Lessons from Asgard – Courtesy of Loki 2 - The Dark World
Captain America's Outfit is Loki Approved – Apparently Loki likes how tight it is in certain places.
Pantene is not available in Asgard - Neither is Garnier or any other brand that actually works, as evidenced by the abundance of greasy hair among the Æsir, including the Crown Prince.
BiFrost Repairs Complete – Recent reconstruction of the BiForost is finished and has allowed the construction of a planned expansion, the new and improved BiFrost is ridiculously long. Tolls will apply until building costs are recouped; make sure your horse is fully fueled as wait times can be considerable during peak hours and All Father Closings.
Vidal Sassoon – Does not have any salons in Asgard, nor does Paul Mitchel if Frigga's hairstyles are any indication.
Match Maker dot Com– Is not getting any competition from Asgard, despite the All Father's best efforts.
Primitive Bathing Facilities Abound –Despite being and advance race of immortals, even in the royal palace Asgardians have still not discovered the shower.
Sif Hoarding – Rather than jewels, Sif had apparently cornered the Æsir Eye Brow Pencil Market resulting in massive product unavailability for everyone else, especially in the prison levels.
Sparkle Swords – Are the Æsir response to distance weapons and not a good response either, resulting in increased prices on funeral boats.
Odin A+ Parenting – No long a valid tag due his recent abysmal performance in this area exceeding the limits for even this rating. A study group will be looking into a new tag to adequately reflect his total dick parenting. Suggestions are welcome.
Fandral has pissed off the Goddess of Pomade – Resulting in a frizzled bang look that resembles most Japanese Boy Band Members.
Not As I Do – Double Standards abound in Asgard. It is A-Okay with Odin that his father Bor killed an entire race, but not for Loki.
Domesticated Ruminant Animals Restrictions – Mortals like Jane Foster are not permitted in Asgard or at Banquets.
Excuse Improvement – Thor has finally passed his O levels.
Might Makes Right – According to the All Father the difference between good and evil is who wins.
Heimdall's Principles for Similar Situations – Orders from the king are orders and cannot be disobeyed, not even for Thor. Unless the king is Loki, and then it's okay.
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Please feel free to leave comments with the lesson's you learned so we can expand this primer. See Chapter 2 for answers to the comments as the comment section is not really suited for numerous replies.
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Other Fics by Renne Michaels
How Desperate are You? – Complete – Loki has had a bad year and after leaving Midgard with Thor and challenging Odin isn't making it any better, but no matter how smart you are… Sometimes stubborn happens. It may not seem to be in your best interest, but how desperate are you for a resolution? Any resolution. Ask Tony, maybe he knows. Loki is returned to Asgard and nothing good happens, but Loki isn't the only one with issues, Odin has plenty of his own, especially in the realm of A+ Parenting. Loki is desperate to escape from Asgard, Odin and his past. 73,000 Words
Desperate for Change – Last chapter posting Sunday November 10th - Returning to Midgard after an absence of almost two years, Loki finds that as desperate for change as he has been, some changes will take time to get used to, especially when they concern his relationship with Tony and Pepper. Darcy lays down her taser, momentarily and decides to start wielding the internet to the dismay of both the fallen Prince of Asgard and S.H.I.E.L.D. Outing the trickster god to the general public is going to be difficult for Loki, but equally difficult will be Tony's acceptance that things between the three will change, and not always the way he wants them to. Sequel to How Desperate Are You? 77,000 Words
Queens Grace – First Chapter will post Sunday November 10th – Eventual FrostIron - Odin has taken Loki's magic and made him mortal. But Asgard's prisons are not a safe place for the Trickster under these conditions. Odin then decides to take away one more thing from his second son, his memory of recent events going back the last four years. Frigga decides that Asgard is not safe for Loki's reduced station, but that Tony Stark's tower would make an excellent secure location for amnesiac Loki to be under house arrest. 82,000 Words and no end in sight, will update regularly
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I don't own the Avengers or Thor, they are the property of Marvel and Disney, and are not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.