Whoo! I dedicate this chapter to the EDB/SSPC. Power to the Sasuke bashers! … Or some of them / -cough- PLEASE REVIEW. I love reviews!
Akatsuki Kindergarten
Sometimes you would wonder what life was like for the Akatsuki when they were youngsters. Did they hate the world as much as they do now? Did they always want to kill their families and bring terror to their villages? Well, this is why this story was made... to tell you the adventures, and perhaps some misadventures, of the Akatsuki in their pre-academy class.
Four-year-old Itachi sat it his regular position on the ground. He hoped that if he did this, no one would bother him. But no one cared about his hopes, did they? He felt a hard tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to find himself staring in the face of a very creepy looking guy.
"What do you want?" The four-year-old Uchiha prodigy asked.
"I was just uh... wondering... are you a girl... or a boy?"
Itachi was slightly taken aback. No one had ever had the guts to ask such a question.
"Who do you think you are? Asking me a question like that?" He tried to sound intimidating...
"Uh... I-I'm Zetsu."
"I didn't mean like that! I don't care about your name! And why do you have a flower pot on you head?"
Zetsu giggled. "I'm trying to grow it into me, if you know what I mean."
"No, I don't know what you mean. Get the Venus fly trap off of your head! You look like an idiot!"
"You're mean." Zetsu huffed. Apparently he was a very cute little kid... Who would have thought he'd grow up to be one of the most feared ninja's in the world?
"You're weird."
"Let's be friends!"
"... You're desperate."
"Well you look like a girl!"
"Fine,"
"Yay!"
"... Now shut up. I'm meditating."
"How boring. You're four! ... yeah!" Apparently, someone else had been listening to their conversation.
"Oooh! What a pretty girl you are!" Zetsu giggled again. Though he really shouldn't. Because it's freaky.
"Baka, she's obviously a guy." Itachi frowned at his new friend.
"No, I'm a girl!"
"Well uh... what's your name then?"
"Deidara,"
"See, that's a GUYS name."
"DISCRIMINATION!" Deidara yelled, dramatically pointing his finger at Itachi, who snorted. "DON'T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THE WOMEN WITH MALE NAMES! ... Yeah!"
"You're hardly a woman. First of all, you're four years old, and second of all, you're male!"
"PROVE IT, YOU GIRLY MAN!"
And so the next fifteen minutes consisted of Itachi trying to pull off Deidara's clothes.
"AHHHHHH!" The teacher of the class had just noticed it. "DON'T DO THAT! DON'T TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF! YOU'RE WAY TOO YOUNG!"
Deidara was screaming in a very feminine like manner. Itachi was completely ignoring the teacher.
"Just-let-me-see!" He yelled over the screaming. "I just want to make sure!"
Deidara screamed some more. Itachi felt some strong hands pull him away. "Get off me! I need to see…" He paused, and looked up to the one who pulled him back.
"Woah…!" He sounded amazed. Why wouldn't he be? "Sasori…!"
"And the great Orochimaru!" (A/N: Yes. I had to bring him in!)
"You're so full of yourself, Oro-chan," Sasori commented in a very cute sounding monotone voice.
"How can I not be? I'm best friend to the great Sasori! Sasori of the red sand!"
"I'm not that amazing," the little red-head blushed.
"Oh but you are…!"
"Okay cut the flattery!" Itachi was getting sick of the tender moment. "Some would think you're a couple!"
"What do you mean a couple?" Orochimaru asked cutely. "We're a good couple! We're the best couple in the school, if you mean couple of friends!"
"You're an idiot,"
"Well you look like a girl!"
"Would everyone quit saying that?"
"It's not our fault that it's true…"
"Why you little…"
"You're shorter than me."
Itachi crossed his arms, and moped because of that. Orochimaru giggled.
"Yay! … Yeah!" Deidara was now overjoyed because no one was trying to rip off his clothes.
But…
"DEIDARA! You're a man, I tell you! A MAN!"
"…" Deidara sniffled. Perhaps the rumors were true… maybe… maybe he really was a man, after all.
He could feel someone patting him on the back. "Tobi is a good boy!" the person said, then ran away really fast.
Deidara coughed. "Who the hell was that? … Yeah!"
"NO CUSSING IN MY CLASS, YOUNG GIRL!"
"Sorry, Ma'am… And by the way, I'm a man now… Yeah!"
"Oooh. So you can choose what gender you are?" Itachi was now rather intrigued by the man/girl.
"No, you idiot, you make it seem like being a girl is a bad thing so now I'll be a man! … Yeah!"
"But you are actually a man so it shouldn't matter."
"Am not,"
"Are too,"
"Am not,"
"Are too,"
"You're so immature! … Yeah."
"Shut up, Deidara!"
"Let's be friends!"
"… You're desperate."
"Well you look like a girl."
"Fine,"
"Yay! … Yeah!"
"Now shut up, I have to do my work!"
"But… Ita-kun… we have no work today! It's the first day of kindergarten!" Zetsu commented.
"Did you just call me Ita-kun?" You could literally see fire in the little Uchiha's eyes.
"Yeah, is that a problem? I think it sounds really cute!"
"…" Itachi didn't respond.
"I am better than all of you!" Said a very majestic sounding voice.
"…Yeah righ--…!" Itachi turned around, and the thing he saw was unlike anything he had ever seen in his life. So magnificent… so wonderful…
"I shall be your leader."
"Yes." All of the children responded, sounding as if they were hypnotized.
"You shall obey my every command!"
"Yes."
"You shall get me my teddy bear and a nice, hot cup of coco."
"Ye—wait… huh?"
"I like my teddy bear, and I have lost it, so please get it for me."
Deidara looked at his hands, which seemed to have mouths on them. "I can't pick it up. My hands don't obey me right now and they seem to like the taste of teddy bears… yeah!"
"That's… horrible!" The leader cried out. "Just leave him be, he'll be happier somewhere else!"
"Mhm," Deidara snickered. "So we're like a gang now, right? … Yeah!"
"I guess so," The leader responded.
"So we need an outfit! And a name!"
--
END!
YAY.
Weird story with a lot of inside jokes no one will understand. But I had this story idea a while ago, and I'm happy I finally came out with it! Yay! This'll probably be a little longer than any of my other stories published, because it's something I'll keep adding to.