I mustn't run away I mustn't run away I MUSNT RUNAWAY. Shinji was screaming this into his mind as he sprinted back to NERV headquarters. Back to the one place he told himself, he would never go back to, but he had been wrong... wrong and selfish in thinking that it was the right thing to do in running away. Because if he ran away who would protect everyone, only he could. He had learned this from Kaji as Shinji met him when he was watering his melons( and as per classic Kaji fashion just HAD to make a sexual pass towards Misato while doing it) only moments before and now he was running.
As he ran, the numerous explosions that rang out from his coworkers and friends battle with the twelfth angel shook him to his core, but that would not stop him in redeeming himself for all his cowardice.
'Rei... Asuka... Misato, I'm so sorry for failing you all this time', Shinji thought as he recalled all the moments and chances he had had to help them but instead decided to just stay away... to tell himself that it would be better to stay instead of even trying to help them. But no more, he would not run away.
'I truly deserve to die don't I', he thought not even knowing if what he was thinking was like trying to be a coward or just the truth of what he really deserved. Either way, he would not- could not die until he righted his wrongs... no longer how long it took.
He reached the entrance to Nerv and slammed down on the elevator that would take him to the holding bay.
"Hurry damnit", he snarled through clenched teeth.
Finally, after what seemed like a hellish eternity in the elevator, Shinji reached the bay.
The bay that had always been his hell, was now his only path to redemption.
But there was one more thing that stood in the boy's way. His father loomed over Shinji from his command room, staring at his son in a cold and faintest strain of disdain stare ." Why did you come here", Gendo asked in the way someone would make a statement, not a question, perhaps he believed he was above questions. Shinji would be lying if he said that deep down it didn't hurt to hear that from his father but that didn't matter, he wasn't here for Gendo.
"Because I- because I AM THE PILOT OF UNIT 01", Shinji said screeching near the end as if he was trying to tell the world that he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.
Gendo didn't even really acknowledge his son as he simply told the remaining staff," Open the hatch".
Not bothering to think about his father Shinji sprinted to the hatch no-to his redemption. He climbed the familiar ladder and entered the chamber.
Closing the hatch Shinji felt(and tasted it sadly) the LCL rush into his system and let out a silent *blah* with his mouth before he headed into his seat and powered up the unit. For some reason, the LCL tasted even worse than usual but Shinji decided to ignore it.
the unit roared to life with a brutal vibration that made Shinji feel like his intestines were being shaken out of him every time he felt it. But like everything else that was bothering him right now, he had to ignore it. He had the eva break itself free from its restraints and began ramming its fists into the walls that separated him from the command center.
One by one they broke. One by one he was getting closer to his redemption.
But as Shinji heard the satisfying sounds that were the walls breaking, Shinji began to hear another sound tingling inside his head.
do you honestly think this will work out?
'What was that', Shinji thought both equal parts scared and confused as to who or what said that, as he was the only one in the Evas chamber as far as he knew.
I guess you can decide that really. You can call me unit 01, Lilith, Adam, you might just call me god.
Shinji was dumbfounded at the voice and really wanted to know just what it was but as he broke down the final wall, he decided to ignore it.
it's not a good idea to ignore me.
Shinji shook his head violently in an attempt to dispell the voice, and it seemed to work as it had seemingly disappeared.
Getting back to the task at hand Shinji spotted the angel and ran towards hands made into fists ready to rip apart the monstrosity when everything went black.
When he awoke he was in a void of light. No, not light it was simply nothingness. It was the nothingness there that made him perceive light. The nothingness that was him and something else. There was something else in the nothingness.
what-where am I?
you are in the nothing
what...that doesn't make any sense.
fine, then let's call it here.
who are you?
I've already said that.
no, you didn't, you only gave me choices.
those choices are the answer.
I know that but which one is the answer?
you decide that.
what... but what if I choose wrong?
that's impossible.
just... just tell me your name.
I don't have one.
how can you not have a name?
if it means so much to you then fine... call me satori.
okay...satori... what am I doing here-no what is this place?
we aren't anywhere specific...we are simply here.
WHERE the hell is here!
we aren't anywhere
nevermind just...wait...what happened to everybody else?
they died because you failed...that's why your here right now.
what that's impossible... don't lie to me.
you know... you ask for my name and when I give you one you never say it.
quit fucking with me... what happened to the others!?
you failed to save them... you failed your redemption.
That's... that's impossible...I...I was supposed to save them
failure.
shut...up...
failure.
please...just stop.
failure.
I... I said to stop
failure.
I SAID SHUT UP.
why should I?
because...because it hurts.
no.
why...why do you want to hurt me so much.
because its what you deserve.
...Just let me out of here.
not yet.
I SAID LET ME THE FUCK OUT!!!
NO.
how..how do I get out.
you choose between two things.
what... what are they...
first is that you die with your old world
an...and...
second is that you start in a new world right where everything began.
which do you choose?
I... I don't want to die.
figures... you coward.
HOW... how is it cowardly to choose to live!?
because you don't deserve to live.
Shut up... ill... ill make me deserve it.
yeah...we'll see about that.I...will.
It was then that everything around Shinji's nothingness began to shift and move in a wave. Like a picture was being.
Before Shinji could fully leave though, Satori had one last thing to say.
and don't you dare forget, you are-
Before Shinji could fully hear it, he was taken back, back to the place where it all began. Two weeks before he was taken to Tokyo-3, he was in his old bedroom. It looked exactly as he had remembered it... lifeless. the boring colors that barely diverged from grey scoured his room.
In the corner was his cello... he didn't really have much to say about it other than he had been using it for a while.
As Shinji glanced around his room, he couldn't get the last thing the voice had said to him out of his mind. Even though he hadn't even heard say them, he just knew, and as he kept thinking back to it, the words slowly rolled out of his tongue.
"you... are... redemptions runaway."
End
I just wanted to let you know that I will be releasing the next chapter as soon as I think its good enough.