the extremely short and painful second life of suzume

Being confined to a hospital bed under increasing strains of suffering, while undergoing treatments and surgeries multiple and painful, and all along still clinging to life and refusing to give up and trying everything under the sun which still wasn't enough, culminating on death at the preposterously young age of twenty-three, was horrible.

And even if one didn't welcome death and would rarely surrender to speak of it, one still had to wonder.

And if one were fairly openminded, and had a lot of idle time to indulge in such morbid reflections about what everything was inevitably moving towards, one would run the gamut of consideration from hell to purgatory to paradise to reincarnation to ghosthood to nothing at all after death. And one would run it in a circle so vicious and empty because none could know for certain. When the darkness came one could have expected anything and still been surprised.

Hypothetically speaking, of course, because none of that had anything to do with Suzume at all.

Suzume, middling chunin of Konohagakure, had been on a courier mission to River Country when she died.

It went something like this: she flew across the clearing with a deafening thud, blasted away by an array of detonating explosives, and scrambled to her feet, swaying - dazed - only to fall flat on her back with bright white spots dancing in her vision. There was a loud meaty crunch of cartilage and the world spun. She was dimly aware she had been punched in the face. She could feel the blood dripping down her chin from her nose.

A sudden crushing weight bore down on her windpipe. She rolled away to the side, the knee of her attacker sliding over her ribs as she got out from under him and jabbed at his neck with a kunai. He caught her wrist, twisting it hard, and his left hand clamped around her throat with an iron grip. Her legs flailed wildly and her face turned violently red then slowly tinged purple, and the man laughed at her, squeezing. The last thing she saw was his wide grin before everything turned black. She died limply. The man got to his feet, quiet as a mouse, still smiling.

Darkness. The world fell away.

(Dimly, she recalled being born, cold, broken, wet. The blurred sights, garbled sounds, the whys and wheres that split her infantile brain like a chainsaw. And then the hand that tore into her skull and sealed her into the dark again).

Not-suzume's eyes snapped open and she drew a large, gulping breath. A man was walking away covered in blood and he turned back to look at her - just for a moment - and she had a horrible sickening feeling she was going to die, that he intended to kill her, but the knife was already in her hands and then it was buried to the hilt into his thigh before he'd even fully turned. She yanked it out and jumped away, unnaturally fast, unnaturally far, before he could touch her, and watched the man fall.

She blinked, then retched. How the hell had she moved so fast? How the—where—

The sun was hot on the back of her neck and a bird chirped somewhere afar. Dazed, she looked around to see herself surrounded by trees. How was she in a forest? She'd been in bed. How did she get out of the hospital? She pressed a hand to her forehead in confusion, touching something cold and metallic.

Frowning, she tugged it off—realizing just then it was tied securely around her head—and let it drop on her lap. It was a dark piece of fabric with a metallic plaque woven into it, solid white steel stained red, and she wiped away the blood hastily, but then her fingers were bloody and that was even worse, so she clenched her hands and stared at the engraving on the metal. The symbol was faintly familiar, a spiraling shape and a triangle - a leaf, it came to her suddenly, as she recalled a show she used to watch - but she had never owned any merchandise. Dropping the strange trinket, she attempted to get to her feet, but she felt horribly dizzy and sick to her stomach and everywhere hurt.

It really hurt. She was well used to pain but not the kind of pain that came from blunt force impact. Suddenly she was acutely aware her nose was broken and her chest was bruised and her wrist gave a twinge of pain as she cradled it. The adrenaline was wearing off, she realized dimly. How had she become so injured, had that man - she did not want to think about the man. The dead man.

The man she'd killed. She felt like puking.

A voice cried out behind her. ''Suzume-san!''

She flinched.

The voice wavered, a note of wariness creeping into his tone.

''…zu—me—san?''

Slowly, she jerked her head up, eyes wide, and turned stiffly. Her neck throbbed, finger-shaped bruises on her throat. She blinked owlishly at the boy standing across the clearing. He was dripping blood. Was he going to kill her, too? He could have already -

He stared back at her, slowly raising his hands in the air, palms flat. His posture was tense, coiled as if in anticipation. He seemed so young, maybe sixteen, with a tan face and sharp brown eyes. There was a broad scar across the bridge of his nose, cuts dripping blood over his cheeks, and his vest was tattered and soiled with dirt and gore. He took a step towards her, slowly. His expression was almost concerned, but his eyes were watchful. Over them the metal plaque glinted, catching the sun. ''Suzume-san, I mean you no harm. I'm Umino Iruka, chunin of the Leaf. Do you know where you are?''

She stared blankly, uncomprehendingly. Then she bolted. Legs screaming in pain, she ran -

There was a sudden impact on the base of her skull, and the world went dark.

She awoke to a crackling fire and the boy watching her. Feebly, she tried to move around, only to realize her limbs were tied together by thick, metallic wire bruising her wrists. She let her face flop into the dirt in utter defeat. Everywhere it hurt. She realized dimly her neck had been wrapped in bandages, as had been one of her arms.

''Suzume-san. It's Iruka,'' the boy started, ''how many fingers am I holding up?'' He waved the digits in front of her face.

''Three,'' she croaked. It hurt to speak. She wanted to tell him her name wasn't Suzume -

''Do you know where you are?''

A beat of silence. She squinted at him. ''No. What happened?'' Maybe if she talked with him, she could convince him to release her. Maybe. (Then she could run - she didn't know where - how far was she from home?)

''Ah, you're probably still in shock,'' Iruka muttered, frowning. ''Sorry about that. I thought it was a trap, someone posing as you to take me off guard. But then I knocked you out—it was still you, and no one holds henge unconscious.'' He looked down and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

''Iruka-san,'' she said slowly, the words stiff in her mouth, ''what happened?''

A shadow came over the boy's face. ''We were ambushed. They wanted the scroll, of course,'' he said, pressing a hand to the pouch strapped across his chest. ''They split us up, and the others... do you remember?''

''No.''

''They—they didn't make it,'' Iruka said tightly. His shoulders slumped. ''I'm sorry.'' Slowly, he reached over, smiling apologetically at her flinch, and began carefully untying her restraints.

She needed to run, she thought. But she felt so weak. Her legs ached so horribly she doubted she could run for any length of time. And he'd already stopped her once. He probably could again.

''I'm sorry,'' Iruka said again suddenly. ''I know you and Miho were close.''

She didn't know who that was. She shut her eyes tightly, breathing hard. She didn't understand anything. Where was she? Why were there so many people trying to kill her - them? ''Is here safe?'' She croaked out.

''I think so. I tried hard to lose them.''

''I want to go home,'' she said.

''I know. Me too. We'll move out as soon as dawn breaks. You're worse off than I am, I'll keep watch.'' He turned away from her, standing. She opened her mouth to protest, to ask him was he really taking her home—please—and stared. Her jaw dropped.

Iruka stepped up on a tree, defying gravity with horrifying ease as he stood perfectly straight sideways. Then, casually, he walked up. ''We should be in Konoha in six or five days, four if we hurry. I know you're injured, but we really should report to the Hokage as soon as possible.''

Konoha. Hokage. Iruka.

Naruto.

Oh, this is a dream, she thought suddenly, relaxing.

She was going to wake up any moment now. She curled up on her side and waited.

A/N: Ah, Suzume, if only it could be that easy... you still have a short bumpy road ahead of you yet.

Fun fact: Suzume is technically a ''canon'' character - she appeared briefly in the anime. She was Ino/Sakura/Hinata's teacher of kunoichi arts in the ninja academy (and yes, I have plans for that!)

In case you're wondering why didn't SI!Suzume emerge before the moment canon!Suzume died, well, the reasons why she was ''sealed into the darkness'' will be explained later in the story. Let's just say that canon!Suzume's cerebral death by asphyxiation released SI!Suzume's spiritual energy into her chakra system, which kickstarted her nerve impulses anew. Lucky thing, huh?

If you're wondering who is Miho - one of the two casualties of their mission, who also happened to be the canon!Suzume's best friend. Currently, Iruka thinks her brain is blocking out the horrible memory of having her friend killed in front of her eyes, cue her traumatized behavior. He's not exactly right, but um, way more probable than her second soul from another dimension surfacing, eh?

If you have any more questions or suggestions or comments, feel free to leave a review!