"Who reads newspapers anymore?" Deadpool tears the Daily Bugle's front page. "Anyone could just google a picture of Spidey," He holds four thumbtacks with his teeth. "Print it out, and pin it on the wall for their deepest, most perverted desires." He pins each corner of the picture. Deadpool stares at the many pictures of Spider-Man on his wall. "These are some tasteful pictures. I wonder if baby boy has a naughty side."

Menace? Who is this Johnson prick fooling?

Deadpool grabs a permanent marker. He uncaps the lid. Deadpool crosses out the dreaded word 'menace'. He soon replaces the disgusting slanderous word with the lovely phrase 'Property of Deadpool'. Deadpool adds his self-drawn logo next to the beautiful words. He finishes his improvement with hearts around Spider-Man's face.

"Oh, Spidey!" Deadpool blows kisses at the pictures. "Baby boy! The hero that makes the Big Apple worth living in."

The moonlight glimmers upon his lonely apartment window. Deadpool briefly removes his mask to get a good look at himself in the mirror.

"He totally seems like the guy who would love someone for the inside." He shakes his head and places it back on. "I hope."

Spider-Man swings through the streets of New York. He quietly enters his window so May doesn't realize he is gone. He keeps his door locked just in case. His recorder hasn't been working lately. He soon passes out.

Peter wakes up by a loud knock. The sunlight harshly hits his face.

"Peter?" He could hear May's feeble voice.

Peter stares at his clock. It is a half hour until 8. Peter wakes up startled. He jams his supplies in his backpack.

"I'm up! I'll leave in a minute!"

Peter zips up a jacket to cover up his costume. He rushes to leave the apartment.

"Love you!" Peter cries out as he closes the door.

Peter checks his watch. "Great." Peter mutters. "Swinging will get me to school faster.

Peter stuffs the jacket into his backpack. He puts his mask over his face. He turns to his right to see an open window down a hallway. He heads towards the window.

He is now Spider-Man. He crawls onto the buildings, where the citizens can see the masked hero. He waves to the little kids as he happens to see them.

Spider-Man just happens to swing by Deadpool's apartment. Deadpool's morning is made as the beloved Spider-Man passes by him.

"Is this my birthday!" Deadpool gleefully exclaims. "I ought to say hi to Spidey. Before the big boys go pick on him."

Deadpool opens his window and begins to step out. "To infinity and beyond!" Deadpool screams to the heavens as he leapss out of his window. He lands on a car on his feet. Luckily.

Was that a good idea?

Sure, it is! You can never have enough Deadpool. We can't.

"Healing factor! Remember? Spidey would love if his best friend said hi!" Deadpool strolls down the streets.

"Why walk when we can teleport?"

"Right!" Deadpool presses a button on his teleportation device.

"Thank god." Spider-Man sighs in relief. "I made it."

Deadpool finds Spider-Man at Midtown High School. "What is Spidey doing at a high school?"

Maybe he is a guest speaker!

Or he teaches at this school.

Deadpool observes as Spider-Man start to remove his costume. Deadpool teleports to get a closer look at the merchandise. The Spider Sense triggers for Spider-Man. A sword nearly cuts throgh Spider-Man's mask.

"Here's Deadpool!" Deadpool's face appears on a bush.

"Deadpool!" Spider-Man steps backwards. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you, baby boy!" Deadpool stood with wide, open arms.

"I'm busy!" Spider-Man swings away.

"Come on, Spidey!" Deadpool follows behind him. "You know you love me!

Spider-Man grows desperate to find a secluded spot. Spider-Man finds an open window in the bathroom. Spider-Man swings into an empty stall.

"I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying, And I'm crazy for loving you!" Deadpool's ostentatious singing fills the bathroom. The noise becomes more audible, leaving Spider-Man little time to switch identities.

Spider-Man can hear shatters of broken glass. He notices a few pieces land on the tile floor. He quickly closes the backpack. The lock on the stall came apart.

"I'm back, baby boy!" Deadpool bursts the door open. To his disappointment, he saw a bespectacled brunette with indistinct features.

"Huh."

Peter suddenly has a gun pointed in front of him.

"You didn't happen to see Spider-Man, have you?"

"Nope." Peter lies. "I, I, I mean, he just swung by here."

"Awesome. Everything is awesome." Deadpool puts the gun back in his satchel. "Here's my card if you need to get rid of someone."

As Spider-Man expected, the card was titled with Deadpool's name. What popped out was the slogan 'Merc With A Mouth'. The logo was an amateur doodle of Deadpool's mask. Or as Spider-Man would rather put it, an idealized self-portrait. Spider-Man merely rips the card in half.

Deadpool washes the blood off the boots that came from his last assignment. Because Deadpool has a life outside of Spider-Man, believe it or not. There are some other places he ought to clean up too. But he didn't want to yet. He sighs deeply. "Death."

Deadpool can't ignore the crippling loneliness after he encounters Death. He might see Death again for weeks, maybe months. He can't forget the kisses they exchanged. The tender moments they spent cuddling after a brief romp under the full moon. That Death reciprocates his love. The many attempts to commit to Death. The pile of guns from all the failures to be with Death for once and forever. Why couldn't he forget? Why couldn't their affair be a blur? Deadpool draws the name on the mirror.

Deadpool lazes around on his couch. He scratches his crotch with a gun.

You'll shoot yourself in the crotch that way.

"Healing factor."

Death is one love Deadpool can never stop loving. And Spider-Man has been the latest one to fills that void.

Now that Spider-Man has popped up in his mind, he feels a need to see him. He scrolls down his bookmark page. Deadpool clicks on the Spider-Man wiki page.

Over nine thousand comments were visible on his latest blog post. A section of Spider-Man is blatantly displayed on his webpage. Deadpool excitefully browses the Spider-Man pictures which took him years to collect.

Deadpool can envision Spider-Man's reaction to the pictures, stories, and cosplays that their rabid fanbase dedicates regarding the two of them.

"A better fanfiction would write that I googled his address or search him on Spokeo." Deadpool crosses his arms. "That's so stupid! Everyone knows you look at a wiki!"

Deadpool prints out the page. He highlights Spider-Man's secret identity. "Boy, is Spidey in for a surprise."

Spider-Man tosses his suit into a random pile of clothes. There stands a stack of study guides from the desk to high up the ceiling that welcome his arrival. There is only so much that poor overachiever Peter Parker can cram the night before an important test.

He unfolds a flier. Peter has signed up to take a tour of Empire State University. The overly optimistic guidance counselor told him that he possibly has a full scholarship ride to any university he desires. And she added that he has the potential to enroll in Harvard.

"Not at this rate." Peter chuckles darkly to himself.

There could be classes to meet in ESU, peers who would respect his intelligence in ESU, a place where he could explore himself somewhere in Queens. Peter passes out on his suddenly comfy bed.

"Peter?" He hears May knock on his door. "When did you get home?"

"Just now, Auntie."

Aunt May smiles to herself. She is relieved that her darling nephew has a great future ahead of him. Ben would have been proud of Peter too if he was still around.

"This is Spidey?" Deadpool says as he scrolls through the pictures of an individual known as Peter Parker. "He looks familiar. Nah. I would have remembered a guy with eyes like that. I love them hazel eyes. Mmm. He looks like a mix of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield. Really hot!"

He writes down the name 'Peter Benjamin Parker' on a used-up Post-It. "If the wiki say it is, than it must be true." Deadpool concocted a plan in his head.

He sets down a bunch of Deadpool dolls as an audience to announce his beautiful plan.

"Deadpools and Deadpools, Dr. Bong and Madcap, readers of all ages; I have the perfect plan!"

How in the world did you find all of these?

Ebay! Duh!

"Tomorrow, I will-"

The rest of the sentence is quietly incomplete and not at all tampered by Deadpool. The reason why the sentence had to be incomplete due to everyone that reads this knows Deadpool will go back to Midtown High tomorrow and cause a ruckus in order to gain Spider-Man's attention. The shortened sentences may occur at any time Deadpool would like altered. Again, Deadpool did not tamper this sentence despite the fact that Deadpool signed it as 'edited by Deadpool' in big red letters with a hand-drawn logo of himself.

Deadpool quietly hints to the writer to transition the next scene to said plan so the readers will continue to read this garbage. Because so far, this fanfiction is garbage. Don't deny this fanfiction is garbage. This fanfiction is garbage and everybody that proofreads it knows it. Do not try to read any more of this garbage. Seriously. You will regret it. Except nobody can stop you. You have been warned.

The writer complies and not without a gun pointed to their face at all. This is the perfect opportunity to transition to next scene.

Which brings us to the next scene. Peter is ready to tour ESU. The reason why there is no scene of how he gets there is because Deadpool insists to only include the juicy details as opposed to this garbage that has been in the 1st chapter so far.

Deadpool glanced at the writer's notes to follow the plan which he totally came up with all by himself. "Ok!" He read the chicken-scratch for handwriting that was on the paper. "It says, I think, 'Deadpool will follow the bus without anyone seeing him'. Then it says 'until the plot is convenient, Deadpool will jump at the top of the bus which will make Spider-Man arrive when it happens'." Deadpool tucks the notebook back into his magic satchel. "Thank you for making this so easy!"

Back to the plot. Again. Sort of. At the right time, Deadpool takes the opportunity to hold the bus in place. This event trigger Peter's Spider Sense. When Peter looks out the window, he spots Deadpool on top of the bus.

"If the writer is correct, Spidey will swing by any second." Deadpool waits for this moment to occur.

Luckily for Peter, the emergency door was open. He takes the chance to sneak out while Deadpool offers autographs to the students.

Deadpool feels a familiar substance hit the back of his head. He turns around to see Spider-Man perching.

"Spidey!" Deadpool wraps his arm around Spider-Man's shoulder. "Baby boy! Just who I wanted to see!"

"Stay away from the kids, Deadpool!" Spider-Man commands.

"Relax, baby boy."

Spider-Man hears the kids whisper, even Flash, who squeals over the excitement of two Spider-Men like a boss.

There was orignally an action scene written here. No matter how many times Deadpool has observed the unfortunate person write the scene for this fanfiction, the paragraph, notes, and ideas have magically disappeared. If you look at the account somewhere, you can see an IOU note with Deadpool's logo on it. Said writer who was promised to be paid to write a certain smutty delusional fantasy of a fanfiction gave up on fighting to write said epic action scene.

The best that could be written is Deadpool totally won the fight. That is exactly why the action scene was omitted. Deadpool just wants the plot to advance to the juicy stuff every rabid shipper has been waiting for. The most that can be written is Spider-Man sets the camera so there would be a picture of his fight. Just in case Jameson wants pictures of Spider-Man.

Ignore those last 2 paragraphs. It is only a pathetic attempt from Deadpool to cover up the fact that he got his ugly ass rejected and ass kicked. Again. The 100th time tallied. By a beloved hero who is not only younger and smarter and sexier than him, but shorter too. There is an action scene that was thankfully preserved in some secret notes which involved the poor thing having to hide it in their lower regions.

To their defense, it makes perfect sense to include some action scenes about two characters who fight bad guys regularly. Which has action scenes in them. All the time. The story about how this popular duo would make a compatible couple would be boring as hell without what makes them the best damn thing about these two: action scenes. The story will be damned if there are no action scenes whatsoever in this story and most of it just consists of these two randomly doing the do. No risk to make said story appear lazy with no relationship development. Not that Deadpool gives a fuck about these critical factors.

This is what happened. Spider-Man grows infuriated with Deadpool because Deadpool tried to hug Spider-Man. Spider-Man is creeped out. Again. Never saw anyone tried so hard to squirm away from someone. Can't blame him.

Contrary to what Deadpool tells everyone, Spider-Man always keeps his distance from Deadpool. Deadpool, as always, brushes this off. It is a fact that the words "You don't have to hide our love!" are forever annoying to Spider-Man thanks to this guy.

Deadpool holds a sword in his hand. He swings it at Spider-Man. Spider-Man avoids the attack. Spider-Man does the unthinkable. Nobody sees this coming. He kicks Deadpool in the groin.

Spider-Man has to come up with a solution and it has to be fast. He scans his surroundings. He slings a web among a pole. He landed in an area that nobody approaches.

After Deadpool is finally got rid of by Spider-Man, he changes back to Peter Parker.

And as you can tell, Deadpool is watching. He is always watching. Pretty creepy, but only in fanfiction is being creepy ok.

The college tour starts almost without Peter. Peter appears to have a bruised jaw. "Klutz." He hears someone under their breath.

Peter snaps pictures of the university. If he is lucky, Jameson might use the pictures instead of demanding pictures of his alter-ego that would end up with his name smeared. Again.

"Is this the class of Midtown High? Hi, my name is Harry. I am a sophmore of ESU."

When Peter looks up, the first thing he becomes struck by is Harry's appearence. His light brown hair is neatly combed. His eyes shone among the sky. His smiles dazzles the females of the tour, as well as a few guys. His attire is eye-pleasing along with well-dressed. Peter could feel his face heat up. He tries to hide his trembling. He barely makes eye contact. The feelings he experience are unfamiliar to him. He never felt so strongly allured from another person's appearance before. Spider-Man took over his social life more than he could estimate.

Deadpool is right behind them. As said before, Deadpool is always watching. How, you ask?

Remember the part where there was an overly excited kid who took pictures of the school? Deadpool discovers a name on a camera that was set up on top of a pole which only few people could see. Peter Parker, it said. If only Spider-Man was more discreet with the camera.

"The wiki was right!" Deadpool whispers to himself. "Peter Parker is Spider-Man."

It is not like the wiki has ever been wrong.

Peter's grin widens as he inhales the atmosphere of ESU. What Midtown High has, ESU made it better. There was a science building section. There was beautiful landscape. Hundreds of diverse student among the campus. Peter continues to take pictures of the university.

"Do you like it here?" Harry slaps Peter's shoulder playfully.

Peter nods his head. A lump formed in his throat.

Deadpool's expression can't be seen below the mask, but he is fuming upon witnessing how lovestruck this supposedly Spider-Man is.

"What is your major?" Harry asks.

"Umm, science. I love science."

"Good one! I am a business major."

The longer Deadpool observes their interactions, the more tempted he is to smite the competition. The voices inside his head attempt to calm him down in vain. And they went like this.

Don't be jealous. That guy is a dime a dozen.

That kid looks straight. Or lonely, that is.

"What does that pretty boy goody-goody have?" Deadpool whines. "With his Archie hair and Goofy Goof smile and that stupid Howdy Doody fat face?"

Harry shook Peter's hand. "Harry Osborn. Can't wait to see you at ESU. With your achievements, you are a shoo-in for ESU. Maybe even Harvard."

"Peter Parker. Thanks. I, I will."

Deadpool's pager went off. "You're lucky, Harry Osbooboo."

The reader sure missed what those kids were talking about.

Which wouldn't have happened if Wade didn't go on a jealous rampage.

Nothing csn remove the smile off of Peter's face. Harry gave him some advice to help his entry to ESU be guaranteed.. Harry was happy to offer the scholarships Peter could apply for. And there was some text messages that help feel like he has company.

That last part would have been true if he actually had a social circle.

Spider-Man perches from the top of the Empire State building. The reliable Spider Sense goes off. Spider-Man sees that a woman is fleeing from a thug. Her face is full of fear. Spider-Man swings to the alley.

Deadpool storms down the streets. He couldn't forget how struck Peter was about the man he met at the college.

"Osborn, is it?" Deadpool said in a deeper pitch than normal. "As in Osborn Industries?" A familiar swinging webhead passes him.

"Whoa! Is that Spidey?" Deadpool beams, although no one can see his face underneath the mask.

Why his face appears needs to be described, despite the fact no one can see it (especially with a mask) is unclear. Although if anyone can imagine it, Deadpool's tone, as well as words can give away how he feels whenever the topic of Spider-Man is brought up. Character facial expressions have to be left to interpretation when reading about something rather than looking at pictures.

The whole paragraph Deadpool manages to let slip through the cracks gives him enough time to concoct a plan. A plan that will definitely work this time. Which better work if said story wants to be told beyond one chapter.

Spider-Man faces the thug. Thug stands still. Thug merely observes Spider-Man. Spider-Man approaches to Thug.

"Give that back to her!"

"Spider-Man. A short guy running in spandex." Thug says in a mocking tone. "Ooh, I'm so scared!"

"Look, Ma! It's a stupid thug who thinks he can get away with crime! I've seen chicken bones with more meat than whatever puts you together." Spider-Man replies with the same mocking tone. "Ooh, I'm so intimidated." Spider-Man fans his face. "And get some Colgate. Your breath reminds me of the sewers in New York."

"And Deadpool!" Deadpool is shown to fly in a parachute with his face on it. He lands on top of Thug.

"What are you doing here?" Spider-Man and the thug exclaim at the same time.

"Helping my good friend stop this drowned rat from escaping from the dark sewers of New York."

"We are not friends." Spider-Man clarifies.

"We're not. That's why we have so many pictures together." Deadpool opens his wallet of obviously doctored photos. Which leaves Thug confused. Spider-Man takes advantage of the criminal's distraction.

Spider man attacks Thug from behind.

It is very clear at this point that you notice the criminal does not have a proper name. He had one until the notes disappeared and what was left behind was signed on the desk 'not by Deadpool go ask Wolverine for them back'.
Thug pulls out a gun. Spider-Man swiftly pulls the gun out of him by using his web shooters.

"My turn!" Deadpool pulls a gun out of the crotch of his pants. Spider-Man prepares to take the gun away from him

"I got this, baby boy." Deadpool pulls out a gun. To Thug and Spider-Man's surprise, it was a gag gun that shot out a banner with the work 'bang'. Spider-Man feels relieved.

Deadpool laughs hard at his joke. He pulls out a real gun and shot Thug in the face.

"What did you do?"

"Duh! We defeated this guy, sweetums!" Deadpool takes a picture of himself and Spider-Man. He hands Spider-Man a card. "This is for you, baby boy!" Before Spider-Man knows it, he teleports away. Not far away, though.

Spider-Man looks at the card. He see a picture of Deadpool. The words say "Hollatcha Spider-Man!" with hearts surrounding the picture. Underneath is his number. Spider-Man merely rips the card in half.

His cell phone rings. Spider-Man picks it up. "Hello?"

"Sorry, this must be the wrong number."

"Harry? Oh, hi! How are you? Remember me, Peter Parker?"

"Peter. From the tour?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"How are you? Do you have time to talk?"

"Uh, sure! How about hot dog later? Hot dogs sound good?"

"Tomorrow would be good for me. Coney Island?"

"Yeah. Great."

Looks like we got competition.

It is late at night. May is asleep at this hour. Peter removes his mask. He doesn't bother to turn the lights on. He passes out on his bed.

Deadpool checks the wiki page he printed out earlier.

The wiki is recognize that ass anywhere.

Deadpool pulls the camera out of his magic satchel.

This guy has to be more careful where he hides the camera. The wrong person could find him this way and kill him.

"If only I could look at that face." Deadpool grins underneath his mask. "Anyone who is Spider-Man has to be beautiful. That beautiful hero boy face. And he has a great ass."

Does he have friends?

Of course he does! He has us.

Not that he calls us friends.

Deadpool sits outside the window. "I could sit here for a minute. Or an hour. Just to protect from that freak we fought earlier."

Wouldn't he be, I don't know, dead?

Deadpool quietly sneaks inside. He removes the top of his mask. Enough for the lips to show.

"How did you find this place?"

"Plot convenience." Deadpool whispers.

This might be a bad idea.

Just on the cheek! It is not as bad.

Deadpool ignores those two. He is about to plant a kiss on his cheek. Peter, with his eyes closed, forms a smile, which makes Deadpool smile back. He pulls his mask back down.

"Maybe someday. Nighty night, baby boy. As if I have a chance."