Disclaimer: I do own any of the characters in this story, they all belong to Cassandra Clare.
I want to feel the wind. I understand what it is, I know what is should feel like. But under the giant lamps, feeling the heat radiating off of the dirt ground that I'm currently kneeling on, wind seems more unrealistic than ever before. The air here is dry and stagnant, and my tongue tastes musty. I imagine the feeling of a cool breeze raising goose bumps along my arms, blowing my heavy curls off of the back of my sticky neck. I raise my arms, trying to feel if there is any movement in the air.
"Clary? What are you doing?" Simon's voice breaks me out of my trace and I open my eyes, feeling the blush spreading through my cheeks at the amused look on his face.
"Shut up," I say hotly, scrambling to my feet. "I was thinking about the wind, what it must feel like."
Simon rolls his eyes and bends down to pick up my bucket. "I don't even see why you pay attention in Earth Studies, that's the most boring class ever."
"You know I find it interesting. It all just seems so… unreal to me."
I take my bucket of weeds out of his hand and we start heading back across the field, weaving in and out of the rows of plants to avoid the other people working. The dirt crunches under my shoes and I wonder when it will rain. The systems try their best to mimic the weather patterns of those on Earth, and right now we are in the summer stage, the lamps working full blast to produce enough heat.
Once we reach the door and set our buckets down, Simon pushes the button and the door slides open, a whoosh of cold air coming out to meet us. A stray curl stirs against my cheek and I wonder if that brief rush of cool air is the closest thing to wind that I'll ever feel.
"It is now six o'clock," the robotic voice of a woman says, the sound echoing from all the intercoms down the hall.
Simon sighs loudly, the sound lost in the sudden chatter as people file out of all the rooms and start making their way down the hall.
"Sandy always ruins my plans. I thought we were going to have a few minutes before dinner but someone had to go all into crazy mode."
He insists on calling the robotic voice Sandy, saying it makes her more personable and less creepy to listen to every day. I don't know why he thinks that, giving her a name makes me think of some woman trapped in a room, forced to tell the time and announcements to us every single day, with no end in sight.
"Did you have something you were planning?" I ask, wondering why he seems so disappointed.
"Nah, I'll just talk to you about it after dinner." He won't meet my eyes though. It's a long walk to the far end of the ship where the dining hall is located, and we spend it in an awkward silence.
Isabelle and Alec are waiting for us inside, sitting at our usual table. Tall and pale, attractive with their dark hair and large dark eyes, they are the only siblings here. Most couples are allowed to only have one child, to create a controlled age group for the next generation, but because they were born within a year of each other, it was allowed.
"How were the fields today?" Isabelle asks as I sit down next to her.
"Hot," I complain, flopping my head down on the table with an exhausted sigh.
"It could have been worse, you could have been doing the pipes," she smirks, knowing she is right. Although the pipes would have been colder, scraping muck and gunk all day makes weeding the fields sound like fun.
Sandy's voice interrupts whatever brilliant comeback I was formulating in my mind.
"Please clear all arms and hands away from the tables, dinner will now be served."
The slots on our table tops slid back and a tray of food came up to sit in front of each of us. The food is the same every night, different colored lumps of various things stuffed full of all the essential vitamins and nutrients we could need. The colors are supposed to make it more appetizing. They don't.
As I'm lifting another bite to my mouth, I abruptly realize that it tastes like nothing. Nothing and everything, since it's all I've ever known. My stomach churns and I wonder what's wrong with my mind tonight.
To distract myself, I ask the question that I know is on everyone's mind. "So are you guys nervous about tomorrow?"
Everyone stops eating and Alec turns pale.
"Of course not," Isabelle says, tossing her hair back.
"Not even a little?" Simon sounds incredulous and she just shoots him a defiant look.
"Well I'm a little nervous," he admits. "It's just overwhelming to think that tomorrow is basically deciding what we are going to do for the rest of our lives. No more experimental classes or fake testing to see what useful skills we have. I wish I could know what to expect."
"You know the test is just to give them an idea of where to place you. They take your opinion and any professions you are interested in pursuing into account as well," Isabelle say confidently, like she already knows what is going to happen to her. I'm tempted to ask but we all know better than to talk about specifics. We could accidentally influence each other's decision if we do.
"I'm not as worried about my career placement as I am about next week," I confess. They all know immediately what I'm referring to.
Alec gets even paler and looks like he is going to be sick. Simon notices and laughs.
"Oh calm down, with your genes, I'm sure they are required to pair you with a girl who is beautiful and comes from good stock. And is she isn't as attractive as you'd hoped, I'm sure she has something else good about her that your children can inherit."
This doesn't seem to make him feel any better. Isabelle just rolls her eyes.
"Yeah Clary, what are you even worried about? Whoever you get will be for a reason and once you have a kid and contribute to the future of this ship, you can be done if you want. Just feel better knowing the lucky guy you get partnered with will be your perfect genetic match."
"I know that," I say quickly. "Just never mind."
Simon is looking at me curiously but I just turn my face away, finishing the last few bites of my food. I can't share what I'm thinking, why I'm so nervous for next week, when the evaluators will choose the boy for me to have a child with and possibly live with, if we want to. My worries are illogical, and I know that. But I also know that I'm going to end up sharing with my mother tomorrow.
Dinner ends and we have two hours of free time before bed time. I get up from me seat and turn to follow Isabelle out, but Simon grabs my hand to stop me. I jerk away in surprise and stare at him. Touching is not approved of, only when it's necessary and definitely not when it's on purpose or affectionate.
He turns red and stammers out an apology. I shrug it off, trying to ignore the strange sensation in my hand. His skin is rougher than mine and I find that I'm curious to feel it again. It's been a long time since someone else has touched me.
"Let's go to my room," I say, heading out the door, wondering what Simon wants to talk about. I look back to make sure he is following as the door opens and walk into something solid.
The force nearly knocks me to the ground, but firm hands grab my shoulders, keeping me upright. I gasp as heat sears down my arms and up my neck and I stare into golden eyes. The boy is tall, with curls just a shade darker than his eyes, and I've never seen him before which is nearly impossible since he would have to be part of my generation.
He doesn't say anything, just stares at me for a second, his face expressionless, then slowly lets go of me.
I know I should say something but with the shock of being touched twice in one night and running into a boy I've never seen before, all I get out is a squeaky, "Thanks."
"Watch where you're going next time." His voice is soft, condescending almost, and I don't know what to say back, but he just moves to the side and walks by me into the dining hall, the door sliding shut behind him.
Simon is standing next to me, and I turn to him. I struggle for a second, my brain racing to start back up and finally the words come. "Who was that?"
Reviews are, of course, appreciated… and yes, I am one of those people who feel encouraged to update faster if I get feedback. Things may seem a little confusing now, but they will be explained in time.