Lief: Ahh, I couldn't push the author's block from my mind and couldn't write anything for the next chapter in No More, and this kept bugging me ever since I started listening to 'My Immortal' by Evanescence I downloaded on Limewire. It's really angsty and sad, and I actually cried writing it, especially while listening to 'My Immortal'. Anyways, I hope this will occupy you guys while I try to come up with something for No More. It's full of Angsty Satoshi and DarkxSato fluff, although the angst kinda ruined it in my opinion.
Title: Hold You, Love you, Protect You
Author: Lief Nerys
Pairings: SatoshixDark
Rating: R for… mentions of child abuse? Actually, I don't know. ;p
Summary: He was still there. Even after they'd sealed him, he was still there; torturing him, threatening him, paining him. He couldn't ever run away from him, not ever.
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst, fluffy SatoxDark, more angst, past mentions of psychopathic Krad, more angst, kinda-Krad-bashing and more angst. (I never really knew I could write angst, and I probably can't, so, read at your own risk, 'kay?)
Disclaimer: I don't own DNAngel or the song 'My Immortal'. I just borrow them to do something about my damn author's block.
Notes: Okay, this takes place around three years or so after the Black Wings battle, or whatever, and since I'm not sure how old Satoshi and Daisuke were at the time, I'm just gonna make Satoshi fourteen when Krad was sealed, so he's seventeen in this fic. Plus, Krad and Dark were both sealed in this (only mentioned, not actually written out), but Satoshi and Daisuke found a way to miraculously bring Dark back. Anyways, a lot of what happened during the Black Wings thingey was speculated in here, so please don't be mad at me.
-----+-----
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
He curled into himself more than already was, putting his small, lithe form into a fetal position that would've hurt more than it comforted, had he been aware of his physical pain.
But alas, he was not. He was much too distracted by the pain within his mind, his soul. The pain brought by the fallen angel that had resided within him for over six years. The angel that had left, and yet still remained, after that fateful night.
Faint remnants of his existence stayed within the boy's soul, tainting him, defiling him; torturing him almost as much as the angel had himself, when he was still here.
A small, pained scowl formed upon the perfect face of the boy, and he closed his azure eyes, eyes that still held the pain of past events. He knew the angel was gone, his mind, what was left of it, was fully aware of that. But the boy was just as aware of the fact that the angel had left enough of himself within him to drive the child mad with delusional fears. Fears that no longer existed.
Fears he knew he had to get rid of, if he ever wanted his sanity back. If he ever wanted to stay with his love…
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
But however much he wanted to, he couldn't. He couldn't face the fears the angel left him with. Even after three years, he couldn't let go. He couldn't forget. He couldn't forget the wounds the cruel angel had inflicted upon him, couldn't push away the threats that the angel used to constantly whisper in his mind.
Time just wasn't enough to erase the years of mental and physical abuse he was put through.
-----+-----
Long, slender legs, clad in black leather pants and black boots, swung in wide arcs in consecutive turns, one after the other. Bare, tanned arms swung along with them to the same rhythm as deep, amethyst eyes, clouded with worry, kept an unwavering gaze upon the wet, slippery road before their owner.
Rain pounded unmercifully against lightly-clothed shoulders, and dark violet hair pasted against the sharp angular face, contorted by fear and worry. Short ragged breaths sounded against the noise of the rain as it hit against the pavement just as harshly as it did against him.
Faster, faster, was all he thought of as he ignored the fatigue blanketing him from running for so fast, for so long. He had to hurry. He had to make sure he was alright.
He knew something was wrong, and he knew it had something to do with the fallen angel, his other half, as much as he hated to admit it, the one that had caused his love so much pain.
It seemed like an eternity ago since he watched his counterpart being sealed within the Black Wings, within the vessel of the abomination. So long ago since he was saved by his love and his host. And yet, he knew that the trapped soul of his other half still lingered. He knew his love had yet to escape the demonic spirit's cruel clutches.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
And he had tried. He had tried, so many times before, to let the frail child he loved so much to forget. To heal. To regain the life he had never had the chance to live.
He had tried to be there for the boy during his times of need, he had tried to protect him from anything else that would cause him more suffering, and he had tried to reassure him that he'd always be by his side as he held him in warm, caring embraces.
Even during the years they had been forced to fight on different sides, he'd tried to let him know that he cared, through actions of deceit in others' eyes. Even during the short period of time when he'd been sealed along with the cruel bastard of an angel, he'd sent out his magic to let the boy know he still loved him.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
He'd loved the boy so much, it hurt just thinking about it. And he knew, oh, how he knew, if ever the angel found out, his love would've suffered even more. And for a while, he managed to keep his emotions in check, he'd managed to push away the awe he felt every time he saw the boy's godly face, he'd managed to ignore the pull he experienced each time he got too close to him.
But, he was the dark. He was the shadow that stalked the streets at night. He was the phantom that emerged when dusk conquered over dawn. And he couldn't help it when his darkness called out to the light. The light of his love.
It was to be expected, really. As the dark, he couldn't live without light, just as light couldn't live without the dark. They needed each other, to live, to breathe, to love and be loved.
And soon enough, he couldn't resist his attraction to the child of light.
The final battle came soon after, the last battle that had decided their fate. And he was glad, glad for that short period of time after his counterpart was sealed and his love was free, free of the fears, the terrors; free to love as he pleased. But that gladness was short-lived.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
The first few weeks had been wonderful, and he wished he could go back to those moments when they had shared sweet kisses and soft caresses.
But after the next four months, his love changed.
Instead of sweet kisses, his lips had become bitter. Instead of warm embraces, his arms had become cold. Instead of love in his beautiful eyes, eyes that held the very skies, there was distance, a distance the amethyst-eyed man had tried to overcome when he saw them first.
And when he couldn't do that, he had tried to heal the boy. He'd tried to close the still-fresh wounds.
But the scars his love held were not so easily healed.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
A wince of pain flashed on his handsome face, but it was gone faster than it had appeared. A scowl of determination took its place instead, and the purple-haired man ran faster, even as his tired muscles ached in protest.
He was not one to easily give up, though.
-----+-----
Small droplets of salty tears trickled down his pale cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away. He stayed in his awkward position, eyes still closed.
He tried to ignore the faint, mocking laughter ringing through his mind, just as he ignore the discomfort of his body, but somehow, it didn't work. Silent voices continued to taunt him, and empty threats still whispered in his ears, even if no one was there whispering them.
Even if he was not there, hovering above him, staring at him disdainfully.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
It was just too much for him.
A small sob escaped his pale red lips, and many more came after it. He clutched his sides desperately and buried his face deeper into the bed beneath him. More pained sobs racked his ribs as he allowed himself to cry, allowed himself to let the tears fall after so long, too long, of repressing them.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
-----+-----
He stopped. Abruptly and suddenly, he ceased his forced run. Panting heavily, he let his amethyst orbs wander over the pure white iron gates before him. He knew his love was somewhere in the expansive mansion behind the gates, he just knew it.
Without a second thought, he leaped over the sharp points above the gates and landed on the other side gracefully, even if his legs did ache.
Quickly, he continued onward, running once again. He pushed through the large white-washed wooden front door, knowing all too well it wasn't locked, and rushed up the white stairs almost directly in front of the door. He passed walls of more white in the hallway above and ignored the many other white doors that lined it. What he was looking for was at the end…
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Finally. Finally, he reached the door that held his love within.
For a moment, he hesitated, his hand hovering above the golden knob. Did he truly want to see the state of his love…?
Yes, answered a small voice in his mind, and his eyes narrowed in agreement and determination.
Without another thought, he grabbed the knob and twisted it, pushing the white door back.
His amethyst eyes widened as he gasped at the sight before him.
His love, small and frail as ever, was curled in the middle of the black, four-poster bed, his beautiful ivory skin a sharp contrast to his dark surroundings. His pale blue hair, longer than it was years before, was spread around his delicate face, like a halo of icy light. Bright azure eyes were sealed shut, visible trails of tears running down his alabaster cheeks from the corners of his closed lids.
"Satoshi," whispered the amethyst-eyed man, painfully and breathlessly.
Choked sobs was all that answered him and he quickly made his way to the child's side. He climbed onto the bed, dampening the soft, black comforters with his wetness from the rain, and gently pulled the smaller boy into his arms.
The smaller boy did not turn to accept his embrace, but he did not push away.
Somehow, this hurt the amethyst-eyed man more; there was nothing worse than apathy from someone he loved. But he pushed away the pain and instead, turned the boy in his arms. His sobs were muffled as he continued to cry into the amethyst-eyed man's wet chest.
The elder hugged him tightly for a moment, whispering gentle words, before pulling him back a little to face him. The younger boy's eyes were still closed tightly, as though afraid to see what was holding him.
The amethyst-eyed man frowned at this and tightened his grip around the smaller boy comfortingly. He freed one hand and gently, lovingly, caressed one ivory cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the wet trail of salty droplets.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
"Satoshi," he whispered softly, warmly.
The smaller boy's sobs receded as the gentle caresses continued, and after a while, it stopped altogether.
"D-Dark…?" he stuttered uncertainly, eyes still sealed shut.
Dark smiled softly and cupped Satoshi's cheeks with both hands.
"Open your eyes, Satoshi," he whispered.
Satoshi's limp form tensed and his eyes remained closed.
Dark frowned a little at this.
"Satoshi… Please," he begged quietly, pulling the boy into another hug, pressing his head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his love's scent.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Satoshi whimpered and relaxed in his hold, moving his arms to grip Dark's shoulders tightly.
"D-Dark…" he whimpered into the older boy's wet shoulder.
"I'm here, Satoshi," answered Dark, kissing his neck softly before pulling him back to face him again.
"Please open your eyes, Satoshi," begged the amethyst-eyed man.
Satoshi whimpered again before slowly, ever so slowly, he lifted his eyelids.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Glistening azure stared deeply into darkened amethyst, overflowing with pain and fear. Dark's heart wrenched painfully at the sight of his love's state and he kissed the smaller boy's forehead gently before pulling him into another embrace.
"I'm here, Satoshi," he repeated, firmly, strongly, trying to instill reassurance within his love's obviously distraught mind.
Satoshi sniffed before saying quietly, "I'm scared."
"I know, love. I know."
"He… He's still here."
"… He won't hurt you again. I won't let him."
"But I'm scared."
"I'm here with you, Satoshi. I'll keep you safe."
"What if you're not here? What if he comes and you're not here?"
The questions were wailed, hysterically and fearfully, and Dark couldn't help but wince. He donned on a strong face before pulling Satoshi away and staring into his frightened blue orbs steadily.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
"I'll always be here with you, Satoshi," he murmured softly, yet firmly. "I'll always be here to hold you, to love you. I'll always be here to protect you."
Satoshi stared back uncertainly into his love's amethyst orbs. After what seemed like an eternity, he leaned into the older boy's arms and latched his own pale limbs around the slim waist.
"Promise?" he whispered quietly, voice muffled.
Dark smiled softly before wrapping his own arms around the boy's small from.
"Promise," he whispered back, burying his face into the boy's soft hair.
Satoshi's arms tightened around his waist.
"… I love you Dark."
"I love you too, Satoshi. Always."
End
Lief: And, it's done! How was it? I hope it keeps you busy while I try to come up wit something for No More. ˆ-ˆ Anyways, please R&R, if you're free, and tell me whether I can write angst or not.
…
I can't believe I put a smiley there when I just cried.
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I think I'm going now…