Summary:
"There she was. Back on her way to this derelict, abandoned village. Not knowing how to explain this to him. But she couldn't leave... for so many reasons... she just couldn't."
After Iroh has died at Azula's hands in the empty ghost village [episode 208 - The Chase], Zuko finds himself at the point of collapse. And as if this wasn't enough, involuntarily he gets company. Not that as well!
- My very first fic... and probably the only one I'll ever write :)! Zuko x OC, rated T for... I'm not quite sure what's yet to come... ó.O! So far there are some mentions of a su*c*de att*mpt, but no details.
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A/N: Hey there, just a few comments in advance :)! Before I start I wanna say THX to some people!
Firstly thanks to my beta Fruipit who's willing to go through my funny English and to correct my wording (as English is not my native language!) - it makes this story sound a lot BETA :D!
Secondly there are a few people and/or stories in here that got me motivated to write and publish an own fic... so I really really have to thank xxTigerAvatarXX, Magnusrae, Eilonnvy and Inkcharm for their amazing fics and for getting me started ;)... they're the ones to blame for this! :)
THANK YOU GUYS! :) :) :)
Alright... so here we go... I proudly present my very first chapter! I'm so EXCITED! :)
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PROLOGUE
Sometimes it's hard not to get lost and not to despair when you're facing this war all alone and you're realizing how small and helpless you are... when you start to understand that even your greatest extraordinary skills or additional powers of perception can't really improve anything at all and even your biggest efforts aren't more than a drop in the ocean.
But I won't. That's my promise. No matter what happens, I won't let this war wipe out neither my beliefs, my personality, my warmth and affection towards others... nor my roots, my tribe's knowledge, passed on from generation to generation. And above all, my promise is to not let my people down. Not again. Their spirit will live on through my deeds. That's the least I owe them.
And if MY life won't be destroyed, I hopefully will stop more lives from being destroyed. Thus I keep doing what I do from day-to-day. Trying not to give in. Although my skills sometimes seem to be rather a curse then a blessing.
But maybe sometimes the ocean isn't essential at all. Instead of watching your drop become swallowed in the never-ending sea, you have to put it in a little tide pool, and keep an eye on that small place; it's actually not necessarry to watch over the whole ocean.
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LOSING AND FINDING
There she was. Back on her way to this derelict, abandoned village. Not knowing how to explain this to him. Oh dear what a well-considered plan, congratulations. But she couldn't leave... for so many reasons... she just couldn't. She was not able to.
She arrived at that decision when they reached Appa. She had to explain to the others that she couldn't come with them any longer... that she had no doubt they would make their way anyway and she wished them all the best for their mission. She promised not to do anything to put this mission at risk. The fact that she wanted to play her own part in ending the war wouldn't change just because she would accompany the Fire Prince for a while now. It was just another task. She asked them to trust her. And finally they did.
When they left the bedraggled village, each step away from the Fire Nation Prince and the dead body next to him got more difficult for her. This wasn't right. It felt like... hiding behind a tree, not being able to move, watching things happen and not doing anything. She pushed those memories to the back of her mind. She couldn't leave because she knew what he was going through right now... and what was yet to come. Or at least she could relate to it, based on her own painful experience. She knew how it felt to lose the ones you loved most. To accuse yourself of letting them down. She new how it felt, being responsible for their death. She glanced at her wrists. Those ugly scars would always remind her of the most desolate times of her life.
Sureen sighed, a sharp voice in the back of her head kicking her into action. Get moving! Think about your past when you've got some free time - that time is not now.
She was nearly back at the small village after having seen Aang off. She couldn't just see the decrepit buildings; she could feel the grief, the air full of heavy vibrations - Zuko's vibrations. Carefully, her eyes flickered, scanning the ruins and remains that surrounded her, trying to grasp every corner of the abandoned village, looking for, but never finding, the one person she wanted to. She knew he had to be around; however she knew he would never, ever leave Iroh's body alone on the floor in the middle of nowhere. She could feel him - his confusion, his grief and despair hit her mind like a hammer and saddened her heart. But that's not MY feeling! God! When will I ever learn to make that difference?!
Before Sureen could spend more time with getting upset about herself, she suddenly saw him. Prince Zuko came right up to her, carrying a large stack of wood that he had probably collected in the ruins. With an effort he put down his heavy burden next to his uncle's body moving in a slow, almost mechanical way. Sureen could see that he was still completely in shock because of the tragic occurrence he had to face today. Right... here we are... now I have put into action my non-existing "well-considered plan". Hopefully it was the right decision to come back… I mean… of course it was, but I have to take care now. I really have to think twice about every step I take from now on. Otherwise I would only make the whole situation even worse… it's all up to me. Well… seems like now or never!
Before Zuko could leave again to collect some more wood for Iroh's cremation she stepped out of the shadows of her hideout and coughed slightly to attract attention to herself. It succeeded immediately – quick as lightning Zuko turned around, a fireball was already flaming in his right hand.
"WHO'S THERE?!" he shouted, his distrustful voice full of rage.
"It's YOU again!" He recognized the girl... or young woman... he had seen some hours ago for the first time. And according to his clear request to leave, it ought to to be for the last time as well. But no. Obviously there she was again, heading his way with unflinching courage. It was hard to reason her age from her small frame and her inconspiciuous appearance. Though this time she looked quite undaunted with her flowing dark brown hair and her flaring brown eyes.
The Prince stopped a moment before he added – "Didn't you get it? I said – LEAVE! And that means everyone!" He punched the fire forward, aiming at Sureen who could only jump behind a wall just in time to avoid the flaming projectile.
Damn. She had no chance to do anything. As long as he was in THAT mood she would only get burned or killed or both. She had to stay behind that wall... tree... motionless... watching things happen and not being able to do anything but wait. Shit. Slowly she watched as the scene changed into a forest.
She could see her burning village in the darkness through the trees... her people being captured and taken away by Fire Nation soldiers... while she was hiding behind a tree, unable to move... she could feel their anxiety, despair and their... helpless rage?! Uhmm... no. Wait...
Slowly her memories began to fade again and she came back to reality. No. This would NOT happen to her twice. This time she would not hide instead of acting. Not again. Alright then. Here I am. Go ahead honey and kill me if you want to. With a deep breath she stepped out of her hideout, right in the middle of the main street. Carefully but full of resolution she finally walked in his direction.
He was still kneeled exactly on the same place as before, without moving, looking up or showing any reaction. Of course he saw her approaching from the corner of his eye. But he was too tired to dash some more fireballs at her. She had won. He had no idea why it was so important to her to come back in spite of his express request to leave... but anyway. He decided to ignore her in order to show her that her attendance was undesired.
As she slowly approached him, Sureen took a careful glance at the Prince. He looked so lost and broken inside that she found it difficult not to get lost in her empathy for him – she wouldn't, though, as she knew that this was the last thing he wanted or needed right now. While she was thinking about that, she arrived next to Zuko ... without being attacked and still alive...! Sureen sighed with relief and kneeled down besides him.
"Ok then. You think I didn't get it when you instructed me to leave?! Well I DID get it quite well actually. MAYBE because you were loud enough and it could not be missed. But actually... well... I'm sorry. Maybe this was a stupid idea and I shouldn't have come back. But I just had to... I couldn't leave... because... I... DAMN! There are so many reasons and it's such a long story and I don't know how to explain and I don't wanna assail you with a flood of words... but I probably would. I just wanna say - I'm sorry for coming back and for not listening to you... and finally... thanks for not shooting any further fireballs at me. Yes. Sorry."
She looked at him but still there was no visible reaction. "You know, years ago I concluded that no one should ever be forced to face something like this all by oneself. No matter if it's the Prince of the Fire Nation or... some unknown girl from an unknown tribe... or anybody else. That's why I had to come back. But I won't bother you any longer now."
Silently she stood up and started collecting some dry fire wood as well. The broken down houses around her were just right for these requirements.
Zuko gazed after her with confusion. Great. Apparently ignoring her is leading to nowhere. Great plan then. But he had to confess - though he would never admit this towards anyone - that her words kind of touched him. She had seriously tried to apologize and though he had no clue of what she was trying to explain... or trying to explain she couldn't explain he could no longer be mad at her for coming back. But this didn't change the fact that he didn't want any company now. It would only unsettle him even more. He sighed. Well... whatever... obviously she's here now anyway. As if this wasn't already enough...! He hardly felt it though - the pain he knew he should feel didn't get through to him. He saw his uncle's dead body lying on the floor right next to him... it didn't feel real but rather like some kind of nightmare. He surely would wake up soon...
"Oh... but before I forget – my name is Sureen." Her voice right beside him brought him back to reality.
"Oh, uhmm… my name is Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation."
"Well... yes. I know. Actually. But anyway... nice to meet you!"
Sureen smiled ... at least he still can talk! She turned towards the other end of the abandoned village. Zuko turned away from her and began collecting his own small pile of firewood, trying not to pay too much attention to that foreign woman.
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Yes... that's quite comfortable... almost cosy. Hey I've found the luxury suite! Including a roof and a fire-place with a cooking pot! Yes, I think we'll take that room. It seemed as if Sureen had finally found the suitable accommodation for the night she was looking for in the abandoned village. Happy with the room she had chosen, she unpacked their sleeping bags and started preparing some food. Outside dusk was already falling and the rain was pouring down by now. The only remaining sources of light were the chimney fire next to her… and another fire – further away and far less warming. Somewhere in the middle of the empty ghost village. Next to a boy whose world was on fire right now as well. A boy who was once and for all bidding farewell to his uncle, the last family he had left.
Earlier that evening, after having collected enough wood, Sureen helped Zuko to lay Iroh's dead body on top of the woodpile. When he lighted the fire she removed herself silently as she knew her presence was no longer desired at this. Instead she took their luggage – blankets, two sleeping bags, stocks of food, some medicine and all the stuff Aang had given her her before she left – and went about finding a suitable accommodation for the night. As she took a look back after a little while, she saw the Prince standing there motionless, as if he had turned into stone. The only thing she wasn't able see was his face… .
Sureen realized that the rice in the cooking pot standing on the fire was nearly done. While she stirred it, she suddenly heard the sound of steps coming towards her and as she looked up Zuko appeared at the door. He was soaked to the skin, averted his eyes and she could feel that laying his uncle to rest was a heavy burden for the Fire Prince. Thus she tried not to take too much notice of him... as she feared there would be too much pity in her eyes which he surely wouldn't want to see right now.
After a while she realized he was still standing in the doorway - "Hey... don't you... wanna come in? Maybe the fire-place is a little more comfortable than the doorway... and I've cooked some r..."
"No." The Prince interrupted her unapproachably. "I'm going to bed." Sureen sighed.
"Alright. I see. But... I'm sorry to tell you that firstly your bed IS right next to the fire-place anyway. Secondly you'll definitely catch a cold or whatever if you're seriously going to bed that soaking wet. And thirdly…" she lowered her voice, "…thirdly you really don't have to, as I know you don't want me to interfere in your affairs. So I'll leave you alone… never fear. But please, you don't have a dry stitch of clothing on – so c'mon, warm yourself at the fire for a while. I've cooked rice and stuff… alright?!" She gave him a questioning look. Zuko returned it with a mixture of confusion, appreciation and distrust. But finally he nodded and followed her to the open fire where he alighted on his sleeping-place with a deep-drawn sigh.
As Sureen handed him a bowl of rice, the Prince grabbed her wrist and looked her in the eye, talking to her in a low growl. "But you'll abide by that decision, got that?! You'll leave me alone!? I've ALWAYS had to look after myself the last years, no matter what – thus I can't just… I mean… I just…" he cut off in mid-sentence and took his bowl of rice with shaking hands.
"I know… never mind." Sureen replied soothingly, turned around and went back to her sleeping bag. "Just one more thing." She added after having some bites of rice. "It's not my intention to do this against your will. If you really prefer doing this on your own and going on alone... then do so. Then we'll part company tomorrow. I promise."
He looked up from his bowl for a second, but then kept eating his rice without any further reaction.
While finishing her bowl of rice, Sureen caught herself hoping that he wouldn't make her keep that promise...
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try... to fix you.
[COLDPLAY - FIX YOU]
LINK TO THIS SONG:
www. tape. tv/ musikvideos/ Coldplay/ Fix- You
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]
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A/N: Pheeeewwww... so... what do you think?! Positive reviews are welcome, flames aren't a problem either! I mean... "Alright then. Here I am. Go ahead and kill me if you want to." :P But I think you won't. Zuko didn't do it either ;). And if necessary I'm sure I'll find a wall somewhere. :)
I hope I will add a new chapter to this maybe about every second week ok...?