So I'm finally trying a multi chapter fic, which I know is a bad idea because I absolutely suck at updating in a reasonable amount of time, but hey. I'm hoping this might be easier because I actually have an idea of where this is going. This was a one shot at first but then as I was writing I realized that there was too much plot for a one shot. I apologize for typos in advance, this isn't edited. Thanks for reading! Love you all!
John Laurens was in love with his best friend, under the worst circumstances possible. All the odds were against him. For one thing, he wasn't supposed to be gay at all. He was supposed to court girls, get married, have a bunch of kids, and carry on the family name. Maybe go into to politics, maybe, if he got lucky, free some slaves , although his father would argue that that wasn't necessary or even wanted. His homophobic, slave-owning father. Frankly, John felt that making his father mad was a good enough reason to do pretty much anything.
The next problem? Technically, he was already married and had a daughter. Sure, he would never see the girl again, and sure, he was never going to meet his daughter. But he was, in theory, legally bound to Mrs. Martha Manning, something neither of them had intended. He had impregnated her in a drunken one-night stand (yes, they were a thing in the eighteenth century) and they had married to preserve her honor. He had left her pregnant in London and returned to America to fight in the war. So, for all intents and purposes, he was currently a single army boy on leave. Fun, right? Recipe for trouble? Maybe once upon a time. But John's heart belonged to someone else, and that got in the way of any, er, fraternizing.
The final, possibly biggest, problem was that his best friend was about to be married. And John was the best man. So not only was he in love with his best friend, but he had to watch said friend marry someone still wasn't quite sure how he would handle it. Lafayette would probably tell him that "he was -how you say- fucked." John felt compelled to agree wholeheartedly with the Frenchman.
/
The day of the wedding arrived far, far too quickly for John's liking. He'd spent the last two weeks convincing himself that he was over it, that he'd fallen out of love. Even though the rational part of his brain knows that's about as likely as Aaron Burr acting impulsively, he conveniently ignores this fact. Somehow, he thinks that he tells himself enough times that he's over it, it might become true. He might ~eventually~ be able to not feel a flicker of doubt whenever he tells himself he is not in love with his best friend.
The ceremony went by in almost a total blur. As much as he was loathe to admit, as much as he wishes it wasn't true, he had been acutely aware of every one of the groom's actions, even the smallest movements. It seemed that he could not completely divert his attention from the man, despite his best efforts.
It was as the couple said their vows that his mind simply opened the barriers he'd been building and stopped letting him deny the truth. The thought hit him like a bulldozer, turning his brain into a befuddled mess in a split second. John nearly gasped from the overwhelming realization. He had never stopped loving Alexander Hamilton. And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it, although perhaps "would" was a better choice of words. He probably could do something about it if he really tried, but he wasn't going to do that to Alex. No matter what.
Just moments after this realization hit him, john was forced to socialize, although it was the last thing he wanted to do.
"Hello," a voice said behind him. It sounded feminine, but with an air of authority and knowledge. John whirled around with a pleasant, albeit fake, smile. His mind felt like it was full of cotton balls, but years of attending balls and political events as the son of Senator Laurens kicked in.
"Hello," he replied, a seemingly carefree grin on his face, despite the hurricane whirling through his mind. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss…?"
"Schuyler," she replied with a smile that could almost, almost be seen as ferocious.
"Ah, of course," John said, a slight recognition struggling through his confused mind to the front of his brain. "Everyone, give it up for the maid of honor, Angelica Schuyler," he continued with a teasing smirk. He hoped he hadn't misjudged the sparkle in her eye. It could be… problematic… if she took offense. After all, her sister had just married the man he lo- no, no, he was not going to think about that. Her sister had just married his best friend. It would be good for them to get along.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Laurens. Care to dance?" she asked, knowing John would not refuse. Really, she just wanted an excuse to watch the newlywed couple without noticeably staring. John blinked at her forwardness but took it in stride. Most women would allow the man to ask them to dance, but John could already tell Angelica Schuyler was anything but "most women."
"But of course, Miss Schuyler," John replied, bending to kiss her hand in an almost playful manner. Although he was not interested in Angelica romantically, she seemed nice and he was happy to spend the evening talking to her. Plus, it hopefully would give him an excuse to stare at Alexander.
It seemed Angelica had a similar idea, though, because they had to dance they kept bickering over which way to turn. Each of them seemed to always want to be looking towards the stars of the night; the bride and groom, who were oblivious to all that was happening around them. Eventually, they both pulled away.
"You love him, don't you? They asked each other simultaneously. This prompted a snort of laughter from each before the mood turned serious again. Angelica spoke first.
"Really, though. You love him, I can tell. You've been staring over there all evening. At first I thought Eliza, but that didn't add up. It has to be Alex," Angelica finished in a rush. It occurred to her that she might've gotten it all wrong, that Laurens could easily be straight, but somehow she didn't think so.
"Is it really that obvious?" Laurens asked quietly, a hand on the back of his neck.
"No. But you were right; I'm in love with him too. I could just tell somehow. Maybe I could see myself in your actions or something like that. I won't say anything to him, don't worry. I know you didn't mean for anyone at all to find out, let alone his wife's sister," Angelica replied with a sad smile.
"You're right, I didn't intend for anyone to find out. But I trust you not to tell. If I thought you would share this information we wouldn't be having this conversation," John reassured her, knowing he had done a pretty good job reading the personality of Angelica Schuyler.
"Same to you, John. I know you won't say anything," Angelica answered with a soft, kind smile.
"Would you mind if I wrote you?" John asked hurriedly; the night was drawing to a close. Angelica drew back, looking skeptical. "As friends," he added hurriedly. "I enjoyed talking with you."
Angelica's gaze softened considerably. "Of course, John. It would be my pleasure."
John flashed his characteristic grin back. "Glad that's settled. It seems the festivities are ending shortly. I should go find Alex. We will correspond, Miss Schuyler." With a kiss to her hand he turned and walked away, leaving her dumbfounded at the interest he'd shown in her opinions and how he had treated her like an equal. She would be interested to learn more about the mysterious John Laurens.