AN: I can't sleep or find many Stendy fics so I decided to write one myself. Enjoy and/or review.
Refusing to break or bend to the dilemmas and drama of high school lust wasn't the hardest thing about high school, though it was quite difficult. Sometimes, late at night when the sand man refused to sprinkle sleep into her weary eyes and her favorite band tuned out song after song of heartbreak and love, she'd convince herself she could believe, if it would only find her.
She was stubborn though. Extremely stubborn, and by telling her boyfriend jumping, and constantly crush-developing friends she didn't believe in love was easier than admitting that she couldn't find it, or find it in herself to let somebody in.
It was easier to push people away before they got to close than to let them in to fiddle with your heartstrings and give them permission to pull on them and damage it. She did like him though. She convinced herself she didn't, something as fickle as love doesn't exist, it's your hormones, you'll get over him in due time. But she didn't. And often found herself replacing song lyrics to fit Stan's name instead of an affectionate term.
So when she was paired with him, along with Clyde and Kenny to make up the odd numbers of the five people group assessment, she couldn't help beating herself up over her high hopes.
He doesn't like you.
Why should he?
He barely talks to you anyway.
It's stupid, it's not real.
It Hurts.
"So, whose script are we going to use?" Kenny asked in a bored tone.
"Not mine, please GOD not mine"
"Ok come on Clyde, the drama class could use your interpretation of world war three. I especially like the part about the zombie German soldiers who form an undead army" Stan chuckled.
"It's insightful, to say the least"
"Oh shut up"
"Let's use Wendy's" Snapping out of her trance, Wendy looked up. It was Stan that spoke. He had used her name. She almost slapped herself for getting excited at the very thought.
"Umm… Ok, if you want"
"What's it about" Clyde asked.
"A school shooting." She replied, slightly embarrassed about the sudden on the spot interrogation, she was extremely confident on stage, so why was she losing her voice now in front of… Snap out of it Wendy "These three kids are cutting school while it's happening, and it's about them dealing with the aftermath. Two of them are dating and the they feel more and more terrible as the days go by, because the deaths of their classmates brought them closer together and this makes them feel guilty."
"That's actually pretty cool" Clyde says, his face lighting up at the prospect of his drama grade improving.
"Yeah and the third kids best friend was murdered by the shooter, and he tried to convince him to cut class with him but he got angry at him and they both had a fight before he cut class. His side of it is him reflecting on how empty he is without his best friend, and how if he could go back that day, he wouldn't even try to convince him to cut with him, he would stay in class and die with his best friend."
"That actually could work, I mean it fits the task sheet; it deals with emotion and current affairs. Wasn't there a shooting in a school near here a few months ago?"Kenny asked, flicking lazily through the assessment criteria.
"Yeah, so how does it end?"
"Well the boyfriend and girlfriend are so taken over with the guilt they feel, they decide the only way they can be together and at peace, is in death"
"Suicide" Grins Kenny "Sweet"
"So they overdose together and fall asleep next to each other and as they are drifting off into death they quote Romeo and Juliet by saying I must be gone and live, or stay and die."
"So what happens to that other dude?"Asks Kenny casually "He off himself too?"
Wendy opens her mouth to criticize Kenny's lack of tact, but she's cut off.
"No actually, that's the coolest part of the script." It was Stan, holding her script; talking about her script and with respect in his voice as well "He goes on to realize that what his friend was trying to tell him before he died was right. How he would waste his life if he kept cutting class and avoiding difficult things. It ends with him talking to his friend about his plans for the future."
Wendy was so amazed how Stan had complimented her script she nearly didn't hear Clyde.
"I thought his friend was dead"
"He is, in the script whenever the kid who survived is talking he's like his shadow, and does every move in sync with his friend, he falls when his friend falls, and even in death, he's looking out for him" Stan said this in a tone that clearly said he was impressed, it took every bit of willpower in Wendy to try hard not to blush.
"Well that's perfect! Four roles! Who's playing who then?" Kenny says clapping his hands together, obviously happy that the hard part was solved. He looked very grateful not to be in Cartman's group, where they were still debating whether or not they could pull off giant fire breathing Godzilla like monsters using only the creative industries prop-room, obviously they hadn't bothered to read the task sheet. Or even the slightly more organized Craig's group, where he and Kyle were having a heated argument about whether or not a vampire apocalypse was a current issue in modern society.
"Well I want to be the dead friend" Clyde says before anybody else can steal the part "I suck at learning lines, and choreography seems easy enough for me" This was Clyde being modest. He was in a modern hip hop dance group and was a pro at observing and copying.
"Well it's pretty obvious Wendy will have to be the chick that checks out early. Unless Stan wants to finally declare his undying love for me onstage"
"Oh Kenny, I'm afraid scrawny blonde man-whores aren't my type. It's not me, it's you" They all laughed. Maybe this thrown together group would turn out alright after all.
"Well, if Kenny doesn't mind, I don't mind being the boyfriend guy. I'm pretty sure if we cast Kenny as that role he might actually accidently kill himself" They all stifled their laughter as their drama teacher casted her narrowed eyes in their direction.
Wendy giggled with the rest of them, but inside she was doing belly flips. Stan actually offered the boyfriend part. He could have chosen the other role but his first choice was the on stage boyfriend of her. Almost as soon as she thought that the happy balloon inside was filled with cement. If she would be working with Stan on this, especially this close with him, she couldn't keep jumping to conclusions every time he so much as mentioned her in passing. It was getting ridiculous really.
They following weeks passed by quite smoothly. There were a few problems with line learning on Kenny's behalf, so in the end, Wendy just told him the gist of each scene and to improvise along the lines of the scenario. This actually worked out much better than any of them could have hoped. Kenny was much more relaxed with the role and because of this his actions were more natural, meaning Clyde could get a better grasp of his movements.
It also meant that Kenny could go more into detail during the scene where he's trying to imagine his best friend in the afterlife, an experience Kenny could bring through with rawer emotions due to prior real life circumstances.
Wendy was also finding it hard to concentrate on her lines (even if she did write them herself) however she eventually decided to use her inability to relax in her role, of wanting to be close to Stan's character but something inside of her not letting her. Something she was very familiar with.
He did seem really keen on the role though, and despite Wendy's efforts to ignore any kind of hint (no matter how subtle) she couldn't help finding his eyes lingering on her on more than a few occasions.
They had been talking quite a lot since the project, and by dress-rehearsal she was becoming more and sadder about having to say goodbye to this kind of closeness and friendliness on a daily basis. Perhaps he would say hi or even just nod to her in the hall in passing after this assessment was over. Just the thought of the sudden change of pace in their chumminess struck Wendy's heart painfully.
"You Ok?" It was Stan, and he was doing up the last few buttons on the sleeve of his characters shirt. "You look kind of nervous. I didn't think you'd be the type to get stage fright"
It took a while for her to get her breath "It's not stage fright. I love the stage. It's just the part before I get on that scares me. When I'm half-way between myself and my character, I guess it would be like being in limbo or something." She laughed at how stupid that sounded when she said it out loud "Yeah… Uh… No I don't get stage-fright. I love acting"
Stan laughed "Well if you can call this acting. I mean it's kind of just like repeating something we've done already. Only a hundred times more dramatic in this case"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I don't know if you remember" he laughed "Actually I wouldn't blame you if you forgot completely. In the third and fourth grade we dated for a while" It was a throwaway comment. But nevertheless, the fact he still remembered made her heart leap to her throat.
She managed a high pitched kind of nervous laugh as she adjusted her dress strap "How could I forget that? Those were the best years of my life" She'd faltered. She'd screwed up. Slipped up. Her camouflaged was ruined her mask torn away. Damn, how could she let that out loud? She looked down to her shoes and decided now would be a good time to fidget with that button her dress front.
Stan laughed, but not with malice or even spite "Yeah they were pretty mad days. Jeez how many crazy adventures did I drag you along to?"
She laughed, out of relief and nervousness. Had she gotten away with it? Did he notice? She just had to keep playing the role. It would be all over tomorrow any way and… He… He won't talk to you after that anyway… So even if he had noticed… He's not going to remember in a week's time. Wendy would have rather never acted again then admit it. But she would have rather him laugh at her pitiful accidental confession than for the truth of the façade all being over in a day's time.
"Well. At least I'm not going to throw up on you or stage or anything" He laughed again "Good thing you didn't write any kissy stuff into this script. The cleaner would have hated me"
Her heart couldn't possibly sink lower without stopping completely than at this very moment.
PERFORMANCE DAY:
Wendy was watching Kenny perform from the wings. No hiccups so far, in fact, if she hadn't been so into the role, she possibly would have been in tears from his performance.
"I doubt I'll make it where you are now" His voice deep and almost cracking, as if he was fighting away tears. "God... Why… God? Theres no God here. Just me. Just me. Just Me. I want to join you. Even if I spiral down to the deepest pits of hell and endure an eternity of torture. If I can just… Even if it's… Just a glance of you. Up with all the other people who could do no wrong. I can't think of this anymore. Theres a gun in the kitchen above the pots and pans. I can't use that. No, no, no, I don't deserve to go the same way you did no. The rope is in the attic" At this point Kenny and Clive slowly lift their heads up. It's perfectly in sync and looks beautiful. If the audience aren't crying now they were born without hearts! Kenny and Clive slowly sidled off stage, in a perfect pace to keep interest yet tension.
Ok. This is it. This is the last time. No don't think that. You're Cassandra now. She shuffled awkwardly onstage, just as written in the script. The lights were burning bright and she walked over to the bed they had made (it was a giant rectangular stage box propped upright so when she and Stan huddled together there it they audience could see them, yet they'd still look like they were lying on the bed.
She started crying. She brought the prop knife in her shaking hands up to her throat, one hand in her hair the other, holding the knife to her throat.
"CASSIE, NO!" Stan looked horrified as he ran over to Wendy and tugged the knife away.
"NO JOE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I… I'm dying Joe… When they died Joe, where were we? WHERE WERE WE JOE? We were about to break it off with each other. I hated you Joe. Hated you. So why was I so GODDAMN HAPPY when you wouldn't stop holding me? Because they DIED Joe. IT TOOK THEM TO DIE TO MAKE ME WANT TO LIVE. I can't do it anymore Joe. I can't live without you. But with you, I won't!"
"Cassie, don't do this, please Cassie. I can't do this without you." The raw emotion on his face was enough heartbreak to somehow push Wendy over the edge of acting, into improvisation. "I can't pretend any more I just can't! I thought I was stronger than this. But I can't. Not without you. Not anymore."
There were about five more lines to go from each of them, but the unscripted improvisation that Wendy suddenly had the urge to do seemed to have made them forget those lines. The silence between them built tension on the stage area.
Stan walked over quietly to where Wendy was and took her hands in his. He was meant to say two more lines before he did that. He led her over to the propped up bed and tucked her hair behind her ear. That wasn't scripted either. What had she done? Oh crap. I've screwed it haven't I? Goddamit Wendy.
Instead of the line telling her his plan to kill them both, Stan just brought out the bottle of pills (which were actually just peppermint tic tacs) and poured half of them in his mouth. He handed the bottled to her. She had another line. What was it? His eyes looked such a nice colour blue in the harsh stage lighting. She tipped the remainder of the tic tacs into her mouth and swallowed. He held onto her hands once more.
Now, don't screw it up anymore than you already have Wendy, Just do the Shakespeare line and pretend to die, and hopefully, you will actually die, because that will save a crap load of embarrassment.
"I must be gone and live" She said in a stage whisper that carried to the back of the audience due to the stillness of the crowd.
"Or stay and die" Stage said, in an equally carrying stage whisper. She closed her eyes. Yes, now die please let me die.
She felt soft lips pressed against hers suddenly and slowly. It wasn't a romantic kiss. Just a soft peck, lips to lips.
The silence engulfed her for a few seconds, then she felt the bed being tilted backwards by Kyle (who was acting as their stage hand) which meant they could no longer see how red her face must be.
Suddenly she heard Kenny's voice, but she didn't open her eyes.
She heard a chair scraping and knew he would be pretending to tie a noose around his neck and that Clyde was now in a chair behind him, his hands on Kenny's shoulders.
She heard the emotional delivery of Kenny's lines. But they just passed through her as if she was numb to all sounds around her. Then his last, final line.
And suddenly silence. It couldn't have lasted longer than 2 seconds but it felt like a lifetime. Suddenly the room was exploding with applause and cheering.
She hesitantly opened her eyes. Stan had his open and was beaming at her.
"What was that?" Kenny asked walking towards them wearing a dazed grin. Somebody had pulled shut the red curtain across the stage, she could still hear her classmates excited chatter outside.
"I'm so sorry" She said sitting up "I don't know… I just improvised and… I'm sorry I-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Clyde asked bewildered. "That was awesome. Geez you could have heard a pin drop. Talk about building the tension with silence! Why didn't you do that in rehearsal? It was so great!"
Annie poked her head around the stage curtain before Wendy could reply "Miss Pokin says you guys should hand in your task sheets now and she'll give you your marks. You guys were amazing, seriously that was so good" Kenny and Clyde talked excitedly as they made their way offstage to get their task sheets.
Wendy sat there, she was bewildered and yet… "I know what you mean about you not getting stage fright now"
Stan's voice almost made her jump. She looked at him, he was smiling at her, they same smile he had worn when he had first suggested they use her script.
"I'm sorry if I made you forget your lines" She mumbled, she wanted to look away out of embarrassment but she couldn't bring herself to look away from his eyes.
"Are you kidding?" He said standing up "Your improvisation justified my planned improvisation"
She was confused for a second and then, she realized what he had meant. But… Hadn't she imagined the kiss? She looked up at him, he was smiling warmly down at her.
Slowly, he extended her hand and offered it to her. "Come on, I'll walk you to your bag, Miss Pokin will murder us if we don't hand in those assessment sheets"
Wendy took his hand smiling stupidly, and realizing she didn't care about how silly her expression must look. It was going to be a tough one to explain to the girls.
How on earth did the girl who didn't believe in love, fall so deeply into it?
They had reached the bag racks, and as Stan bent down to grab his backpack, she kissed him softly and for a long time. He was going to find it hard to just recognize her in passing from now on. They had made sure of that.