Not Mine, Never Mine, Usual Disclaimers.

A/N: I'm going to warn you now that this was my first fic for the Stargate fandom, and it did not turn out how I imagined it in my head, but I can't be bothered rewritting it, so um yeah, anyway enjoy.

Rodney awoke first, feeling the stiffness that only came from sleeping on a floor overnight, yet comforted by warmth. Rodney frowned, he could not fathom as to why he had slept on the floor, or why he had slept on the floor naked, or, Rodney felt his heart lurch when he rolled over, why he slept on the floor, naked, next to an equally naked lieutenant colonel. Rodney quickly checked the both of them, eyes sliding quickly over Sheppard's junk, and concluded that if anything had happened the previous night, there was no longer any evidence. Leaving the blanket draped over the still sleeping colonel, Rodney exited Sheppard's quarters, hoping that he could make it back to his own without being seen. Trying to recall the hazy memories, he tried to remember exactly what had happened right before he passed out. He had a vague recollection of Lorne entering Sheppard's quarters with said colonel, and Ronon suggesting maybe Rodney wanted to join in, and Teyla helping him out of his clothes "for a greater chance at success". After that he had gone into the room and saw Lorne bending over Sheppard, and then everything went black. He had no idea why he thought it was a good idea, or where the major had ended up, all he knew was he woke up naked on the floor.

When John awoke, it was to a pounding headache and cramped muscles from staying in one position too long. He looked around himself to discover that he was lying on the floor of his quarters, a blanket left draped over him. He frowned down at his naked body, the last thing he recalled was jumping into water, apparently to take a swim, so being naked made sense, he just didn't know how he managed to make it back to his quarters. John got to his feet and when in search of his clothes, running water over his face before exiting to find out just what the hell had happened. The last clear memory he had was being in the gate room, and one of the off-world teams had dialled in to return. He wasn't too sure if his memory was off, or that the team on the other end were simply talking gibberish, as it was at that point everything went hazy. He was sure that the team had returned, but it was at that point everything turned into a gaping hole interjected with vague emotions, or ideas. He concluded that the away team must have brought back something with them that had affected him, which meant that there was a good chance that they were speaking gibberish over the radio. With no better leads, John left his quarters and headed to the gateroom to retrace his steps, or at least access the security feed.

Teyla awoke to an unfamiliar warmth at her back, a strange whistling sound, and no idea as to where she was. Sitting upright, she was greeted with the spectacular view from the control tower, the sun above her, telling her it was about midday. She frowned as the warmth at her back shifted and an arm belonging to persons unknown wrapped about her waist, pulling her back down. Teyla lodged and elbow into what she assumed was the offender's face, only for the whistling sound to stop and a choking one to replace it. Teyla rolled over and sprang to her feet, ready to take out whoever it was that had grabbed her, only to be met with a newly awakened Ronon. He was breathing heavily and massaging his throat, leaning one elbow on the make-shift pillow he had been using.

'I am sorry Ronon, I did not realise that it was you.'

Ronon just grunted.

'I admit as to not knowing how we came to be here, the last I remember was meditating in my room.'

'Mess hall, eating.'

Teyla shut her eyes and tried to remember, bringing up the image of standing on the railing, demanding to fly.

'I think I tried to throw you off,' said Ronon, breaking the image, 'sorry.'

'Don't be, I wanted to fly.'

The both of them stood there awkwardly, trying to find some explanation written on the other's face as to how they had gotten to this particular scenario. Eventually Teyla wordlessly gestured towards the clothes Ronon had been using as a pillow while he slept. Ronon picked them up and they realised that they belonged to McKay, but as to why they had McKay's clothes, underwear included, was a mystery to her.

'Joke,' Ronon finally said, 'we took them as a joke.'

Teyla could not see as to how stealing McKay's clothes was in anyway funny or as to how they managed to take them in the first place. The both of them turned and headed indoors as they heard movement come from within the tower itself.

Rodney was able to make it back to his rooms without encountering anyone, which had annoyed him greatly. He had no intentions of giving the full Monty to everyone he encountered, thank you very much, but would like to ask which idiot touched something they shouldn't have and turned his day into hell. Grumbling to himself, Rodney showered, pulled on his clothes and reached for his radio, only to realise that it was missing. Cursing, Rodney headed for the door; he remembered taking it out after some newbie kept calling him every five minutes. Unable to reach Rodney, she had begun to bother Zelenka, leaving Rodney to free to examine the latest device scrounged out the basement. Working on the device in his lab was the last thing Rodney could remember, so he headed there to get his radio so that he could proceed to yell at whoever was stupid enough to touch something without his direct supervision.

John proceeded down the corridor with caution; he encountered no one which only made him warier. Usually there were people traversing through the corridors at all times during the day or at the very least there were sound of life filtering through. The silence reminded john of their first year in Atlantis, exploring the city beyond where the expedition had taken up residence. It sent all his hairs on end and frayed his nerves; there was just something empirically wrong with Atlantis being so empty in her populated areas during the day. He slowly made his way through the city to the control room, the lack of people making him rest his hand on his sidearm. As he walked into the gateroom, he heard voices, making him relaxed; he recognised Teyla and Chuck, the 'gate technician. He rounded the corner and saw Ronon, Teyla and Chuck gathered around one of the monitors, arguing among themselves.

'Please tell me that you have McKay stashed away somewhere up there,' John called out as he climbed the stairs to their position.

'I wish,' said Chuck, 'he might be able to make some sense out of this technological meltdown.'

John joined the three of them at the monitor, realising that they had been doing what he had come to do, the security feed already playing. He watched as it played the morning that was the last thing that made any sense, studying the screen intensely as the wormhole connected and the away 'gate team returned. It didn't take long for things to get weird as people began to do strange things, the feed cutting out as Chuck attempted a strip tease that left the technician blushing furiously. Flicking forwards in the tape, there were only the occasional flicker of audio or visual content before it would go dark again.

'They're all like it,' Teyla said, 'for whatever reason the whole security network went down and is still offline.'

'Hey Chuck, think you could piece all this together and see if we can work out what happened here?' John asked hopefully.

'Sure,' said Chuck mournfully, 'give me ten years and I might be able to put something together.'

'We need McKay,' said Ronon.

'Yes, we should return his clothes to him,' Teyla added, causing Chuck and John to look at her.

'We took them as a joke,' Ronon explained.

'Ronon believes we took them as a prank, but as we have no memory I cannot be so sure,' Teyla clarified.

John shared an amused look with Chuck, 'ok so let's go looking for a hopefully not naked McKay then shall we?'

Ronon followed Teyla and Sheppard out of the 'gate room, wondering what the big deal was, so they couldn't remember what had happened, they were all still alive weren't they?

'I woke up in my quarters alone,' Sheppard told them, 'figured that since being in the 'gateroom was my last memory I should start there.'

'Ronon and I awoke on the balcony, we came inside when we heard noises and discovered Chuck had come to in Wolsey's office,' Teyla informed him.

'So I'm thinking that if Rodney wakes up in a strange place, first place he's going will be his labs.'

'If he's naked, won't he go to his quarters first?' Ronon asked.

'Probably, but as soon as he's got clothes on, he'll head for the labs, there's even a chance that we'll find him passed out in the lab somewhere,' Sheppard explained.

Ronon didn't really think that McKay would be in the labs, he was more likely to be taking advantage of the situation by raiding the MRE stores. Entering the labs they found it empty at first glance, but as they moved within the lab itself, they found Zelenka passed out under one of the tables.

'Found one,' said Ronon, referring to the fact that they had encountered no one on their trip to the labs.

'Is it not odd that there is no one else awake?' Teyla wondered.

'Well there's about to be another one of us awake,' said Sheppard lightly slapping the Czech's face to waken the man.

The Czech muttered something in his own language, which was unintelligible to Ronon, as he awoke from Sheppard's actions.

'Rodney?' Zelenka asked as he sat up and the door swished open.

The three of them turned to see McKay walk in, thankfully fully clothed, and frowning at the sight of so many people in his lab uninvited.

'McKay,' Ronon greeted.

'Rodney.'

'Hey McKay now that you're here, mind helping us figure out what happened?' Sheppard asked cheerfully.

McKay glared daggers, 'I know what happened thank you very much, some idiot touched something that they shouldn't have. Again I might add.'

'Rodney,' said Sheppard exasperated, 'an away team was exposed to something and brought it back through the 'gate with them.'

McKay snorted, 'figures, alright out my way, genius coming through.'

'So where did the genius wake up then?' Sheppard asked teasingly.

Rodney went bright and refused to answer.

'Come on, I woke up naked, you can't get worse than that!' Sheppard argued.

Rodney felt that he wouldn't be at all surprised if a whale came bursting out of the wall and swallowed him whole, in fact he really, really wanted one too, this HAD to be one of his nightmares. Sheppard kept badgering him about it, and it didn't help that Ronon handed him back his clothes, Teyla giving him some apology Ronon probably didn't feel.

Eventually Rodney snapped, 'I WOKE UP NAKED NEXT TO YOU!'

The four of them looked at Rodney in shock; Sheppard's face was a mixture of horror, shock, and denial.

'Rodney are you saying...' Zelenka trailed off, speaking for the first time since waking up.

'I'm saying that I need to work to fix whatever it is that someone broke,' McKay snapped.

There was a crackle before Chuck's voice came over the invisible PA system, 'Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne is looking for you, he's headed your way.'

'Thank you Chuck,' Teyla said before the line crackled off.

'Go ask the Major all your questions,' Rodney snapped turning back to his computer.

'Why?' Ronon asked.

'Because he was in Sheppard's quarters when I went in, it's the last thing I remember, so don't ask me what happened.'

'I was trying to upload footage from the camera before I blacked out,' Zelenka said as Sheppard left.

'What was on it?' asked Teyla, 'could it help us find out what happened.'

Zelenka fossicked around in a pile of various cables, finding the one that connected the camera directly to the computer. Accessing the recorded data took a few minutes, as there was wild swinging motions of random things, until it somewhat steadied out. The video showed the mess hall with all the tables pushed together in the middle, chairs ringing the outer edge of the room. Atop the table however, were a mixture of scientists, and military personnel, along with a rather drunken Woolsey. Rodney paused in his work to watch the laptop screen with the other three, although he was disinterested for the most part. The personnel atop the table appeared to be engaged in some sort of dance-off, those who were voted out, jumping off the table as they were eliminated. Woolsey was surprisingly good, moving like a professional gymnast, with the enthusiasm of a teenage boy on his first date. By the looks of it, their leader was actually winning; at least until he moonwalked off the edge of the table and the camera bearer dropped the device, ending the footage.

John jogged into the gateroom, hoping that his second in command could give him some much needed answers. Chuck was still where they had left him, although he was now accompanied by the major who was in full tac gear. John felt relieved to see the major, for some odd reason he had the feeling that Lorne was the reason he hadn't drowned.

'Sir,' said Lorne catching sight of him.

'Major, care to explain how I came to wake up naked in my quarters?'

John grinned internally as the other man fidgeted and blushed, clearly uncomfortable about answering the question.

'Well, you see sir-'

John couldn't help but add, 'see last thing I remember is going swimming. McKay said that the last thing he remembers is joining the two of us in my quarters before waking up naked next to me. I'm just wondering what the explanation for that is.'

Chuck was staring at him by this time, eyes wide and slightly bulging out of his head, hands frozen upon the keyboard.

'How about I start from the beginning?' Lorne asked fiddling with the zipper on his jacket.

'That would be great major, any time now,' John said cheerfully.

'When my team returned we thought it odd that the gateroom was empty, so we headed to the mess. When we arrived, we discovered Woolsey with a broken ankle; apparently he had danced his way off of a table and broken it. If that wasn't weird enough, everyone was acting strange, almost as if they were on something, so our next stop was the infirmary. We found Beckett and Keller there, playing doctor like little kids do on each other, wrapping bandages around random limbs and stuff. I asked what the hell was going on, and got told that one of the plants brought back from PRX-337 had emitted something like a psychotropic drug into the air. Doc said that it was already wearing off and to enjoy it while we could.

We then uh, liberated some sedatives and started administrating them to all personnel we came across, figuring it might be best if everyone slept off the last of the effects. I spent five hours chasing you and your team round the city, until I finally managed to corner you out on the balcony. You decided that you wanted to go swimming and tried to take your clothes off, so I tackled you. You got away and in the confusion, I lost sight of the three of you,' Lorne continued to fiddle with his jacket, you weren't hard to follow, I just followed the trail of clothing. You were out on one of the docks, I don't know where the others were at this point, but you seemed intent on jumping in. You jumped before I could reach you, but you climbed out almost as soon as you hit the water, complaining that it was cold. A was able to inject you and drag you back to your quarters, I was drying you off when McKay came running in completely naked, yelling "surprise!" so I injected him too. It was just easier to leave the two of you there so I did, and started tracking down other personnel. I didn't realise that anyone was awake until Chuck radioed me.'

'Sounds like you made the right call in a tricky situation so go get some sleep major, you look like you need it.'

Lorne looked at John for a moment before nodding and heading for the transporter.

Teyla watched s the gateroom returned to its normal functions, people still reporting in from all over the city. The actions of major Lorne and his team had undoubtedly prevented many accidents from occurring, as people pieced together what had happened. Many remembered only what they were doing when they had been sedated, or fallen asleep, but some could recall other moments, especially if they were linked to an object in some way. No one had figured out what had happened to the security cameras but they were fixed now, which was the main thing. Woolsey's leg had been placed in a cast, and the video that had been taken of the dance off hand gone viral throughout the city, although both Rodney and Zelenka claimed not to know how it got uploaded to Atlantis' intra-web.

'Looks like things are back to normal,' said John from behind her.

'Yes, it is a relief to know that no one was seriously injured while we were under the influence.'

'Except for Woolsey, that must be a real blow to his pride.'

'I do not believe anyone to think less of him for it.'

John grinned at her, 'just another day in the Pegasus glaxy.'