Disclaimer: The concepts of "Slayers", and Zelgadis and Amelia, are Copyright Hajime Kanzaka, Tommy Ohtsuka, and Rui Araizumi. However, Alcia Metallium-Copt, Lana Gabriev, and Princess Lynelle Vol Mina Sailune are my own creations. This work is a parody and not to be used for any commercial purposes.
Forward and Spoiler Alert: This story takes place some years after the events of Slayers Evolution-R, and there are one or two spoilers from that series. It is set in the period between my stories "The Green-Eyed Monster" and "The Bride of Valenstein".
Dr. Zelgadis and Mr. Chimera
"...It is to be hoped so, I suppose, for his chances of comfort in another world are very small.
"The bar silver and the arms still lie, for all that I know, where Flint buried them; and certainly they shall lie there for me. Oxen and wainropes would not bring me back to that accursed island; and the worst dreams that ever I have are when I hear the surf booming about its coasts, or start upright in bed, with the sharp voice of Captain Flint still ringing in my ears: 'Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!'
"The End." Zelgadis finished, and closed the leather-bound book.
"That was the best pirate story I've ever heard! l just wish there had been some girls in it." The little dark-haired girl sat up, causing the coverlet to slide off of her.
"Now, Lynelle, lie back down." But Zelgadis couldn't quite keep the amusement from his voice. "They're called bedtime stories for a reason." He set the book on the nightstand, next to the wine glass. A keen observer would have noticed that an evenly spaced set of marks had been etched down the side of the glass, and the liquid in it was green.
"Sorry, daddy." Lynelle went back down, and drew the coverlet over herself again.
"I really liked it, too." The green-haired girl spoke up from her bed.
"But you know, Alcia, I feel really bad for poor Ben Gunn," said Lynelle. "Having to go without his favorite food all that time."
"You've got your mother's appetite, all right." Zelgadis chuckled.
"It would be bad for me, too." Alcia said thoughtfully. "No other people means no bad feelings to feed on."
"But you don't need bad feelings, Alcia," said the blonde-haired girl in the third bed. "You're only half Mazoku."
"I know, Lana," Alcia replied, "but they're still my favorite food."
"Anyway, you could have turned into a dragon and left the island." Lynelle suggested.
"No, my dragon form isn't very good yet." Alcia answered. "I can't make big enough wings. And besides, there was no magic in the story."
"Oh, right." Lynelle nodded. "Is that why everybody used guns?"
"They used swords, too." Lana pointed out. "I liked that part. 'Take a cutlass, him that dares, and I'll see the colour of his inside--'"
"Lana, please." Lynelle protested. "That's not Pacifist."
"I don't think a Pacifist Crush is really pacifist, either." Lana gave her opinion. "And after all, Mr. Zelgadis uses a sword, don't you?"
"You should call him Lord Zelgadis, Lana." Lynelle reproved. "Daddy's married to the Crown Princess, after all."
"Who just happens to be your mommy." Alcia pointed out.
"I don't think we need to use titles in here." Zelgadis waved his hand around the large and expensively furnished bedroom. "Tonight you're all good friends."
"I guess that's fair." Lynelle said.
"Especially since you're the only princess." Alcia said.
"Well, Alcia, you're royalty in a way." Lana spoke up. "Your grandma is Lady Zelas, the most powerful of all the Mazoku."
"Oh, sometimes I really wish I weren't related to her." Alcia looked unhappy for a moment. "I get called such mean names by the other kids in the village. "
"Why don't you just beat them up?" Lana inquired. "That's what I do when kids call me 'little miss dragon spooker.'"
"It isn't Just to beat people up for only calling names." Lynelle said virtuously.
"Besides, I'm not that good at fighting yet." Alcia added. "You're lucky that your daddy Gourry is the best swordsman in the world, Lana. Of course, you're pretty good too, Mr. Zelgadis."
Zelgadis smiled. "Thank you, little Alcia. Of course, your mother Filia is no slouch with her mace."
"Well, I'm going to be the best swordswoman in the world when I grow up." Lana declared. "I think even the best sword-fighter of all!"
"I'm not going to need a sword." Lynelle countered. "I'm going to fight for Justice without any weapons, just like my mommy did."
"And blowing up monsters with Rah Tilt is better than cutting them?" Lana inquired.
"There's nothing wrong with using either spells or weapons." Alcia tried to calm her two friends. "That's the way my mommy did it, and that's the way Mr. Zelgadis did it, right?"
"That's true." Zelgadis answered. "In fact, I even used guns from time to time."
"Guns?" This time it was Lana who sat up. "When?"
"I bet it was when you were fighting Darkstar beyond where the Great Barrier was." Alcia jumped in.
"You need to lie back down, Lana." Zelgadis shook his finger in mock severity, then turned to Alcia. "And yes, that was the latest time, Alcia. How did you guess?"
"Jilias still works on his guns and bombs sometimes when mommy isn't watching. I think my daddy encourages him."
Zelgadis grimaced. "I might have known Xellos would still be up to mischief."
"Come to think of it, daddy," Lynelle spoke up again, "you've gone beyond the Great Barrier since that time, haven't you?"
"Yes, several times." Zelgadis answered. "In fact, that's where I got this book."
"Is that why it didn't have magic?" Alcia asked. "Because they mostly forgot about magic outside the Great Barrier?"
"No, I think this book comes from even further than that." Zelgadis replied. "I found it in a library that Almayce the Overworlder had put together. I think he'd been searching through several worlds to try and find the knowledge to defeat Darkstar. But I like this particular book because it was written by the same man who wrote the story that gave me the idea I needed."
"Really?" Lynelle said. "Are you going to read that story to us sometime?"
"No," Zelgadis shook his head, " it's not a suitable bedtime story. It has a pretty sad ending. The man's bad side takes over."
"But aren't you worried that might happen to you?" Alcia hesitated for long moment, then went on. "I get worried about myself sometimes because I like eating people's bad feelings."
"But you don't make people feel bad on purpose, right?" said Lynelle.
"No." Alcia hesitated again. "Okay, sometimes I pester my brother Val."
"But didn't you tell me you can't use his feelings very well because he's your brother?" Lana said. "Anyway, you should do it because brothers need to be kept in line."
"He's my big brother," Alcia pointed out. "Not like your little brother Gary."
"And Lana, I would be careful about Gary if I were you." Zelgadis joined in. "I hear he's getting very good with magic."
"Yeah, mommy keeps saying 'why can't you be more like your brother?'." Lana complained.
"Anyway, I want to hear more about your idea, Mr. Zelgadis." Alcia said.
"Has your daddy told you about the time we met Pokata, and fought Shabranigdo for the second time?" Zelgadis asked.
"Yes he has." Alcia nodded. "Does this have something to do with Lord Hellmaster's jar?"
"Indeed it does." Zelgadis replied. "Because of the jar, I was able to talk to my great-grandfather Rezo again. That's when he told me there was no way to turn a chimera back into a human."
"But you have magic," Lana pointed out.
"Magic can't do everything," Lynelle said. "Even your mommy Lina carried a sword, too."
"That's right." Zelgadis said. "It's a little bit like hard-boiling an egg. No matter how cold you make the egg, you can't turn it soft inside again. But, in the story, the man makes a potion that turns him into someone else for a while. And it occurred to me that maybe I could do something a little like that. Not turning the egg back permanently, but changing it just for a time."
"But how did you know you could be changed at all?" Alcia asked.
"Remember the adventure in the tower of dolls when we were searching for the Claire Bible?" Zelgadis replied.
"Is that the time you and mommy and the others put on those funny costumes?" Lynelle asked.
"And we had to play some very silly contests." Zelgadis winced at the memory. "Anyway, I was temporarily turned into a doll. It was really embarrassing at the time. In fact, it took many months before I could think calmly about it. But then I realized that it proved that even though the chimera curse could never be undone, my body could still be turned into something else."
"You were a doll?" Lana held up her own doll, a King Zangulus figure. "Did you look like this?"
"Of course not, Lana." Lynelle adjusted her stuffed Pokata doll on the pillow next to her. "Mommy told me the dolls they turned into still had the animal costumes they were wearing."
"So it was more like my doll?" Alcia in turn held up a stuffed dragon doll.
"A little closer, yes." Zelgadis volunteered no more.
"Then what were you?" Alcia pressed.
Zelgadis gave the half-Mazoku girl a sly grin. "As your daddy always says . . ."
"That is a secret." Alcia recited with a giggle.
"So then," Zelgadis continued, "I talked to Lana's mommy about a potion. By that time she'd already gotten rich, so it wasn't a matter of money. But she likes to call herself a sorcery genius, so it was a challenge to her."
"Well, my mommy is a sorcery genius." Lana declared.
"Yes, she is." Zelgadis agreed. "And I knew she was very good with potions, since a big part of how she got rich was making and selling Cruller potions."
"By the way," Lana changed to a more respectful tone, "what's a Cruller potion? She never would explain it to me."
"Do you know," said Zelgadis, "it never occurred to me to ask her. And now it's just about time to go to sleep."
"Make the speech, daddy!" said Lynelle. "Please?" she added.
Zelgadis took the wine glass from the nightstand and held it up as if he were making a toast. "And now," he recited, "to settle what remains. Will you be wise? Will you be guided? Will you suffer me to take this glass in my hand, and to go forth without further parley? Or has curiosity too much command of you? Think before you answer, for it shall be done as you decide."
"Don't go!" said Lynelle.
"We want to see!" Lana and Alcia chimed in.
"It is well." Zelgadis continued. "And now -- behold!" He raised the glass to his mouth and drained it. There was a heartbeat's pause, and then Zelgadis pretended to stagger. His blue-gray skin darkened for a few moments, and then the pebble-like protrusions that dotted his face and hands seemed to fade as if they were melting back into his body. His hair changed its sheen, with each strand looking softer and thinner, but more and more appearing to make up the difference. Finally the color of his skin lightened again, passing from blue-gray to violet and then pink, until it shone in the lamplight with a tan hue. Now looking like a perfectly normal human, he straightened with a "Tah-dah!"
"Wow!" all three girls clapped in admiration.
Zelgadis went over to Lynelle's bedside, leaned down, and hugged his daughter. "Good night, Lynelle."
"I like it when your hair isn't sharp, daddy." Lynelle hugged back.
Zelgadis straightened, and walked over to the two lamps mounted on the wall. "Good night, Alcia. Good night, Lana." he put out the lamps, and gently closed the polished oak door behind him.
He started down the hallway. But after a dozen steps he stopped. One of the many advantages of not having a golem body was the ability to move more quietly, and he put this to use, going stealthily back to the bedroom door. He put his ear to it .
"Lighting!" came Lynelle's whisper, and a faint glow showed in the gap underneath the door. More whispers and occasional giggles came from inside. Zelgadis smiled and shook his head, and quietly stepped away. This is what I wanted to be strong for, he reflected. So little children could be kept healthy and safe, and have slumber parties with good friends.
He reached the hall's intersection a few moments before Amelia came out of the conference room. It was still something he was getting used to: the pretty girl he had adventured with had grown into a ravishing woman, nearly a head taller than he was. But whenever he closed his eyes and listened to her voice, the same indomitable spirit was there.
"Did the committee decide on a memorial for your grandfather?" Zelgadis asked.
"No, but we got through all the speeches about humility and quiet service by men trying to draw attention to themselves," Amelia did look a bit relieved. "And we narrowed the designs to three. How is the sleep-over doing?"
"Pretty much as predicted." Zelgadis chuckled. "Lynelle's cast a Lighting spell, and I believe they're discussing the advantages of wooden dolls compared to stuffed ones."
Amelia shook her head in mock exasperation. "I'm the Crown Princess--why do you get to do the fun things?"
"Rank hath its privileges, but also its responsibilities." Zelgadis quoted, then added, "Still, there is one fun thing you can do." He pointed back to the bedroom.
After several years of attending diplomatic functions, Amelia had learned how to move quietly as well as how to make a dramatic entrance. In a few moments the two were standing just outside their daughter's bedroom. Amelia put her fingertips to the door and said in a voice just louder than a whisper, "Flow Break."
Immediately the glow underneath the door went out, and three voices gave a startled shriek.
"Children, it's time to go to sleep." Amelia said.
"Yes, mommy." came Lynelle's voice from the other side of the door.
"Yes, Princess Amelia." Lana and Alcia echoed.
Zelgadis took Amelia's hand, and they started towards their own bedroom.
"It's nice that I don't have to worry about bruising your hand," he said.
"After the number of less than successful dramatic entrances I've had," she pointed out, "I don't bruise easily. Do you remember the time we fighting Phibrizzo's army of the returned dead?"
"How could I forget?"
"When you carried me in your arms to get away from the mob . . . even then, I knew I could accept your chimera body." She looked into his eyes. "You didn't have to go through all that struggle and disappointment."
"I'm afraid I did." Zelgadis said quietly. "Do you remember that night in Taforashia, just before Rezo opened his eyes? He said, 'no one can deny the wish of his soul'."
"I don't believe that." she said. "People can choose to abandon their dream, if that dream causes too much harm to others."
"They can choose to stop trying, but they can't choose to stop wanting." he replied. "Rezo was partly right. Even after he told me there was no way to reverse the chimera transformation, I couldn't not think about it." He put his hands on her shoulders, savoring once more the simple contact of soft skin. "I couldn't quite feel about you the way you deserve to have someone feel about you."
"You have a nasty habit of being impossible to argue with." Amelia's smile was warm.
"I've been thinking." Zelgadis said after a moment. "Lina says the potion can give me any appearance we want. I picked my original coloration for a start -- but how do you think I'd look with blonde hair?"
Amelia shook her head, and ran her fingers through Zelgadis' now smooth and dark hair. "There are still some things in nature that should never be tampered with."
T h e E n d
Author's more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know footnotes:
The adventure in the tower is Slayers Next Episode 15. Zelgadis dresses up as a rabbit.
Two Cruller potions are part of a set of magic items that Lina trades Xellos for the four amplifying talismans in Slayers Next Episode 10. She says the total set is worth at least five million. (The monetary unit is not mentioned.)
Zelgadis' speech before he drinks the potion is not identical to the speech in The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He has naturally edited it for an audience of little girls.
AmberPallette has a drawing which is almost perfect for the scene of Zelgadis and Amelia in the hallway. (Except that in my story, I made Amelia taller than Zelgadis.) It can be found at her LiveJournal page.