she was upset about. The door to the Avery was wide open, and no birds resided in the cage.
"My parents are going to kill me… and what about those poor birds! They're going to die out there! I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead!"
I walked over to her, took her face in my hands and did something that could've ruined everything if I wasn't so lucky.
I kissed her.
She shut up immediately, her mouth freezing in surprise. But it didn't take long before she got over that shock and responded with fervour, kissing me back eagerly.
Yes, I'd kissed girls before but there was something different here…something more.
Yes, our kiss was like any other kiss but ours… it was better.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and her hands reached up to curl around my neck.
The kiss was longer than a customary first kiss should be, but neither of us minded because it was perfect.
The day I took her ice-skating and had to keep catching her because her clumsiness kept coming into play – I remember continuing to hold onto her even when we were on safe ground just because I couldn't find it in me to let her go. She felt so right in my arms.
The day we went to visit my parents in my hospital shortly before they died of swine flu. She never let go of my hand once, sensing how much I needed both her physical and emotional support. I think I fell in love with her that day.
The day she had a cold, and I stayed by her side all day so she wouldn't get lonely – not even caring when I myself got sick in the process.
The time when we spent the entire night texting each other about things that didn't even matter even though we were due to see each other the next day.
The afternoon when we had a Star Wars marathon and I burnt the popcorn in the microwave, so we just had to eat the charred remains as we cuddled on the sofa.
The day when I told her I loved her.
The night when I proposed to her…
She used to love code crackers, so I generated one online and gave it to her with the words 'Will you be my wife' as the answer. I could tell when she'd solved it, because her eyes lit up and a grin bigger than the size of this planet graced her face, and she catapulted herself into my arms, kissing my face everywhere she could, whispering 'yes, of course.'
Our wedding day; the best day of my life...
Our wedding was very small, just us. Her parents didn't like me very much, and even back then, I didn't like Alice at all, so we decided to get married in a court house with vows of our own. Not very romantic, I know, but I made sure that the part afterwards was. Flowers, champagne, dimmed lights, scented candles…Bella was very impressed, but her shock turned into desire very quickly and we didn't emerge from the hotel room until nine AM the next morning.
Our honeymoon...
We spent our honeymoon in Fiji, both wanting to visit a tropical destination that was overseas. We spent a substantial amount of time in the cabin that we'd hired, maybe even more so than on the exquisite beaches. But neither of us cared. We had more fun then we'd ever had before on that small island.
Either way, we had one of the best two weeks in our lives.
Then came the real world.
Yes, we had fights but they were solved in a day.
Yes, there were horrible times; times when we were both sure that nothing would be okay ever again. The most horrible of those times was when Bella fell pregnant but we had a miscarriage with four months to go until the baby due.
It took us months to recover from that.
But the good times always outweighed the bad, and nothing meant more to me then her love.
Back then.
What changed?
I knew it was my job. I'd blamed it many times, but now that I thought about it, was my job really worth it?
Was it worth losing the most important things in my life? Losing the things that weren't material, things that were irreplaceable?
Yes, without my job, the objects I had today wouldn't be mine, but did I really want them? Did I really need them?
I knew the answer immediately.
No, I wanted Bella.
I needed Bella.
Bella meant happiness, Bella was light, Bella was love!
Our wedding video was a wake-up call. Bella was right! I had been ignoring her.
It was my fault that our marriage failed.
It was my fault that the both of us were miserable.
It was my fault that the joyous people we used to be no longer existed.
I had done this.
Me.
And I needed to fix it now.
I needed to apologise to Bella, make her understand the epiphany I had had.
But first there was something else I needed to do first.
I couldn't ask for her to take me back if I hadn't done this first.
What I was thinking of was something positively crazy, something only a complete idiot would even think to do.
Well yes, I'd already proved that I was a fucking idiot.
But I knew that if I was going to turn my life around and get Bella back then this is what I'd have to do first.
And I'd never been so sure of anything in my life.
I knocked on the familiar wooden door of one of the many rooms in Virginia Mason Hospital, accidently rattling the sign that read 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen,' in my haste.
The man in question appeared on the other side of the door, and his lips turned down into a frown. "I thought I told you to…"
I cut him off. "I quit."
The words were so liberating, so right.
He merely nodded. "All right."
"All right? That's all you say?" I demanded.
He smiled grimly. "I can see what this place is doing to you and we have more than enough staff here. It's been a pleasure working with you, but I can't say that I'm sorry that you're leaving. It is very difficult to watch a man grow progressively weaker every day and to not be able to do anything about it. I've said enough… go now and do something that you love. The medical profession is not for everybody."
"There's nothing I need to sign?" I asked disbelievingly.
"I'll handle that."
"Thank you," I told him with utmost respect. "I wish you all the best."
"And even more so for you," he replied sincerely.
I walked out of my boss' door on a high. This was only the beginning of my journey back to life and I'd already taken the first few steps without faltering.
A few minutes after I had stepped out of the building and was sitting in my parked car, I retrieved my phone out of my pocket and dialled the one number that I hadn't dialled in forever, but still remembered like one would remember riding a bike. After about thirty seconds of pressing the phone intently to my ear, the voice I was hoping to hear spoke, but she didn't say the words I was hoping for.
'Guess you'll have to leave a message, because I'm not here right now.'
Dammit!
Either she didn't have her phone on her or she was ignoring me.
It was probably the latter.
I couldn't say I didn't deserve it.
There was only one other thing I could do, it seemed.
She couldn't ignore me any longer if I did what I was thinking of doing.
I got in my Aston Martin Vanquish and drove in a direction that was almost as familiar to me as her phone number was. Her parents' house wasn't far from where I lived, so thankfully, I didn't have any time to pussy out on the way there.
I didn't even give myself any time to think of what I was going to say as I threw the car door open and walked across the path to her house. What I saw on the front porch of her house, however, made me freeze in my tracks.
Bella had her arms wrapped tightly around the waist of a tall, dark skinned guy with cropped black hair. He wore a business suit, and had his lips pressed to Bella's forehead with the intensity a lover would. His hands rested possessively on her hips and I felt unrelenting fury rise up inside of me at the sight. I knew immediately that this was Jacob.
And I already hated his fucking guts.
How dare he put his hands on my wife!
I was going to kill him!
My hands clenched into unyielding fists and I took a few steps forward, ignoring the emotional pain pulsating within me at the utter blasphemy standing in front of me.
The guy – Jacob – noticed me before Bella did, and his eyes narrowed with obvious contempt.
I was sure mine were doubly more fired up than his.
"Jake what's…" she trailed off when she saw me standing there.
"Excuse me," she said to Jacob, teeth gritted. "Could you please wait for me inside while I talk to him?"
Oh, so I was him now.
How the hell was I going to get her back now?
"Why are you here?" she hissed once Jacob had gone back inside the house and shut the door behind him. "I told you that I don't want to see you any more until the divorce papers are ready to be signed."
"I don't want a fucking divorce. I want you."
"You had three years to salvage our relationship. It's too late now. I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you over things that will never change."
Then, in a typical Bella fashion, she twisted around and went back into the house before I could even think to tell her about my epiphany.
This complicated things.
I was going to need a pretty big ass plan if I was going to prove to her how much she meant to me, how much I had changed, how much I still wanted to change.
I had no plan B; that was the problem.
So when I got home, I did what I did best.
I paced.
Think creative. Think big. Think extravagant. Think crazy. Think… what would impress Bella?
Think. Think. Think!
My pacing still hadn't ceased after an hour of continually doing so, and I hadn't even tired due to my thought process.
Even when my pacing ceased due to the late hour and lack of energy, I spent about three hours tossing and turning in bed, trying to think of something that would make her see how much I needed her.
Think. Think. Think!
But I succumbed to sleep anyway, still no appropriate ideas having come to mind.
My dreams were strange, nightmarish, and involved Alice.
The stupid bitch was haunting me in my dreams too, wailing about how her relationship slideshow had failed and had only driven us further apart.
When I awoke, I was eager to shake off the dream quickly. Why did I have a dream about Alice's fucking slideshow? It was painful enough to witness the first time, let alone see some of the images again in my dreams. Even Bella seemed bored of them at the time. The only one that grabbed her interest was the one of the mountain…the one of the mountain…
I sat up in bed, my eyes wide, my heart pounding.
Could I?
Was it possible?
Would this make her realize?
Would this work?
It was crazy, but I sure as hell was going to try.
One Google search and a trip to Newtons Outfitters later, I was staring up at the high summit of Ruen Mountain.
I was going to climb that motherfucker, whether I came out alive or not.
This was the key to getting Bella back.
I wasn't going to let fear overrule me.
Not now.
Adrenaline spiked through me as I began to set up the appropriate safety gear and prepared myself for my climb.
I wore a small backpack, with some food, water and a sleeping bag inside it. This would come in use later. My phone rested in my pocket, under the many layers of clothes I was wearing – it got very cold up there - and I hoped on my life it wouldn't fall, otherwise all of my plans would be ruined.
I was so damn thankful that I'd climbed a mountain before – back in year eleven they had a rock climbing camp and I, being very adventurous back then, decided I'd go on it – although the one that I'd climbed then wasn't this big, and I'd had a guide.
I just had to trust my instincts now.
There was only one more thing to do and that was to check that I'd set up everything correctly. Then I needed to do it again, and again.
As long as it guaranteed my safety, I didn't really care how long it took.
Ten minutes later and I was ready to begin my climb. I placed both of my hands against the rock of the mountain and took a deep breath.
Time to begin the most physical and symbolic journey of my life.
Harsh wind whipped at my face, and I nearly lost my balance for the fiftieth time. My hands – though thick gloves made for this shit, covered them – ached and so did my legs and neck. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't! I needed to keep going. I needed to get Bella back. Bella! My Bella!
Her name was the only thing that kept me going.
The summit seemed incredibly far away, but my goal seemed so much closer.
Bella, I love you. Bella, I'm so sorry.
The higher up I got, the harder it was to navigate my hands and feet and the colder it got.
But I persevered… for her.
Clouds came and went, the sky proving that time was moving faster than I wanted it to. I wanted to be up there by nightfall, but it looked like the sun was setting.
I needed to do this before it was too late; before I lost her completely.
Up, up. The only way was up. The only way to her was up.
Did my fingers deceive me or were they at the top of something? I looked up, and saw that yes, I was at the summit. I had made it! There were only a few steps to go. I heaved myself up onto the mountaintop and collapsed there, amongst the rocky terrain. My whole body ached and my tongue begged for hydration, so I slid my backpack off my back and grabbed the bottle of water that I had stored there, greedily savouring every last drop of the sip that I allowed myself to take. Before I knew it, I was closing my eyes, and had fallen asleep.
My eyes slowly fluttered open, and I groaned – both at the cold and at the pain my body bore.
What? Where am I? Oh shit!
I jumped up immediately, wincing at the way my muscles protested.
Bella, I was here for Bella.
The sky told me that it was the beginning of night – maybe seven PM.
Yes, there was still time to do what I needed to do.
Fiddling under my coats for my iPhone, I grabbed at it and held it up to the sky as if in an offering.
Holy fuck.
The website I'd checked was right.
There was reception up here!
My plan might just work!
Now it was up to Bella to decide our fates.
I clicked it on, put in my password and went to make a video message. Angling it so you could see me as well as the rocky terrain around me, I pressed begin and began to speak.
This was for her. This message was to her. I just hoped she'd listen.
"Bella, there are so many things that I need to say, but I need you keep watching, all of it, please. That's all I ask of you. Okay, well if you're still here then I want you to know something. Your leaving – as well as a few other occurrences – were a big wake up call for me. Yes, work was my life. Yes I fucked up our relationship. Yes, basically everything you said to me that day was true. I did put work over you, and I did treat you like garbage."
"But there was one thing that you got wrong. I never stopped loving you, not even those days when we only said two words to each other. Hell, I miss those two words more than anything. But more than that, I miss us. I miss the way we used to be. I watched our wedding video, and that man getting married to you is a complete stranger to me. That man was content with life, completely in love with his wife and nothing could take that away."
"I've forgotten what it means to be happy and I want that for myself again. But I know the only way I can be happy is to be with you. Those two words you shared with me every day meant more to me than a whole ten years of work at the hospital. And I'm done. I don't want that life anymore. I don't want money any more. Money can't buy happiness. I know that now. Seeing you walk away reminded me how much I love you, and I can't let that go. Yes, we've been at the lowest of the low for quite a long period of time now, but I'm willing to start again, hell I want to."
"If it means completely starting over, and acting like two people who have only just met each other, then I'm willing to try that too. As long as I don't lose you, as long as I get a second chance, I'll do it. I won't let work get in the way of our relationship ever again. I even quit my job at the hospital this morning."
"I'm unemployed, standing at the top of Ruen Mountainand making a video call. Surely you can see how much I'm willing to try again. You once said that one day you'd like to climb a mountain just to watch the horizon, to look down at the earth, and know that nothing is tying you there. I know exactly what you mean. I feel like anything is possible up here. That everything might just be all right. I love you Bella, and I'm going to wait up here until you decide to come join me. Until then I'll continue to watch the horizon and keep hoping that one day you'll make your way up here and take me back."
"A chance is all I want. I'm sorry, so sorry about everything. But if you do decide to let me in again then I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman on earth. I'm dedicated to this relationship now, and only you can decide if you want to commit to it again. Until then, I'll be waiting. I love you. Truly I do."
I pressed the stop button on the video call and exhaled in relief.
Now all I could do was wait for her.
Time passed and no one came.
You have to give her time to get up here, I argued with the negative part of myself that scorned at my plan.
Eventually I had to force myself to sleep.
The sleeping bag wasn't comfortable but it was better than the uneven ground of the mountain. It would have to do.
Morning arrived, and she still hadn't turned up.
As if she'd get here in the middle of the night, that would be plain crazy,' I berated myself.
There was nothing to do but stare at the edge of the mountain and occasionally watch the horizon.
I wanted to see her the second she emerged out of the mountain.
I wanted to know the second that my life was repaired.
A few more hours passed.
No sign of her.
I fell asleep again, but this time with a full stomach. The frozen rations I had brought were horrible. But I was hungry, so I eat them.
And when I awoke, I continued to watch.
It might've been two, days perhaps three when I began to lose hope that she would ever take me back.
She was probably sitting on her front porch with the Jacob guy, huddled up against him in the freezing cold while he had his arm curled around her waist.
Then soft as a whisper, maybe not today, but one day he would, he would tell her that he loved her, and she would whisper it back to him, smiling widely and kissing him adoringly on the lips.
Either way she would forget about me.
On that day I would become a distant memory.
And from then on, a horrible nightmare.
But Jacob would soothe those nightmares.
And she'd be fine.
I wasn't sure which emotion was more dominant.
The jealousy or the pain; there was a lot of both.
I almost didn't hear her voice. I wasn't facing the right direction, having completely given up on the thought of her climbing up here and forgiving me. Stupidly, I even thought it was a figment of my imagination that had whispered my name.
That was until I stood up, turned around and saw her flushed face staring at me.
I gasped and took a step closer, unable to believe what I was seeing.
Could it be?
Her doe eyes were filled to the brim with remorse, and her lips trembled as if she wished to say something but couldn't find the words.
Tears glistened in the corner of her beautiful brown eyes and I reached over and brushed them away tenderly.
She was here!
My Bella.
Here. Now. With me.
Not with Jacob.
With me.
Here.
I smiled.
Actually smiled.
"You're here," I said, my voice cracking slightly in my emotion.
"I'm here." She nodded, the tears spilling freely onto her cheeks now.
Unable to take it anymore, I pulled her into my arms and embraced her as tightly as my arms would allow.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," I murmured into her hair as she sobbed into my shoulder. Her fingers dug fiercely into the back of one of the many jackets I was wearing but I could still feel the impact on my skin, as if she was as desperate to never let go as I was.
"I meant everything I said, every word," I promised her.
"I know," she whispered, her voice choked up. "I could tell."
"Nothing is going to get that out of hand ever again. If I piss you off, or I'm not paying enough attention to you, then you need to tell me, alright."
She laughed, but the noise was strangled.
"It won't even get to that. I promise. I swear to you." My words were an oath.
"I knew you were in there somewhere. It just took you a while to find yourself! To find the real you – the one I love so much."
"Why did it take you so long to get up here?" I asked, stroking her dark hair reverently.
She pulled away from me abruptly and stood up. I let my hand drop awkwardly and looked up at her, suddenly afraid that she'd changed her mind.
"It's a long story." She held out her hand. "I'll tell you all of it once we're sitting down. I never want to stand up ever again after that mountain climb. Ruen Mountain? Really?"
"It was the only mountain I could think of?" I said sheepishly, accepting her hand, and sitting with her on my sleeping bag.
When we were seated, neither she nor I took our hand away, nor did I want to. I rubbed soothing circles into hers with my thumb, wanting her to know all I couldn't say with words.
I smiled at her, ready for her to begin.
"That video of yours was certainly something. Though, of course, I didn't fully believe what you said in it at first. It took a couple of people to make me realize how much you'd really changed and to remember what we used to have. Two people in fact."
"Who?" I asked bewilderedly. Last I knew not many people were a fan of me.
"My mother and Jacob."
"Jacob?" I exclaimed, dropping her hand in surprise.
She smiled. "I was pretty shocked too. I thought he really liked me. I'll tell you about that part later though."
She took my hand in hers again.
"Anyway, my mum was in the other room when I watched the video and she could hear everything you were saying on it."
"But I thought she hated me?"
"Not after hearing that. She sat me down and told me what she thought of the whole thing."
"And what was that?"
"She said, 'that was the most extravagant apology I have ever heard. The man wouldn't even leave work for a minute, a week ago, from what you've told me, let alone take who knows how many days off work to climb a mountain as an apology. This is pretty serious stuff darling."
"And then I reminded her that you had supposedly quit work and that I wasn't sure if you really had. 'There's one way to make sure of that. Contact his boss,' she said.
"I wasn't even sure if it really mattered, and I told her that, but then she told me something that made me doubt everything."
"Must have been a pretty big speech," I mumbled.
"Not big, just effective. These were her exact words, and trust me, I remember, because they have been stuck replaying in my head for the past three days. She said, 'Look Isabella, people form habits, habits that are very difficult to get out of, and at most times, the person doesn't want them to break. Edward probably didn't realize how absorbed he was by his job until it was too late, and by then you two were driven too far apart, that he just decided to keep up his habit. When you decided to come and stay here, he realized how much he missed the relationship you two used to have and decided to turn his life around, hence the quitting of his job. Now, being the stupid, foolish young man he is…"
"Sorry. Her words, not mine," she apologised.
I grinned. "At least my stupidity and foolishness got you to come here."
"That it did." She smiled softly. "Anyway, she said 'being the stupid and foolish young man he is, he decided to go to the extreme and literally climb a mountain for you so that you would be forced to stop and listen to him. If he's not a changed man then I don't know who is."
"Now her words did get me thinking, but I wasn't fully convinced. You had kept up this act of ignoring me for a full three years. Who's to say that you wouldn't find a new job and start doing it again?"
She paused.
"Then, the next day Jacob came to visit me, bearing news of some sort. I don't remember; it's not important now."
Did it make me a bad person to be so happy of how nonchalantly she spoke of him?
I couldn't help myself.
I smiled a little.
"He could tell how conflicted I was and asked me what was wrong. I told him, of course, expecting him to tell me of how right I was to reject you. But no, he did the opposite. He told me I should go after you. He could see how much I love you and you, me. I let him know my worries that you'd slip back into your former habit of ignoring me, but he said that only a complete imbecile would make the same mistake twice, and a complete imbecile wouldn't climb a mountain for the girl that he loves if it meant getting her back."
"Curious, I asked why he even bothered to hang out with me in the first place. Apparently he only viewed me as a friend, and I misinterpreted his actions. He actually has a girlfriend named Vanessa."
She blushed.
I battled a grin.
"Why was he glaring at me like I killed someone?" I asked.
"He thought you weren't good enough for me, that you'd hurt me again.
"Oh."
She ignored my reaction, swiftly eluding the awkward place we'd almost gotten ourselves stuck in.
"Then I watched your video call again, as if watching it a second time would make the decision for me. I noted how desperate you were, how you were only asking for a chance. I decided that it wouldn't hurt if I gave you that chance. Perhaps then the old you would come back, the one who kissed me for no reason, the one who gave me silly names, the person who tended to me when I was ill, who loved me more than anything else in this world. I could see him in your eyes in that video, and it gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, you had woken up and become him again."
"I have, Bella, I have. One chance, that's all I want, and I'll prove to you that I can be that man again. So please, please take me back."
"Can't you see that I already have?" she said softly.
I smiled so widely that it made my cheeks hurt, just about bursting with happiness.
I cradled her face tenderly in my hands, staring deeply into her brown eyes, reading the forgiveness there.
And then I kissed her with everything that I felt, every bit of happiness, every jagged edge of pain, every future hope, every bit of love that I had for her.
And she kissed me back the same way, and I knew that everything was going to be more than okay, that everything was going to be perfect.
It looked like there was a brand new horizon in our world, a great new path in our journey to happiness.
And Bella and I would take it.
Together.