A/N: All I will say about this fic is that I regret NOTHING.
"And I kid you not, she was behind my curtains like the freakin' Wizard of Oz," Deeks said loudly over the din of the bar.
"No!" Nell's eyes were wide, her drink frozen halfway to her lips.
"The woman does have a flair for the dramatic," Eric agreed.
"The worst part is, I don't even know how long she was in there. I hadn't left the house in weeks," Deeks informed them, taking a sip of his beer.
The team had set up shop on this Friday night in their usual corner of the bar. As the alcohol flowed more freely so did stories about their diminutive boss.
Sam set his own drink on the table. "That's nothing. One time Michelle and I came home from a date and found her upstairs reading a bedtime story to Kam. She'd sent the sitter home and everything." He shook his head grimly. "Michelle made me sleep on the couch for that one."
"It got so bad at one point that I just offered her a key," Callen jumped in with his own Hetty horror story. "She told me she didn't need it. She said, 'I prefer a challenge Mr. Callen.'"
"Well she's never broken into my place," Kensi leaned confidently back in the booth as she munched on a chip.
"Remember that time you came home and all of your CD's had been organized alphabetically and your copies of People Magazine were in the trash?" Deeks asked. "And you blamed me and wouldn't share your ice cream?"
Kensi's gaped at him. "That was Hetty?!"
"Yep," Deeks smiled at the stunned look on her face. "I'll take that apology any day now."
"The feeling of being violated goes away after a while," Callen assured her. "You get used to the idea that what's yours is Hetty's."
"She knocked on my door one night and said she'd come over to watch Scandal with me," Nell told them. "She brought a bottle of wine. God. I drank so much that night."
"I want to come over and watch Scandal!" Kensi cried, the buzz of alcohol allowing her to become more easily sidetracked than usual.
"You can come anytime you want as long as you don't bring Hetty," Nell told her and then drained her glass. "If we're going to keep talking about this I'm going to need another drink."
"She interrupted my date," Eric said morosely.
All eyes swung to him. "What?" Nell asked.
"It was like, six years ago," he began with a sigh. "A girl I liked in high school. She came out to visit family and I invited her over. I cooked. I baked a soufflé for dessert. And right as I opened the wine Hetty showed up. She brought a cable I'd left in Ops."
"That's not so bad," Kensi told him.
"She stayed. For three hours," he looked sadly into his glass. "Nina hasn't spoken to me since."
"Wow," Callen finally managed.
"Yeah you win," Deeks told him.
Nell frowned and pursed her lips. "Do you think she bursts in on Granger like that?"
Everyone took a moment to consider this new idea.
"No way," Sam finally decided. "Granger's too smart for that. He'd see her coming a mile away."
"He has to sleep sometime," Eric mumbled.
"The first time Granger showed up he got the jump on Hetty," Callen reminded them.
"Did he? Or did she just let him think he did?" Nell asked wisely.
Deeks grinned.
"What's that look for?" Sam asked him.
"I'm just imagining Hetty and Granger trying to one up each other. Like Hetty pops out of a potted plant and Granger just keeps reading his paper all, 'Not today Henrietta.'"
"Ha!" Kensi snorted in amusement.
"Sounds like a fight to the death to me," Sam said with a smile.
"You don't mess with the Great and Powerful Hetty," Callen told them.
"I'll drink to that," Nell agreed, raising her glass.
"It really freaks me out that Hetty keeps tabs on all of us like this," Kensi said as she shoved a pretzel into her mouth.
"It's not like she has cameras installed in our houses," Deeks assured her.
"That would be highly illegal," Sam added.
"Right…and Hetty would never do anything illegal," Eric said slowly.
An uncomfortable silence fell over the table as realization settled over all of them.
Callen stood. "I have to go home. Right now."
Sam had already pulled out his cell phone. "Hey baby, are you home? Yeah listen. I need you to do me a favor."
"We would have noticed right?" Kensi asked her partner.
"Totally," Deeks replied and then thought about it. "We should go."
Nell appeared to be deep in thought as the rest of the team left the table. "It's in the antique clock on my mantel isn't it?" she finally asked Eric.
He shuddered. "I'm moving into a hotel. Immediately."
A/N: Leave your love in the reviews!