Title: The Taste of Revenge
Author: Pixiebells
Show: House M.D.
Category: Slash, Humor
Pairing: House/Chase
Rating: M (for sexual references and language.)
A/N: Please R&R and most of all...enjoy!
"Can you believe that?"
House turned around from his white board, marker in hand. "What, his liver failure? Considering his genius idea of three-martini lunches, I'm hardly surprised, but-"
"No, no, not that," Chase interrupted, "I mean Cuddy. What fucking right did she have? Did you see her giving me a `look'? You know, when I came in this morning?" House stared blankly for a second. Chase's cheeks burned furiously. "Uh, when, um, we came in... together."
House stared at his adorable boyfriend. His lips curled up into a classic smirk. "Aww, c'mon, I'm sure she's just jealous. You know, she still hasn't even found a sperm donor yet. No one wants to knock her up, not even via Petrie dish."
Chase grinned. House's twisted sense of humor was starting to grow on him, despite his best efforts.
It was roughly 9 PM, and Cameron and Foreman had both already left for the day. It'd been a particularly bus day. A mysterious case, an unusual solution, and plenty of painstaking lab tests. Chase had done at least half of the tests with Foreman that day, so he hadn't had a chance to whine to House about Cuddy yet.
House looked at him indulgently. "You know, you're really cute when you're so pissed off."
"What?" Chase asked warily, his accent thickening as his concern grew.
"Oh, nothing..." He was trying to sound as vague as possible, to hide the mischief he was thinking up..."So, what exactly happened with Cuddy anyway?"
"I'm not positive; I could've been imagining half of it, but when we came in together, I could've sworn she gave me a `look'. Like some condescending..." He wished he could explain it better. He hated being constantly on defense about his relationship with House anyway. He liked him, so what? It didn't matter, it shouldn't matter.
"So...why are we dating again?" he walked over to House and stared into his eyes, a startling bright blue that always seemed to be seeing straight through him.
"Because I'm cute." He replied with a coy smirk as Chase moved in for a kiss.
"And I'm your boss," he said between short kisses, "and we all know you prefer a certian...balance of power in your relationships."
Chase sighed. "For the last time, my girlfriend liked it. I was just being...polite!"
"Typical Brit," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Too damn polite for your own good."
House paused and surveyed his face. Why not find a way to be annoy Cuddy and make him feel better?
"Well, she'll need retaliation! Perhaps we should visit her office?"
"But... she's not there."
"What ever shall we do then?".
Chase raised his eyebrows. He didn't know exactly what was happening as they walked down the hall...untill a rough hand found its way onto his ass.
Chase smiled at him after they entered Cuddy's office.
"I think I know what you want."
"Sweet," House began, talking between kisses again, "delicious, revenge. In the name of your honor, of course."
Chase gave in, pulling House towards him, hands on his face as he kissed him deeper. Somehow, from the doorway to the couch, Chase eventually ended up shoved against the desk, and House started to play with his belt buckle. "I have an amazing idea," he murmured in Chase's ear, as he kissed his neck.
"Here," he said, moving Chase so he was on her desk, as House joined him, and proceeded to pull a condom out of his pocket, and grinned slyly at him.
"You mean-on her desk-but we've never, um-"
"No, not that." House corrected him. "It's flavored..." He grinned, his azure eyes sparkling with mischief again.
"You're serious." Chase was astonished.
"Oh, right, like you have so much reason to object to this." House deadpanned, unbuckling Chase's belt. "I mean, come on..." He finished with the buckle and a hand wandered onto the zipper. "Please?" he begged, making eyes at Chase.
"Oh...all right." He paused. This actually would be fun, so why not play along?
"You can finish it however you like," he said, leaning back on a stack of folders, "but don't give me a `gag reflex' excuse. I've seen you swallow 6 Vicodin at once, without a drop of water." He teased, grinning at House who was all too eager on his impending conquest.
House raised his eyebrows, still teasing him. "Dealer's choice."
"Surprise me." He said with a grin.
"As you wish..." House replied
...
"HOLY FUCKING-"
"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Dr. Lisa Cuddy, I'm the Dean of Medicine at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, and I'm not available at the moment, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thank you." *beeeeeeeeep*
"Cuddy, this is House, I -uh- think that there were a couple of sperm donors that saw your file and might be interested, they stopped by after you left-so, I made sure to put a note on your desk, so...I'll see you Monday."
Chases eyes widened "Tell me you didn't just leave her a voicemail?!"
"Aww, I'm just having fun. You worry too much. C'mon, let's go get some hot cocoa!"
Chase grinned despite himself. House was clearly insane. Why the hell was that so attractive?
Monday morning was warm; warmest it'd been in weeks. Lisa was glad she'd gotten to work early, there were a lot of files to get through, and she wanted to take care of them early.
She entered her office, and clicked on her voicemails immediately, using speaker phone so she could get herself situated while hearing her messages.
As she set down her purse and put her coat on her chair, she heard a message from a patient's mother, thanking her. The second message began, from a charity thanking her for a donation. As she listened, she searched for a particular file, and then she noticed something odd: her desk was in disarray. It wasn't in the neat piles she'd left there on Friday. Some of her papers were wrinkled, 3 different files had mysteriously fallen onto the floor in a disheveled heap. As the third voicemail from House began, she she saw something on her desk that, at first glace, seemed like an innocent candy bar wrapper, but as she looked closer and heard his message...
"HOUSE!!" she yelled, stalking angrily into the diagnostics's office.
"Aah, Cuddy, good morning. Isn't it nice outside today? Warmest weather yet this month." He grinned, trying to sound innocent, while he was downright gleeful by annoying her. "So, found any sperm donors yet? I think I left you a message about it, and-"
"House, get in my office. NOW." Her eyes turned darker and her face twisted in disgust.
"Well, kids if you'll excuse me..." House said to his team, as Foreman was starting the coffee, and winked at Chase as he passed him.
"What the hell is WORNG with you?!" she yelled immediately after he'd closed the door.
"Well, I could make you a list, but you know, that might take a while, and-"
"Look," she said, her eyes burning with anger, "there are only two reasons I'm not reporting both of you this very second. Firstly, this is completely embarrassing, and immensely unprofessional, and the second, frankly," -her anger paused. "I'm...I'm afraid to touch my desk. God what is WORNG with you? Why'd you do this?"
"Do what?" He asked in mocking innocence.
She gestured to the wrinkled papers, the stuff on her floor, the guilty condom wrapper, and a Post-It which read: "GH + RC 4-EVA", which House had thought was a cute parting gift, actually.
"Aww, come on, don't be jealous. Green with envy isn't a good color on you."
Cuddy sighed. She knew that arguing with him would be pointless. "OK, whatever just bring Chase in, all right? And try to not do anything insanely stupid on you way back? Try and act like a grown-up, remember?" She said, with biting condescension.
He turned and bounded off. His plan had worked perfectly.
"Hey," House said, staring straight at Chase as he entered the room, "your turn, sunshine." He smiled, and gave Chase his cute-puppy eyes again before turning to Foreman and Cameron. "Ok, so, liver failure, plus irregular heartbeat, and some icky, icky discharge. What do we got, people?"
Chase turned and went down the hall, his anxiety mounting as he approached. He had no idea what Cuddy might say. He hadn't broken any rules, technically...had he? Would she be angry? Would she fire him? Would she fire him and not House since he technically outranked him? All these questions squirmed in his mind on his way in.
"Morning." He could barely get out. He was almost starting to panic.
"Hi," she said patiently. "Look, I don't mean to interfere, but, well, why? I mean, why you guys did this, obviously I don't need a detailed explanation, but-"
"Look, if you're going to fire me just get it over with, all right?" He was acting on his panic, and it usually didn't help.
"I'm not going to fire you." She sighed. "I have figured some of this out. House did this because he's completely insane and loves to annoy me, but you don't seem like you'd do something like this unless you had a reason..." she looked at him earnestly, trying to find an answer as he meekly met her eye line. "I mean, you know, you're fully sane. And, unlike House, you have a conscience." She paused, feeling her argument was going in the wrong direction. "Did I do anything...?" she trailed off. He still didn't reply, but she was trying to be understanding, and she wasn't going to fire him.
"I thought-last week-that when I came in, with him, I mean, I thought you kinda gave me a `look'..."
"Wait, you think I'd be mad at you for-"
"I can be sorta paranoid, but I thought you didn't like us being, together, but I guess I just didn't really see a reason..." He paused, hoping he wasn't hurting her feelings.
Cuddy sighed. "Chase, look, I have nothing against you being with House. Trust me: male, female, hermaphrodite, pet fish, whatever. If someone willingly chooses to spend time with House, I consider them all equally insane. Besides, I wasn't giving you a `look'; I was scowling at House for something he said to me last week. No worries. Hell, if you're happy, and he's less of a jerk, then the better for all of us, right?"
Chase smiled with relief. "Yeah, well thanks for being so understanding, and-" he turned to leave.
:"Uh, Chase, one more thing-"
He turned around.
"No more screwing on my desk, ok? It's just...weird." She rolled her eyes and gave him a reassuring smile.
"Now go on, get out of her, go make House less of a jerk."
He smiled back, turned and walked out of her office. One thing was for sure. Life with House was never, ever boring.
The End.