A/N: I had some requests for more adult Zoe and Raph and I've wanted to do some one shots with them while I work on Part III. This is a sort of Prequel to Zoe Part I. I thought it would be interesting to know more about the month that Raph was "stalking" (as Mikey put it) Zoe before they actually met.
Somewhere I Belong
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong
~Linkin Park~
Raphael
Week One
Whirling through the air and running at full speed felt incredible. It was almost as gratifying as pounding crooks. One more fight tonight and I might be satisfied. Maybe. As we neared the edge of yet another rooftop I sprang forward hurling myself into the air, only seconds later my feet were slamming into the tar coated surface sending water sloshing up the sides of my legs. The rain hadn't entirely let up, it was still drizzling and I welcomed the rivulets of water coating my leathery green skin, washing away the remnants of that irritating dream.
That damn recurring dream.
My blue clad brother stopped ahead and raised a hand, bringing the rest of us to a halt.
"I think we're done for the night fellas. Let's head home."
I clenched my teeth, struggling with the urge to argue with him. I just needed one more brawl, to beat that nagging, annoying feeling out of me. There was something about a good scrap that was as cleansing as the rain falling on me.
"You comin' Dude?" My little brother called to me and I realized that Leo and Donnie had already leapt to the next rooftop, toward home.
"Nah, you go ahead Mikey, I'll catch up." I waved him off and he shrugged, before joining my other brothers.
Taking a look around, I soaked up the rainy New York City night. Sirens were always bellowing, car horns protesting, somewhere nearby a car alarm was going off and someone was yelling. I made my way toward the noise, looking over the edge to see an odd looking couple bickering. A big, for a human, guy yelled at a little brunette woman, but made no move to harm her. In fact she was bucking up to him and laughing. Her reaction seemed to extinguish the fire in his eyes and his face softened as he reached out, pulling her to him, before kissing the top of her head.
Humans are weird.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the lingering rain-shower. Once I got beyond the scent of dirt, tar, and greasy fast food, overwhelming my sensitive sense of smell, I picked up something milder, sweeter and floral. It filled my nostrils, wafting down my throat, sending little chills throughout me. Wow. Where's that coming from? As I scanned the rooftops knowing it must be close, a faint cool breeze carried the fragrance to me, beckoning me to follow it.
Tiny lights flickered from a rooftop three buildings away. Is that building on fire? Within seconds I was one roof away from the source. Candles. A tiny red haired woman stood on a purple yoga mat, surrounded by them. As the breeze shifted in my direction I caught the scent again. It's her.
She appeared to be meditating… in the rain. I crossed onto her rooftop, carefully shifting my weight to mute my landing, and keeping to the shadows of a utility closet.
Why is she standing in the rain?
That's a stupid question. Why was I standing in it?
Because it felt good, it helped dull the ache, and numb the pain.
As she slipped into a fighting stance, and scanned her surroundings, I saw that she was filled with both of those things and something else... Guilt. Even from my hiding place I could see her eyes were a cold gray, sealed off like a stone colored slab. There were fine white scars over her neck and arms. Her incredibly tone arms. In fact as I took her in, I noticed her defined abs and legs too.
Looks like you have a story of your own.
Her full coral colored lips were set in a grim line, her brow fraught with determination. She was breathing in short huffs, like a cornered animal. Then she tilted her head and closed her eyes and I wondered if she was crazy.
If you think there's someone up here that might hurt you, why would you close your eyes and make yourself more vulnerable than you already are?
What she did next seemed even nuttier.
She went back to her practice.
When one of her candles surrendered to the water slowly gathering inside the votive, she growled and dumped it out, before blowing out the others, rolling up her mat and making her way back into the building. As the door closed behind her I realized that an immense energy was sucked off the rooftop, through the door right along with her.
I heard a cooing noise and looked up to the top of the utility closet, where a crow perched, imitating a pigeon.
"What're you doin' here? Ya ain't a pigeon." I shook my head, took one last look at the door she'd disappeared through and headed home.
Week Two
"You comin' dude?" Mikey stopped short of the edge of the roof and looked back at me.
"Where do you go every night Raph?" Donnie stood next to him.
"Yes, where do you go?" Leo crossed his arms and raised a suspicious eye ridge.
I growled, "None of your business."
"So you're coming home with us then?" Leo pressed.
"No. Just go. I'll be home later." I waved them off, turned and leapt for the first of six blocks of rooftops that would take me to the tiny woman that was quickly creeping her way into my head.
Every night I found myself eager to get back to her roof. Since the first night, I'd seen her practice yoga and sometimes gymnastics. Tonight as I make my silent landing, I see something even more familiar to me. She's a kunoichi. Well damn. Her kata's are beautiful, smooth, and flowing, like a dance. But her eyes are emotionless, vacant hulls, glazed over and distant. She's somewhere deep inside of herself. I've been there. It's gotten better, easier, especially now that I'm older, but sometimes I still just lose it.
There's something about you that just won't let me go. You're like an itch I can't reach to scratch.
Three more sets of feet thud behind me. Great. Now I'm going to hear it.
"Oooooh it's a girl. You're sneaking off to spy on a girl." Mikey tried to weasel his way past me but I grabbed his arm, yanking him back.
"Shhh you idiot," I whacked him over the back of his head.
"Ow!" He yelped, but in his next breath, his blue eyes were alight with mischief, "Dude, she's hot!"
I smacked him again.
"Shut it Mike."
He doesn't need to be talking about her like that… even if it's true. I shook my head. You're a giant mutant turtle. Don't even bother.
Yet every night you come back. Moron.
She stopped abruptly, seeming to search the roof. Yeah, sorry about the noise, my brothers followed me tonight. Repeating her eyes closed routine, that I'd seen at least three times now, she seemed to decide none of us were a threat. She finished her night with a yoga practice, rolled up her mat, and as she went inside all the energy seemed sucked up like a vacuum along with her. How does she do that?
Above my head I heard the cooing noise again. Stupid bird, you're not a pigeon.
Leo waited till he was sure she was gone before speaking."Raph, who is she?"
"Dunno." I shrugged.
"Ok, so why are you watching her?" He asked, looking from the closed door, to me, and then up to the crow.
"Dunno." I shrugged again.
There was something pulling me to her rooftop, night after night. Like a magnet stuck to the fridge, I was drawn in and sticking around, and probably making a stupid mistake by doing it… and I knew it.
"Let's go home." Leo looked at me, the crow again, and then he made this face like he'd remembered something. "Raph, are you still having that dream?"
Ignoring him I leapt to the next roof. As he landed next to me he reached out a hand to my shoulder, "You should talk to sensei. It could mean something."
"Don't care if it does Leo." I pulled away from him and picked up a faster pace, one that would make it impossible for him to try to talk.
Yet somewhere nagging at my subconscious, a black bird hovered, waiting for me to close my eyes.
Week Three
It's dark here and this stupid crow is on my shoulder, cooing at my head like a pigeon. I'm trying to use my extra senses to find my way through this maze of nothingness. I'm fumbling, unable to see anything but the bird. It keeps looking at me and its beak is moving.
"Cooo. Cooo. Whooo."
"Why don't ya say something useful? Tell me how to get outta here." I stroke its breast, despite my irritation with the damn thing. It's all the company I have here… in this void.
"What do you want me to say?" The raven's voice echoes into the abyss, stabbing my gut with the shock of it.
I stare at the stupid feathered pest, briefly stunned. "Well I'm a talking turtle so why not?"
Its black eyes seem to peer into me, burning with such intensity I can feel my soul stir.
I hate this shit.
"What do ya want? Why ya keep comin' around?"
The bird flies off my shoulder and I follow it through the darkness. It returns to me with a red string in its beak. It drops the thread in my palm and drags its leg against my finger. I feel a piece of paper bound to it. As I unroll the tiny parchment it seems to glow, illuminating script in gold lettering.
"While some run in circles, deep spirits need to connect."
Then a circle appears with a dot in the middle of it. And, what's that?
Oh great, the khanji symbols for destiny, family and evolution.
"Do not be afraid, Raphael." The feathered menace whispers, and this time the sound resonates in my heart.
I try to laugh, but the sound is strange to me. "I ain't scared of nothin'."
"Then follow me fearless warrior, your destiny awaits you, for you are onkei."
I scoff, "Blessed? Somehow I don't think blessings were meant for mutant turtles, Bird."
The creature laughs and it sounds like wind-chimes, "Follow me and you will see."
And I follow the damn bird… into the light.
"Shit!" I sit upright, heart pounding, breathing hard, and throw back my red blanket. "I can't keep having these damn dreams." As I rub my face I realize, I have to speak to my father. My teeth set on edge. Either he'll help or I'm going to be even more confused.
A quick glance at my alarm clock puts me at five thirty in the morning. He'll be meditating right now. Hopefully Leo isn't in the dojo yet. I lumber my way from my room, downstairs and into the dojo.
My Sensei sits in lotus, eyes closed, with incense wafting around him. "I've been expecting you Raphael."
Great.
"Please sit." He opens his eyes and gestures for me to take a seat.
Which I do, and then I stare at him.
He chuckles, "Is there something you wish to speak about my son?"
You said you were expecting me. Shouldn't you already know?
"Yyyeah," I glance around the room and don't see Leo. Good.
"Go on." My father nods.
"I been havin' these dreams with this bird in them." I look at the floor and shrug.
"What sort of bird?" Sensei strokes the long fur under his chin.
"A crow."
His ears perk up, "I see. Does this animal only visit your dreams?"
"Huh?" I look at him, realizing I've been seeing the damn thing… every time I go to her roof. "No, Sensei, I see it while we are out on patrol every night too."
My father nods, "Raphael, the crow is symbolic of many things. It is known to be a messenger of foretelling, often of the coming of a personal transformation, and meeting of destiny. It is a fearless creature that will guide you through shadow, darkness and into light. Did it give you anything?"
I hate this crap.
"Yeah. It gave me a piece of red thread, and a paper that had this circle with a dot in it. It had writings too, khanji for destiny, family, and evolution… Oh and it said that, while some run in circles deep spirits need to connect?" I shifted uncomfortably when my father's eyes widened. "How do I make the dreams stop, Master?"
He seemed to study me, his tail flicking and rolling in a slow steady rhythm as he stroked his long chin fur. "You must accept that your life is about to change, and embrace your destiny as it unfolds."
I thought he'd feed me some crap like that. How am I supposed to embrace a damn dream?
He reached out a paw to my shoulder, "Raphael, the circle you saw is a symbol for kindred or deep spirits. The red thread is symbolic too, but I will leave you to research that on your own. This animal has been sent to guide you. As many symbols as it is providing you-" He tilts his head, looks away and then back to me, "have you been ignoring it for a while?"
"I guess. It's annoying and it won't go away." I shake my head and look at the floor. I'm not sure I want to know what the damn thread means. Forget that. This whole thing is stupid.
"The next time it comes to you, open your heart, listen to it, and tell this spirit guide that you are ready to accept your destiny." He nods his head, yes, as if he is certain of his advice, "and then see if it continues to visit you."
"Yes Sensei." I give my father a slight customary bow and get to my feet.
"Raphael." He calls me to attention.
"Yes Sensei?"
"It would seem that you are onkei. This is a gift my son."
"Okay. Thanks." I don't know what any of this means, but if it gets this damn bird to fuck off, I'm golden.
Week Four
My brothers have taken to coming to her rooftop with me. Tonight she's practicing yoga. I got here a few minutes behind them. I had to have an embarrassing chat with a fucking crow.
"Are you coming Raph?" Mikey had waited up for me.
"Yea, give me a minute. I dropped my phone a roof back, I think." I waved him off.
"Want me to help you look for it?" He took a step towards me and I could see the bird perching on the edge of the roof behind him.
"Nah, I got it. Go on."
"Okay." He shrugged and leapt for the next roof.
Once he was out of earshot, I glared at the damn bird staring at me. "I accept my destiny or whatever, now fuck off."
The bird flew up and landed on my shoulder. I stepped back, waving my hands around, "No, no, fuck off means go away not come closer!"
The bird cooed like a pigeon, then whistled like a wind-chime. "Do you really?" It looked into me as it spoke and I froze.
If it meant my life would get back to normal, then why not? "Yeah, sure."
"Raph who are you talking to?" Donatello climbed up from the fire escape.
"Just some dumb bird." I shrugged.
"What bird?" He stood before me looking around. "Are you okay?"
Then I realized it was gone.
Good. I will forget this whole thing ever happened.
"Nevermind, let's go."
As my feet hit her rooftop I hear my brothers shushing each other and it irritates me. She got to her feet and put on her sneakers. I was late and she was finishing up, my brothers left and I stayed behind watching her just a little bit longer. Then her head turned in my direction.
I want to know you. The thought filled my head, and my heart panged at the inevitable rejection that would surely follow an introduction. Damn.
She pulled her red waves down then swept them back up into some kinda knot thing, before reaching into her gym bag for a towel. As she wipes herself off there's a shift in the air and I think she felt it too. An icy wind rushes over, blowing out her candles, and I see Foot ninja creeping up on her. But right as I reach for my sai she throws a candle, then her gym bag, and finally pulls out a dagger.
Shit, the look in her eyes.
I look over my shoulder and see my brothers talking on a nearby rooftop.
"Leo!" I yell, and from the urgency in my voice alone, they come running. But as we leap forward to join the fight, we find her in a heap, among a string of bodies.
She'd killed them all.
A/N: So if you liked this and you want to know what happens next (and if you haven't yet) you may want to read TMNT Zoe Part I and after that Part II.