In the Birling household, the inspection is nearly over.
"This girl killed herself - and died a horrible death. But each of you helped kill her. Remember that. Never forget it. But then, I don't think you ever will. Remeb-"
Suddenly, the inspector's phone rang loudly. (It was a REALLY old fashioned one, so pretend portable phones were invented, yes?)
"Oh - sorry - I need to take this." he said plainly, while the others looked at him, shocked.
"Hello? Hel- ah, yes, Colonel Roberts. Yes... Yes... WHAT?! IT WAS HER ALL ALONG?! BUT - look, I'll call you back."
He hung up his phone and looked into the other's frightened faces.
"Urm... yes... sorry about that... it turns out it was Edna."
"EDNA?!" they all shouted.
"Errr... yes... she sneaked off while you were out... and stabbed Eva Smith... who actually WASN'T dead... and... yeah... I'm sorry for... everything, I mean... ruining your marriage... depressing Eric in such a way recovering is impossible... shouting at you... turning Sheila into a hysteric... and probably just made Gerald kill himself."
"WHAT?! INSPECTOR, EXPL-" Birling shouted.
But before he could say anything, the Inspector ran out into the hall at quick pace.
"SEE YA!" he shouted, and fled.
"Wait, so it was Edna?! Our MAID?! How did SHE know the girl?!" Mr Birling shouted, red in the face.
Sheila pranced round the room, now completely insane.
"Tra la la, Edna did it, Edna did it-" she trilled.
"Well, its possible she did have SOMETHING to do with her- Sheila, get off me." Mrs Birling stated.
"BANANAS! AND PORRIDGE! PORRIDGE IS SO VERY GOOOOOOODDDDD-"
Eric blinked.
"She's... hysterical... but... they still happened... I still got her pregnant."
"Actually, no." came a voice from the hall. They turned to meet the figure of Gerald at the door.
"Gerald?!" they shouted, except Sheila, who said,
"Banana?!"
Gerald looked shocked at Sheila, but looked quickly at the rest again.
"It wasn't you. It was Edna who forced her to sleep with somebody who she didn't know. Edna did it all..." he said bitterly.
"How do you kno-!?"
"I worked it out. Edna walked by with a knife in her hand 20 minutes ago on the street with foam at the mouth, so I pretty much guessed."
"By God... you saw her?" Eric murmured, head in hands.
Gerald nodded.
"Daisy- I mean Eva- said something about a woman... a bad one with a knife. I realise that this is Edna."
"But... what motive? Edna was just a maid..." Mrs Birling muttered.
Gerald rolled his eyes.
"Well duh! Didn't the inspector JUST SAY that women of lower class are just as good as higher, just unfortunate?! She was going to teach us a lesson... by killing. And to think, just a few hours ago, that bloodthirsty killer handed us more port..."
Mr Birling stood silently, Mrs Birling looked at the floor, Eric cried into his hands, and Sheila was rolling in the carpet quickly, saying,
"Hokey Pokey... The carpet smells like bananas... yummmmmm..."
Suddenly, after five minutes of silence and Sheila's banana cravings, Mr Birling clapped his hands once in a buisness like fashion.
"Well! It looks like there's only one thing to do now. Let's drink!"
"Well... it can't hurt! After all, Eva would want us to." Gerald said happily.
"Yes! Why not?" Mrs Birling said, smiling.
Eric nodded and walked over to the drinks and gave them all a drink. Sheila dunked her head in the punch bowl as a lemon floated in her hair.
That night, the Birling family drank until Mrs Birling collapsed against the television, as Sheila started foaming at the mouth.
The End.