It was about to overwhelm her, she could feel it as pain seeped through her being like poison. Like Merlin's poison. No..she couldn't go through this again. Her whole body trembled, her breath came in frantic gasps, and tears streamed down her face. It was as if someone has set fire to her soul. Then the break came.
"LOKI!" she screamed to the sky, "I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME," he was watching. He was always watching from afar, with the same broken heart. She knew because the familiar feeling of his eyes on her back haunted her. She knew because she dreamt it, and sometime…just sometimes in those dreams she got to touch his pallid features again. Did he feel it? Up there in the stars did he feel her cool touch.
Now she fell to her knees, tears falling to the ground as she clutched her aching torso. For a moment…she thought she would rather have someone just come to her and end it, but not before saying goodbye. Not before making amends. So many she had lost, so many had betrayed her…now she was alone. When there was no light, he had come into her world. For some short bliss, she was no longer alone. For a short time she was understood. But as always, she came to her tears alone and so cold. Now all that he had left behind was a hollow existence. Not again, she could not lose someone she loved again, could not be betrayed by someone she cared about again.
"Loki…please," she sobbed, the snow beginning to paint a blush on her features, her eyes misty with tears, "I can't do this, I can't lose another one, I can't lose you," and in the silence of the dark sky, she surrendered everything without words. Nothing was more important to her than him, not the throne, not Emrys's blood, not Arthur's bane and she could finally admit that she wanted love in place of power. Now all she had to do was wait to see if Loki could also admit it.
The God landed before her in all his glory, and though she did not look up to connect their jade eyes, or here his silver tongue speak, she already knew the answer.