I know it has been WAY to long since this story had an update, I decided to make a few changes and it took a long time to settle on something that I liked. There isn't much new content, but the tone of the last few chapters has changed, rather significantly I think. Please review if you feel so inclined, I do read them. As I am now settled on a tone, I hope to be able to add to this story on a more frequent basis. Thank you.
A Year and a Day
The ceremony complete, vows exchanged, Edward kept his word in our leaving Thornfield in earnest. He told me that our first stop, our first night as husband and wife, would be spent in a hotel on the way to London. "You've never been to London have you Jane?"
I remarked that I had not because it was the truth, "Well, we will be two weeks there and from there we will journey to Paris, and all the cities to the Mediterranean. I am convinced, my love, that you will thrive in warmth and sunshine."
"I thrive well enough as it is, you are intent on spoiling me."
Edward, who already had his fingers entwined in mine throughout and since the ceremony, leaned towards me and smiled, kissing my cheek as he did so. "My darling Janet, you have no idea how much I am going to spoil you, and it will begin tonight, when you become my wife, instead of merely my bride."
I blushed at his reference, I had spent so much of my time this last month trying to avoid his caress, that I now felt shy to the aspect of receiving them. Edward laughed, "Ah, Jane, I forget sometimes how innocent you are, you feel so a part of myself that I sometimes think it isn't possible. For you know that I am anything but."
I knew not what to say in response, he was right.
"I can not wait for you to see the hotel suite that I have rented for us in London, it is in a prime location, exquisitely decorated: precisely the type of surroundings I would always want you to find yourself in Jane."
"Edward, I do not see why you feel that you should spend so much money trying to make me comfortable, I will be equally happy in a lesser setting-as long as you are with me."
"Yes, Jane, I know how you feel, and you never have to worry because I never plan on leaving your side. We will always live in harmony Jane, I only thought we should do so in comfort."
I wasn't pleased with his want to spoil me so, but I decided to let him have his suite, I would discuss other expenditures latter.
When we arrived at our first inn, I was indeed impressed by the beauty of our suite, expensive fabrics and paintings littered the walls, fine furnishings left little room for movement, out of season fruit was prominently displayed in a silver hand sculpted bowl on the breakfast table.
Once we had acquainted ourselves with the room, and directed the unpacking of our trunks, Edward made sure that dinner would be brought to us.
"You won't get out of this now, my Janet, you said you wouldn't dine with me until after we were married, and now that time has come and gone. You remember don't you Jane?"
I laughed at his frivolity; it seemed to me a small matter, a simple change in station, I suppose he considered it more a matter of intimacy, and indeed I had never felt more as though nothing else on earth existed as I did during our stay in that suite. I can not explain what happened after dinner, Edward waited until the meal had been cleared by the staff and then asked me to his chair where he was smoking a cigar and drinking wine. He offered me a glass and I turned it down, I seldom took wine, and could not think of a reason I should accept it then. He poured the glass, and pushed it towards me.
"You should drink it Jane, it calms the nerves."
"I am not nervous; I have no need of it."
Edward laughed again and refilled his own cup.
"That's one of the many things that I love about you Jane, you know how to put things in perspective, or is you lack of nervousness simply due to the fact that you have no knowledge of the marriage bed?"
I blushed again but did not waiver. What I did know did not make me nervous. I was ready to share my self with Edward as a wife should with her husband; I was ready to share with him my body as I already had my soul.
"Jane, come and sit beside me." I knew he was going to ask me to sit with him, he always did in the evenings at Thornfield, I had not expected that to change once we had been married. I took my seat.
"My love, I do not know how to tell you this, but your love for me has made you courageous and I fear my love for you has made me a coward."
He was caressing my hand with his own when he said this, I knew that he was being apprehensive; I did not believe his explanation as to why.
"Jane, I know that look, you think I am withholding something from you? You are right Jane, I do withhold something from you; it is because I am overwhelmed. There were times when I thought I would never see this day happen, and now that it's come to pass I only fear not meeting your expectations. You are my hope and my life and my self, Jane. I can't bare the thought of causing you grief."
As he spoke he put out his cigar and pulled me fully into his lap. He had slipped into one of his gloomy moods, and I knew not what to do to relieve it. It broke my heart that he doubted he could make me happy, for happy I was wherever he too was happy.
He kissed me gently and framed my face in his hands; all I could see in his eyes were anguish and love. "Forgive me my love, but I think I will need a night alone to acclimate myself to being a married man. My prize is won and I don't quite know what to do with my self."
I squeezed his hands and sat them in my own lap, "I see I shall have to tease and vex you indeed. You clearly can not handle my sentiments forthwith. I release you of your duties tonight, but know that I do not do so gladly, you will owe me dearly."
"Wicked thing! It is not too late to get an annulment my dear."
He laughed when I pretended to pout. I could see that my teasing was just the thing to bring him out of his previously brooding state. He picked up my hand again and proceeded to kiss my fingers individually.
"I believe my witch has cast a spell to change my mood and do her bidding."
He leaned over and kissed me deeply. That night I learned what it was to share with someone all that I possessed: body and soul.
Our two weeks in London passed quickly, our mutual love of art proved to while away the hours as we spent our days in museums, our afternoons in plays, and our nights in our hotel room, planning our future one day at a time.
"Jane, have you enjoyed our stay in London?" It was the last evening we would spend in London during our tour. Edward and I had just returned from the playhouse and I was checking our trunks to make sure that all was in preparation for our journey to Paris. "Yes, Edward. London has been all that you said it would. It makes me wonder how Paris will be, as many of the things you've told me have not been quite as pleasant." He smiled and continued surveying the armoire. "Don't worry about any of that, I told you before, this tour will be with an angel by my side and with love in my heart. I don't intend to have you in the same circles I used to travel in. You are too good for them my darling, they don't deserve to know you." He approached me as he said this and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"I sometimes fear that I don't deserve you either."
"My dear Edward, you think entirely too much of me, I am a human being same as you. But I have enjoyed our time here. Perhaps we can make our way back here when our tour is finished."
The look that cast on his face as I said this almost gave me a start; it was of unmasked fear, as though the mention of coming back was the most frightening thing I could have ever said. He gathered me in his arms, so that I could not see his face: I could tell he was looking up at the ceiling when he spoke next, as he often did when melancholy set in. "Jane, if we ever do come back it should be a long time since, I love you and would want for nothing more than to get you to some place secluded and live without society for our entire lives. It has been good to neither of us."
We stood in an embrace for some time before a valet came in to take some of our trunks. I didn't know why he suddenly wished to remove himself from society, he had seemed eager enough for it at Thornfield. I felt his dread at the thought of remaining and it troubled me, I started then to feel as though we were running: whether away from, or to something I did not know, but wherever Edward was I was determined to be also.
That night my dreams returned. They did not change much from the ones I had before the wedding and I still did not know what to make of them. I found myself once again perched on the ledge of Thornfield's wall, a crying child clinging to me as I watched Edward ride away in the distance, not hearing me, not caring, not looking back-
"Jane! Jane, please, my darling, wake up." The hushed whisper of my husband awakened me and I instinctively buried myself in his strength. I was weeping softly, something that I had assuredly begun in my sleep. He was rocking me softly in his arms, comforting me as best he could when he told me I had been calling for him in my sleep.
"Yes, I've had another nightmare. You were leaving me and I could not stop you. It was just like the dream I had the night before the wedding, you won't leave me will you?" He sighed and was silent for some time before he answered.
"You know that I never would, I couldn't for we are too attached, my love, I would never do to be without you. As for the dreams, you think they mean something, but I tell you they don't. You told me something similar the night before we wed, but those dreams never bore fruit and neither will these; it is only your imagination. You were worried about meeting bad company in Paris: that is the flicker of flame which sparked your dreams, Darling. I tell you, we will skip over the entire country of France if it makes you this uneasy, nothing is worth seeing you so uneasy."
I could not deny his words, indeed, nothing formidable had occurred since our marriage and I found myself obliged to forget that the dream had occurred.