Prologue: Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Is diary capitalized in this situation? I don't know. The only reason I am even writing in this stupid thing is because my counselor thought it would be a good idea. She said I could call it a journal so that it might feel less stupid, but I think whether I call it a diary or a journal it's still a stupid idea. She said I needed a more positive way to channel my emotions. Pft. What does she know? She works as a high school guidance counselor in Riverdale. I'm not sure how much worse it gets than that.

What emotions am I dealing with you ask? (Are you really asking? That was probably a stupid way to phrase things. I'm asking myself what I'm dealing with. Gah! This whole situation is making my head hurt) Anywho, my parents split. My mom's in Chicago. She wanted Archie (My brother in case you didn't know. Although you technically do know this because it's me writing this. How the hell is this supposed to help me?! I'm talking to myself. I thought that was frowned upon.) Where was I? Right. Mom wanted Archie and me to come with her. Archie wanted to stay with Dad and I stupidly decided that I was staying wherever my brother stayed. We're twins. It just seemed wrong to split us up. Although, it would make orchestrating a Parent Trap situation to get our parents back together much easier.

I love my brother, I do. Archie has been my best friend since forever. But I'll only say this here and nowhere else, but I'm jealous of him. He has it all. He's good at music. He's good at sports. People like him. He has Juggie and Betty. I have…him and am shit at most everything. He's probably embarrassed of me. Who wants to be friends with their twin sister? The Blossoms were the exception, not the rule. Although, I think their relationship borders on incestuous. I might not have many friends, but I still hear things. If Cheryl ever finds this diary thing, I'm screwed. I'll just cross that out then. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead.

That's the other thing. Jason Blossom. Pretty sure he's dead. He's been missing since the 4th of July and no one's heard anything. I wasn't friends with him. I didn't even like him. The only time I ever talked to him was when he was picking on me, telling him to leave me the hell alone. The last thing I ever told him was that I hope he rotted in hell. I haven't told anyone about that. What if my words came true? Maybe I'm cursed. Maybe people might think I did it. But he was being an ass to me. He deserved much worse. But there's no way in hell I killed him. I couldn't stomach it.

How much am I supposed to write in this thing? Is there an appropriate word count for a diary entry? C'mon, Belle, this isn't one of Mrs. Bloom's essays.

So…I just reread this whole thing and so much for being positive. Total negative Nancy here. Mrs. Burble said I should also be putting my hopes and dreams in here too. The problem with that is that I don't usually let myself hope or dream. I always just get let down. What's the point? She said I should start small. So, here goes: this year, I want to find love. Not necessarily a romantic love. But I just want to feel loved in a way that I haven't felt before.

Well, Dad's calling. Gotta go. We're headed to Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe for dinner. Gonna get me a shake. So, bye. Talk to you later.

3 Belle

P.S. I feel like an idiot.

Dear Diary,

Today is going to suck. For as long as I can remember, I have always looked forward to the first day of school. I always saw it as a chance to start new. A blank slate. That bubble has been burst. I used to get high off school supplies. (Not literally high, like drugs high, but like euphorically happy over a box of crayons, kind of high) I didn't even go shopping before school started this year. I used to beg my dad starting July 1st to go shopping for school. He always thought I was a little nuts, but he knew how happy it made me. I think he was kinda shocked when I didn't ask him to go shopping this year. He asked me and I told him it wasn't necessary.

God, I suck. I'm practically pushing everyone away. I don't know why I do it. I just do. I don't want to push them all away. I don't know why I'm doing it. There's probably something wrong with me. And whatever reason that is, it's probably why everyone likes Archie better. Ugh. Here I am again, going off on my brother. 2 for 2 entries. I suck. I swear I don't hate my brother. I'm just a broken and conflicted person. (I'm not sure how this writing it out thing is supposed to make me feel better. In fact, it's making me hate myself even more.)

So, last night kinda sucked. I probably should've written this down then, but I was just too freaking exhausted to do it. I'm not sure someone my age should be this tired. I feel like I'm 75. Anyway, my brother wanted to get me out of the house, so he invited me to go with him and Betty to Pop's. Buuuut, I'm pretty sure that Betty thought it was going to be some kind of date. I could tell from the fake smile on her face that she didn't want me there. It wasn't that Betty didn't like me. No, it was the fact that she wanted to be alone with Archie. I got it. So when we got to Pop's, I ditched them and sat at a table with Jughead, who I haven't seen since July. Found out why that is.

Apparently, Juggie and Archie had some sort of falling out. Juggie wouldn't tell me why or what happened. Just said that there had been a parting of ways. Honestly, it's weird that Archie didn't tell me. Not that Archie tells me everything. I guess I just assumed he did. It probably isn't cool to tell your twin sister things like that. He probably thought I would meddle. Which, if I'm being honest, I probably would. Now that I think of it, I spend most of my time making sure that other people are happy and I hardly ever do anything for myself. I just bottle up what I want or make it disappear.

Huh. Maybe that's what this diary thing is supposed to help me realize? If so. Score one for the diary. (It's still losing to me though)

It was a little strange hanging out with Juggie on my own. I think I can count on one hand the number of times Juggie and I were alone without Archie. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, Jug and I just never had a need for each other's company before. Granted, he knew I was using him so that I didn't have to be the third wheel on Archie and Betty's is-it-or-isn't-it date. Except for the little tidbit about the status of Juggie and Archie's friendship, Jug and I didn't talk much. He just typed on his laptop and I drank my shakes. I had two. I couldn't decide. So sue me. Although, that really wouldn't be to your benefit since you're me and any money you drain from me is getting drained from yourself.

Gah! This whole talking to yourself in diary form is hurting my brain.

Anywho, Archie is calling. It's time for school. Wish me luck. I really don't want to do this. Well, if I write again, that means somehow the gods have seen fit to let me survive another day of high school.

Tootles,

Belle

Author's Note: Someone on Tumblr asked me to put this here. I don't know what it's gonna become. But I'm semi-inspired for it and it's better than writing nothing. Thanks to those who read this. Means a lot. :) Pairing hasn't been determined yet. Leaning Sweet Pea or Jughead. But I honestly don't know yet.