Book: The Undefined and Socially Awkward.

Chapter 1

What an enigma stories are, through my life I have never come across something quite as curious. What is in a story that makes them so appealing? The ability to leave your world for a while? The way you're able to express yourself? They always have different sides, some are exaggerated, some stories not as cherished as they should be, and then perhaps the most puzzling the untold stories. I suppose that's what I'm doing now, telling an untold story. I don't look upon it as that though, but as a very fond, bittersweet memory.

Perhaps my story was better left untold, then you'd never know the sorrow I have. Never know the joy I've felt. I don't reminise about it that way, however. I hardly think upon it now, what's in our nature that won't let us think about things that cause pain? I suppose we need to repress memories that cause us pain, as an outlet. But at what cost? For I would rather remember with the pain than forget and make the same mistake.

You see I loved him, I loved him so dearly that it hurts. I can't help but feel the sting, the pain of rejection fresh on the surface. Oh, and I've done so many stupid things just to feel alive like I did when he was here with me. My scars are proof enough of that, and yes that was my dull attempt at humor. Insert your laugh here, or not it doesn't really matter to me. I'm far past the point of caring. How sad is that? I don't even care anymore, and I'm still on this planet. Not by my choice of course, I've tried to end my life several times by now.

Every time I try to, however, my annoyingly loving brother Alfred shows up. He claims to be the hero everytime, and I try to hate him for it but, I can't. He's the only person that has cared since the incident, which will make me love him always. Really, if it wasn't for him...he's the only thing that keeps me grounded.

One of the worst parts of this whole thing is that I know my life is not that bad, and people have it much worse. That doesn't change the fact that no matter what I do I'm not happy. I know what you're thinking boo hoo the poor soul is unhappy big deal when there are people dying everyday. You'd be right, and I feel guilt for it at all times. No matter what I do though, I feel worthless. A desperate sort of worthless where you hear the echoes of the insults everyday in your mind. I'd like to say they go away but they never really do, not without him.

Ah there he is again, and how it kills me to even think about him. That's what I'm doing though, this story is all about my life with him. I'm going to explain now I guess, and I'll admit I'm going to sound pretty pathetic. But it doesn't matter, like I said I no longer care. Besides after I finish writing this I'll be gone by then anyways.

There's the plot twist! That was another one of my "hilarious" jokes there. You see by the time you've started reading this I'm already gone. Kind of morbid I know, you see I'm going for this new dramatic thing. You see I've never been one for dramatics, so maybe now I'll be noticed. Probably not, but then again I'm used to that. So how do I go about writing this? I guess I'll just start relaying the information how it comes.

Oh I have an idea why don't I go from the beginning? All the memories, yes that's a perfect idea. It will give you a real chance to see how foolish I was, and how all my pain was my fault. The worst part is, I still see the main subject of this "tragedy" everyday. His names Arthur Kirkland, and he's my brothers fiance.

The first day I met him, I was only fifteen years old. Soft-spoken and shy, I was quite the opposite of my brother Alfred who was known for being loud, outgoing, and obnoxious. My brother and I are twins, him being the older of us. We had both started going to a new school, a boarding school to be exact.

The school is called Bradford, and is known for being very prestigious I had always loved school, definitley not for the social aspect though. Not that I hated large numbers of people, I wasn't anti-social, just what you'd call socially awkward. My brother made it worse, with everyone looking up to and admiring him they expected me to be the same.

Actually, I might have had a chance to fit in if it wasn't for my brother. Not that I blame him, of course, as I said I love him. It's just I was always thought of as his younger, freak brother. Instead of people getting to know me they just assumed I'd be like him, and when I didn't live up to expectations I was branded a weirdo and outcast.

When you basically have no social life, you get used to basically having the same schedule. That's a reason I excelled at school. With nothing to keep me distracted, besides occasionally my brother, I was able to study for hours on end. That's why I was pleasently suprised when all of a sudden my daily life became different. I guess I have him to thank for that.

I didn't have many friends at the time, only the few guys on my hockey team that remembered me when practice was over. Really, I was the captain you think they'd recognize me. Anyways my little group of friends consisted of only about 4 people. A tall Russian boy, who was generally creepy named Ivan, an albino German boy named Gilbert, the handsome blonde french pervert Francis, and the tan adorable spanish boy Antonio.

They were friends, yes. But I didn't generally get to see them outside of hockey season, only very rarley. Which left me feeling rather lonley. Not that they weren't good friends, that were it's just that Ivan is always busy trying to fend off his stalkerish younger sister, Nataliya, who is basically in love with him, and Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio kind of stick together only to themselves in school. They're known as the "bad touch trio" generally because they like to hit on anything that has a pulse. Well except for Antonio, ever since he started dating Lovino Vargas (An Italian boy in my year) he had to tone down his flirtatious attitude.

Gilbert, who has a younger brother Ludwig, resents that his friend dates Lovino. He claims it's because it brings down the vibe of the group, but we all secretly know it's because he's jealous that his brother, Ludwig, gives all his attention and time to Lovino's younger brother Feliciano, who happens to be Ludwig's boyfriend.

So bascially I'm usually left alone. By the way I'm Matthew Williams, a socially awkward Canadian boy barely hanging on the food chain of highschoool. The academy I go to is an all boys one, so being gay isn't really abnormal otherwise I'd be mocked for that too.

Anyways, back to the first time I met Arthur Kirkland. Arthur was two years my senior, and kind of an outcast like me. Not because he was awkard like me or anything like that, it's just Arthur could sometimes be too blunt for his own good. I had been working on a report in the library when I realized I was going to be out after curfew.

Hurrying into the hallway, I started a sort of awkward walk run, to try to get to my room in time. As I was rounding the corner though, my two feet fell out from under me sending me plummeting to the ground. Looking up I saw the Cuban boy that often mistook me for my brother laughing. He kicked my books and papers around the hallway as he was walking away, saying something under his breath.

I slowly pulled myself off the ground, misery taking over me for once again being mistook as my brother. As I stood and started to brush myself off, his smooth voice broke out "I believe this stuff is yours, chap." Smirking he slid my books and papers into my arms. Smiling I quietly thanked him.

He kept standing there staring at me, as I awkwardly shuffled around on my feet fidgeting under his gaze. Finally he said "Funny, it's taken me this long to work up enough courage to talk to you and I now can't think of anything to say..." he started rubbing the back of his neck and smiling sheepishly.

My heart at first leapt, somebody actually wanted to talk to me. Then after a moment realization suddenly sunk in, he thought I was my brother. I could feel myself deflated mentally and stuttered out a "You do know I'm not Alfred right?" Amusement overtook the Englishmans face, and he put on a charming grin.

"How could I mistake you for that git? I mean sure you're twins but where you're a gentleman, he's brash and outlandish. I mean can you imagine him going a day without eating his greasy Mcdonald's?" he said while laughing, which caused me to laugh too. Eventually we were both in hysterics, with tears in our eyes.

I still to this day don't know why we found that so hilarious, but it made me feel the best I had in a while. If only your opinion of my brother had stayed the same, then maybe I could of kept you to myself. Nothing lasts forever I suppose, and all happiness comes at a cost.

After we calmed down from our episode of hysterics, you walked me to my room and like the gentleman you are kissed my hand before dispersing with a small goodbye. At first I thought it was silly, I ceartainly wasn't a girl. The more I thought about it the more endearing I found it. Everyday I rejoice and despair that this encounter ever took place.