Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, or the characters thereof. This is just for fun.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Veronica only went in for a check up, an annual physical as required by the NYPD, her employer of nearly eighteen years; she walked into the doctor's office as a highly respected NYPD detective, she left as a cancer patient.

"Yes, well I have gotten your results back, and I'm afraid that the news is not good. Mrs Camden, you have a cancer of the blood cells, multiple myeloma."

Veronica stopped the doctor from going on to explain about the illness that she supposedly had, "Hold up, just wait, okay? I just came in for a check up, I'm not sick."

"Before I go into details, is there someone who can come be with you? A family member or friend?"

"My husband's at work, he's very busy, I don't need to bother him. But really, I'm fine, except for this backache, and I've been getting backaches since I was pregnant with my daughter. What is this, myeloma thing anyway, I've never heard of it?"

The doctor slipped a small handful of brochures out from within a folder on his desk, and he pushed them towards Veronica, before saying, "It would be better if you speak with an oncologist, they can explain it much better than me, you can take these home to read before your appointment. Basically, multiple myeloma is as I said before, a disease of the blood cells, in the healthy system the bone marrow is filled with various cells that are constantly being broken down and replaced, but when someone has myeloma, abnormally high numbers of myeloma cells are produced, these cells interfere with production of healthy cells. This wreaks havoc on the body; the myeloma cells in the bone marrow damage to all the bones, the outer bone thins and there can be pain, often fractures occur. The level of calcium in your blood can become too high as a result of the damage to the bones, which can cause numerous complications. There is also a risk of developing anaemia, a lack of red blood cells, it leads to fatigue and breathlessness. Some patients suffer problems with their kidneys as a result of the myeloma cells blocking essential blood vessels. I have already spoken to an oncologist, Dr Cameron Drysdale, she is willing to fit you in to see her tomorrow at seven thirty in the morning, sorry it's so early."

"...That's fine," Veronica mumbled in response, before she asked, "And what is this doctor, the oncologist going to say?"

"Honestly, Ms Camden, though you have not been experiencing many, if any symptoms, you need to prepare yourself, the blood work shows that your disease is significant, I believe that further testing will confirm that you need to commence treatment as soon as possible. You are very unwell."

"And what is the, um treatment?" Veronica was starting to falter, she couldn't help but wish that she had asked the doctor to call her husband away from work.

With no subtlety whatsoever, the doctor looked at his watch, before he said, "I'm afraid that our time is up, Ms Camden, here's the address for Dr Drysdale's office, and your referral. Good luck. Also I will not be able to clear you to work until you have been seen by the oncologist, it really is their call."

"Wait. What? I can't work, I'm not even sick."

"Depending on what the oncologist says, you may be able to continue working, but I cannot give you medical clearance. And though you do not feel ill, your blood tests paint the picture of someone whose condition is grave."

Though of course Veronica wanted more information, she wanted answers, she also wanted to get out of that too small room, she wanted to go pick up her babies from the childcare, just to hold them.

The childcare centre staff were surprised to see Veronica there before the last opening minute of the centre, as she had consistently been running late since Veronica and her husband Jackson had placed their now five year old son Elijah in care when he was six weeks old, now too their six month old daughter Grace.

"Mrs Camden? This is a surprise," The centre director greeted Veronica as she walked into the entrance foyer, it wasn't until after she had spoken that she noticed that Veronica wasn't her usual composed self, and it was obvious that she had been crying. "..Is everything alright Veronica?"

Veronica put her hand up in a just don't ask motion, "It's been a long day. I just want to see my babies."

"Of course... If there's anything I can do..."

"Thank you, but I really just want to go get Gracie and Eli."

"Of course," The director said with compassion, "Let us know if there's anything..."

Veronica walked rapidly away from the other woman, and into the infants' room of the centre, the room staff told Veronica that her daughter was asleep, she'd only just gone to sleep, but Veronica was distraught and she ignored the staff, and went into where her daughter slept.

Veronica stood by the crib, looking down at her daughter, just for a moment, she was so little, her life was barely beginning, Veronica had taken it for granted that she would be there to watch this tiny person grow up, and now she was starting to realise that she might not be able to raise her children. Veronica had watched a friend have to go through surgery and four rounds of chemotherapy and radiation for breast cancer, she'd been very sickly, bedridden for close to two years, she hadn't even been strong enough to hold her baby.

As if on cue Grace awoke, and she started to cry.

Jackson Camden, Veronica's husband was a prominent lawyer, and so he had always worked long hours, that day was no exception, it was just after midnight when he got home from work.

Veronica was sitting in a rocking chair in Grace's nursery, trying to settle the baby back to sleep while balancing a sobbing preschooler on her knee, when Jackson found her, Veronica hadn't really stopped crying since she had picked Grace and Elijah up from childcare, neither had the kids for that matter, it was as if they sensed their mother's distress.

"Babe, what are you doing up? ...Hey are you okay?"

Veronica wiped the tears from her face, Jackson scooped Elijah up and put him down in the crib, Veronica held Grace closer to her as she pulled herself to her feet, she put the still unsettled young infant back into her crib before going to her husband. Veronica wrapped her arms around Jack, and she just cried.

They must have stood there for close to an hour before Veronica managed to pull herself together enough to finally coherently tell Jackson, "I got my test results back today. I have an appointment tomorrow with an oncologist."

"Oncologist? It's cancer?"

"The doctor said it was myeloma, something to do with the blood cells, I don't really know, he didn't give me much information..." Veronica paused before she admitted, "All I can think about is Gracie and Lijah, what if I die? they'll grow up without a mum, I can't do that to them."

"Oh honey, you're going to be fine," He said, placing emphasis on the fine, in an instant his world had been forever changed, and he was panicking in the inside. What would he do if he lost Veronica, his wife, the mother of his children, the love of his life?

Years later, Jackson would look back and wonder how he'd made it through.

Neither Jackson, nor Veronica slept that night, but in the thirteen hours between when Veronica told Jackson of her diagnosis, and when they were ushered into the specialist's office, both children in tow as neither had wanted to send them to childcare that day. The pair had exchanged barely a dozen words, both lost in their own thoughts.

The doctor spoke briefly about the condition which Veronica had been diagnosed with, before going into discussing her case specifics and treatment options.

"Our first step is to conduct further investigative tests to determine the stage of the myeloma, that will give us a better idea of how best to proceed."

"What sort of tests are we talking about here doctor?" Jackson asked.

"Further blood and urine tests, and a full body series of x-rays to see what if any damage the myeloma has done to Veronica's bones. I will give you the forms today, preferably you could go downstairs to get the tests done before you leave."

"Sounds pretty painless," Veronica commented, still she squeezed her husband's hand tightly.

While Veronica was waiting to go back to the oncologist for her test results, she got a call from her lieutenant. She had been sitting at the dinner table, trying to convince Grace that rice pudding was something she wanted to eat, Jackson offered to get the phone, but Veronica was already halfway out of her seat.

Veronica leant over the bench to answer the phone, "Camden residence."

Jackson watched on as Veronica face started to fall.

"But Cap-" Veronica was struggling, her boss had called to tell her that she had to go on medical leave, "Please, I've gotta work," She tried to talk him around, to no avail. The lieutenant informed her that until she was cleared by the doctors.

That afternoon Veronica, who had been having a rest with her children, heard a knock on the front door. She gently pulled away from the children, and went to the door; she wasn't surprised to find her old friend Wallace on her doorstep, Jackson would have called him, and asked that he check on her.

Wallace had moved to New York just a couple of years after Veronica, when he reunited with his high school love, Jackie Cook. They now lived in a Brooklyn townhouse with Jackie's now grown son, Zachary, and their own two teenage children, Maddie and Chris.

"Come in Wallace. The kids are sleeping."

Veronica lead Wallace into the kitchen, she made mugs of coffee for both of them before sitting at the table. "So, did Jack tell you?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry Veronica. Have you gotten any news yet?"

"We're waiting for some tests to come back, then I guess they'll want me to start chemo, or something."

Finally after four days the test results were back, and Veronica and Jackson found themselves back in the doctor's office. Jackie was watching the kids for them, they wanted to be able to concentrate on what the doctor was saying, something that would have been impossible with two young children present.

"So I have your test results here Veronica," Dr Drysdale began solemnly. "Just quickly I'll explain to you the staging system for myeloma. There are two elements in the blood that we use as indicators when staging myeloma, beta-2 microglobulin and albumin. We say that a person with a beta-2 microglobulin level that is less than 3.5 and an albumin level that is greater than or equal to 3.5; this is the earliest stage of the disease. A patient with a beta-2 microglobulin level that is between 3.5 and 5.5mg and an albumen level less than 3.5g has stage two myeloma. And when a patient has a beta-2 microglobulin level that is greater than or equal to 5.5 mg and an extremely low albumen level, that patient would be considered as having stage three myeloma. Veronica your tests showed a beta-2 microglobulin level of 4.3mg per decilitre and an albumin level of just 2.6g per decilitre. You also have a very high serum protein electropheresis level, which is a highly reliable indicator when diagnosing and assessing the effectiveness of treatment of myeloma."

"…Stage two," Veronica surmised.

"Yes, but with this stage of the illness there is a good chance that with treatment we can get you into remission."

"What's the treatment?" Jackson asked, just as Veronica went to ask the same question.

The physician took a small stack of pamphlets from where she had placed them on her desk just before the couple came in, she handed the stack to Veronica as she explained the treatment, "The main treatment for myeloma is a combination of chemotherapy and drug regimens, which hopefully will destroy the myeloma cells, thalidomide, which is a biological therapy, which we have found very useful in treating myeloma, as it causes the blood vessels that supply the myeloma cells to die. Usually we also have to use other therapies to control the symptoms as they occur."

"Such as?"

"There is quite a bit of information in the booklets, they should give you a pretty good idea of what you are looking at. I would like to admit you to the hospital to commence treatment, and stabilise your condition."

"I don't want to be admitted... I have two kids at home," Veronica was on the verge of tears.

Jackson wrapped a comforting arm around his wife, pulling her close as she broke down.

As the couple struggled to come to terms, Dr Drysdale called in a nurse. She then introduced the nurse, who had brought in with her a wheelchair, to Veronica and Jackson, "Veronica, Jackson, this is Regina, she will show you to the ward. I'll come see you this evening."

Veronica was wheeled alongside her husband by the nurse, it was then that she came to the realisation that her world had changed, though she still didn't fully comprehend that this disease was killing her.

Jackson had just left to pick up the kids from Jackie and Wallace's apartment, when Dr Drysdale came back to check on Veronica as promised. Veronica was resting, she was halfway through a blood transfusion, and it was really taking it out of her.

Dr Drysdale knocked on the door gently before entering, "Mrs Camden," She said in greeting, "How are you feeling now?"

Veronica tiredly shifted up in the bed, to talk to the doctor; there was a nurse in the room, she moved forward to help Veronica to get comfortable, as she told Dr Drysdale, "She's on her third unit of packed red cells, crit is back up to thirty-five percent. Vitals have mostly remained stable, the pulse ox has been slightly low, ninety-two percent." The nurse then handled Veronica's chart to the physician.

Dr Drysdale looked over Veronica's chart as she soothed the worried younger woman, "All good things, Veronica. Where's that gorgeous man of yours?"

Veronica laughed, "Jack had to go pick up the kids, get them home for dinner and bed; he'll try to come in tomorrow for awhile, but he's got court."

Dr Drysdale, aka Cameron let her guard down for just a moment, "My husband's a lawyer too, the hours are a killer."

"They are," Veronica agreed. "But you should have seen back before I made detective, I can't imagine going back to the days when I was on patrol, doing shift work, and having a new baby, that was hard..."

"But you got through it."

"Yeah, guess I did..." Veronica felt herself starting to cry, her breathing sped up, "Now... now this happens, my sergeant has already called, put me on medical leave, I'm in hospital, Jack's got to figure out how to do everything with the kids, I've always done it all, and I'm sick... I'm scared."

Cameron placed a steadying hand on Veronica's shoulder, as she asked the nurse, "Kelly, can you please put her on oxygen, fifteen litres by mask?"

The nurse, Kelly quickly moved to follow the doctor's order, as Dr Drysdale comforted her patient.

Once Veronica had calmed, and her oxygen saturation level had improved, Dr Drysdale began to discuss with Veronica how she was planning to treat her. "So Veronica, what we have done so far, the transfusion and oxygen are helping to stabilise you. When the nurses did your admission blood work, your hematocrit, which is the test that measures the level of packed red cells in your blood, was extremely low, a result of the myeloma; the blood transfusion that we've given you have brought your hematocrit back up to a safe level, for now."

"...That's good, isn't it?"

"It is, though the anaemia will most likely return through your illness, and you may need further transfusion."

"Why'd I get so breathless?" Veronica asked.

"That is the anaemia, without adequate red blood cells oxygen cannot move around your body."

"So, it will get better?"

"It should, yes. Now, before we go into how your chemotherapy treatment will be planned, I would like to discuss a medication that I would like to start you on."

"Okay."

"Your x-rays revealed numerous bone legions, they severely weaken your bones; I'm surprised that you have not already suffered any fractures. This medication, clodronate is a bisphosphonate, which can help to lessen the deterioration of your bones that the myeloma is causing, it will also prevent the excess calcium that is in your blood as a result of the bone deterioration from putting your heart into an abnormal rhythm. I'm going to start you on eight hundred milligrams twice a day. I'm also going to get the nurses to give you some extra fluids through an IV to see if we can get your kidney function up, because it is just a tad low for my liking."

"Okay, and how long will I have to take that clodronate?"

"If you tolerate it well, we will most likely continue the medication. It may be possible for you to stop taking it if we can put the myeloma into remission."

"If?" Veronica questioned, she had believed that this was something that she would recover from and move on, that belief was now wavering.

Dr Drysdale gently held Veronica's hand as she told her, "Myeloma is a very serious condition, and your disease is significant."

"Am I dying?" Veronica whispered, fear in her voice.

"The five year survival rate for patients with stage two myeloma is forty percent, on average patients survive three and a half years after diagnosis, but you need to understand that some patients can live a long, full life after this disease, and I truly believe that it can make all the difference if a patient believes that they can recover."

"I have two kids," Veronica was crying again.

Cameron quickly turned around the atmosphere of the room by saying, "And that is why we are going to hit this cancer with everything we've got."

Veronica smiled softly at the doctor, "...Yep."

"Okay," Dr Drysdale said as she flipped the page over in Veronica's chart, "While you are admitted I want to get you started on chemotherapy treatment. A chemotherapy regimen consists of a combination of drugs, which we give in a coordinated cycle that runs over twenty-eight days, the treatment usually consists of four to six cycles. The regimen that I would like to try consists of four medications, two chemotherapeutic drugs, a steroid, and thalidomide. The chemotherapeutics are vincristine and doxorubicin, on day one, tomorrow you will start a four day infusion of the two drugs. On days one, nine, and seventeen you will have four day courses of a steroid, dexamethasone. And throughout the treatment you will continue to take thalidomide and also an anti-emetic to lessen the nausea that is associated with the chemotherapy."

Veronica took a moment to digest everything, then she asked, "How long will I be in hospital for?"

"I want to keep you in here for four more days, while you have the chemotherapy, then hopefully if you tolerate the treatment well we can get you home."

At seven thirty the next morning an oncology nurse came into Veronica's room to start her chemotherapy; the nurse spoke briefly to her before preparing to start the IV line.

"Okay Veronica, sharp scratch here," The nurse warned Veronica before she slipped the cannula device into Veronica's hand.

Veronica was so distracted by the thought of what was to come, she barely felt the needle go in.

The nurse continued to work, explaining what she was doing as she worked, not that Veronica noticed, she was lost in her own thoughts.

Would she be sick as soon as it started or would it take a while before it hit her?

What would she do if halfway through this she got a phone call from Jackson or the childcare centre, could they stop it, and come back later? Heck, if she just wanted a break, would they stop it?

For the most part her thoughts were quite trivial, all things considered, but every so often, as the chemotherapy was running into her body, the thought would come into her mind, what if the treatment didn't work, what if she left her children without a mum.

And that was why she had tears sliding down her face.

In the weeks and months that followed Veronica's life consisted almost solely of medications, hospital trips, and sickness; she was so ill that she couldn't even get out of bed with her husband's help.

Jackson had to take leave from work to care for his wife and children, and keep the household running; with little money coming in, and Veronica so ill, it put a strain on the family.

After the first cycle of chemotherapy they redid the scans and tests, the cancer had barely shrunk, despite the drugs they had been watching flow into Veronica's body. They tried a bone marrow transplant, but it left Veronica weaker than before, with the myeloma continuing to ravage her body.

Jackson was lying in bed, holding his wife one night, when he suggested to Veronica that it was time to stop, "Veronica, honey, I've been thinking."

"About what?" Veronica murmured, too weak to even lift her head.

"Maybe it's time you stop treatment, you're so sick, you can barely get out of bed, you can't look after Gracie and Lijah."

"But you know that if I stop treatment, then I'll die, don't you?"

"Look at yourself honey, you are dying. I'm sorry, but you are, god how I wish you weren't, but you are, and I don't want for you to be so unwell, even if it means we have less time."

There was a long silence before Veronica finally said, "Maybe we could go visit my dad, Grace and Elijah need to know their grandpa."

Jackson wrapped an arm around his ailing wife, and placed a gentle kiss on the bandanna that covered her head, "That sounds nice. I love you so much, you know that, right?"

"I know, I love you too."

TBC...

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