Artemis the moon goddess buried her face in her hands, as she sat on her silver throne on Mount Olympus in disbelief. FOR THE THREE MILLIONTH TIME. This had happened. One of her nymphs was yet again abducted by those measly, disgusting, perverted males she had the misfortune to call RELATIVES, one of them her own twin Apollo. She seethed. Artemis being moon goddess was patroness of all women, especially young maidens. She did everything in her power to protect them from amorous gods or mortal men and led to many of them escaping unwanted marriages or advances. That was not enough. Even THAT was not enough! If it wasn't Apollo, it was Hermes, Ares, Dionysus, or her father Zeus and her uncle Poseidon.
These six were the biggest assholes on all Olympus. Men loved to brag about their conquests, and none more so than these six. Artemis had to excuse her father. Zeus was in a league of his own when it came to women and he had enough nagging from Hera to deal with it. Poseidon dealt with the same thing from Amphitrite on a weekly basis when he returned to his underwater palace.
The sea god was THE catch of the waters-every and I meant EVERY naiad, nereid, or Oceanid (any Oceanid not in Artemis' retinue) eyed Poseidon with open want and Amphitrite with jealousy. Amphitrite prided herself on NOT being a jealous goddess unlike Hera or Persephone, but no goddess believed her. They knew of her incident with Scylla and Medusa, and no one bought her straight faced approach when she caught her husband having an affair with that slut Aphrodite, even if Aphrodite spread her legs for everything and anything that had testosterone. Artemis had enough. She summoned a meeting for her half-brothers and her twin-Apollo, Hermes, Ares, and Dionysus were summoned at a moment's notice to discuss their conquests which involved Artemis' nymphs. Each of the four gods were outraged.
"What the HELL did I do?!" Ares roared. "I have a battle against the Athenians in the morning!"
"My festival is tomorrow night, and there's A LOT to do to prepare!" Apollo shouted.
"Okay I have a family event coming tomorrow. Peitho and I are supposed to visit my mother!" Hermes yelped.
"My anniversary with Ariadne is tomorrow!" Dionysus whined. Apollo glared at the wine god and Ares did the same. Truth be told they were both jealous of Dionysus. Apollo and Ares were two of the most handsome gods in the cosmos and women flung themselves at their feet constantly everywhere they went—Apollo more so, yet neither of them had a wife half as beautiful and devoted as Ariadne. True Ares had Aphrodite, but they weren't married and the war god prayed that Aphrodite would one day lose interest in having affairs with other men and just SETTLE with HIM already. The love goddess loved to tease and taunt Ares and keep him wanting more always, but she wasn't giving up her precious golden girdle for any god, not even for him. Ares to be honest feared Artemis. She was also a patron of the Amazons, just like him, and they had to share the warlike city of Sparta together. That was the only city he had in common with Artemis or the only thing he had in common with Artemis.
Teasing Athena was getting old. Ares knew he could get under that prudish, stuck-up wisdom goddess' skin any time he wanted. Artemis was a different story. She was the least predictable goddess, being moon goddess her moods were constantly changing and she had the best shapeshifting abilities, aside from their uncle Poseidon and his retinue of sea gods. Artemis had the best intuition and read Ares' mind before he could figure what was going on in HERS. Ares had to admit he could never tell when Artemis was about to strike, nor did he want to mess with her. He had to admit, some of her nymphs were HOT though, like Asterope for instance, one of the Pleiades and one of Hermes' aunts. Hermes would lose it when Ares mentioned any of his aunts.
Apollo was a different story. He shamelessly flirted with all of Artemis' nymphs only because he could but only actively pursued Daphne, the true love of his life, and everyone knew how well that ended up. He didn't—didn't—for the three BILLIONTH time—DIDN'T want to discuss Daphne again with anyone.
Hermes was also a married god, finally settled with Peitho goddess of persuasion and the love of his life. Only Peitho matched him, wit and persuasion alike. She was goddess of seduction too among other things, and Hermes found her extraordinarily beautiful. Hermes relied on his wit and charm amongst other things to seduce women and get them into bed. He wasn't as handsome as Ares or Apollo, but his wits outweighed their looks every time. Women don't fall for Hermes half as much as they do for Apollo, yet Hermes had his share of conquests too, Aphrodite among others which he was wise enough not to bring up to Ares.
Finally on the day of the summit, Artemis brought in the "Womanizer" song lyrics a mortal wrote:
"BOY don't try to front, I know just what you aree.
BOY don't try to front, I know just what you are"
You got me going.
You're oh so charming.
You womanizer"
"Now this is something for you four brain-deprived MEN to talk about. Get to it!" Artemis stormed off on her silver sandals. The boys—Ares, Apollo, Dionysus, and Hermes winced. She had a wrath worse than Hera's at times, and that was saying something. Apollo glanced at the lyrics and shuddered.
"She's got a point. Our womanizing has gotten too far, fellas" Apollo began.
"Speak for yourself, bro. You're the one always chasing her nymph followers and your conquests numbered 40+" Ares mocked.
Apollo glared at the war god. "Do you want to challenge me?!"
"Bring it." Ares grinned.
"Break it up you two." Hermes facepalmed.
"Aww I know you don't break up catfights or any fight for that matter but I didn't know the biggest pussy here was you" Ares sauntered.
"Can we just get this over with and I can get back to Ariadne?" Dionysus rolled his eyes.
Apollo and Ares glared at the wine god again.
"WHAT?" Dionysus countered.
"No more ARIADNE! We get it, YOU HAVE A WIFE!" Ares snapped, his face turning crimson like his robe.
"Be jealous cause I am married." Dionysus scoffed.
"Yeah I'll never meet another like HER again so NO MORE ARIADNE" Apollo fumed.
Ares turned to look at him. For once the war god was actually close to being sympathetic.
"Daphne?" Ares muttered. Apollo looked up, obviously pained.
"Don't go there". Apollo groaned. Point made. Daphne was off limits for discussion, even someone as half-witted as Ares should know better.
The war god however, loved nothing more than provoking others, usually goading them to a fight. Not even Hermes excelled him in this love.
"What happened with Daphne exactly, how did she spurn"-Ares began.
"I SAID DON'T GO THERE! I DON'T wanna talk about her, OKAY?!" Apollo bellowed.
Ares for once held up his hands in surrender. The war god HATED surrendering to anyone. He never allowed his Spartans to do it to Athenians. It was cowardly and weak in his eyes. Apollo was Zeus' favorite son however and the lord of the cosmos could do far worse if Ares provoked him. Yet Apollo was already fuming and for Ares that was enough and had to suppress his chuckles.
"Okay I have nothing on Artemis' followers, aside from her super hot Pleiad chick named Asterope. Man she was SMOKING. She has long red-gold hair, green eyes, curvy-OW! What DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Ares yelped as he looked up at Hermes who slapped his arm.
Apollo could not stop laughing. He and Hermes were the best of friends and they LOVED getting a rise out of Ares.
"DON'T talk about my aunt that way, you PERVERT!" Hermes finished. The messenger god rarely lost his temper. His wit and charm made him one of the most popular gods on Olympus and even Hera was fond of him, but NO ONE made love to one of his beloved Pleiad aunts and lived to get away with it, especially not Ares. Hermes lost his Pleiad aunts to his uncle Poseidon and his father Zeus, but he won't allow his own brothers to sleep with them AND brag about it in the light of day.
"I just slept with Aphrodite and she was hooooot" Dionysus began in a sing-song voice. Ares sent a glare his way and he shut up.
"We're MEN. We have urges and needs. What is the maiden moon goddess so upset about? So it's OUR fault her followers are ravishingly beautiful"-Ares scoffed.
Hermes plucked off his winged helmet and threw it at Ares' face.
"OW!" Ares cried, rubbing his cheekbones and he grinned, storing away the herald's prized possession aside from his sandals.
"Guess it's mine now!" Ares laughed.
"GIVE IT!" Hermes demanded.
"DROP IT!" Apollo held up his hands impatiently.
"We're GODS, not adolescent boys! I've seen mortal boys with more maturity!" The god of light and sun spoke.
"Okay but it's our fault women fling themselves at us wherever we go?" Ares scoffed.
"We're our father's sons for a reason" Dionysus laughed. Hermes chuckled uncontrollably. Apollo had to smile and he joined in on the laughter. Boys will be boys, of course.
"Seriously, dudes, Apollo's sister is crazy when she snaps. I'd rather not get on her bad side. So NO MORE of her nymphs, GOT IT" Ares looked around, seriously. The others followed suit.
"I know. It's my fault especially, since that issue with Daphne, Artemis won't let it go". Apollo sighed. He held his laurel leaves and stroked the wreath pensively. Hermes patted his shoulders in a brotherly way.
"I am so sorry, bruh" Hermes offered and Apollo nodded, sighing.
Women have feelings, and that was FINAL. The brothers could agree. They vowed not to sleep with any of Artemis' nymphs and stuck to actually dating the nymphs or goddesses they met, instead of just sleeping with them.