Yet another Year-

Reject, that's what they call it when you've been dumped. I haven't been dumped; it was for the best, right? At least, that's what I think. It's better, because we won't have to live with each other, putting ourselves in discomfort, but it's not so good because now both of us are totally crazy, being apart like this. We're a jigsaw, we've got to be together, and it only fits that way. My thoughts are distracted, ding-dong-ding-ring. Doorbell. I go to answer it, sudden doubtful hope, that's not right, it shouldn't be there, I'd be able to smell it if it was him. The anonymous guest is impatient, the bell rings for a second time, however it is, is desperate to get in here, or see me or Claria. Claria is out 'food shopping.' This means she pretends to go to the supermarket. Sometimes, she buys stuff we could use, maybe some kind of decoration for the house, or some new shoes. We go through shoes very fast, this is because when we run, the soles start to rub down almost immediately. Too much friction, so we buy a pair a day. It's the same with socks, they wear down much quicker than shoes, two pairs a day. Hairbrushes, get one of them everyday, they often break with the speed of which we brush and we usually get new contacts too, our eyes are our biggest giveaway. We only get contacts every few months, or the optician we buy them from would get suspicious. All this is only sensible, but it means we have to rotate our supermarket choice every week, or keep a track of which cashier helped us and use a different one each time. Of course, if we rotate our shop choice too much and have to breach to far out, that could also get suspicious. We have a lot of money, so that isn't an issue, but secrecy is, it's a top factor and we keep to it well.

In my thoughts, I forgot to answer the door, I leap up and casually walk towards it, normally, I don't want to sound as if no one is coming. I stomp but I'm still not producing much walking sound. The door rings again. They must be desperate, I mean, if no one answered you would leave wouldn't you, think they're out? This angers me slightly, what if the person was really busy? I slam the door open.

"What?" I scream when I open the door, I don't even know whose there. Quickly I gather myself together, and pull my messy strands behind my ear, blink once, twice and look up. I don't know who I was expecting, but it wasn't who was there. He had a habit of appearing inappropriately.

Should I scream, shout, smile or sulk? I can't work out my reaction, so I go for my hmm-mmm routine. It usually works. I keep my facial expression vacant, this always works best, I've learnt, it holds the talkers interest, covers up what I think and makes people say what they really think, especially if they aren't one.

"So." says the familiar voice. It's hard and rough, yet delicate, impossible for any ventriloquist or actor to put on.

"So, what?" I reply, my voice snappish.

"Well. I thought you might want to see me."

"Why would I want to see you? You owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, we have nothing to talk over and I don't care what you've got to say." My voice is much lower, slower than normal, sort of like I'm defending or guarding something or other, I like it. I know I'm being harsh, but, well, he deserves it. Looking up, I see he isn't looking at my face, he is examining his filthy, muddy shoes, not breathing, not blinking.

"On the contrary, I think that there is a lot to talk over." He looks up again, the ginger hair, a huge contrast to the white face, like clown in make up, just what he is. How could I ever have seen him as beautiful? The shadows under his eyes are more pronounced, he looks like a horror film character. The confidence I remember is restoring itself, as he rises up to his full height, a crazy grin on his face, eyes wild. Almost scary, I hope he hasn't been terrorising little kids.

"You want to know. I know you do. You wonder what happened in that little cave don't you, surely." He caught me again. Steffan caught me yet again.

Sunday Afternoon-

"Come in clown." I whisper, it's dramatic. What a show I'm putting on. Steffan's grin tones down.

"Before you press conference me, I've got something to show you." He produced a newspaper from his bag.

Missing Girl of 2 Years, Kidnapped by Boyfriend?

Shocking new information, recently come to light shows that Ella-Blue North, now 16, may have been kidnapped by loving boyfriend Harry Carthien, also 16. Ella has been missing for 2 years, with only a small amount of evidence, of which consists of footprints containing Ella's DNA. These footprints were recently found by Inspector Drake, leading to Harry Carthien's small house. When questioned, Inspector Drake gave no comment; however we were passed over to the girl's mother, Alexandra North, 43, who told us that Ella often visited the Carthien's house. Apart from this small evidence, no further information has been found. Harry Carthien has been temporarily arrested by police for further questioning. Meanwhile, the whole city searches for Miss North of whose disappearance remains a mystery to us all. Continued on page five.

I blinked, outraged that Harry had been a suspect in my disappearance, I hadn't wanted this.

"Anything else?" I shoot at him.

"Not really. Oh, you're a very fetching vampire."

"And you're not." I reply steamily, glaring. "You just make people's lives a misery."

"Well, that's what vampires are supposed to do." He grinned, cheekily.

"Someone get me some garlic." I murmured.

"So, anything you want to know?"

"There is one thing."

"What is it?"

"Why did you kill those kids?" I quiz.

"Well…" His voice has lowered, he isn't whispering, more just being quieter. He moves to sit on the sofa next to me. I budge along, not to make room, I move so I'm not next to him. Steffan then sits, slowly, not taking his eyes off mine. I can see that he's hungry, but he can't get me now, he already did that. I still can't pick up why he's here, only that everything he says is truthful, there's no suspicion, nothing that he's hiding, this only all the more peculiar. I wonder if he knows about my little gift. Probably not, nobody has spoken to him, I think. I almost forget my question, then I remember again, at which point he starts explaining, almost as if he waited till I stopped thinking. Maybe he had a gift he wasn't telling me too. Maybe he could tell when you were distracted or something.

"It was an accident, a worthy accident. I was walking past, after the wolf's first day at school. I was so angry, I thought that maybe, if I irritated him, it might stir something up, I wanted a chance to get him off my back. All these children… wrong place, wrong time really. They were just playing, but I knew that if I got them, it would really irritate that Carthien. So, I went back a week or something later. They were celebrating a birthday, I suppose, big party, colourful hats, stupid plastic toys, nice clothes. What an occasion… I was getting hungry anyway, it was a good plan. The mother was in the kitchen, preparing the cake, lighting the candles, about to take it out, I struck. It really was good timing, like I say." He paused; his voice was so cruel, like he was telling a really fantastic story, "The first one, the smallest of them, I think it was her birthday, yes, she was wearing new clothes, green dungaree dress, black and red tartan cotton tights, purple t-shirt, purple boots. She was really happy, jumping all over the place, brunette, green eyes. Her face was red from the running around, eleventh birthday. Her face lost it's blush. The second was the tallest, joint birthday party, must have been, her clothes were new too. Purple jeans, white thin shirt, decorated with flowers, trainers, dark curly hair, straightened or something and brown eyes. Next was wearing dark clothing, dark eyes and hair. I caught her, she was on the trampoline, collapsed mid-jump. The fourth little girl, well, she had little bunches and big hazel golden eyes, wearing jeans and long purple top, some kind f band name on it. She was on the swing, smiling as she went up, crying as she came down. The boy was just bad luck. I hadn't planned to get him, he was much younger, probably the first girls brother, carrying out some sweets. The sweets were never eaten." He stopped. How horrible, how could anyone do that?

"What happened to them?" I was shivering, even though the temperature wasn't affecting me.

"They changed, I wasn't going to kill them completely, anyway, I was hoping, that…" Steffan didn't continue. I provoked him.

"So, what were you hoping for?"

"It's… well, I was hoping, that I and Claria could raise, like, a vampire family, if you know what I mean." I hadn't realised. Yes, it was a cruel, selfless act, but the other reason was so… nice.

"I didn't realise. What happened to them?"

"I don't know." He sniffed.

"We'll find them."

"Claria wouldn't want it. Not now."

"Oh. Right. Anyway, your kind of, like, a bit too… living young aren't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose. It just isn't going to happen. But you could have had everything… and I ruined it."

"Yeah, but there's no point regretting things you can't change. " A conclusion. You don't have to believe a conclusion though. My words repeated in my head. Now that Steffan had out things this way, it made me think what I could have had, what sort of life I would have had if Steffan hadn't bitten me. I would have lived with Harry forever, but I would die before him, it was always end with him on his own, but the time I would have had with him would have been great. My life would be what I had always dreamed of. What could I do now? Then what I thought a second ago reframed itself. It would always end with Harry on his own. What's the point, he would if I hadn't been bitten, but now I had, I could live with him forever, always be together, yet we couldn't because we repelled each other. What could I do? His life would be so much better if he hadn't met me. But what our lives are a script? He would always have met me, fate would join us together. However, nobody knows if our lives are planned, drawn out, to scale.

Two years ago, we studied a song in a music lesson, called O Fortuna. It's a huge scale song. The English translation formed in my mind. Some people think the song is nonsense, they laugh at it, I don't. I sympathise with it.

O Fortune,
like the moon
you are changeable,
ever waxing
and waning;
hateful life
first oppresses
and then soothes
as fancy takes it;
poverty
and power
it melts them like ice.

Fate - monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
you are malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing,
shadowed
and veiled
you plague me too;
now through the game
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.

Fate is against me
in health
and virtue,
driven on
and weighted down,
always enslaved.
So at this hour
without delay
pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate
strikes down the string man,
everyone weep with me!

I know how the writer feels. His life is twisted till he has nothing, nothing of which he wanted, what he needed. You don't know what you want until you get it. I'm lost in my mind, drowning in my thoughts, I'm losing my head, I'm going crazy, bonkers, bananas, loco and the biggest thing is I don't care anymore. I close my eyes, my brain is spinning out of control, I'm crying, but I can't feel it, I stagger and fall, my head hits the floor, it doesn't hurt. I want it to hurt, I hate this, I hate this, and I hate this. Why can't I just be me again? I don't want to be immortal, I want to be Ella. I want to sit with Harry and laugh, I want to giggle with Claria, I want to go to KFC with my friends, I want to get stuck in mud puddles, I want to go shopping with my mum, I'm mad, dotty, nutty, psychotic. I want to go to school, clean my room, have a shower, go to sleepovers. I'm wacky, batty, loony, unhinged. I find I opened my eyes and I close them shut, firmly, hold my hands to my head and curl up, my eyes stay shut.