The day that Peeves discovered the Harry Potter Movies.
By Padfoot2007
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (dang it!) All Harry Potter related items belong to J.K. Rowling.
Rating: T for strong language. Might change if it's decided that it's too much.
Warning: Lots of Original Characters. (I promise that is not a bad thing) Peeves is the only Canon. Though Harry Potter himself is mentioned. You have been warned.
For the first time in the history of the universe, Peeves the Poltergeist was pissed. Which was a brand new concept for the poltergeist, who was used to pissing other people off. He never expected it to be the other way around.
Until the day that he watched the Harry Potter movies.
Don't get him wrong, though. The idea that Muggles were re-inacting life at the prestigious Wizarding school was amusing to Peeves. Muggles usually pretended that witches and wizards were made of the same stuff as fairytales. In Peeves' mind, it seemed downright ludicrous that they were going against the norm, and portraying life at Hogwarts. But, it was what the poltergeist discovered that made him mad.
How did Peeves discover the movies, you ask? Well, it's actually sort of a dull story. However, I will tell you anyway. Just in case you were curious.
You see, Peeves was floating around the third floor corridor. It was midnight and all of the student beasties were in bed. He was looking for something fun to do. When Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's cat, passed by, Peeves scooped her up and continued on his way. Thinking that finding a nice broom closet to trap her in would be a great idea, Peeves was caught off guard when he heard laughter and whispered voices.
Inside an empty classroom, a group of girls were sitting on the carpeted floor. They were all looking at a strange box on top of a shelf that kept flashing different colors. Peeves began to cackle when he realized that these students were not only breaking curfew, but they were first years. And, oh how he loved to torment ickle firsties!
Grasping Mrs. Norris around the middle, Peeves inched closer to the group of young girls. He was about to drop Mrs. Norris on the head of one of the girls when he saw what was on the peculiar box.
The box had moving pictures inside of it, and they were speaking. But what really surprised Peeves was how familiar the box people looked. Not to mention, the place where the box people were located. Peeves quickly realized that the box people were Hogwarts' students, and that they were at Hogwarts' school as well. But, something was wrong. Something just didn't add up.
For one thing, the voices of the familiar box people were not the same as their real-life counterparts. The accents sounded a bit odd. Even though they looked similar, Peeves could tell that these people were not who they claimed to be. Especially Harry Potter. The Harry Potter that he knew had green eyes, not blue. No, this Harry had to be a Muggle. A Muggle that, despite the appearance of magical ability, could not do magic. Even though he resembled a true wizard.
"Can you believe this, Cindy?" a red-head said to the blonde seated next to her. "It's so…..surreal."
"I know what you mean, Tracey," answered the blonde in disbelief. "Who knew that Muggles believed in Hogwarts?"
"It's because of that woman who was a Squib," another girl chimed in. "What was her name again? Jocelyn? Janette?"
"No, it's J.K. Rowling," replied a brunette in the middle.
"Oh, right. I knew that it started with the letter J."
Peeves was too awestruck to speak. He was still clutching Mrs. Norris, who was mewling furiously, but all thoughts of his original plan had been abandoned. Now he wanted to watch the movie, whatever the hell that was, with them because this was far more entertaining. He was sure that if he did watch it, he would catch a glimpse of what the Muggles thought that a poltergeist looked like.
Surely, those Muggles would not be able to resist adding a poltergeist to their movie? Especially not one as brilliant, funny, and incredibly handsome as himself. Right?
"I can't believe that they forgot to include Peeves," mused one of the girls.
"I can," said Cindy, crinkling her nose in disgust. "He's awful. He would just ruin the movie."
Cindy's comment stung the gobsmacked poltergeist. He made a mental note to make her his number one target for now on. Until Cindy left Hogwarts, Peeves was determined to make her life a living hell.
"But, he's really quite funny," Tracey defended. "It would've been hilarious to see him in action."
Peeves didn't hear the rest of the conversation, but he did make another mental note to get Tracey to help him with his revenge on Cindy. Anger now pulsed through the poltergeist. How could they forget him? He was the star of Hogwarts! You couldn't just forget the star!
The nerve!
The audacity!
The…the…..
Losing his grip, Peeves dropped Mrs. Norris. He was satisfied when he heard a shriek come from Cindy. Mrs. Norris had landed on the blonde's head. Which he thought was awesome because the stupid bint deserved it. No one speaks ill of Peeves the poltergeist and gets off scot free. NO ONE!
The Hollywood producer of the Harry Potter films was sitting in yet another meeting. He was discussing the ending of the series with the other members of his staff. They were not suspecting an unlikely visitor. No, they were far too preoccupied to notice that hurricane Peeves was coming their way. And they were in for the shock of a lifetime.
The door flew open on it's own. Or, at least, that is how it appeared to the people sitting in the conference room. A gust of wind blew through the room and loose papers were caught in a whirlwind above their heads. It was the head writer who first noticed the poltergeist. Working in Hollywood for twenty years, this man had seen his fair share of eccentric characters. But this strange, little man before him took the cake.
"What are you doing here?" demanded the writer. "This is a private meeting!"
Everyone stared at the poltergeist. Some looked confused. Others looked royally ticked off. But everyone wanted to know what he wanted. So, they waited for him to speak.
"I am the poltergeist of Hogwarts' lore. But, of course, you don't know that because you're such a bore."
Every eyebrow was now raised. What was this man on about? And why was he rhyming?
"What do you mean by this?" barked the director, glaring at Peeves.
"Didn't you read any of the books? If you did, I wouldn't be receiving such funny looks. Like I said, I am Peeves, and I've come to settle a score."
"Can someone please call security?" asked the annoyed director.
Peeves, irritated that his speech wasn't having the effect that he desired, swooped down upon the film crew. Floating right above the elongated table, he was in close proximity to everyone in the room. Taking a deep breath, Peeves let out his tirade.
"YOU BLOODY WANKERS! DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU FORGOT THE BEST CHARACTER OF THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES!"
"Mr. Peeves," the director addressed him, lazily. "We did not miss Potter. We-"
"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT POTTY WEE POTTER, YOU DUNG FLINGING GORILLAS!"
"Well, then, I fail to see what-"
"ME! YOU FORGOT ME! THE BEST PART OF HOGWARTS! YOU BUTT MUNCHERS ADDED OTHER CHARACTERS TO SAY MY LINES! YOU ADDED A FUCKING SHRUNKEN HEAD BUT YOU CUT MY RUN-IN WITH LOONY, LOOPY LUPIN! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUNNY THAT WAS? ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID?"
Nobody spoke. They were shell shocked by the poltergeist. A few people hung their heads in shame. They felt sorry for him. But, in their defense, no one had thought that the poltergeist would mind being cut from the movies. After all, he was such a minor character and played such a minor role in the whole thing, right? Wrong!
They realized that he did care, and that he was a big part of Hogwarts. Hogwarts wasn't Hogwarts without the resident poltergeist himself. And Peeves had helped them to discover that.
But it was too late to add him to the movies. So, they did the next best thing. They promised to do a mini series that revolved around the poltergeist. It would center around his daily activities at Hogwarts school. This made the poltergeist very happy. He was finally getting what he deserved.
Author's notes: So, what did you think? Did you enjoy it? Hate it? Personally, I loved it. Peeves should have been in the movies. Would have made them soooo much better, in my opinion. But, enough about my thoughts, let me hear yours. With a review! Come on. Do it! You know you want to.