A/N: I've had this idea in my head for... three or so years. Finally wrote it down. An hour ago.
Disclaimer: I own neither book nor song.
1.
Emmett grumbled to himself as he ran home. Rosalie has forgotten her sunglasses at home. Apparently, her outfit was ruined without them, but she couldn't be bothered to go get them herself. So she'd bugged him all during their first class, until he finally relented.
Skipping out was pathetically easy. Nor would it be any loss. He's lived through World War II, and nothing was likely to change after the last time he took a history class.
Still, leaving wasn't that bad. He got to do something physical, instead of just sitting at a desk, wishing he would beat his skull on something hard. Plus he could listen to is iPod. Sadly, this was a short run, and he'd be back before the class ended.
As he got closer to the house he heard music blaring. Slowing down to a jog he took his ear buds out.
"What the hell?" he muttered. It was the song Bad Case of Loving You by Robert Palmer. Emmett could hear it from half a mile away from the house.
By the time he got to the porch the chorus was playing. Curious, but not wanting to be found out, he looked in the bay window, which showed the whole livingroom.
Esme and Carlisle were in there, 'dancing'. Esme had her back to him, wearing a hospital gown. Carlisle wore a doctor's coat. That was all they had not.
Emmett watched in horror as they moved closer together. Esme touched Carlisle there. Emmett choked. When Carlisle pulled out a vaginal speculum from his coat pocket Emmett booked it back to school, screaming the whole way.
1.2.
"Is he gone?" Esme mouthed to her husband.
Carlisle glanced at the window. "Yes."
Emse smiled and kissed him. "Good. Hopefully this will teach him not to skip school, no matter how much Rosalie pressures him."
"It might work for a week, maybe."
"We'll come up with something else, then."
Carlisle wrapped his arms around her. "Just because the plan worked, doesn't mean we need to stop the scene."
"Oh, Doctor..."
1.2.3.
After her second class of the day ended Rosalie tracked down Emmett. He was at his locker. "Well, do you have my sunglasses?" she demanded.
If he were human, Emmett would have turned green. "No."
"Why. Not."
Emmett dry heaved. "I have to go."
Rosalie watched him power walk down the hall in confusion.
.
For the next several days Edward wondered why his adoptive brother's head was filled with elevator music, when Emmett's mind was usually very active (with mostly inappropriate thoughts) and random. He wasn't going to complain, or ask about it, however. It was a nice change of pace, one he was sure wasn't going to last.