Once upon a time, Lizzie Bennet was v happily married to Darcy (FANGIRL SCREAM). They were so happy in fact that Lizzie never was sad. They lived in Canada b/c they decided that England was boring. Everything seemed happy and they were in love & Darcy (FANGIRL SCREAM) loved Lizzie most ardently.
However, things started to change one day. *chorus of groans* Lizzie saw a bean on the floor. Curiously, she tried it and discovered that it was an AGGRESSIVE ESPRESSO BEAN. Not just an espresso bean, it was AGGRESSIVE.
From then on her day was especially weird. She found live cheetos in Darcy's hair.
That night Lizzie had a weird dream. First, this girl named Elenna came to her and told her to chase her dreams, before naming her commander of the emus. So she did. The bean wouldn't escape her thoughts. The rest of her dream went something like this:
coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee 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Perplexed, Lizzie drove her moose out of her igloo to the nearest Starbucks. ALL ABOARD THE SWAG TRAIN. Her friend Rachael was at the Olympics, Brendan was travelling with some doctor, Megan was too busy crying over GENDRYA, Sandi was talking corn with corn, Cassie had weeped so much that she became Matthew Crawley, and Ashley was lost in Dan Smith's hair, so she was all alone.
She orderred a cup of coffee from Starbucks, although it wasn't fee. She really wanted fee samples. Maybe her friend Taissa would invite her to her house for fee samples since she has the best shit in town. Nonetheless, she found herself hopelessly addicted. She went to Starbucks every day that she wasn't at her dumb job w/ dumb people.
Darcy (FANGIRL SCREAM) started to notice this change. She was coming home less and less. He tried to give her authentic Canadian begged melk, but nothing would break her addiction. He would find iced capps everywhere. Her phone background was coffee. Her twitter name was coffeedaughter. She had somehow gotten so many Starbucks gold stars that she had taken over the official Starbucks twitter. Sometimes he would find her, sprawled on the ground reading fanfiction about them, a cup of coffee in hand.
He was starting to get worried that she would /become the coffee/. He planned to confront her that night about it, but she never returned home. He would even break his winning streak against It's All About the Swag on Balloono to find out what was wrong with her. He called on SUSEJ. SUSEJ couldn't do anything, he just smelled Darcy creepily, even when Darcy asked him, "Did you just smell me?"
Days passed. Weeks passed. Months (although May had to be cut back for financial reasons). She never returned. He asked her little shit co-worker named Joffrey if he had seen her, but he hadn't. Darcy slapped him for good measure. When he thought of her and their once perfect love he was reminded of how Lizzie 'pierced his soul. He was half agony, half hope.''
He tweeted her so much that he had to make 2 tweet limit accounts. He even did his goddamn physics homework for her.
But his real eyes realised *realized real lies. Finally, he found her at Starbucks, growling and groaning. Well, sort of.
She had become the coffee.