Hello and welcome to another random fan fiction by myself. All characters are not property of me (Which I can assure you, if I could, I would change this completely!). They are property of Mr Vincent Kennedy McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment.
Thank you for taking an interest in reading this random musing of mine...It was to be posted on Sunday evening (and when you read it, it would have made much more sense). However, I was unable to but decided to post anyway!
Enjoy!
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Grunting, third generation superstar Randy Orton twisted the key for his and his team mates rented car, only for no ignition to take place. 'I knew I should have brought my Hummer with me!' he mused angrily to himself, peering out of the filthy window. The Rated R Superstar, Edge, had his cell phone firmly attached to his ear, his cheeks red and his eyes bulging.
"What the fuck do you mean there is no way you can get us a replacement tonight?" he roared, yanking some of his blonde locks from his scalp. It had taken him hours to get in contact with someone and now, at the leisurely time of 3.30pm, the sluggish worker on the other end of the line, was less than interested with the Canadian's complaining.
"I told you sir, there aren't any replacements available to you..."
"BULLSHIT!" Edge bellowed, his breathing becoming shallow yet rapid. How he hated incompetence so!
"Please don't swear at me." the man on the other end muttered, not really caring less about the language his ear drums were being subjected to. His beer belly flowing from the greased up off-white, ripped tank top he clumsily dressed himself in that very morning at 10.30 am, his feet propped up on the desk as he threw make shift aeroplanes into the waste paper bin, about three meters away.
The Rated R Superstar wasn't done with him yet. "Piss off! Me and my buddy have paid you damn good money to get this heap of metal and we want it to at least work!"
"Well, I'm sorry, there is nothing myself or anyone else can do about it until tomorrow morning. It's closing time."
"What? Closing time at half past three on a Sunday afternoon?" Edge gasped in shock, half laughing in astonishment, shaking his head in annoyance.
"Yes."
"Well I'm glad your day finishes so bloody early coz ours doesn't!" Edge continued to rant, his frustrations finally escaping him. "We have been up since 6.30 this morning, training hard to make sure our body's are in tip top condition for tonight's pay per view. Even a lousy red neck like you might have heard of it - Survivor Series?" Edge questioned, his face beginning to turn purple in rage. "Not that you'll have the internet anyway to see what matches there are."
"Urm, sir, you booked your car over the internet..." He chuckled, only annoying Edge even more. "Therefore, I have the internet to confirm your order…
"Whatever." Edge tutted, hating being answered back to. "We need to get there some how!"
"Get a taxi then." the other man suggested, plonking the receiver down. He had better things to do with his Sunday afternoon that listen to complaints about his company.
"ASSHOLE!" the Canadian cried, banging his head against the car roof, the Legend Killer stepping out to finally help him in his hour of need.
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Whistling their theme tune 'Break It Down', Shawn Michaels and Triple H, D Generation X, made their way out of the hotel they were staying in, like all of the WWE Superstar's on tonight's annual pay per view, Survivor Series. They were feeling pretty confident that victory would be theirs in their tag team elimination match with CM Punk and the newly united Hardy Boyz, against the partnership of Randy Orton and Edge as the team captains, ECW's Mike Knox, Johnny Nitro and Gregory Helms, no matter what obstacles would be put in their way.
Slinging their duffle bags into the boot of their squeaky clean, perfectly working rented car, they looked over to their adversaries for the night and chuckled. They looked to be having a spot of trouble with their vehicle of 'choice'.
"Do you think we ought to go and help them?" the Heartbreak Kid quizzed, his good Christian nature taking charge in most situations, no matter who was in trouble.
"Nah." his best friend Hunter disagreed. "We ought to go over there and laugh at them!"
With that, DX, upon the Game's lead, marched over to the duo in need of help, much to their displeasure.
"Great." Randy mumbled; they were the last people they needed in this case.
"Hey guys." Shawn greeted warmly, watching the Rated R Superstar turn to face them. "How's it going?"
"How's it going?" Edge spat, grabbing Shawn by the scruff of the neck. "HOW'S IT GOING?!"
"Easy there, Rasputin!" the King of King's prised the men apart, making fun of Edge's appearance in the act as he helped the Icon to re-fix his collar quickly.
"Not so good." Randy decided to civilly answer the Showstoppa's question.
"Shouldn't you be making your ways to the arena by now?" the Cerebral Assassin questioned, peeping at his diamond encrusted Rolex ironically, watching Edge's face explode in fury.
"WE WOULD BE IF THIS PILE OF SHIT WOULD WORK!" he hollered, kicking the car. Hard. That wasn't such a good idea; now his foot was now injured as well as the car!
As Edge hopped around in agony, the Legend Killer trying his best to console him, the DX duo tried their best to choke back the tears of laughter; it really was an amusing sight to behold.
"Well, see you later then!" Shawn called, him and Hunter turning their backs from the other men. As they began to stroll away, they heard a voice screech behind them.
"So you aren't going to help us then?" the youngest Orton inquired, releasing Edge from his clutches, the Canadian holding onto the 'vehicle' for dear life.
"Well, we aren't mechanics." the Game shrugged. "We have no idea how to fix a car."
"No but you could offer us a lift." Edge replied, through gritted teeth. Him and Orton were being made to swallow their huge prides in a huge way.
"Why would we want to do that?" the King of Kings raised an eyebrow, him and Shawn turning back to face the youthful men.
"Because...because Shawn's a good Christian!" Randy responded, remembering what some of his earliest teachings were; never bring a man's religion into conversation. However, in his view, desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Not tonight he's not." Hunter decided, dragging his best friend away from the scene.
Randy couldn't believe that line didn't work like he expected it to. "You can't leave your former protégé out here in the freezing cold!"
"Yeah, it's so cold I can see my breath, see?" Edge puffed, as if he was a little kid again, pretending to be a dragon once more in the bitter winter months.
However, Hunter was having none of it. Yet, when he saw Shawn's soft expression, he knew that he could hardly say no so easily. "What?" he whined, knowing Shawn's loving soul was about to be displayed once again.
"They are right. We must take them with us." Shawn winked on his left side so that the other two men, his foes for the night, couldn't view this.
"Ok Shawn, I guess you are right." Hunter spoke in a wooden voice. "You can come with us." he told his enemy's, watching them grab their belongings from the knackered car, trudging over to the automobile Shawn and Triple H were now sharing with them for the evening, not even saying as much as a hasty thanks.
"Who's sitting up front?" Orton questioned, his arrogant, trade mark smirk upon his face. He should have known better then to ask that question with his former mentor about.
"You and idiot face over there will sit in the back and do as you are told!" Hunter spoke aggressively, pointing over to an enraged Edge.
Noticing that his new partner in crime was about to burst at the juvenile insult just thrown at him, Randy took the wise decision of covering his mouth as the Heartbreak Kid and the Game got into the car; Triple H would be driving while Shawn navigated.
Buckling themselves up after depositing their luggage into the boot of the vehicle, the Rated R Superstar was having a few problems. "Uh, Hunter, can you move your chair forward?" he quizzed, trying his best to push the fabric seat in front of him forward whilst not being to angry at the same time. His long legs were having trouble fitting into the small space provided.
"Do I get the magic word?" Hunter teased, watching Shawn's handsome grin creep across his well defined face.
"Ok 'please'?" Edge muttered in a very sarcastic, impolite tone.
That left the King of Kings with very few answers. "No!" he stated firmly, revving up the motor, tearing out of the hotel car park and onto the open roads of the motorways.
For a few moments, there was almost complete silence in the automobile. The only sounds to be heard were the groans of a Canadian, desperate for more leg room.
Just to be difficult - and helping to go along with his best friends ribbing - the Icon turned the radio on full blast. As the speakers were situated right behind the heads of the two gentlemen sat on the backseats, it needed to be turned up a notch or two, right? So that him and Triple H could hear the music in all of its glory?
"ARGH!!!" the recently formed tag team screamed in disgust, hardly being able to hear themselves think. "TURN IT OFF!" they screeched in unison, covering their ears in an attempt to save their eardrums.
"What?" Shawn and Hunter cried in harmony.
"TURN IT OFF!"
"What?"
"TURN IT OFF!"
"WHAT?"
"TURN IT OFF!"
"Sorry I couldn't hear a word either of you were saying." Triple H mocked, eventually turning the radio off; mainly for his own benefit, as he was getting sick of the loudness too.
"Thank you." Randy sighed, running a hand through his hair; he could sense right now that the journey was to be too exhausting for words.
He glanced over at Edge who appeared as if he was struggling to keep what little sanity he had left in his soul. The Legend Killer knew that he need to bring at least a little normality to the proceedings.
"So...thanks, it was nice of you two to help us."
"Don't suck up, Orton." Hunter tutted, knowing the young man all too well. "I thought you were meant to be straight?"
"Hey!" the third generation superstar's eyes narrowed further. Taking a deep breath, he knew he couldn't lose his patience just yet. At least not until they arrived at the arena safely.
"Ha ha, you are too funny." he replied with a grimace, biting his tongue, HBK noticing the young mans uncomfortableness in the wing mirror.
There were another few minutes of no speech. Shawn Michaels was the first man to break this bout of silence.
"So, how's the wife and baby?" he directed his question towards the Cerebral Assassin.
"As beautiful as ever." Hunter gushed, bringing a smile to the Icons face; it was great that his caring best friend was at a very happy time in his life, one that he hoped would be maintained for a very, very long time.
"Someone pass me a vomit bag!" Edge chocked. The mere mention of happy families made him feel sick to the stomach.
"So, families aren't your thing, huh?" Hunter chuckled, trying to be civilised, peering at the man sat behind him.
"No." he retorted sharply, his frustrations aimed at his bastard of a Father who he never knew as a child, the notion that it was his ex-girlfriend's last night in the WWE - which meant he would rarely get a chance to see her - and the fact he was squashed into such a confined space topped it all off perfectly. "Are you sure you can't move your chair forward?" he pestered, thumping the seat in front of him, in a desperate attempt to save his legs from suffocation.
"I never said I couldn't..."
"But?" Edge hoped for an answer.
"I just said I wouldn't!"
Folding his arms against his chest, the Rated R Superstar put his toddler expression on his face. Randy had to even admit - at least in his head - that it was quite funny, seeing such a tall guy like Edge being cramped into such a secluded space. 'Poor guy!' he mused, not knowing if there was any way really to help him.
"How long has it been since you two have travelled together?" the Icon decided to chat, glancing back and forth between Hunter and Randy, knowing that it would be for the best to try and be well mannered, even if no one else in the vehicle was to be.
"A couple of years." the youngest Orton jerked his shoulders up and down in an indefinite fashion.
"Oh." Shawn responded, the conversation falling on deaf ears.
Then, there came more irritated grunts from the backseat...
"What's up this time, Edge? Someone tying your hands together?" the Game wisecracked.
"No. I need the toilet." he muttered, noticing the duo up front roll their eyes in despair, as he clutched his crotch, begging himself to hold on.
"Ummm, actually, I wouldn't mind going, either." The Legend Killer admitted coyly, fiddling with his silver belt buckle.
"Fine, when we see a service station, we'll stop, ok?" Hunter negotiated, much to the delight of the Rated RKO team.
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A few minutes later and there were signs to a service station.
"Are we nearly there yet?" Edge and Orton chorused.
"No." Shawn and Hunter sighed.
"Are we nearly there yet?" they repeated, giving DX a taste of their own medicine.
"No."
"Are we nearly there yet?"
"NO!"
"Shut the fuck up or you won't make it there!" Triple H barked, the back seat duo realising they needed to keep their traps shut.
Pulling into the car park, Edge and Randy could barely wait for the vehicle to stop before jumping out of the car!
"Follow my lead." the Game whispered in the Heartbreak Kid's ear, the two men following the Rated RKO tag team inside the building.
"We'll be in this little shop right here, ok fella's?" Shawn called after them, the Tag Team Champion's feeling their bladders about to burst!
"Quick, peg it!" Hunter gestured, him and the Icon sprinting back to the car. "Wait until they are half way back, then we can just pull away right in front of them!"
"That's mean!" the Icon whined sadly.
The Cerebral Assassin shot him a puzzled look. "You mean, you want them in the car with us?"
"No, that was just my sub-conscious telling me that was evil." he replied, pulling open a bag of sweet popcorn, stuffing as many of the balls as he possibly could into his mouth at once. "Do you want any?" he questioned inaudibly, spitting some of the contents out onto his best friend.
"No, you've just showered me in some, I don't need anymore." Hunter wise cracked, glancing in the wind mirror. "Hey, they're coming back!"
As if next week would do, The Rated R Superstar and The Legend Killer sauntered their way over to the rented car they were reluctantly sharing for the evening. Well, not for much longer...
Suddenly, with a cloud of dust, the car vanished into the distance, leaving the new tag team champions stood gob smacked in the middle of the near deserted car park!
"AY, COME BACK HERE!" Edge cried, dragging Randy by the arm as they chased as quickly as they could after the popular faction.
Hanging his head out of the window, Shawn threw some popcorn behind him. "That'll keep you going!" he chuckled, doing his window back up as the degenerates continued to make their way to the arena.
Panting, the Canadian stood dead in his tracks, bent over, his hands holding onto his thighs for dear life. "Now...what...are...we...gonna...do?"
"All of my shit's in that car!" Randy screamed, tugging at his short, brunette locks in dismay, his voice gruff and very agitated.
"This is all your fault." Edge stated, re-standing, getting his breath back and gaining much needed composure.
"ME?"
"Yeah, you were the one who asked them if they were gonna help us!"
"Yeah, and you said 'aren't you gonna give us a lift then'?"
"Don't you fucking dare place the blame on me!" Edge retaliated, the boys continuing their unnessacery bickering as the night swooped in even lower, their frames standing frozen stiff in the service station car park.
Elsewhere, the Showstoppa' peered over his seat and looked out of the back window. "I guess we lost them, then?"
"Sure did." Triple H smiled broadly, changing gears.
"I still can't help but think it was a little mean of us." Shawn spoke, questioning his own integrity as he tossed some more popcorn into his sexy mouth.
"Nah, it wasn't. In fact, it was the kindest thing to do." Hunter responded, his best friend turning to face him, a smile lighting up both men's faces after the King of Kings conclusion.
"They were gonna lose tonight anyway!"
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Thank you for reading 'Thank You Not So Kindly'. Please review!