AUTHOR'S NOTE: A missing moment from 1x07, and my (belated) take on the prompt "Oh crap, I'm wet and freezing and you're the only one who can warm me up."
Thanks to stillthewordgirl for the beta; I was really having trouble with this one! Characters of course belong to DC. Song lyrics are by Evanescence.
How can you see into my eyes, like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
He trudged back to the Waverider with a heavier burden than the one he'd dragged into the forest, his steps slowed by grief and guilt.
The sky had clouded over, blotting out the moonlight. A freezing rain began to fall, blinding him, slowing him even more.
He tried not to think about that same rain falling on Mick, somewhere back in the darkness.
He could have used his comm to call the Waverider, to ask them to send the jump ship for him, but he didn't want Rip's apologies or Jax's disbelief.
He didn't want Stein's accusations, Ray's disappointment, Kendra's sympathy.
But Sara…
With Sara, he did want.
And that wanting had already cost him his partner.
He plodded on, willing the rain to wash away these… feelings.
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back
Home
Ray and Kendra had offered to wait with Sara, but she'd declined, knowing Leonard wouldn't want them there when he got back, no matter how kind their intentions.
He might not want her there either, but she'd take that chance.
As clouds moved in and rain started falling, with no sign of Leonard returning, she began to fear he was hurt. Or worse, that he and Mick had killed each other, out there in the dark.
Or that Mick had killed Leonard, and was coming for the rest of the team.
When Leonard finally returned alone, she was… well, she wouldn't say she was relieved. She'd liked Mick, and wished there'd been another way. But regret for Mick was pushed aside when Leonard staggered up the ramp.
Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
Wake me up inside
Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark
He didn't know how long he'd been slogging through the rain and mud when he finally reached the ship. The hatch was open, and she was there, keeping watch.
He made it to the top of the ramp before his leaden legs gave way.
She caught him and pulled him inside, out of the rain and cold, easing him down to kneel on the deck. She knelt beside him and laid a warm hand on his cheek. "Leonard? Can you look at me? Leonard?"
He blinked and focused on her worried blue eyes. "S-s-sara…"
Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone
Save me
Save me from the nothing I've become
It took him a moment to respond. His gaze was bleary, and he shivered violently, wrapping his arms around himself as he stammered out her name.
"As if one brush with hypothermia wasn't enough for today," she muttered.
"The hypothermia is much more severe this time," Gideon announced in that too-cheerful voice. "The exposure to freezing rain has lowered Mr. Snart's body temperature further than when you were trapped in the engine room. He may be suffering some confusion. Shall I call the others for assistance?"
"N-n-n-no!" His voice was just a little bit stronger now, as he shook his head. "N-n-not them. Just you."
Just as she'd figured. "Looks like I'm on my own, Gideon. What do I need to do?"
"His wet clothing should be removed. Taking off his jacket and shirt will be sufficient until you are in the Medbay."
She nodded. "Okay. Leonard, I'm taking this jacket off you."
She gently removed the sodden jacket and let it fall to the deck. Once it was off, he huddled back into himself.
"The sweater has to go, too," she told him. When he just wrapped his arms more tightly around himself, she sighed and pulled a knife out from her boot. "Gideon can make you another one," she said before moving behind him. She sliced the garment open from collar to hem, then slid the remnants off his shoulders.
She pursed her lips at the old scars on his back, then moved back into his line of sight. "That will do for now," she said, gently pulling the ripped sweater out of his grasp. "Let's get you to the Medbay. Can you stand?"
He nodded, and tried to push up from the floor, but didn't seem to have the strength to lever himself off the deck. "Okay," she said, moving to drape his arm over her shoulders and to wrap her own around his waist. She winced internally at the icy dampness of his skin. "I want you to lean on me, Leonard. I'm going to help you up."
He grunted, and she took that as an acknowledgment. She took a breath and rose slowly, trying not to jar him while holding him firmly so he wouldn't fall. He leaned heavily against her side, the tremors running through his body seeming to lessen at the contact.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
He was tired. So tired. It was taking everything he had just to put one foot in front of the other.
He could feel Sara's warmth next to him, her strength supporting him. He knew she was speaking to him as they walked, but he couldn't make out what she was saying.
Instead, he heard Mick's plaintive cry. "You and I were a team! What happened to you?"
He hadn't killed Mick, but leaving him there, in the cold and the rain? Was it as good as murder?
Was there really no other way?
He shivered again, remembering the look of betrayal on Mick's face.
Wake me up
Wake me up inside
I can't wake up
She glanced at his face when she felt him start to shake again. His eyes were lidded heavily, his head drooping. "Gideon, he won't make it to Medbay like this. My room is closer."
"That will be sufficient."
By the time they reached her room, she was shaking herself from the effort of holding him up. She managed to get him to sit on her bed, and draped her blanket over his shoulders.
"All right, let's get the rest of this stuff off you," she said, starting with his muddy boots. Once those were off, she carefully removed his cold gun and holster. Then she stood in front of him and said, "The jeans have to go, too. Can you manage it?"
He didn't seem to hear her. He sat shuddering in the blanket, staring straight ahead but not seeming to see her.
Judging from his stricken expression, she thought she knew what he was seeing.
Wake me up inside
Save me
Call my name and save me from the dark
She was being so gentle, more gentle than he deserved.
More gentle than he'd been to Mick.
After getting the last of his wet clothing off, she guided him to lie down on the bed, arranging the blanket over him.
"I'm going to get more blankets," she said. But before she could turn to go, he reached out and caught her wrist.
"Please…"
Wake me up
Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up
Before I come undone
It was just the one word, but his voice sounded so… broken, it made her heart ache, and she couldn't just leave him. "It's all right, Leonard," she said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Gideon, can you turn up the heat a bit in here?"
"Yes, but Mr. Snart will benefit more from skin to skin contact and shared body heat," the AI said.
She looked at him huddled under the blanket and blew out a sigh. Well, they'd already bared their souls to each other, but this wasn't how she'd hoped they would get… closer. "Lights to ten percent, Gideon," she said.
She pulled her clothes off as the lights dimmed, and slid into the bed. She nudged him a little to get him to open his arms to her, then nestled against his still-clammy skin.
He moaned a little in the back of his throat, and his arms tightened around her. She laid a hand against his chest, and whispered again, "It's all right, Leonard."
Save me
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life.
She said it was all right, but it really wasn't.
Want had already cost him his partner, but now, with Sara lying in his arms, he knew it was more than want.
It was need.
And he didn't know what that might cost.