I would be lying If I said I didn't think about him once in a while… No I think about him often. I wouldn't ever say it out loud especially not to Kenny. But he is usually in my mind. I look for him at school. I day dream about him. I hate it I hate myself for doing it. I came out gay, he wasn't. He broke up with me and I was alone. I felt low and scared. But Kenny was there. Kenny started dating me. I wasn't the scorn anymore I was Kenny boyfriend. Even still, I couldn't stop thinking about Craig Tucker.

That was years ago and yet that statement still seems to mean something to me today.

"I'm a douche bag aren't I?" I said looking up from my plate at Stan and Kyle. We were at our usual diner. We sat at a booth by the window that showed the noisy city in motion. It was lunch time for us and we had gotten off on lunch break to meet and talk about the shit of life.

"You are a douche bag. But why bring that up now?" Kyle asked putting down his sandwich.

"I went on his Facebook last night." I sighed. I lifted my hands to my chest. "I kept staring at that thing he's dating. Ya know with her perky tits." I felt the words drop out of my mouth with disgust.

Stan chuckled and Kyle just stared back bored.

"They will probably get married one of these days, we are at the age were people do that. Even still…" I looked out the window. "If there was a slight chance, even a slight chance. I would leave Kenny for him." I shook my head in disgust. "I am an asshole."

"Yes you are Tweek." Kyle said in a matter of fact tone. "I doubt Craig is even the same person after all these years. You are just chasing some fantasy that you made in your head."

I was still facing the window, but I watched Kyle out of the corner of my eye. He was right and I needed him to keep reminding me of it.

"I don't know why you are still with Kenny. All you guys do is fight. How many times has he cheated on you?" Stan chimed in.

I turned my body back towards them and reached for my coffee. "Eh, that was in the past."

"I would think that's very mature of you for saying, if that wasn't the same attitude you had when you found out." Stan pushed.

I let a smile creep on my face. "How's the divorce going Stan?"

"Shit." Stan eased. "But at least I know it will be over soon."

I turned my attention to Kyle. "How's Wendy?"

"Fine." Kyle said back. He tensed. There was more to the story then Kyle would ever let on. Kyle wasn't one to air out his dirty laundry.

"You have Stan sloppy seconds." I turned and looked at Stan. "And you are going through a divorce with a real nightmare of a woman." I let out a laugh before taking a swig from my coffee. "Why am I getting relationship advice from you douche bags again?"

"Because your too embarrassed to write in to Cosmo magazine with your bullshit." Stan smiled. I smiled and shrugged back.

Passersby might cringe at the bleak way we talked to each other. But that was our relationship, we never sugar coated anything. We have all been through shit, bad jobs, family drama and horrible relationships. We all been through it, we don't judge each other and we say how we feel about it. I think that's why we keep coming back to the café on our lunch breaks. We never set up our meeting we just keep going back. I guess in the end, all we want is some hard realties from people we know who won't bullshit us with Hollywood crap. If you could see the bruises and wounds that life had given us you would understand.

I looked down at my watch. "Well ladies," I let out a breath. "It's been fun."

"Leaving so soon? You haven't even heard what Kyle boss did today." Stan smiled. Kyle just picked up his cup. Kyle barely talked at our lunch gathering, even still we knew all of his heart ache from the little he gave us. Bottom line Kyle main misery was his shitty job. Yet Kyle would never say it out loud.

"Would love to, but we all know you can't afford my rates."

"Can you afford Kenny's? Stan eyebrow raised. He loved to play along. He didn't mean anything by it except wanting to be a troll.

I threw down some dollar bills. "Give my best to the misses."

I heard a couple of groans from behind me as I turned to leave. I was heading to the door my head filling with the mountain of work I had on my desk. I reached out to the door of the diner to leave and at that very moment the door was jerked away from me by someone entering. My eyes slowly looked up. Then they were locked. Staring back at me was Craig Tucker.