Happy Birthday Itachi! ~June 9th
Warning: Choppy sentences and attempted crack. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.
EDIT 9/6/11- Yeah, I edited it, so hopefully the quality is better. ^_^
Uchiha Itachi hated birthdays of any kind, shape, or form. For example, there was Sasuke's birthday. He always felt obligated to send his dear younger brother a present, even though he knew Sasuke would just throw it away, or if he was feeling particularly angsty, burn it with a nice Fireball Jutsu.
Birthdays wouldn't be a problem in the Akatsuki, but they had Deidara, and he would somehow find out when a member's birthday was and suggest in an offhand tone, "Isn't it your birthday today? Shouldn't we do something?" And despite Kakuzu's incessant remarks about money and wasting it and how that was a bad idea and Sasori's plain no, they always managed to throw a birthday party. Itachi was almost positive that Deidara did this just to annoy the crap out of every single person.
Like when he gave Hidan a Bible.
Or when he gave Kisame shark fin soup, despite the fact Kisame had repeatedly told him, "I'm not a shark, Deidara, you idiot."
So on June 9th, the day of his birthday, the great and esteemed Uchiha Itachi woke up with a feeling of dread lodged into his stomach. He remembered every single of Deidara's parties for him, and they were not pretty.
Last year, he had managed to pour a vial of Sasori's poisons in the cake, and Itachi was saved just in time when Sasori recognized it and destroyed the cake with a flick of his scorpion tail. Or the year before that- well, he'd rather not mention it.
Today, he looked around and saw nothing unusual. Kisame was just getting out of bed and gave no notice to him and the hideout was just as quiet as it was on a regular day.
Perhaps Deidara forgot.
He doubted it.
Things started to get unusual later in the day, though. Members kept walking into his room asking the strangest questions.
"Uh, Itachi, have you seen the sugar?" Zetsu asked.
"No."
"Flour anywhere around?" Kakuzu asked as he popped in later.
"No."
"I can't find the damn butter. Did you take it?"
"No."
"Itachi. Frosting around?" Pain asked.
"No."
"Where is the chocolate? It completely disappeared!" Konan sighed.
"Don't know."
"Hi, Itachi. By the way, have you seen the candles?" Kisame inquired.
"No."
About an hour later, Itachi heard a very disturbing explosion near the kitchen, followed by several yells and crashes. Pain was muttering, "So that's where everything went" while Kakuzu was yelling about expenses and Hidan was running out screaming, "He made a fucking exploding cake!" During all this commotion, Sasori came in Itachi's room, ignoring the frenzied yells of "Danna! Don't tell him!"
"You better watch out," Sasori told him. "The brat was mumbling about his ultimate art, whatever that is. Just thought you should know."
Itachi hated birthdays.
Especially his own.
"Katsu!"
In afterthought, perhaps a few singed eyebrows and hair ends, a disintegrated cloak, and a disappointed Deidara wasn't the worst thing that could happen that could happen, but whenever Itachi heard the word cake, he felt the irrational fear to run for his life.