Notes: This is inspired by the part of Fight Club where Tyler Durden says that our fathers are the basis for how we view God. And also inspired by The Next Messiah by Jenny Lewis. Nice combination, hmm? Angst-ness and a bit of Suzaku x C.C., but just a bit, thrown into the mix.
Suzaku heard once that a person sees God in the same way they see their father.
And though Suzaku discredited that and deemed it absurd, the idea continued to bother him.
"Killing God and losing God are two different things," C.C. said. Her tone was light and airy, as if she were talking about the weather. "Wouldn't you agree? It's an interesting theory, actually. Gods and fathers. We could say that you killed your God, we could say that you lost your God, or we could say it's wrong and that God and fathers are not related at all. I think you lost God."
Suzaku watched C.C.'s lips move with a fascination that he had never felt before. He wondered how her lips would feel moving against his and then he wondered when he started letting his mind be filled with such nonsense, questions, urges to touch, desire, desire for her.
"You're not listening to me."
She was almost right; Suzaku was almost listening, but he was also watching, thinking of the distance between their lips and how easily that issue could be done away with completely. Instead of closing the gap between them he said, "Do you really think I lost God?"
"Actually, I think you did, yes. Because you found God again and that means He was never really dead. Then again, I could be wrong. You could have killed your God. But, you know, the whole thing is still just an idea. Who's to say, really, how all people view their God?"
Suzaku stopped watching her lips and stared straight into her eyes. "I found God again?" he asked, wanting to see how that detached, tired look in her eyes never went away, no matter what words were coming out of those fascinating lips. As soon as she started speaking again, though, he forgot about her eyes and went straight back to her lips and the words coming out from behind them sounded perfect.
"You found God in Lelouch and that fact remains true, no matter what."
Suzaku put up with the silence because what C.C. said was right and there was no point arguing it at all.
"You know what's sad about the whole idea about Gods and fathers?" she asked innocently, tilting her head to the side. Despite her casual tone, the look in her eyes actually changed, just for a second. There was a glint of sadness there. She held out her hands, palms up. "Whether it's right or wrong, you still end up with your God's blood on your hands."