The Twilight Saga: Eclipse in a Nutshell

by insubs7777777

Primarily written to poke fun at Twilight in general. Best read while imagining chibi-sized versions of Edward and Bella speaking in really fast, childlike voices. One-shot. Hope you enjoy and leave comments! CAUTION: SPOILERS!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Twilight saga, nor do I want to.

Bella: Edwaaaard!

Edward: What.

Bella: Havesexwithme.

Edward: No.

Bella: Pleeease?

Edward: No.

Bella: How about now?

Edward: No.

Bella: Now?

Edward: Yes.

Bella: REALLY?

Edward: No.

Jacob: You totally still love me, Bella.

Bella: Do not! Oh, wait… actually, I think I do.

Edward: Marry me, Bella.

Bella: Only if we have sex afterwards.

Edward: -sigh- Fine.

Jacob: -growls-

Victoria: -attacks Bella with an army of newborns-

Edward: -saves the day and tries to seduce Bella-

Bella: Haha, too late Eddiekins! I don't wanna have sex with you anymore!

Edward: Damn.