AN:I got fed up with the fact that there are so many issues the show keeps failing to address, so I started writing this. It starts after "The Perfect Storm" and goes AU after that.

Also this is my first fan fiction and since English is not my native language and I do not have a beta, mistakes are bound to appear. Feel free to correct me, or offer yourself as a beta, whichever you like.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would not need to write this as a fan fiction, because it would happen on the actual show.

Wakeup call

„You do not honestly believe that just because you are here now, we are not going to talk about what you almost did, do you?" Seth's angry voice startled him out of his thoughts and Ryan sat up in his bed. His friend/ almost-brother was standing in the doorframe, looking at him with a mixture of hurt, anger and something else that Ryan could not identify. "What?" he replied groggily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Don't you dare pretend that you don't know what I am talking about" Seth was positively fuming. „You were going to leave! Just like that, you were going to leave all of us, leave me behind and why? ´Cause you got yourself in trouble and could not go to school with us anymore? Things get difficult and you run away, is that it?"

"You do realize that that is what you did last year, don't you?" Ryan snapped back. He was not in the mood for this. He had spend almost all of last night lying awake, agonizing over whether or not staying had been the correct decision, he was too tired to argue with Seth. Also, he had hoped that at least Seth would try to understand. Apparently, no such luck.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Seth actually seemed baffled by Ryan's outburst. "I'm talking about the fact that you took your stupid boat and sailed into the sunset only hours after I went to Chino" "That was different!" "You are right, it was different! You left without saying goodbye, you left without telling anyone how long you would be gone, you left planning to never come back!" Ryan was fastly loosing his temper. He had wanted to say some of these things to Seth forever and somehow now was the moment he actually did. It felt strangely liberating.

Seth stared at Ryan in shock, at a loss of how to deal with this angry version of his almost-brother. But then he remembered why he had come to the pool house in the first place and regained his courage. "This is not about me and something I did over a year ago. This about you and your willingness to throw away everything we have, everything my, I mean our parents did for you. This is about the fact that the only reason you are still here is your girlfriend!" He had gained speed while he was talking, no yelling at Ryan and when he finished, he needed to take a deep breath before looking Ryan in the eyes. "This is about the fact that apparently you do not love our family enough to stay." The last part came out quiet and eeringly calm.

Ryan looked at his bare feet, clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to concentrate on evening out his breathing to match the faraway sound of the waves. The rhythm had a calming effect on him ever since his first night in the pool house, when it had been the only thing he could hear and he concentrated on the sound to suppress his fear and the never-ending litany of "What now" in his head.

He tilted his head, searching Seth's eyes to make sure he was listening, to make sure he would be able to gauge his reaction and see whether or not he understood. "I was not going to leave forever, Seth. I was going to come back. I was not planning to leave you or your parents behind. I just needed some time to gather my thoughts and figure out what to do. It was only gonna be for three weeks, Seth!"

If the flicker of anger and hurt in Seth eyes was any indication, this was not what he had wanted to hear. "If you so desperately needed that time away, then why did you stay for Marissa? Sorry Ryan, but that just does not make sense. You were going to leave and she was the only one important enough to make you stay!"

Ryan sighed in frustration. He should have known that Seth would see it this way. As much has he liked his best friend, the guy did tend to be self-absorbed and see things only in the way they related to him. Although to be fair, things had gotten a lot better over the summer. He took another deep breath and tried to explain. "I did not stay because Marissa is more important to me than you or your parents. She is not. I stayed because she needed me to. She came to the ship and told me that I was just like her father. Do you know how much his leaving hurt her? I could not hurt her even more, not after what she already went through because of me. That is why I stayed."

He had moved towards one of the windows while talking, but now he turned back to Seth, trying to figure out if he understood now. "What do you mean, after what she went through because of you? What the hell are you talking about" Apparently not. He sighed. Asking Seth to just let it go would be futile, so he once more took a deep breath. "Trey is my brother, Seth. She spent time with him because I asked her to. If I had not done that, none of this would ever have happened. If there is anything, anything I can do to make it up to her, then I have to try. It is the least I can do."

Seth stared at his almost-brother. He sounded so defeated; as if he had spent months, years fighting a loosing battle and was finally ready to give up. He did not know what to say. The facts that Ryan had given him were true, but still. What Trey had done was not Ryan's fault. Didn't he know that? Did he really think that he was the one to blame? But when he thought about it, he could totally see Ryan do exactly that. Ryan was the king of assuming responsibility after all. He sighed. If Ryan had been thinking, believing that all this time, then this was a problem far bigger than just his attempt to leave. He would need back up to deal with this. The ´rents should be up already. He would have to talk to them, figure out what they were going to do -together. Because there was no way they could let Ryan go on believing that. "Ok" he nodded at Ryan "I can accept that for now. We still need to talk, but it is ok for now. I am gonna leave you to do - whatever you wanna do. See you later, ok?"

"Ok" Ryan agreed. That was at least something. The prospect of more talking did not bore well with him, but at least Seth no longer seemed quite as mad as he had when he had woken him up. That was at least something. And the rest, well he would just have to deal with that later. He took another calming breath, trying to ignore the growing feeling of unease as he watched Seth making his way towards the main house.

review, pretty, pretty please! I need to know if I should continue this.