Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers is the sole owner of "Twilight" and its characters. I do not own or represent "Twilight" or Stephenie meyers. Thank you!
Chapter 1
Goodbye, my love........
BPOV
I looked out the window watching the rain. Tears slowly fell on the window ledge as I thought about what today was going to bring. I was going home. Well, not home, home was Forks or even Phoenix...not Florida. Her Mom and Charlie had made the decision after my "fall" at the hotel that I would join Renee and Phil in Florida. I had protested, cried and begged but they would hear none of it. They were convinced that I would be better off living away from Forks and the Cullens. Edward, of course, agreed. He would do anything to make sure that I was safe even if it meant breaking my heart. I knew he was only doing this because he loved me, but it just wasn't right. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave the only person I truly loved and would ever love. I didn't want to leave my new family. The Cullens had become such an integral part of who I was. I thought about running away, somewhere they would never find me...but I knew that Alice would see and tell them.
My cell phone rang and it made me jump. I recognized the number immediately...it was Edward. "What do you want?" I asked, trying to sound angry.
"Bella, please don't be like this" he said. "I'm only trying to do what is best for you, to keep you safe. I told you that I was no good for you, that I would end up hurting you".
"You're right, you are hurting me...hurting me by pushing me away...miles and miles away" I protested. "I don't want to leave you, Edward. I can't live a single day without you", I cried in to the phone.
"Shh, Bella, my love, please don't do that" he pleaded. "I'll never be too far away, I'm always in your heart. I just called to tell you that I will be there in just a minute to pick you up. Do you have everything ready?"
"Yes", I mumbled. "I have everything ready. I'll be downstairs with Charlie when you get here".
I slowly closed the phone, picked up my bags and made my way down the stairs. Charlie was waiting for me in the living room with a pained expression on his face. I knew this wasn't easy for him, either. He had really wanted to get to know me better, and he had done his best. I always managed to mess up everything.
"Bella..." he started to say. "Don't, please, Charlie", I begged. "It's only going to make this harder for me. You don't want me to stay, and I am going".
"Oh, Bells....you know it isn't like that, at all. We all just want you to be safe and happy. It just doesn't seem to be happening in Forks. It was a bad idea to bring you here" he said sadly.
"Well, if you respected my wishes, you would let me make my own decision. You know that Mom only went along with this because you agreed. If you had just left it up to me, everything would be fine. I'd be here....with Edward. You both have ruined my life!" I sobbed.
At this point, I had nothing left to say, so I stepped out on the front porch, just as Edward was pulling up in his Volvo. So many memories, and so many yet to be had. I watched as he opened the door and got out. I could tell that he was just as miserable as I was, which made it all the more painful at the thought of leaving. I wanted to run to him, to wrap my arms around him and beg him to take me away....anywhere....as long as I could be with him. I had begged and begged for him to just change me, to get it over with, so there would be no more worries of something happening to me. Then we could be together, forever. Of course, in true Edward style, he had smiled and refused. He wanted me to live a "normal" life, whatever the hell that was. I had never been normal.
Slowly, he approached me, taking me gently in his arms as he always did. "Bella, I love you, please, please remember that" he said sadly. "If I could cry, I would cry forever over you." He kissed me gently on the top of my head, he always did that. He was always so loving and gentle. How could he ever think that I would be better off without him. "Edward, if you really love me, please don't make me go" I pleaded. "You can keep me locked up in your house forever, I promise not to leave. You, and only you, can keep me safe. That is the only place I want to be."
"Bella, this is hard enough already. Let's not start this again and make it harder, please." He was so sad, begging me, and I felt even worse for causing the tormented look in his eyes. I decided to just shut up and leave. If that's what they really wanted, then I would go. Maybe it was for the best. I was never good enough for Edward anyway, and I knew it. He deserved someone so much better than me.
We drove to the airport in silence. I could feel his gaze as he watched me warily out of the corner of his eye. I knew he was waiting for me to say something, but I was all out of words. I couldn't win, so I gave up. I resigned myself to knowing that I had no life, no future ahead of me. I was leaving Forks, leaving Edward....my heart was empty. We arrived at the airport in record time due to Edwards love of speeding. I had another thirty minutes before my plane was scheduled to leave. We walked to the terminal, still in silence. Once we arrived, I walked to the counter and gave them my ticket. Edward was waiting for me expectantly a few feet away. I knew he wanted to spend those last few moments with me, but I just couldn't bear it. I couldn't even look at him. I knew if I did, I would break. So, I checked my luggage and walked up the ramp to the plane, never looking back. He didn't say a word, or try to stop me. He never saw the tears streaming down my face. I was alone, again.
EPOV
The night had been incredibly long. All I could think about was my sweet Bella, leaving me forever. Even though it hadn't beat in over 80 years, my heart was broken. I had forgotten what it felt like to have such pain, to want my life to be over. I didn't know how I was going to continue through eternity without her. It was worse then hell, I was sure of that. But, I knew I had to do what was best for Bella. Sure, James was dead, but Victoria was still out there, lurking. I knew that she would not let it go that I had killed James, she would want revenge. That's just how her type were. I had spoken to Carlisle about it at length, and he agreed. Esme, of course, tried her best to make the situation better, smiling sadly at my pain. Alice wouldn't speak to me at all. She was still mad that not only was I not trusting her visions, but I was sending her best friend away. Both Emmett and Jasper were silently supportive of me and my decision, trying their best to avoid the subject at all. Rosalie, on the other hand, was thrilled. She had disliked Bella from the beginning. She played it off that she thought Bella would ruin us, when in reality, she was just jealous of her. Rosalie had to be number one and when Bella was around, she wasn't. She never gave her a chance, she just wanted her gone. Well, it seems that Rosalie got her way, once again.
I picked up my cell to call Bella, to let her know I was on my way. She was less than enthusiastic to hear from me. It was so unlike her, and it broke my heart to hear the sadness in her voice.
I walked out to my Volvo and got in. I decided to play something hard and fast, so I wouldn't think about her face and how broken she was going to be. It took me all of two minutes to make the drive from my house to hers. She was waiting out on the front porch, bags in hand. I guessed that she and Charlie had already said their goodbyes. I walked up to her, and held her close, kissing her hair as I often did. I loved the smell of her hair, and I would miss it so much.
"Please, Bella. Don't make this any harder than it is." I begged. "You know this is what is best for you. I told you that I would do anything to keep you safe, and if that means you live hundreds of miles away, so be it."
She looked up at me, broken, just as I thought she would, then she silently got in the car. The ride to the airport was excruciating. She didn't speak, not one word. I glanced at her every few minutes, just to make sure she was still with me. She never moved or looked my way. I sighed. To have finally found my true love, my forever soul mate, only to have to let her go. But, she was human and vulnerable. I had to make her safe, and I couldn't do that. I had proven time and time again, that I was bad for her. A failure.
We arrived at the airport and walked in. She went to the counter and gave them her ticket. Then, she checked her bags and walked up the ramp to the plane, never looking back. I had hoped for a few last moments of holding her, smelling her, feeling her. It was not meant to be. She hated me and I didn't blame her. I made her believe in me and I let her down. Bella, my Bella, was gone. There was nothing left for me now. I knew I couldn't stay in Forks without her. I had to leave, too.
***Sorry....I know this chapter isn't that exciting, but I felt it necessary to get some information in before we got in to the "juice" of the story. I know that I didn't mention Jacob...don't worry....he'll be here. I also left out the sad, pitiful goodbyes with the Cullens and Bella. I wanted to focus on Edward and Bella and their emotions. THX for reading. Reviews are great, but please be kind. Constructional criticism is welcome, meanness is not.
Chapter 2
My Lost Heart
BPOV
I had been in Florida for exactly a week. Renee/Mom was doing her best to make me feel comfortable and welcome, but I could only feel like a third wheel. I smiled and made an effort to live through each day. But, I was dying inside. Every day without Edward was like falling further and further in to the deep abyss of misery. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up to swollen, red eyes. Alice had called me several times to check up on me, as she could see in her visions what was going on with me. I tried to reassure her, but I probably failed miserably. She tried to be her usual "happy-Alice" and she avoided all mention of Edward, but it didn't help. I had to ask about him anyway. I missed him terribly.
"Um...Alice...how is....Edward?" I asked quietly. "Bella...." she paused, "I really don't think we should....I promised him I wouldn't say anything to you." I stopped cold. "Say anything about WHAT" I demanded. "Oh, Bells, he left Forks. He's gone." she said sadly. "We don't know where he is. My visions aren't working because he changes his course too often. I just can't keep up with him, and I'm certain those were his intentions."
"Oh...he's....gone." I whispered. I couldn't believe it. Edward was gone. He wasn't safe in Forks, pining away for me. He was already moving on. Something in me snapped. I just went right over the edge. I hung up on Alice, turned off my phone and crawled in to bed. I never wanted to see the light of day again. I just wanted to sleep, forever. I wanted to sleep and dream of Edward and all that could have been. I slowly walked in to the bathroom that my Mom shared with Phil. I knew she had prescription sleeping pills that the doctor prescribed her for anxiety. I figured that if I took them all, I would go to sleep and it would all be over...no more pain. I filled a glass of water, and took the pills to my room. I decided to write my Mom a letter so that she wouldn't feel responsible. It really wasn't anyone's fault but my own. I just had a way of making things bad for myself. I wrote it out slowly and carefully.
Dear Mom,
Please don't be sad, or feel responsible for what I have done. I love you and Charlie so very much, but I just can't stay anymore. My life without Edward just isn't worth living. I am hoping that everyone will find a way to move past this and on with their lives. I seem to make everything wrong, I have a way of falling and not being able to pick myself up. I bring everyone down, I always mess things up. Please tell Edward that I love him and that this is not his fault. I am so, so sorry to all of you. I really am. Please forgive me.
Always,
Bella
I figured that pretty much said it all. I sat the letter on my nightstand and proceeded to swallow the pills, three at a time. I had gotten around twelve of them down when I heard a knock at the door....or at least what I thought was a knock. I was already feeling the effects of the drug, getting very drowsy. I decided that I was hallucinating, so I laid back on my pillow and pulled my blanket up around me. I slowly closed my eyes.......and started the dream.
I was lying alone in the middle of our meadow. I was looking around everywhere, trying to find the one person who could save me, who could make me whole. The sun was shining and I knew that I would spot him immediately. His beautiful, sparkling skin would be impossible to miss. He wasn't there....anywhere....I started to cry. Then, I felt it. I felt him. He was there....my angel. My Edward. He was standing over me, looking down on me...crying. But, wait...Edward couldn't cry. It was impossible. It couldn't be him.
But it was. Edward was here....it has to be a dream. Only in my dreams would he be with me again. Only in my dreams would he be able to cry. If I was dead, and he was with me, then I was happy. I felt at peace. Then, my dream shifted and I could see like I was above my body. Edward wasn't crying over me, he was crying over my casket. I was dead. My Mom and Phil, Charlie, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, even Rosalie was there. So were my friends from school...Angela, Mike, Jessica, Eric, and Tyler. Off to the side, staying far away from the Cullens were my Quileute friends....Jacob and Billy. It made me sad all over again. I thought that dying was supposed to end your sadness. This is not at all what I expected. Suddenly, someone was shaking me and slapping my face. How did that fit in to being dead? I thought you couldn't feel anymore, either. This was so strange. Not at all what I expected. I could hear someone distantly screaming....then I heard sirens...lots of them. The sound was muted, but loud. It felt like someone was lifting me and moving me. Nothing was making sense....then everything just turned to black...
My head hurt. I must have been having this nightmare for days. I was reluctant to wake up from it, though. I knew that once I did, the pain of losing Edward would hit me all over again. Then I heard a soft voice speak my name....
"Bella, Bella, please...wake up." It was my Mom. She was begging me, sobbing, to wake up. I slowly tried to open my eyes. Everything was blurry and I was having trouble focusing on anything in the room. Mom spoke again. "Oh, Bella....you're back, you're back. I thought we were going to lose you....you came so close." she cried. "Why, honey, why? Why didn't you just talk to me....let me help you. Why do you always have to try to protect everyone at your expense. We LOVE you, Bella."
Then, I heard another voice....not the angel, but someone else who really meant a lot to me. "Yes, Bella, we love you. Thank you for not leaving us." It was Jacob Black. What was he doing here? For that matter, where was here? "Where am I?" I croaked. "You are in the hospital, where you've been for a week" said Jacob. "You tried to commit suicide by drug overdose. I had just gotten to your house and was knocking on the door. I knew you were home, but you didn't answer. So, I called your Mom. She told me where she kept the spare key, just in case you were napping or something. I walked in and when I found you, you were already unconscious. I called the ambulance and then I performed CPR on you until they got there. One the way to the hospital I had to call your Mom, and Bella, that was awful. She was freaking out. Why, Bella, why? Is it because of Edward?" he hissed. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "That bloodsucker is MINE when I find him. He is NOT worth it, Bella, he doesn't deserve you."