Author's Notes
If you haven't read 'A Picture Of Dita', story ID 12317551, this story won't make much sense to you.
Clues
Barnette woke. She felt good, but nothing like yesterday. She and Hibiki had a lot of things left to resolve. She dressed in a set of grubbies; she would start her day by doing post-mission maintenance on her Dread, and a good cleaning would probably be in order, too. That would just about use up her morning, but she should be free pretty much all afternoon. She would do her best to corner Hibiki, and at least talk to him.
She got into line at the height of the breakfast rush, picked up her food, and turned toward the tables.
"Barnette!"
She looked around until she saw Jura smiling and waving to her. She smiled back, walked over, and sat down across from her. Three other women sat at the table; they smiled and nodded and went back to their breakfasts. Not getting caught up in this, oh no. Jura was in a Mood.
"Good morning, Jura."
Jura gave her an appraising look. "Well, here you are, sweets. I've hardly seen you in days. What have you been up to?"
"I've been a little busy. Patrols, Dread maintenance, training, the usual."
Jura shook her head, sending ripples through her long gold hair. "Uh-uh. You disappear for hours at a time and nobody knows where. Not so usual."
Her tone was light and jesting on the surface, but Barnette knew her. Jura had a nose for secrets, and relished digging them out; the deeper and darker, the better. Her only chance was to give her enough to satisfy, without rousing any suspicion that there was more to be found.
She pretended to be reluctant. "Well…I've been talking to Hibiki, trying to get him to open up."
If nothing else, she had succeeded in surprising Jura. "Really? Woe-is-me Hibiki? Mister Gloom himself? You're tougher than me. I can hardly stand to be around him most of the time; he's so depressing."
Barnette frowned. "He's your friend too, isn't he? Think about what he's been through. Don't you want to help him?"
Jura waved a hand vaguely. "Hey, I tried. He'd barely say a word and kept giving me that I-want-to-be-alone vibe. He pushed me away."
Barnette's frown lightened. "He pushed me away too, at first. It takes more commitment than ten minutes of flirting."
Jura looked just a little bit guilty. "Oh, I suppose, but it just wasn't working. Instead of cheering him up, he was getting me down. Both of us being depressed together wouldn't help anybody. How do you do it?"
Barnette smiled. "I don't mind that he's quiet. I enjoy his company. He never complains, never blames anybody, or lashes out, or resents us for not being as resolute as he is."
Jura cackled. "Don't you mean obsessive? Three years of the same-old-same-old — it's kind of unnatural."
Barnette dropped the smile. "Maybe you think it's unnatural. Three years without a shred of hope or a millimeter of progress, and he still hasn't given up on her. I admire him for that."
Jura sighed. "I guess you're right, but you'd think after three years he'd at least start to get over it."
Barnette looked her in the eye. "If I disappeared in the middle of a battle, how long would it take you to 'get over it'?"
Jura replied, defensively, "Oh, now don't be that way. You know I'd like to help, but it just doesn't seem to work out. And I'm glad you're helping him."
Barnette softened her gaze. "That's right, I'm helping him. I'll be spending a lot of time with him, so if you can't find me that's probably where I am."
Jura looked at her intently. "You know, you've changed. And I thought you didn't like men."
Barnette returned the intent look. She hadn't really thought about it before, but in the five years they had been together Jura hadn't changed much at all. Maybe it had something to do with her being two standard years older. She still treated Barnette pretty much the same, too. A junior partner, emphasis on junior.
She responded, thoughtfully, "Yes, I have changed. I've learned, and I've grown. I'm not the same person I was five years ago, or four, or even one. And you're right, I didn't like men. I thought they were depraved and evil like we were always told, and you know what? I learned that I was wrong. It wasn't wholly my fault; I was told lies all my life, but even when I began to see that they were lies I refused to admit it, and hung on to them for much too long. I regret that, and I'm trying to do better. Today I know that Hibiki is a good man, and a good friend, and I'm going to be a friend to him. He deserves better than to be ignored, even if that's what he thinks he wants. I'm going to help him."
Jura looked a little bewildered. "O—kay. I guess I won't be seeing you as much."
She resumed eating, and Barnette started. A few minutes later Hibiki reached the end of the serving line and walked past them. Barnette gave him a brilliant smile and a cheery wave as he approached. "Good morning, Hibiki. How are you today?"
Both hands held his tray so he waggled two fingers in lieu of a wave and returned a much smaller smile. "Morning, Barnette."
They all watched him go to his customary seat in a back corner of the mess.
Jura returned her attention to Barnette. "Wow! An actual smile, and two whole words. You have been helping him."
Hibiki had gone and sat in the back corner out of long habit, without thinking. Everybody knew to leave him alone, and the next table was empty, too. People would only sit there if all the other seats were occupied. The thought troubled him, for the first time in three years.
He didn't feel like eating alone in the corner any more.
He didn't feel like being some sort of anti-star, radiating darkness instead of light. He had been so wrapped up in his own loss that he hadn't thought about his shipmates, his friends. His family. About how much he must be hurting them, by pushing them away when they wanted to help, when they could see that he needed help, even if he couldn't.
Barnette had started something with him, and it was growing.
Barnette mostly ate her breakfast, smiling and nodding and making only brief replies to Jura's conversation. The other women joined in a little, now that the Mood had passed. Jura finished first, and they said companionable see ya later's.
Barnette rambled down to the Dread bays in a much better humor than yesterday's. Post-deployment maintenance and cleaning did indeed take most of the morning, but when she finished her Dread was ready for its next mission. By the time she got everything shut down, put the tools away, washed up, returned to her quarters and changed, it was almost lunch time. She wound up sitting with Jura and a few friends again.
Hibiki polished off his own breakfast, then spent the morning doing pretty much the same things on his Vanguard. Lunch found him back in his corner seat; he'd gone to it without thinking, then decided not to move.
Just before lunch ended, an announcement sounded. "Attention. Lieutenant Commander Ballblair, Lieutenant Commander Gisborn, Lieutenant Commander Elden, Lieutenant Commander Tokai, Lieutenant Commander Orangello, Major Garsus, Lieutenant Slaintheva, your presence is requested in the Captain's office at 1330. That is all."
It started a buzz of conversations, but nobody had any answers.
Buzam A. Calessa looked around. "Good to see you all here. We've got a lot to talk about."
They were all sitting at the Captain's conference table. At the head, of course, sat Captain Magno 2 Vivan.
Three years ago, when a few apparently minor skirmishes were revealed as the harbingers of a renewed Harvest War, Captain Magno Vivan had announced her retirement. She now served as an advisor and mentor of sorts at the former pirate base, repurposed as a joint Taraak/Mejere training facility, and as Misty Cornwell's unofficial foster Fama. She occasionally claimed to miss 'the good old days' and the simplicity of an enemy that just wanted to kill them all. Everybody was sure she didn't really mean it. Politics just didn't agree with her.
Her departure left the position to be filled, and most of the Firsts seemed to have a horse in the race, a dog in the fight, and an axe to grind. Over twenty Captain-candidates were proposed, and when they saw the list all of the Nirvana's crew gave their unanimous opinion: Oh, please, NO!
BC was specifically excluded from consideration; most of the Firsts on both Mejere and Taraak had chosen to view her/his actions in the worst possible light, as a betrayal of both sides, rather than a best effort to be loyal to both. It wasn't unanimous only because all the Firsts could never agree about anything. Punishing a hero/ine of the Harvest War was not politically expedient, but they'd be damned if they would offer any rewards. Fortunately, none of them suspected that she/he considered remaining as Executive Officer of the Nirvana, and physically female, to be the best possible reward.
The unexpected solution came from a project the Firsts had started thirty years before; not exactly a secret project, but certainly one not spoken of. They had seen themselves growing old and, not trusting anybody else to continue running things the 'right' way, they took steps. They created duplicates of themselves.
They used the most advanced gene-splicing technology to make their copies as perfect as possible, then did everything in their power to ensure that they would grow up to be just like the Firsts. They must have done something right; the duplicates squabbled with each other just like the originals, anyway.
Magno Vivan was not part of the project, but she was a First and nobody thought not to include her. By the time they realized that there was no place in their plans for a second Magno they already had one, and were relieved when the original Magno insisted on taking responsibility for her. While she tried to raise the child to be her own person, Magno 2 Vivan had turned out to be eerily like her progenitor-sibling.
Three years ago she had been a Commander in the Mejere Space Force, ready for promotion to Captain and command of her own ship, but she lacked political connections and was not considered for Captain of the Nirvana. When her 'Big Sis' contacted her, and explained the situation, she readily agreed. When the Nirvana's crew supported her with all their Heroes Of The Harvest War prestige, they eventually succeeded, in no small part because she was an outsider. None of the Firsts backed her, so none of them opposed her because of another faction's support. She was the candidate everybody could live with.
Of course nothing involving Firsts politics could be that simple. Lord Grand-Pa and the Taraak High Command just could not allow the uniquely powerful Nirvana to be under Mejere control. Both Magnos finally got a bellyful of the bickering and Magno 2 proposed that they return to the previous arrangement — she could resign, steal the Nirvana, and be a Pirate Captain, with the crew's full support. Magno 1 pointed out that it had worked out well enough the last time. Forced to shut up and do the obvious, they gave her a joint commission as a Captain in the Mejere Space Force and a Colonel in the Taraak Army, as well as commissioning the Nirvana as a Mejere Assault Carrier and a Taraak Battleship.
A successful compromise is one that pisses everybody off equally.
Now 32 standard years old, Captain Magno 2 Vivan had long since earned her crew's confidence and respect, and her working relationship with BC was nearly as close as the original Magno's. She really was much like a younger version of her sort-of-twin sister. Her face showed both classic beauty and strong character, hair as gold as Jura's hung in a thick braid halfway down her back, and her working uniform of blue-and-white body armor resembled neither Mejere's nor Taraak's. She joked that it was in case the idiots really did piss her off enough to turn Pirate Captain.
BC sat at Captain Magno's right hand, Gascogne at her left. Next were Meia and Parfet, Jura and Barnette, Bart and Hibiki, and Amarone at the far end. Everybody looked puzzled except Magno and BC.
BC opened. "Lieutenant Commander Tokai. Yesterday you took your Vanguard out searching for Lieutenant Liebely, missing in action. At about 1740 you cracked into the computers of the civilian ship Marishima and downloaded their data. Is this correct?"
Hibiki replied cautiously, "I ran a solo patrol, Commander. I encountered a freight hauler and did a data-retrieval exercise on it. The time sounds right."
BC chuckled. "Relax, Hibiki, I'm just establishing the background. You're not in trouble. Quite the opposite, in fact. We all know you spend every minute you can spare looking for Dita, and we routinely crack into ships' computers."
She/he addressed them all again. "Most of us also know there's not much to do on the bridge midwatch unless something goes horribly wrong. Lieutenant Slaintheva chose to spend some of that time analyzing data from Hibiki's search. Amarone, would you tell us what you found?"
Amarone looked a little nervous. "Commander, Captain, everybody, well, I thought I remembered that ship's name from somewhere, so I checked. We saw her five weeks ago in the Rondeleux system, and we broke into their computers then too. I ran a comparison on the two data dumps, and there were significant anomalies. Her computers have been tampered with. I flagged it for Commander Calessa's attention."
Captain Magno nodded to her. "Good work, Lieutenant. I've put a note in your records."
Amarone smiled, and blushed a little. "Thank you, Captain."
BC continued. "I looked it over, confirmed her findings, and passed the matter on to Lieutenant Commander Ballblair for further analysis. Parfet?"
Parfet looked around. "At first I thought it must be the crew trying to hide something, to evade taxes or even outright smuggling—"
Gascogne interrupted. "What cargo are they carrying?"
Parfet didn't seem to mind. "Refined metals and volatiles."
Gascogne looked puzzled. "Why would they be bringing those here? There's a fully developed space industry right here in Coralia. Maybe they are smuggling."
Bart spoke up. "Believe it or not, it's actually cheaper to ship raw materials in from another system than to process them locally. This place is pretty f— uh, screwed up."
Now everybody looked puzzled. Gascogne looked at him. "How do you mean?"
Bart had a pained expression. "Unions."
They all looked at him questioningly.
Bart explained. "They've got a pilots' guild, a navigators' guild, communications guild, miners' union, prospectors' union, smelters' union, vacuum welders' union…there's a separate union or guild for every job classification you can think of. Every one of 'em has got greedy elite bosses narrowly focused on their own advantage, they're strangling the local economy, and none of them will give a millimeter. It's going to lead to trouble."
They didn't doubt his analysis. As a son of a major Taraak manufacturing and mercantile 'family', he had literally been taught business and economics in the cradle.
BC turned to the Captain. "Major Garsus is right. I think this system is headed for a severe economic and political upheaval. Somebody should keep an eye on it; this is just the kind of opportunity the enemy likes to exploit."
Captain Magno agreed. "I'll have to bring that up with the right people, next time we get the chance."
BC looked at Parfet again. "But now you don't think it was the crew."
Parfet replied, "No, Commander. I'm certain it wasn't an inside job. Somebody cracked into the ship's systems from outside."
Hibiki frowned. "I'm pretty sure I didn't make any mistakes like that."
Parfet gave him a reassuring look. "No, I'm certain it wasn't our fault, either. We're not that clumsy, or that careless, and the timestamps don't match.
She looked at all of them again. "I went back through our records, and so far I've found four more ships with similar patterns of computer disruption. They have one thing in common: they've all been to the Maddalen System recently. As far as I can tell, their computers were doctored as they were leaving the system."
BC turned to Captain Magno. "This leads me to believe that somebody is hiding something in the Maddalen star system, and they don't want anybody finding out what it is. I suspect our enemies. Bart?"
Bart Garsus fiddled with his datapad, and a star system schematic appeared above the table. It showed one star and five rocky planets, with the fourth solidly in the blue 'liquid water' zone and the third at its inner edge. Next was an extensive asteroid belt and four gas planets of various sizes. Bart placed a cursor at the star, then moved it around the system as he spoke.
"Here we have Maddalen, a type F1 solo star near the far edge of the Mori sector. The two inner planets are pretty much just baked rocks, but with an atmosphere and a few trillion tons of water the third planet could be about half as pleasant and homey as Taraak. The fourth planet is much nicer and took just a little terraforming to make it a perfectly welcoming place. Fifth planet is a frozen dirt-ball, the asteroid belt is on the large side, and four assorted gas and ice planets round out the main bodies. It's got the usual swarm of rocks and ice-balls in the outer system. That's where we suspect the enemy's hiding."
"Maddalen 4 itself has a population of almost seven hundred million, and there are another ten or twelve million in space-based industry and support. They've got their mining and refining sectors pretty well developed, but manufacturing is still in the early stages. They're selling some excess raw materials to raise capital, hence their shipments to Coralia and other systems."
"I know twelve million sounds low, but resource extraction is the least labor-intensive part of space industry, and with such a nice, uncrowded planet few people want to live 'out there' if they don't have to. It will probably take another thirty or forty years before they start building habitats and get the kind of space-based population we're used to seeing."
BC nodded. "Thank you, Bart."
She/he looked at all of them again. "Maddalen's distant location, low population, and the paltry state of its space industry all make it an attractive hiding place for our enemies. In addition, most of that industry is concentrated in a small segment of the asteroid belt which is currently about sixty degrees counterclockwise from the planet. While it may seem an obvious place for us to have taken a look at, there are at least thirty other systems with similar indicators, and until now there was nothing to single this one out."
Captain Magno took over. "Now we have a reason. We're going to check this out, and deal with it if we can. If not, we pull back and either wait for reinforcements, or go get them. It's a hundred and nine light-year trip, so it will take about a hundred and thirty-five hours, putting our arrival time very early next Tuesday."
"We will make our approach from here, the opposite side of the system from Maddalen 4. Unless we find out otherwise, we assume the population is composed of innocent civilians and keep any action as far from them as possible. That adds about an hour to our voyage time, so we need to move out in less than two hours to arrive by 0730 next Tuesday morning. That way we're conducting operations during the day by our clocks. It's a small advantage, but we take what we can get, and maybe we'll even get lucky and arrive in the middle of the night on their cycle."
"Lieutenant Commander Gisborn, recall all our Dreads immediately. Lieutenant Commander Tokai, recall our Vanguards. Everybody, make all preparations for getting under way. Plan to depart this system at 1520."
Captain Magno stood to address them. "We do not know what we'll find. We go in slow and careful, with screening forces, flankers, rearguard and ready reserves." She chuckled. "Let's try not to get caught with our pants down, or our skirts up. Dismissed, ladies and gentlemen."
The Nirvana moved further out toward the edge of the Coralia System as Dreads and Vanguards returned to the nest and everybody made preparations. By 1515 all was ready.
BC looked up from her/his station. "All departments, report."
Meia's image appeared in front of them. "All Dreads are docked and locked down for transit. All pilots are aboard. Dread squadrons ready for departure, Commander."
Hibiki's face appeared beside hers. "Vanguards secured for transit, all mech operators on board. Vanguard group ready for departure, Commander."
An image frame opened for Gascogne. "All squared away down here, Buzam. All crew members aboard. Ship Services ready for departure."
Parfet opened her frame. "Engineering is all set and the Pyxis is good. Hyperdrive on standby. We're ready for departure, Commander."
BC turned to Captain Magno. "All departments report ready to get under way, Captain."
Captain Magno nodded. "Very good. Major Garsus, set course for the Maddalen System and get us under way."
A headshot of Bart appeared. "Aye, Captain, setting course, two-three-three-point-eight by minus-one-point-seven. Hyperdrive initiation in twenty seconds."
The Nirvana turned slightly and started to accelerate in normal space. Everything felt strange for a second as they transitioned to hyperdrive, surging to more than 7,000 times the speed of light. They could go faster, but it would take much more power and stress the engines. None of them were that reckless, especially Captain Magno.
Bart reported again. "On course for Maddalen, Captain. All drive systems nominal. Estimated time to destination one hundred and thirty-six hours."
Magno smiled. "Thank you, Bart. BC, set the underway watch. We'll see what we find when we get there."
Hibiki returned to make one more check of his Vanguard, then almost ran into Barnette as he was leaving the Vanguard bay.
She smiled. "Hi, Hibiki. Are you busy?"
No, he wasn't busy. These times under hyperdrive were some of the longest and hardest for him. No small craft could leave the ship, there was no communication with the rest of the universe, and after finishing his maintenance chores he had very little to do, and nothing at all toward searching for Dita. There weren't even any stars to look at, just the disturbing ripples and almost-colors of hyperspace, which the human eye was not adapted to perceive. He had filled those hours and days by repeatedly going through all the terabytes of data he had accumulated in his searches, and missing Dita.
Barnette knew most of that. There wasn't much for Dread pilots to do in hyperspace either, and she'd started to spend some of that time watching him restlessly prowl the ship's corridors or tinker with his Vanguard when not staring into a computer display. That stoic persistence was part of what had aroused her sympathy, and then her interest in him.
He didn't quite smile, but his expression mellowed. "No, not really."
"Good. Will you come with me? I'd like to talk to you."
He started to turn back. "We can talk here in the Vanguard bay."
She caught his arm. "No, I want to talk to you alone. Where no one will interrupt us."
He turned again. "My room, then—"
She shook her head. "I'd rather not, right now. There are…distractions."
They both knew what she meant. He suddenly felt anxious, both reluctant and longing for her. "You mean you, um, you want to…?"
She smiled sympathetically. "I'm not sure. I'd at least like to leave the prospect open. But I definitely want to talk to you, completely alone. Will you come with me?"
Barnette opened a door. "In here."
Hibiki followed her. It had been a long walk, through little-used parts of what had been the Ikazuchi before it got fused with a pirate cruiser. He saw looming, shadowy shapes until Barnette switched the lights on, revealing them as rows of boxes and crates stacked to various heights, some nearly reaching the ceiling. A starship's interior was one of the most controlled environments humans had ever created, but even so there was a thin film of dust over most of them. Barnette suppressed an ironic snort. So, there were three constants in life: dust, death and taxes.
Hibiki looked around as she shut the door. "What's this?"
She chuckled. "We call it the Closet. Just a storage room full of junk, really. We found it a couple of years ago, and we've been stashing our own junk in here ever since. Stuff that's old or broken, but could be fixed or has parts we might need. Nobody actually knows what-all's in here, and hardly anybody ever comes here. We should have complete privacy."
He looked uneasy, and she chuckled again. "Relax, you goofball, I'm not going to jump on you and tear your clothes off. I really did bring you here to talk. If it leads to more than talk, well, we'll see."
He relaxed a little. "Talk, about what?"
Barnette got just a little bit impatient. "Well, us, of course. You, and me. You do see that we need to, right?"
He felt sheepish. "Yeah, you're right. Uh, what should we say?"
She sighed in resignation. "This is going to take longer than I thought, and I thought it would take a long time." She looked around and pointed. "Let's have a seat."
They approached two crates at about waist height behind a taller row and hitched themselves up to sit side by side. Hibiki smiled nervously, and Barnette chuckled again. "It's not that hard. I'll talk, you listen. If you have anything to say, say it. I promise it won't hurt."
She'd managed to make him laugh, a little. "Okay."
Barnette smiled contentedly. "So, let's start with the biggest issue. We had sex, two nights ago. It was really good. At least, I thought so."
Hibiki smiled too. "Yeah, it was. It was great. You were great. It was, um…"
She chuckled. "I get the idea. I have a hard time expressing it, too. It's kind of beyond words. I'm glad you liked it, too. The next issue is, do we want to have sex again? I do, how about you?"
He was startled that she had gone straight there. "Uh, yeah! I mean, um, I'd like that."
She gave him a big smile. "Good, I'm glad we agree about that. No more doubts? You seemed a little uncertain last night."
"Um, not doubts, really, but, uh, I don't…"
She nodded. "You're not sure what we're doing, or where we're going, or what's going to happen?"
"Hah. Um, all of those?"
She hit him with a conspiratorial smile, and a sly wink. "I'll tell you a secret, then. Neither do I."
He was shocked. "What? But you, you always know what to say, what to do, how to, um…"
She shook her head. "It may look that way, but I don't know everything. I don't know the future. I just don't let that stop me. I say what I think, and do what I think is right, and deal with whatever happens the best I can. When I asked if you wanted to have sex again, I didn't know what you'd say. That's why I asked."
He digested that, slowly. "So, you mean, you…"
She gave him an ironic grin. "I'm as lost as you are. We are the blind leadin' the blind, here. But we don't have to let that stop us. We can still be together, if we want to be."
He said, hesitantly, "I think…I do. Want us to be together. But, Dita…"
She nodded reluctantly. "That's our third big issue. You still need to search for Dita, and I accept that. It's one of the first things I saw in you, how you never gave up on her, no matter how hard it was or what anybody said. I respected you for that, even when I still thought all men were my enemies. It's one of the reasons you're a good man, and I want to be with you."
"But…what if I find her?"
She carefully kept her voice mild. "What if you do? When will that be? She's been gone three years already, will she still be the same? Will she still feel the same way about you? Will you feel the same about her?"
He looked confused, and didn't answer.
"Neither one of us knows any of those things. If, when, you find Dita, we should deal with it then, when we do know something, and not paralyze ourselves with what-ifs when we can't answer them."
"I…never thought about it that way," he admitted.
"That's why you should talk to your friends. You can find perspectives you wouldn't think of on your own." She put her hand on his thigh, and he jerked a little. "It's why I wanted you to talk to me."
He sounded kind of unsettled. "Um, yeah. You're right. I should have. This…helps. Talking."
She smiled, and squeezed his leg. "I'm glad I can help. I don't know everything, I don't even know what will happen tomorrow, but I do know this — what we've got is real. You, and me, right now. Let's not lose that over something that hasn't happened, might not happen for years, and might not be what we expect when it does happen."
He thought that over. "Oh. Okay."
She chuckled. "That easy, huh?"
He smiled and nodded.
She smiled back. "You are a good man, Hibiki. I like being with you, and talking to you, and touching you," she squeezed his leg again, "and kissing you, and having sex with you. I want to go on doing those things with you. What do you want?"
"Um, yeah, all of that, with you."
"Oh, Hibiki…" Barnette turned to him, put her other hand on his cheek and kissed him.
He was learning. He returned her kiss and put one arm, then the other around her and pulled her close. She slid her arm around his neck with a low moan. After a time they pulled apart a little, breathless.
He smiled. "That feels really good."
"Mmm, it does. Is there anything else you want to do?"
He hesitated for several seconds, then brought his hand around and cautiously touched her breast.
She gave him a sensual smile. "Oh, my. That's a bold move. Are you going to go through with it, or just give up?"
He squeezed her gently, and she sighed and closed her eyes. "Good choice." She pulled him in for another kiss, then sat up straight and started unbuttoning her blouse. He pulled his hand back, watching with anticipation as she removed her blouse and dropped it beside her—
"Here we are!"
They heard a woman's excited voice from outside the room, and a low male voice replying, but too muffled to distinguish words. Barnette let out a small yelp and put a hand over her mouth as the door handle scraped and clicked. She looked around wildly, then snapped her legs up and around, rolling back onto her shoulders and then flipping to her feet on the crate. Hibiki leaned forward, twisted and dropped his feet to the floor. As the door opened, Barnette quickly sprung onto a higher crate and crossed over to the next row.
The woman spoke again. "It's okay, nobody ever comes here."
"Then why are the lights on?" The man's voice was low and rich. He had to be Duelo.
Hibiki was concealed from the door, but as soon as their unexpected visitors stepped fully into the room they would see him. He felt a sense of panic and, not stopping to consider how unreasonable it was, thought frantically.
"Somebody left them on?" With Duelo identified, they recognized the other voice as Parfet.
Inspiration struck. He hastily opened a crate, yanked some random gadgets out of it and set them on the next crate. He was lifting another one and pretending to examine it when Parfet caught sight of him.
"Hibiki? What are you doing here?" She sounded annoyed.
He turned around, holding what he now recognized as a plasma cannon pinch coil. "Uh, hey, Parfet. Um, why are you here?"
Duelo had moved into sight as well, and Parfet suddenly looked flustered.
Duelo answered, "Miss Ballblair thought there might be some, ah, parts in here, that could be used, for, er, spares, for some of the medical equipment."
Parfet was still flustered. "And why are you here?"
They had given him time to think, so his answer was much smoother than Duelo's. "Looking through this junk to see if there's anything I can maybe adapt for my Vanguard, to get more endurance. You know, so I can stay out longer and go farther."
Parfet's fluster was shading back to annoyed. "Are you about done?"
He shook his head. "Actually, I'm just getting started."
He started to set the coil down and saw Barnette's light blue blouse, right there in plain sight. Fortunately Parfet hadn't noticed it, or thought it was just a piece of cloth. He put the coil down anyway and reached into the crate for another widget. "I'll probably be here a while. Not like I got anything else to do, with the ship on hyperdrive."
"Oh." Parfet had definitely gone back to annoyed. "Well, I guess we'll leave you to it, then."
She turned away, then Duelo turned too, and preceded her through the door. Just before it closed, he heard her grumble, "Why now, of all times?"
When their footsteps had receded, he looked up just in time to see Barnette stick her head out. She had a hand over her mouth again, and now she took it away and started laughing. He grunted and started putting junk back into the crate as she climbed down and stood beside her blouse, still laughing. He put the last part in and closed it again. She stepped over and sat on the crate in front of him, chuckling.
"You did a really good job, bullshitting Parfet. I almost believed you."
He was still agitated. "Are you sure? What will they think…?"
She gave him a slightly deranged smile. "Don't worry. You've been acting so weird for so long nobody would be surprised at anything you do."
His panic was subsiding. "I hope you're right. I'm just glad they're gone. And they didn't see you."
Barnette's amusement bubbled up again. "Duelo was bullshitting you, too."
"What?"
She grinned roguishly. "Couldn't you tell? They had the same idea as us. We just had it first."
"You mean…Duelo and…and, Parfet? Really?"
"Sure looks that way to me." She giggled. "I hope they find another place."
He shook his head. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."
She laughed again. "Well, if anybody else wanders in here looking for a place to fuck, I'll agree with you. But in the meantime…"
She put her hands on his shoulders, leaned forward and kissed him. It did wonders toward banishing his residual panic, and soon he stepped up and put his arms around her. Her arms slipped around his neck as they slowly recaptured their earlier mood. They pulled apart after a time, and Hibiki couldn't keep his gaze from straying downward.
She chuckled warmly. "It's called a 'bra', Hibiki. Short for brassiere. It's for support."
He looked a little confused.
"You've seen that men and women are different, haven't you?"
He nodded.
"A woman's breasts are very soft and sensitive." She giggled. "I think you noticed that mine are, anyway."
His face got a little red.
She turned more serious. "If they get bounced around, it hurts, and can cause internal damage. In case you didn't know, space combat is a violent business. We get banged about a lot. They can get knocked and bumped in everyday life, too. The bra protects me, and keeps that from happening."
He was still looking. She smiled. "You want to touch them again, don't you? Go ahead."
Hibiki raised his hand and slowly caressed her with his fingertips.
She sighed. "Ohhh. That feels good…"
She leaned forward, pressing against his hand. He inhaled sharply, and squeezed, and Barnette smiled. He slowly explored the enticing, secret curves of her body as she made soft little sounds. They paused, and Hibiki ran a finger curiously along one lacy edge.
"Um, does this…"
She chuckled again. "Well, no, there's no practical reason for it to be this fancy. The pretty lace is meant to excite my lover." She giggled. "I think it's working."
He still sounded confused. "You mean, uh—"
She pinched his cheek playfully. "Yes, I mean you, moron. You're my lover."
He looked a little dazed.
She suddenly hugged him tight, and kissed him. Her voice changed, became soft, low and intense.
"You're my lover, Hibiki. You're the man I want, the only one."
She kissed him again, hungrily. He returned her kiss, and her embrace. She hooked her legs around him and pulled him closer. She leaned back and held his head against her breasts, breathing hard.
"I want you, Hibiki. Don't say no, don't say later, I want you now!"
This time they both had a much better idea what to do, and what to expect. The lighting was better, too. Their choice of 'where' was on the crates, or the floor between them. The crate tops were uneven, and might not support their combined weight, and they would inevitably find that out at the worst possible time, so the floor it was. They dug various sizes of foam packing sheets out of a few crates and padded a patch of floor, then hastily stripped off their clothes and almost fell onto them together.
They sat side by side with their backs against a crate, catching their breath.
Barnette looked down at his lap. "It changed."
He mumbled and stammered, embarrassed. "Uh, yeah, it's, um, not, you know…"
She chuckled. "Yes, I know. I looked a few things up last night, but it's a little different when it's right…there."
She moved her hand in that direction, and he started to ward her off.
She looked up at his face, surprised and a little hurt. "What's wrong, Hibiki? You touched me, now I want to touch you."
He had a little argument with himself, inside his head, then took her wrist and lightly tugged her hand toward him. She smiled and looked down again.
His belly trembled as her curious fingers worked their way around his uniquely male anatomy, probing and exploring him as he had explored her. This was another completely new experience, and very enjoyable once he relaxed. He felt as if all of his awareness was concentrated in the little spots where her hand contacted his male parts. She was gentle; apparently her reading had warned her how tender the area could be. He felt a tension…
Barnette's hand stopped moving. "Something's happening. It's…getting bigger."
He found it hard to speak. "Uhh…yeah…"
She watched the process attentively, then began investigating this new, yet familiar configuration. They had been in such a rush earlier, she hadn't really gotten a chance to look. Now she took her time.
Hibiki tentatively reached toward her, and when she didn't protest he put his hand on her thigh. Her skin was silky smooth and his hand glided over it easily. She made a little 'mmm' sound; he took that as encouragement and moved his hand higher. There was nothing he recognized here, only a patch of green hair and soft, damp folds of skin. His fingers slipped between them, and Barnette clenched her legs together and groaned. Her hand clutched him almost painfully.
He jerked his hand away. "I'm sorry!"
She laughed, low and breathy. "Don't be. You just touched…a certain place. It feels really good."
Barnette gave his member a light squeeze and looked up. "Hibiki? I want you again."
This time there was no rush, no confusion. Barnette lay back between the crates and laughed as he struggled to maneuver around her without kneeing her in the stomach. He succeeded, then leaned over her and supported himself with one hand as he caressed and squeezed her breasts with the other. She gasped and shivered, then pulled his head down between them. His lips and tongue felt even better.
He slowly reconnoitered her half-familiar territory, finding the places that made her gasp and moan and shudder. Soon she was breathless, her nipples almost painfully tight. In a way, this felt almost as good as having that strange convertible male part inside of her. But only almost. She pulled his head up to hers and kissed him, crushing their lips together and twisting her tongue around his. She reached down and found what she sought, guiding him, and all but screamed with pleasure into his mouth as he slid into her.
This time they were too spent to sit up. They lay with Hibiki half on top of her and lazily fondled each other. He put his hand on her breast and squeezed a little.
"Mmmmm, that's nice." She squeezed him in return. "It's strange. Your hands feel different. Not like Jura's at all."
Hibiki froze. "What…what about Jura? What are we…"
Barnette looked troubled. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I can tell her."
"But we, we have to, right? It's not fair, her not knowing."
"No, you're right. It's not. But I… I always know what to say, but for this, I don't even know how to start."
He stroked her breast slowly. "We have to figure it out, though. She's my friend. She's more than that to you."
"Mmmmm." She swatted his hand. "But I'll never think of anything with you distracting me like this."
"You want me to stop?"
"I didn't say that." They both chuckled.
They lay quietly for a while, then Barnette sighed contentedly. "I'm happy here, with you, Hibiki. Can't we take just this little time for ourselves, and not worry about anything? Just be together, and pretend there's nothing else?"
He stretched a little and rubbed his cheek against hers. "Of course, Barnette. You're right, this feels good."
"Mmmmmmm." Barnette stretched and smiled dreamily. "I had a delightful time with my lover today."
Hibiki carefully lifted himself off her and sat up. "So did I."
She looked like a green-haired angel, smiling up at him. Life on Taraak hadn't provided him with that concept, but the feeling reached him anyway. He braced one hand on a crate and pushed himself to his feet, then held a hand out to her. She took it and stood in one smooth motion, then stepped in close for a lingering, affectionate kiss. Hibiki wasn't sure how to respond at first; two days ago he hadn't dreamed there were so many kinds of kisses, or that he could enjoy them so much. Barnette seemed to be satisfied, though. She stepped back and smiled again, then looked at the clothing they had left strewn about and chuckled.
"I guess we were in a bit of a hurry."
He laughed with her as they collected everything, then dressed at a leisurely speed. He finished first, picked up the foam pieces, stuffed them into a crate and closed it. He crossed to the door, opened it and peered outside.
He looked back at Barnette. "Nobody's around. Um, should we…"
She nodded. "You go first. I'll wait a couple of minutes."
As he walked out the door she called, "Hibiki?" He stopped and looked back.
"Will you sit with me at supper tonight?"
He smiled. "Of course. I don't want to sit in the corner any more."
Barnette smiled and waved. "Hibiki!"
He'd already been looking for her. He threaded his way between the other tables and stopped at the only empty seat, beside Barnette.
"Hi Barnette, hi everybody." He set his tray on the table and sat down. They looked at him in astonishment.
Jura looked back and forth between him and Barnette. "Okay, you said Hibiki was going to sit there. I just didn't believe you."
Barnette smiled at him. "I'm glad you could join us, Hibiki."
He gave a little smile, and nodded to them all. "It's…good to be here."
Jura grinned. "So, you've decided to rejoin the human race? That's nice."
Hibiki gave half a grin back. "Provisionally."
Jura laughed. One of the other pilots asked, "Where have you been all afternoon? Nobody's seen you since we left Coralia." She looked at Barnette and added, "Nobody's seen you either. What's up?"
Barnette answered carefully, "We've been talking, Rona. Spending some time together. I've been helping him work some things out."
Hibiki felt concerned about Barnette's skating around the truth, but couldn't think of any way to resolve the situation. This definitely wasn't a good time for confessions. He'd let her handle it her own way.
Jura looked at him. "You haven't been buried in your old data all day? Does this mean you're finally done with all that?"
He was briefly speechless with shock. His expression darkened. "The hell—" he started.
Barnette quickly put her hand on his arm and gave Jura a furious look. "Of course not! He's not giving up on Dita!"
Jura recoiled from their sudden vehemence. Barnette continued, "You should know better than to even ask that. It just means he's done being all alone. Tired of suffering in silence. He's ready to accept support and comfort from his friends, at least those with the decency to offer it. He's ready to talk to us again. If we don't say nasty things, and cause him more grief."
Jura tried to placate them. "Okay, okay, sorry. Didn't mean to light your fuse."
Barnette was still nettled. "When are you going to start thinking about other people? About what they might be going through? Even if you find his distress inconvenient."
Jura snapped back, "That's not fair! We all wanted to help, but he wouldn't let us!"
Barnette regretted her last remark, some. Her reply was more conciliatory. "What happened to Hibiki wasn't fair either. And maybe he just wasn't ready to talk until now. But don't ever say he's giving up on Dita. I'm convinced that he's going to keep trying until either he finds her, or he's searched the entire galaxy."
After an uneasy silence, another pilot said, "Well, we all hope you find her. We miss her, too."
Hibiki was regaining his composure. "Thank you, Amayo. I'm doing the best I can."
That seemed to be the signal for everybody to resume eating. Barnette squeezed his arm and picked up her own fork and knife. Hibiki picked up his fork and started in. He felt self-conscious, sitting this close to Jura with such a colossal skeleton in the closet, so he was quiet and a little withdrawn — like he'd been for the last three years. Nobody thought anything of it. Barnette had never been fond of empty chit-chat, either. The tension gradually faded away, talk bounced around him, and he said an occasional word or two. He was careful not to show his constant desire to touch Barnette.
One by one the others finished and left the table until only Barnette and Hibiki remained. She put her hand on his arm again. "I've got a couple of things to do, but I'll be done in about fifteen minutes. Do you want to get together?"
He was careful to keep his voice down. "I'd like that. My room?"
She squeezed his arm and stood up. "I'll be there."
Barnette knocked on the door and heard an immediate answer. "Come in."
Hibiki smiled up at her as she closed the door. "I'm glad you're here."
She walked to his bunk and sat beside him. He put one arm around her and squeezed her breast with his other hand.
She laughed. "I can tell." She reached down and squeezed him back. "I'd like to have sex again, but I can't stay long. I've got the next ready watch."
There was almost no chance the Nirvana would encounter an enemy while under hyperdrive — but only almost. As a precaution, Dread pilots stood four-hour watches in groups of a dozen or so, suited up and on alert in the ready room. This also maintained discipline and structure by continuing their patrol schedules. In theory, they sat at the edges of their seats, helmets in hand, ready to jump up at a moment's notice, race to their Dreads, and fly out to face the enemy. That would be stressful and unbearably boring, so in practice they sat around talking, laughing, reading, and playing cards. It might take them an extra ten seconds to respond but they got to be people, not robots.
Only the Dread pilots stood those watches. With just twenty-four standard Vanguards on board, it made no sense to keep two or three mech drivers on ready alert. They had drilled until they could get their flight suits on and their Vanguards ready to punch out in less than two minutes. That would have to do.
He looked disappointed. "Oh. That sucks."
She leaned over and kissed him. "I think I've created a monster. A…what was that old expression? Oh! Sex maniac. A crazed fiend? Maybe those old hags on Mejere were right about men after all."
He made a hacking sound. "It couldn't have been worse than what they told us about women on Taraak. Or more wrong."
Barnette suddenly looked somber. "I don't think you know everything they told us. If you wanted to have sex, and I didn't, you wouldn't try to…to force yourself on me, would you?"
He was appalled, and pulled his hand back. "Barnette! No! That's…that would be…no. Just, no!"
She put her arm around him. "I'm sorry, Hibiki. I don't think that about you. But that's what we were told about men, all our lives. It's called rape, and it's brutal and ugly and horrible. It's one of the things I had to put out of my head before I could accept you. But I also think some men would do that."
He was still shocked, but he remembered a few thugs and bullies he'd encountered. If they had known the pleasure a woman could give them, and were denied…
"I think you're right," he said slowly.
She smiled reassuringly. "I know you're not one of them. I'm sorry I upset you."
He thought it over. "No, I'm glad you told me. It…some things make more sense now. If that used to happen, if women were afraid of men because a few of them would do that…"
Barnette put her hand on his cheek, turned his head and kissed him slowly and tenderly. He gradually relaxed, and returned the kiss.
She pulled back and smiled again. "I know you would never do that, Hibiki. You never even thought of such a thing until I told you about it, because you're a good man."
He was almost back to normal. "No, I'd never do that to you." He chuckled. "Besides, if I tried it, you'd kick my ass and then never speak to me again. I still remember what happened when they made me spar with you."
She returned his chuckle. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I still had a lot of anger against men in those days." She had a sudden notion. "Maybe we should try it again, without the anger."
"Maybe we should. I haven't…I quit doing everything, when…"
She hugged him tight. "I know. It's good to see you starting to live again. To deal with it."
He shook his head. "Is that what it looks like? I'm not, really. I still miss Dita. I miss her all the time, Barnette, and being with you doesn't change that. I don't understand. How can I feel this way about you, and still miss her so much? How can there be room in my head for both?"
Barnette fought down a sudden surge of bitterness. "Oh. I don't…I didn't understand. You still feel…?"
He nodded miserably. "I'm with you, and I want to be with you, but I still think about her, too."
She had the bitterness knocked down, now. "I'm still here for you. I'll give you whatever you need. If it helps, I could even…you could pretend I'm Dita, sometimes. I could call you Mister Alien—"
Hibiki put his fingers on her lips. "No! That's not what I want." He looked into her eyes. "You're Barnette. Always. You're not…a substitute for Dita."
She smiled, relieved. "Oh, good. I think that…wouldn't be right, for either of us."
He grimaced. "Even I know that much. You had to know it, too."
She shook her head. "I told you, this is new to me."
"But, you were with Jura…"
She inclined her head in a single slow nod. "I've been with Jura for more than five years. Only with Jura, never anyone else. A woman, and I'm not sexually attracted to women. What's the same? What's different because you're not Jura, what's different because you're a man, and what's different because I am sexually attracted to you? I'd rather say I don't know anything, than assume I know everything, and be wrong. That's a formula for disaster."
He digested that for a while. "Then what do we do?"
She smiled. "This. We talk. We be honest with each other, about everything. We see where it leads, and how we feel. That much I'm confident about. And, we do this."
She kissed him again, slowly, first teasing him with her tongue, then satisfying. She accepted his response, then guided him, showed him how to please her even more, as she pleased him. Their universe contracted to each other for a time. They both regretted that it had to end.
Barnette pulled back reluctantly. They were both out of breath.
"I have to go stand my watch. Will I see you tomorrow?"
"Of course. Let's have breakfast together. Let's always eat together."
She smiled. "When we can, and as long as we both want to." She stood, walked to the door and opened it. "I'll see you at breakfast. Good night, Hibiki."
He smiled back. "Breakfast. Good night, Barnette."
He watched her until the door closed and thought about how thoroughly she had changed his life in just two days, including the one he'd spent avoiding her. He'd been captivated by her presence and disappointed when she had to leave, and now he was eager to see her again. That withdrawn, moody Hibiki was gone, at least when he was with her. Dita's absence remained a chill emptiness within him, but now Barnette evoked a separate source of warmth. She was right; his life had to be more than what he had lost, more than an endless search.
Of course he wouldn't give up. He still felt as strongly as ever that Dita was out there, somewhere, but there was a difference between searching for Dita, and uselessly going through the motions of searching for Dita. Between making progress, and filling every spare minute of his life with pointless repetition of actions that hadn't yielded results the first time. Or the sixty-first.
This was his new resolve: to search for Dita when it made sense, when he could take some action that held any potential of progress toward finding her, or at least establishing where she wasn't. To do other things when he couldn't.
One of those other things was pursuing his blossoming relationship with Barnette.
He hadn't looked for her, had never expected her to deliver him from despair, but she had broken through his barriers and come to comfort and heal him. Now he couldn't see his life without her. He thought about her smiling face, the depths of her eyes, the sound of her voice, and couldn't help smiling himself. Of course that brought other things to mind; the curves of her body, the way her hips swayed when she walked, the feel and taste of her lips, the soft firmness of her breasts, the wondrous feeling of having sex with her. She really was an amazing woman, and he had finally learned to appreciate her.
He would do his best for her, for the two of them, together.
Author's Notes
Yup, the Maddalen system is a nod to Julie Maddalena, Dita's English-dub voice actress.
The ship's name comes from Moyu Arishima, the voice of Misty.
Anne Rondeleux does Jura and Amarone's French-dub voices.
Coralia Torrealba is Gascogne's Spanish-dub voice.
On Taraak, they decided that a Navy was Not Manly Enough, so all their military is Army, with Army ranks, even on their spaceships. Magno, BC/Tenmei and Hibiki have equivalent ranks in both the Mejere Space Force and the Taraak Army, while everybody else is one or the other.