Disclaimer: The characters are property of Janet Evanovich and I am not making any money from this story. The story line is mine.

Plum in Pampers

By, Elissahara30

There are times in a person's life that you realize you need to grow up. I've resisted that unnatural urge to hurl myself into the complete madness that people call responsibility. Sure, I have an apartment, I pay bills and I even own a pet that to this day is still alive. So the question I keep asking myself, why should I go that extra excruciating distance and get married and have children?

I've been married. It was the most painful and humiliating experience of my life and I have no desire to revisit it any time soon. And children? I still shudder at night at the thought of spawning something onto the public at large. I can't help but think of Rosemary's Baby.

I don't know what made the niggling little seed of thought encroach onto my mind, but some where in the last few months the desire to become a mother became almost suffocating. I was walking in the Quaker Bridge Mall and stopped at a baby store and found myself looking at all the little outfits and I picked up these booties and they were so tiny. I started to wonder if I had developed a brain tumor for all my longings I've been having for a baby of my own.

Am I finally ready to enter the dark abyss known as adulthood and forget my recklessness behind? Do I find myself a husband and settle into the Burg and raise a brood of my own?

Here I am Trenton, New Jersey, Stephanie Plum thirty three year old Bounty Hunter. I'm single and in love with two men. What is a girl to do?

She gets her phonebook and calls a fertility clinic, that's what she dose.

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I breezed into the Bonds office in the morning to check on any skips I may have. It was a beautiful day and I was in a good mood. As soon as I walked in the office grew stealthy quiet. Lula, Connie and Melvin seemed to have been discussing something that was in the news paper. By the way that Melvin started to sweat; I knew it was about me.

I put on my sweetest smile and asked, "Whacha reading about?"

Connie back away from her desk like it held some unknown plague and Lula just put her hand on her hips and started shaking her head in that 'not me' gesture. Then I pounced on the weak link and turned all my attention to Melvin who started to fidget at this point.

"Uh, uh," he wiped his head with the back of his hand as he turned pleading eyes to Lula and Connie. Neither one would meet his desperate gaze and he flinched as he looked back at me. "Well, uh, you see um there was this yeah."

"Just spit it out!" I shouted at Melvin.

He squeaked and threw the paper at me as he ducked under Connie's desk. Neither Connie and Lula would look at me and I was really beginning to be scared. What could be in the News Papers that so bad that these three didn't want to tell me?

I bent down and picked up the paper, I ruffled it a few times to try to smooth out the wrinkles and turned it over to the front page. I stood rooted to the spot and felt like my legs where going to give way. This would be a good time for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"Oh, shit Connie, she don't look so good." I heard Lula say to Connie.

"Why don't you get her sat down on the couch then," was Connie sharp reply.

"Hell no, she might flip out or somethin'. I think I'll just stay right here."

It was probably a good thing that they stayed where they were at, because splashed across the front page for all of Trenton to see was a picture of me entering a clinic here in Trenton and the headline read in bright bold letters:

WANTED: SPERM DONOR FOR BOMBSHELL BOUNTY HUNTER.

I think that was when my eyes rolled up into my head and I fell to the ground in a dead faint.

TBC . . .

A/N: I need honest feedback, loved it, hated it. Special acknowledgements to Stephanie for the Title and Stayce, Dawn, BURGGIRL, and Feather who has fed my devious imagination.