Author's Note: Chris/Gordie cause there's not enough of it around. woot. (:
Disclaimer: Wonderwall belongs to Oasis, Who Knew belongs to Pink, and Chris and Gordie belong to Stephen King.
Warning: Slash, angst, making out, language.
--
Lying in bed, ear buds in place and Oasis blaring, I finally closed my eyes.
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Sighing I rolled over, pressing my fists against my eyes, blocking it all out, trying to hide away the tears.
Because I knew I had to be strong.
Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
My mind wandered and I thought about my life, about how even though I know I'm smart, I know I can do it, I'll never amount to anything and I'll never be anything.
All because of my fucking family name.
Chambers, they ask? What will a Chamber's kid ever do?
He's just a worthless piece of shit, they all say.
But I'm not.
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because baby
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut tighter as I let my mind take me away. I hit next on my iPod, growing tired of stupid sad love songs.
All they did was remind of what I wanted.
What I could never have.
Because fags aren't human and fags are killed for who they are.
And I'm not a fag.
I swear I'm not.
I'm just a guy in love with another guy.
And there's nothing wrong with love.
Love has no title.
Love isn't sick and unnatural.
Love is love and nothing else.
You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I cringed and ripped the buds out my ears, throwing my iPod onto my dresser, "fuck."
Every song, every song has to be about love and broken hearts.
It just reminds me of my own broken heart.
--
I shoved my face into my pillow, willing myself not to breakdown and not to scream out all of my pain.
A few tears leaked out and I let out a sob, whimpering, "Fuck, no. I can't fucking cry."
Drawing my knees up to my chest, I sniffed and wiped at my eyes, rocking back and forth slightly.
There was a tapping at the window as a rock hit against it, and then another.
My heart clenched painfully in my chest knowing it was him, but hoping to god I was wrong.
Because I can't let him see me like this.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, wiping away all traces of tears and I smiled weakly, before opening my window.
--
In the dark night, I called quietly to my best friend, "yo, Lachance? You out there?"
At the soft reply my heart nearly shattered, "yeah. Chris…can I come up?"
"Sure, Gordie."
As soon as he spoke I knew what was wrong, I knew it had happened again.
My best friend climbed in through the window as I went to lock my bedroom door. I ushered Gordie over to my bed and pulled him tight against my side as his tears continued to fall, soaking into my t-shirt. "Your dad, again?" I whispered, hoping he would just lie to me and say no.
He nodded and I tugged him closer, needing to protect him, "what do I do to make him so mad Chris? I try so hard—" he broke off, his tears streaming down his cheeks as he hiccupped, once, twice.
"It's not your fault Gordie, never your fault. He's a fucking asshole, you got me? You're better than him and he knows it, he knows you have talent and he's jealous. God, Gordie, how anyone could treat you the way he does is beyond me. Because… you're amazing, Gordie, you are. And you don't fucking deserve this."
He tucked himself tighter into me and I could feel his breath wash over my neck, I shifted slightly and closed my eyes. I need to stay focused.
"Chris… you know you aren't worthless right? You can amount to so much more than I ever can. And you're the most caring person I've ever met, always putting yourself last. If it wasn't for you… I probably wouldn't survive at home."
"Don't say that Gordie, as soon as you're old enough, you'll be gone and you'll prove your dad wrong. You'll become a writer like you've always wanted. You don't need me for that."
"Yes I do, Chris!" He pulled away, tears falling slower now, but still cascading down his reddened cheeks, "I would be nothing without you, you're my whole world. I need you. I need you so fucking much, more than you could ever imagine." He lowered his head, whispering, "more than you could ever understand."
I swallowed, taking Gordie's hand, "what makes you think I won't understand?"
He tried to yank his hand away but I held on tighter, squeezing slightly and lacing our fingers together, "it's wrong Chris. So wrong. You would hate me. And if you hate me, I die."
"Nothing could ever make me hate you Gordie, you're my best friend. I—I love you."
"Yeah," he mumbled, a dejected look on his face, "but your love is platonic." His eyes widened and he scrambled to get up, "Shit! Chris… I—"
"God, how wrong you are Gordie. I'm so in love with you it hurts."
"You—you—"
"Love you?" I smiled, taking his hand, and pulling him back onto the bed, "yeah, I do."
He smiled weakly and I reached my hand up, gently wiping away his tears with my thumb, then I took his face into my hand and smiled at him, my bright eyes sparkling as I leaned in slowly, closing the gap between us, connecting our lips in the sweetest kiss.
I wound my free hand into his hair and tugged, bringing his head impossibly closer, our lips locked tightly together. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, his hands playing with the hair at the base of my neck.
I whimpered, licking at his bottom lip slightly, pleading entrance, which he granted. I thrust my tongue into the hot cavern and lapped at his teeth hungrily, needing this so badly.
I released his face and the tight grip I had on his chestnut locks and pushed at his chest lightly, causing him to fall back onto the bed.
He panted, his cheeks bright red, lips puffy as he lay splayed out on the bed, his t-shirt having ridden up just so, exposing his taught abdomen.
I smiled down at my best friend, and crawled onto the bed slowly, taking his hand in mine, "I love you, Gordon Lachance."
His face turned a bright red as he smiled shyly, squeezing my hand and tugging me on top of him, rolling me so he could curl into my side, fitting like the perfect piece of a puzzle. "I love you too Christopher Chambers."
Kissing him slowly I stoked his cheek with the back of my hand. He smiled into the kiss and I mumbled against his lips, "Baby, you're my wonderwall."
--
Comments are love. (: