As a sorrowful Sam left the kitchen for her room Brooke gazed over at the tattered wedding dress of many colors soaking in the bleached water. How could Sam have been so thoughtless? Brooke tore her eyes from the dress to Jamie. She could only hope he would forget about his dip into depravity, but she doubted it. He would probably always remember how fun vandalism and underage drinking seem from the outside.
The thoughts triggered a flare of fury to course through her veins once again. Jamie's innocent face forced her to suppress her rage. I suppose if I am going to kill Sam tonight it would be best if Jamie weren't here to watch it.
"Hey little man." She said walking over to him and ruffling his hair. "I am going to need to take the 72 hours of painful hand stitching I poured into that dress out of Sam's skinny a- hide; and that won't be a pleasant thing for you to watch. So we are going to have to postpone our sleepover for another day."
Jamie looked crestfallen. "I'm sorry Aunt Brooke."
"Hey you don't need to be sorry Jamie." Brooke said pulling him into a hug. "Besides next time it can be the whole day and I can spoil you with ice-cream and cartoons."
"Okay." Jamie said. His voice cracking with emotion.
Brooke scooped his chin up with her finger so she was looking him in the eye. "I just said I was going to spend the whole day spoiling you with ice-cream and cartoons. You are supposed to squeal with glee when I say that, not hold back tears."
"Will Sam be able to play too?"
Brooke rolled her eyes. "Yes. Your precious Sam will be able to play too?" She probably just won't be able to sit down.
Jamie nodded his head. "Thanks. Aunt Brooke. I will be good next time I promise."
Brooke's heart sank a little bit. "Hey, did I say anything about you not being good. Of course you're going to be good. You're always good." Then in a quieter tone "I love you Jamie."
Jamie's face split in a smile. "I know you do Aunt Brooke. Everyone does."
"Why you cocky little…" Brooke said tickling him furiously. After half a minute of tickle torture Brooke sent him into the living room to watch the Toy Story DVD and dialed Haley.
"Hey, Brooke" Haley answered. "is everything okay?"
"Yes, well no. I mean sort of." Brooke spluttered
"Is Jamie hurt?" Haley asked with alarm.
"No, Jamie is fine. He's wonderful."
Brooke heard a sigh of relief at the other end."
"It's just that Sam took him to a drunken teenage party she threw, IN MY STORE, which resulted in severe collateral damage. The most notable being Peyton's wedding dress. So I was going to painfully torture and kill Sam tonight and thought it would be better if you took him back to your house so the screaming didn't keep him from getting the restful night's sleep every little boy needs."
"I will be right over."
XXXX
Ten minutes later the doorbell rang and Haley invited herself in.
"I'm here Brooke." She called out. She gasped at the sight of Peyton's once beautiful white dress laying in a water-filled tote. The dress looked like it had been savagely stabbed, and bled rainbow-colored blood.
She turned away from the fashion macabre when she heard the clicking of Brooke's shoes on the hard floor.
"Amazing what you can do with spray paint and scissors isn't it?" Brooke said with a forced smile. Then her face crumbled and she started to cry.
Haley rushed over and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I am so so sorry!" she said running her fingers through Brooke's hair.
"I just don't understand Hales. I let her into my house as an alternative to sleeping in a car, I show her the kind of love and attention I would have killed for from my mother and she slaps me in the face."
Guilt shot through Haley. Maybe she shouldn't have suggested this plan to Brooke. No! No, Sam needs someone to watch her back. And Brooke is that someone. Sam might need someone to strangle her to the point of near death. Perhaps even give her an out of body experience, but her core was good and Brooke and Sam would bring out the best in each other. Sam had already helped Brooke to become the wonderful mother she never had.
Haley pulled back from Brooke just enough to look into her eyes. "Brooke you have shown her extreme kindness and love. Which, as you know, is something she desperately wants. Do not underestimate how much you mean to her."
"Yeah, I mean so much she destroys the wedding dress of my dearest friend."
"Dearest friend?" Haley asked with a raised eyebrow.
Embarrassment crossed Brooke's face. "You're my dearest friend too Hales. There can be more than one dearest friend."
Haley smiled. She really found sinister satisfaction in flustering Brooke. "Oh really" she said. "I'm thinking maybe you should go to my English class with Sam."
"Sam might not be alive for your next class." Brooke said laying her head back on Haley's shoulder. "Besides you know I poured many hours of painful hand-stitching into your shotgun wedding dress after you got knocked up."
The jab Haley delivered to Brooke's side sent the brunette reeling backwards.
"Ouch." Brooke complained. "You're supposed to be comforting me during this time of sadness."
"Consider yourself comforted." Haley said then looking back to the dress said. "You would think a fashion diva would know bleach doesn't really do much for spray paint and scissors"
"That was Sam trying to clean up her mess. Unfortunately for her, this mistake is too big for her to fix" Brooke said.
"At least she was trying. And she can fix the mistake with your help. Mothers are supposed to help their children do things they can't do for themselves." Haley counciled.
"Yeah." Brooke admitted. "It was really dumb of her to throw the party, and bringing Jamie was inexcusable, but she looked pretty horrified when she saw the dress."
"You know." Brooke continued thoughtfully. "Sam was genuinely surprised when I told her she was grounded. She was certain I was going to just throw her into the street."
Brooke stared down at her feet. "She told me she that I had been nice to her but she just wasn't worth it."
"Brooke." Haley said pulling her friend's stare from the floor. "You can't kill Sam tonight. I still need to beat her for taking Jaime to that party."
A laugh forced its way out of Brooke's lips. "I guess I can hold off until Monday, but you have to promise to let me watch." Haley felt good seeing the smile plastered across Brooke's face. Her job here was done. Now she needed to get her little boy home.
"Jamie, come here and say goodbye to Aunt Brooke." Haley called into the living room.
"But the movie's not over?" Jamie protested.
"You will have other chances to watch it. Let's go."
"Awe mom!"
"Now Jamie."
Jamie relented and came to his mother.
"Goodbye Brooke" Jamie said as he headed for the door.
"What! No hug." Brooke pouted.
Jamie turned and hugged her. "Remember" he said "next time I stay all day and you give me ice-cream"
Haley shook her head. "He is going to end up with type II diabetes if I keep letting him hang out with you."
"Excuse me." Brooke scoffed. "It is the job of the godmother to spoil the godson. It's your job to make sure he makes it to the age of 18 as a healthy adult."
Before walking to the door Haley turned to the broken dress lifted it up, making sure colorful drips landed in the tote and said "You know although Sam's spray paint and scissor alterations make this a terrible wedding dress it still has a certain unique look…like…oh, I don't know-"
"Dead teenager?" Brooke offered.
Haley leveled a smirk at her friend. "I guess it would make a good burial gown for Sam, but I was thinking it resembled…distressed beauty, or…um… elegant graffiti."
Brooke did a double take of the dress in Haley's hand. A light seemed to go on in her mind. She started mumbling sentences Haley couldn't quite make out. Something about gloves and parasol's. After a minute or so Haley's arm was starting to hurt from holding the dress while Brooke stared and mumbled.
"Earth to Brooke." She said.
"Oh oops." Brooke said snapping back into reality. "I was just visiting fashionland, and it's been a while since I was there so I kind of forgot you were here."
Haley beamed. "That is so cool! I expect to see a whole new line of clothing named after me." She said carefully restoring the dress to its watery casket and walking to the door.
Right as Haley was about to leave she turned to her friend and said. "You know I love you right?"
Brooke smiled. "Yeah, everyone does."
"You're so humble." Haley snorted.
"Just quoting your son." Brooke retorted.
Haley shot Brooke a confused look. Then said. "Whatever crazy girl. And speaking of crazy girls, be sure to mix a healthy dose of love into Sam's beatings."
The mention of Sam put a frown back on Brooke's face. Haley pulled her into a quick hug and kissed her temple. "Everything will turn out okay. After this Sam is going to know that you will never give up on her."
"Thanks Hales, you know I love you too right?"
"Yeah." Haley said. "I mean not as much as you love Peyton, but I'll take what I can get from the fashion diva."
" Hey I made your wedding dress too. But just to appease your bruised ego I will make you another dress for performing. It'll just cost you a song."
"You didn't make Peyton sing."
"Please, we both know that would have been painful for everyone."
Haley laughed. She really was lucky to have Brooke. They all were.
"Goodbye Brooke." Haley said.
XXXX
As Brooke shut the door behind Haley a sense of dread filled her. What was she going to do with Sam? She had already decided she wasn't going to give up on her, but what if that wasn't enough? What if Sam never stopped doing incomprehensively stupid things? What if Brooke Davis just wasn't a good enough mother for Samantha Walker?
Brooke snapped out of her pessimistic thoughts and raised her hand to knock on Sam's door. She was the only mother Sam had. Failure wasn't an option. Still the idea of confronting Sam tonight seemed overwhelming. Brooke suddenly realized she was exhausted. She lowered her hand. It would be better to talk to her tomorrow when I'm not so tired and pissed off. She thought.
With that decision made she trudged over to her room, not even bothering to turn the light on, let alone wash up, before flopping down on the bed. Rather than falling into the comfort of her soft mattress she crashed down on a hard, grunting, lump in her bed.
Someone is in my bed! SOMEONE IS IN MY BED! Brooke thought screaming at the top of her lungs. Brooke's terrified screams were joined by the high-pitched shrieks of the 'someone' in her bed. Brooke's terror was replaced by anger and embarrassment. "Samantha! What are you doing in my bed?" Brooke demanded, flipping the light on.
"You told me to go here because the window doesn't open!" Sam yelled back looking wildly comical with her wacky bed head. Brooke also noticed her puffy eyes. She must have still been crying.
"I didn't think you would take me seriously." Brooke defended.
"Fine." Sam said throwing the covers off and stomping to the door. "I'll go to my- I mean your other bedroom."
"Oh no you don't!" Brooke said grabbing the angry teen's arm and turning her so they faced one another. "I'm not going to let you run out on me."
"Why not?" Sam asked violently pulling her arm out of Brooke's grip. "I am always going to do stupid things. I am always going to disappoint you. I am damaged and you can't fix me."
Brooke was not going to get sucked into this argument. "I told you you are staying in my room tonight. Close the door." She said in a tone so calm she even impressed herself. Maybe she would make a good mother after all. Sam shot daggers out her red-rimmed eyes at Brooke before slamming the door shut.
"Thank you." Brooke said.
"You're going to give up on me just like everyone else." Sam said as she yanked a pillow from the bed and threw it against the wall. Then thrusting her finger to Brooke said. "Sooner or later you're going to realize I'm not worth it." Those admissions started Sam crying again. She angrily swiped at the tears on her cheeks then turned from Brooke and flopped down on the floor, laying her head on the pillow.
Her foster daughter's words painfully tore at Brooke's very core. Brooke was barely able to keep at bay the feelings of overwhelming insecurity that bombarded her. She had to be strong for Sam. Sam needed an immovable defender. B. Davis you are going to stay calm and get your girl through this.
"We're not sleeping on the floor." Brooke said.
"So sleep on your bed Brooke." Sam sniffled.
"I plan to. And I'm not letting you out of my reach so get on the bed."
"Why don't you just end the suffering and let me go? I'm never going to be the wonderful daughter you have conjured up in your imagination. I'm not going to be rich or successful or famous. I'm just going to be a disappointment."
Again Brooke was somehow able to push her tears back and in a composed manner say. "Get on the bed Samantha."
"Brooke. News flash. I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO! So you don't need to worry about me running too far."
"Get on the bed Samantha." Sam could waste all her energy screaming and rationalizing. Brooke would just wear her down by being a broken record.
"I told you I wouldn't run away." Sam screamed as sobs started to overcome her body.
"Get on the bed Samantha."
"FINE!" Sam roared shooting up, stomping over to the bed with her pillow in hand, and throwing herself onto it. "Are you happy now!"
"Yes. Thank you Samantha." Brooke's soul shattered as she witnessed the scene of her troubled teen wretchedly crying into her pillow while she covered her head with her arms.
Brooke disliked the idea of sleeping in her clothes but she did not want to leave Sam alone while she changed them. She tossed her shoes off and slid the covers over Sam's quivering frame before slipping in the bed next to her.
Brooke turned her body so she was facing her foster daughter. She reached out to draw Sam close to her. Sam flinched and fought against her. Brooke calmed her with gentle assurances that everything was okay as she slowly coaxed Sam into letting her pull her back flush against her chest. Brooke felt renewed hope in her ability to be a good mom as Sam gradually relaxed into her embrace. Brooke softly stroked her foster daughter's hair with one hand while she held her close with the other.
"I can't believe you grounded me." Sam sniffed after a few minutes.
"What did you expect me to do?" Brooke asked. A little stunned that Sam was talking to her.
"Kick me out."
"I'm not kicking you out."
"I don't even know what grounded means." Sam said. "I mean does that mean I can't be with friends, cause that would mean no school, does that mean no eating, cause that would be abuse, and if you mean…"
As Sam rambled on about the vagueness of the word grounded Brooke realized she didn't really know what it was either. It wasn't like her parents ever grounded her.
"Don't worry about it Sam. I'll lay it out for you tomorrow once you're all rested."
"What do you mean don't worry about it?" Sam asked turning to face her. "Just saying 'Don't worry about it' makes me worry about it even more."
"I know." Brooke squealed kissing her forehead. "Isn't it great?"
"Can't you just beat me until you feel better and be done with it?" Sam groaned.
"Of course not." Brooke said. "I could break a nail. Besides, psychological torture is way more gratifying."
"And here I was beginning to think you were a big softie." Sam scolded. "Now I know you're just a different kind of evil."
Brooke pushed her foster daughter's dark hair behind her ear and rested her hand on her face, softly rubbing her thumb along Sam's cheek. "Oh, I am so not soft and I am wickedly evil. The kind of evil that kicks puppies."
Sam smiled. "So I should probably be scared."
"Very scared." Brooke whispered.
Sam's broad smile filled Brooke with joy. The joy disappeared when the girl's smile faded into a frown.
"I'm so sorry." She whimpered as tears leaked from her eyes. "I know you spent forever on that dress, and it was beautiful, and-and no matter what I-I do I can't ever make it back the way it was."
Brooke pulled her foster daughter close and let her bury her face in her shoulder.
Remembering Haley's advice Brooke said. "Well, why don't you let me take care of the things you can't fix while you focus on the things you can fix. So I can make a new dress, which will be a total pain in the ass- I mean neck, and what can you do?"
"I don't know!" Sam moaned.
"Stay calm honey." Brooke cooed as she patted her back. "We can work on this later. I'm still going to be here for you tomorrow."
"You promise?" Sam shuddered.
A spike of anguish sprang up in Brooke's chest. "Of course I promise Sam." Brooke said hugging the girl fiercely.
Sam slipped her arms around Brooke. "Good." She said.
That simple statement rang throughout Brooke's body. Her daughter wanted to be stuck with her!
After a few minutes Sam's breathing evened out and Brooke rolled onto her back, adjusting Sam so she laid belly down on top of Brooke's chest. Brooke flipped off the light and lazily ran her fingers through her daughter's hair as sleep started to overtake her.
"I guess I could clean up the shop." Sam said startling Brooke out of her near slumber.
"Sam, I thought you were asleep." Brooke groaned.
"Fine, if you would rather I didn't take your advice I can just go to sleep. In fact, your attitude tells me I should just sleep until you fix the problem for me." Sam said.
"Nice try twerp. I told you we could talk about it tomorrow. Me, Owen, and Millie already cleaned most of the store, but there is still some painting and clean-up you could do."
"If you actually had customers I could work in the store for free for a couple of months." Sam offered.
"So I'm just going to ignore the grief you give me about the lack of customers; and I'll take you up on that offer." Brooke said.
Brooke was just about asleep when Sam spoke again.
"Brooke, I know your emotional baggage makes it so you want to be super mom, but wouldn't you rather have a daughter that wasn't damaged goods?"
"Wait. I have emotional baggage?" Brooke asked.
"You have mega mommy issues Brooke."
"I'm going to make sure you have mega mommy issues once I'm done laying down your punishment." Brooke warned.
"You didn't answer my question Brooke."
"Sam you are my foster daughter. You are a part of me. I don't sit around wishing I could replace you with someone else."
A few minutes of silence followed. Sam might have stopped talking but her fidgeting told Brooke the wheels in her head were spinning at full speed. Brooke worked on smoothing and taming her teen's bed head while she waited for Sam to tell her what was on her mind.
Finally, Sam rolled off of Brooke's chest facing away from her. The small move tore away the physical and emotional closeness Brooke had been feeling with her daughter leaving her empty. Not really any different than she felt before Sam walked into her life, but it was worse now because she knew different.
"Peyton told me about Angie." Sam whispered.
Sam's statement filled Brooke with trepidation. She did not want to drudge up the pain of Angie tonight, but she knew she had to if it was bothering Sam.
"What did she say?" Brooke asked.
"That you loved her. That she made you feel happier than Peyton had ever seen you; which means a lot coming from someone who has been your best friend since you were eight." Sam answered. A hitch in her voice revealed her sadness.
"Angie was beautiful. And I was devastated when they took her away from me" Brooke said not even trying to engage in the futile effort of stopping herself from crying. "Why does Angie upset you?"
"She doesn't upset me?" Sam lied. "Everyone loves babies. I would think there was something wrong with you if you didn't love her."
"Why are you crying if she doesn't upset you?" Brooke asked.
"I'm not crying." Sam lied again. "I was just making idle talk. Anyway, I am tired now so goodnight."
Brooke reached over and rolled Sam back onto her chest despite Sam's loud, but weak protests.
Brooke pushed Sam's hair out of her face and went back to rubbing the girl's wet cheek with her thumb while running her other hand through her hair.
"Why does Angie upset you?" Brooke repeated.
"If they wouldn't have taken her away there is no way you would have let me be here. Your need to nurture would have been met. You know if you weren't insane you would just get a dog."
"You don't know that I wouldn't have taken you in." Brooke protested choosing to ignore Sam's accusation of insanity.
"She didn't make you sad. She didn't steal from you. She didn't do stupid things. She wasn't broken."
"Stop it Sam!" Brooke warned. Sam was approaching emotional ground Brooke did not want to cross.
Sam tried to move off of her foster mother's shoulder again, but this time Brooke held her in place.
"I'm option B. A pathetic substitute for what you really need to feel whole." Sam cried.
"There is no option A Sam!" Brooke said unabashedly crying now. "Angie was beautiful. You would have loved her just like you love Jamie. I was her mother and they ripped her away from me, so she could go back to the hell I rescued her from. What do you want me to say Sam? What do you want me to do? How can I make the welcome mat anymore obvious? You are here in my home, in my bed, in my arms. How does Angie make my commitment to you any less real?"
Brooke realized she was yelling now. She had lost the calm that had been serving her so well. "I'm sorry Sam." Brooke said afraid to release her grip on her daughter. "Angie is a painful subject for me. We can talk about her if you want, but it just hurts."
"That's okay Brooke." Sam whispered. Then a few moments later said. "I promise I won't run away if you ease up on your death hug."
"Oh. Sorry." Brooke said loosening up a little, but still not letting go. "Just know any attempt to escape will be met with painful hugging."
Silence hung in the air for a few minutes. It was broken, once again, by Sam.
"At least you won't have to worry about anyone taking me away. I mean even if someone did decide they wanted a 15 year old all you would have to do is tell them about tonight and they wouldn't want me anymore."
"I know about tonight and I still want you." Brooke said.
Sam snuggled deeper into Brooke's embrace. "At least I'm potty-trained."
Brooke smiled. "That is nice. And on that happy topic I expect you to change my diapers when I get old."
"Brooke, first of all, nasty thought that I wish I could unthink. Second, I hate to break it to you but, you are only eight years older than me. We are going to be old at the same time."
"Fine, then I expect your children to change my diapers."
"Well, let's see mine and Jack's baby is due in about seven months, so I guess that will work."
"What!" Brooke said jumping up.
"Gotcha!" Sam giggled.
"Brat. I am going to remember that when I am doling out your punishment tomorrow."
"Totally worth it no matter what you do." Sam teased.
Brooke lay back down, pulling Sam with her.
"Go to sleep."
Sam snickered a little then wrapped her arms around Brooke's shoulders as she relaxed completely in her mother's arms. Within ten minutes the teen's breathing had evened out and she was snoring softly.
"Looks like I might finally get some shut eye." Brooke said to the girl sleeping in her arms. Brooke took time to simply enjoy the closeness she felt with Samantha, as she knew times like these were fleeting, few and, far between. She stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. "You belong to me Samantha Walker." In spite of Brooke's desire to hang onto this beautiful moment it was becoming impossible to put off sleep any longer. Eventually, Brooke joined Sam in a peaceful slumber.